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Isn't it hard to find Asexual MEN?


misscuriosity

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honor is all

Here's an idea I've been toying with. There are sometimes statistically significant correlations between a portion of the demographic and an occupation (I use 'statistically significant' in the technical sense: unlikely to have happened randomly). Mundane examples would be male taxidrivers or female primary school teachers. A more interesting example is gay, male fashion designers or people of Indian origin in the IT industry.

I wonder if there is are areas of work where asexual people (or asexual men, if you will) naturally, or subconsciously, gravitate towards. People might naturally drift into certain lines of work because they feel it fits their temperament. I find working in mathematical sciences provides a decidedly non-sexual working environment. I wouldn't even say this is true within science. At least my anecdotal knowledge of biologists and medics leaves the impression their work/social environment is more sexually charged than mine. Of course this could be because my radar is completely dud, so I don't notice it in my environment. I can imagine choosing religious vocations for similar reasons.

Any ideas/thoughts? Then we can go hunting. :D

From the A-vibe guys (without knowing for sure if they are ace) I've met so far those professions would be: Engineering, mathematics, IT, electronics, physics, university lecturing. Looking at the personality profiles here on AVEN I realized a high proportion of aces are INTJ (I am INTP). The two guys I know that I think are closet aces are my cousin (21 never had a girlfriend and proudly admits so)Aand my ex-classmate. One is in electronics another in mathematics respectively.

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honor is all

Hmm... A-Bars. Someone suggested those up at the top (sort of)

"Someone" has a name you know :angry: lol, I kid ;)

and it would be a great project... I'm sure they'd be very popular especially among romantic ace's XD

In all seriousness, are you taking the piss? Because I wasn't being serious.

And why not be serious? Being Ace is just another non-heronormative oientation like gay or bi. Some cities in the USA and my ex-college in London have an LGBTA as opposed to the LGBT comittee. And if A-Bars seem OTT for any reason why not have a regular meetup plcae such as a cafe in each city (but without the flag lol)?

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At least my anecdotal knowledge of biologists and medics leaves the impression their work/social environment is more sexually charged than mine.

Theres none in plant sciences that Ive realized. But then I can be oblivious quite often. It could also be because there are basically no plant scientists, just microbiologists :P

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Ged of Earthsea

From the A-vibe guys (without knowing for sure if they are ace) I've met so far those professions would be: Engineering, mathematics, IT, electronics, physics, university lecturing. Looking at the personality profiles here on AVEN I realized a high proportion of aces are INTJ (I am INTP). The two guys I know that I think are closet aces are my cousin (21 never had a girlfriend and proudly admits so)Aand my ex-classmate. One is in electronics another in mathematics respectively.

That was my admittedly anecdotal impression as well. Apart from physics, your list of professions is me. I see the closet ace around me too. I myself was chugging along obliviously until a personal crisis led me to AVEN. I wouldn't even know how to bring up the subject with some colleagues, and there is no need to either. I don't know about the MB stuff though.

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Demisexual men are even rarer if you ask me.

+1 if you're counting them

But yeah, AVEN does seem to be female dominated and the males here are quite varied, we're a minority here too! :P

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I think they are very rare, but exist. I dislike how nowadays, though, if you haven't fcked a girl by age 20, you're not a man (if you'll excuse my words, but I have very extreme feelings on this issue). It seems like more sex=more 'manly' you are. I think that mentality screws a lot of males over in thinking they have to find someone to have sex with. maybe it's because I value virginity too much, but I feel it is important to let the individual choose if he wants be sexual or asexual, and not be pressured by other that he needs to try it, he's not as much of a man if he doesn't, etc.

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Bountiful Harvest

Hmm... A-Bars. Someone suggested those up at the top (sort of)

"Someone" has a name you know :angry: lol, I kid ;)

and it would be a great project... I'm sure they'd be very popular especially among romantic ace's XD

In all seriousness, are you taking the piss? Because I wasn't being serious.

And why not be serious? Being Ace is just another non-heronormative oientation like gay or bi. Some cities in the USA and my ex-college in London have an LGBTA as opposed to the LGBT comittee. And if A-Bars seem OTT for any reason why not have a regular meetup plcae such as a cafe in each city (but without the flag lol)?

It's a great idea just not financially viable at least not yet anyway, that's my opinion anyways. If I won the lottery I'd totally open one up even if business was crap, because then I could afford to carry a burden :lol:

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asexualsubguy

I found your post interesting, because I have no idea how to find an asexual woman. It seems almost an impossible task. While I am a submissive I am not into kinky stuff. I suppose a Female Led Relationship is more accurate. In the past I have tried some asexual personal sites. Almost all of those women were Christians, I follow an Eastern path. It really is quite disheartening at times to be an asexual man. I am quite healthy: I practice Yoga and Kung Fu, and I love hiking. There is nothing medically or psychologically wrong with me, I just don't like sex. However, I need to be loved and to love. When women find out I am asexual they seem confused, as if they have no idea how to relate to me without sex.

In my mind I had always thought it would not be all that difficult to find a woman who desired a loving, committed, and intimate relationship without sex. That has not been my experience.

Namaste,

michael

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Runawaybrain

I found your post interesting, because I have no idea how to find an asexual woman. It seems almost an impossible task. While I am a submissive I am not into kinky stuff. I suppose a Female Led Relationship is more accurate. In the past I have tried some asexual personal sites. Almost all of those women were Christians, I follow an Eastern path. It really is quite disheartening at times to be an asexual man. I am quite healthy: I practice Yoga and Kung Fu, and I love hiking. There is nothing medically or psychologically wrong with me, I just don't like sex. However, I need to be loved and to love. When women find out I am asexual they seem confused, as if they have no idea how to relate to me without sex.

In my mind I had always thought it would not be all that difficult to find a woman who desired a loving, committed, and intimate relationship without sex. That has not been my experience.

Namaste,

michael

I agree with you and identify with you. I believe we have similar personality patterns. Women think they would be happy without sex, but become insecure without it. I guess they believe they control men with it and without it they don't know what we want from them. I don't blame them, they are told since an early age that ALL men only think about sex.

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There seem to be significantly more asexual men on here than when I first joined (Sept '09). Can't complain about that. :)

I also take the growing number of men identifying as asexual as a sign that we're becoming more visible (as men are usually stereotyped as sex-obsessed and may be more reluctant to identify as asexual) - and that's amazing!

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asexualsubguy

There seem to be significantly more asexual men on here than when I first joined (Sept '09). Can't complain about that. :)

I also take the growing number of men identifying as asexual as a sign that we're becoming more visible (as men are usually stereotyped as sex-obsessed and may be more reluctant to identify as asexual) - and that's amazing!

This guy on another site told me it is not normal for a man my age to lack a sex drive. I replied "Some people are gay, some lesbian, bi, straight, transgendered and some like me are asexual." I added that I am in great shape from practicing Kung Fu (Though I still have some weight to lose) and can knock a larger man off balance with a one inch punch. Even asexual guys like me can at times get caught up in all that stupid male posturing crap.

Another guy who did some tattoo work from me was all befuddled by my lack of interest in sex. He said something like "I love sex and can't imagine living without it." His wife was convinced that I am a transvestite, who was likely gay." I have dressed in drag, and I have had sex with men. Those experiences were just as dissatisfying as vanilla or kinky sex with a woman. I think I have participated in a wide array of legal sexual acts, and not a one of them was fulfilling.

I am a submissive and a masochist. The release I get from pain is a thousand times better than any orgasm I have ever had.

In all the universe nothing is as strange as human sexuality. A black hole or wormhole aren't 1/100th as strange as human sexuality. We are a strange creatures, and I revel in our strangeness and diversity.

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When I was younger, before discovering asexuality, I just thought my "troubles" were that I was very shy and needed to get to know a woman before even thinking of having sex. I just thought I needed a deeper connection, and no one-night stands. It wasn't until I made a deeper connection with a woman that I realized something was "wrong" when it came to try having sex. And it wasn't until a few months after that relationship ended that I came across AVEN. It wasn't that I was trying to hide my asexuality. It was that I didn't even have the concept. How would you know you liked cake if you had never even heard of such a thing?

Pretty much the same here, though I recognized it after falling for someone that it wasn't because I found them attractive in a sexual way, it was just a deep emotional connection that bonded me to them that developed over time in a close friendship. A little voice in the back of my head always stood by asking whether or not I was really sure of being heterosexual because I had never found any woman attractive in a sexual way. But I felt nothing towards men either, so I knew I wasn't gay. 'Hotness' confused the hell out of me, and I never had a name for what I felt until I came across the concept of asexuality on TV Tropes which led me here. Useful tools that concepts can be for communication. At least I am able to describe myself a bit better to others because of it.

Interesting thing about concepts though, they are only tools to describe certain elements of our being, so it's not like they pervade us entirely. There is no such thing as a strictly asexual way of being that anyone follows like a rule (orientation-wise I mean, as it applies to other orientations as well), so it can be very difficult to spot out who is ace, who is gay, who is straight, and who is bi unless they wear on their sleeve all of the stereotypes we have put into each orientation and have associated as being 'inherently' part of that particular kind of being. Such as the 'flamboyantly-gay' man, or the 'macho smooth talking straight' dude, both of which, as I said are stereotypes based on a few, not a majority; the concept of our orientation 'asexuality' hasn't been around long enough for any particular traits to be stereotyped and associated with the orientation beyond the conception of our lack of sexual attraction when compared to other conceptions of sexuality. The closest thing to a stereotype of 'asexual behaviours' (not saying these are true for all asexuals, because they are not) is probably Sheldon Cooper off of The Big Bang Theory. The guy's character reeks of AVEN conceptions and thread discussion so much it almost gives validity to the thought that the writers or the actor himself have been/are on here frequently lol. I mean, c'mon, even the thing about cats? Lol, that's way too coincidental... Guess we'll see whether or not that requires some form of damage control in the future.

Because there are no particular traits that are associated with us all, it makes us that more difficult to 'spot' and 'guess' out of a crowd at first glance. It seems like if a person is interested in knowing if somebody is asexual is probably just to ask (as awkward as that sounds, I wouldn't recommend just saying it outright Tommy Wisseau-style out of nowhere, it's up to the individual to be creative about it, I'm a writer after all and not a speech coach lol).

Enough philosophy though, I've been reading so much Foucault recently that it sounds like I'm channeling bits of him into casual conversation :wacko: lol.

As an asexual guy myself, I wouldn't know what drives me into a relationship with a woman, the last time I fell for someone was because of physical affection and friendship (hugging to be precise). It just sort of happened, the person I fell for wasn't particularly pretty or all that smart, otherwise I've never really been driven out to seek anyone so far in particular. It kind of makes things really difficult to find a companion when there is no initial attraction to anyone. Sure some people are pretty, others are not, and you can get a first impression from them, but that really doesn't help much in what a person is actually like once you know them. Who do you want to try getting to know, and how do you know they are going to be able to cope with the way you are and vice versa if you do end up falling for each other? There's the problem I suppose.

So I can understand where the asexual women are coming from, especially if they have zero desire to have sex in a relationship and the man might end up being really sexual. As I've said, there aren't really any indicators if a man really is asexual unless you ask them before hand or they actively seek sex at some point in a relationship. Or, in the case here, they tell you so themselves lol.

As for occupations...I'm an artist/philosopher, there isn't a particular field we're all in I find lol.

Enough of my rambling though, I need a break from philosophy, not to keep babbling about on it :lol:

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

I would like to go to a feast where all the dishes are asexual guys I could eat :wub: , of all types, colors and flavors, sweets or bitters haha! The problem is not the quantity, is finding them, and then... would they wanted to be eaten? :unsure: lol for me, it must be a feeling that both share in equality, beyond the need to be with someone just for the sake of not been lonely.

If you are a single hetero-romantic man in your latest 20's or 40's... you need to know that I don't see a man on you :o , I see an appealing cake! :lol: hahaha!

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A Long Time Ago

Oh, don't remind me of Sheldon (people use to keep saying I was just like Sheldon and it got very annoying). Oh, with regards to being eaten, YouAreYummy, I think I need to put some sort of sign on myself so that you know not to eat me because while I look like a man, I am not.

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

Oh, don't remind me of Sheldon (people use to keep saying I was just like Sheldon and it got very annoying). Oh, with regards to being eaten, YouAreYummy, I think I need to put some sort of sign on myself so that you know not to eat me because while I look like a man, I am not.

Dont worry about it! as I said it, it must be a feeling both share, I can see the signals already... not need to write in your face! :rolleyes:

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A Long Time Ago

Oh, don't remind me of Sheldon (people use to keep saying I was just like Sheldon and it got very annoying). Oh, with regards to being eaten, YouAreYummy, I think I need to put some sort of sign on myself so that you know not to eat me because while I look like a man, I am not.

Dont worry about it! as I said it, it must be a feeling both share, I can see the signals already... not need to write in your face! :rolleyes:

OK.

Now, I need a find a good way to find men/women/whatevers who are nice, affectionate, asexual or grey-A, and see me as Samantha.

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Guest Invisible Pumpkin

Oh, don't remind me of Sheldon (people use to keep saying I was just like Sheldon and it got very annoying). Oh, with regards to being eaten, YouAreYummy, I think I need to put some sort of sign on myself so that you know not to eat me because while I look like a man, I am not.

Dont worry about it! as I said it, it must be a feeling both share, I can see the signals already... not need to write in your face! :rolleyes:

OK.

Now, I need a find a good way to find men/women/whatevers who are nice, affectionate, asexual or grey-A, and see me as Samantha.

Go ahead Samantha, if that's fine for you, it must be for all of us!

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Another straight asexual man checking in ;)

We exist for sure. Im almost certain theres as many of us as there are straight asexual ladies but, as others have said already, for a multitude of reasons we tend to be harder to spot.

For what its worth i think spotting and judging peoples personalities (including their sexuality) isnt as hard as some people make out. Fair dos spotting someone from a distance can be a nightmare but after a few words and a look at their body language you can soon start to gauge an idea of what theyre like and over time this idea becomes clearer and clearer. Personally im probably less inclined to approach a girl as fast as other guys but if i like someone ill pluck up the courage and get there in the end (in my own casual, awkward and non sexy kind of way). I like to think that if you find someone you like (from afar or from up close), and they happen to like you, that eventually, no matter how much rubbish and awkward thoughts, looks and conversations you have to go through, youll get there and find each other in the end.

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From the A-vibe guys (without knowing for sure if they are ace) I've met so far those professions would be: Engineering, mathematics, IT, electronics, physics, university lecturing. Looking at the personality profiles here on AVEN I realized a high proportion of aces are INTJ (I am INTP). The two guys I know that I think are closet aces are my cousin (21 never had a girlfriend and proudly admits so)Aand my ex-classmate. One is in electronics another in mathematics respectively.

It seems I somewhat fit that pattern. I'm a male ace, work in particle physics, and my MBTI is INTJ :)

I'm not particularly in the closet: if asked I will tell. Another thing is whether anyone believes it, since in my experience asexuality is seen as an excuse for something else.

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*************

i'm a heteromantic male! The main problem is that we're supposed to be the ones who are mad about sex and pursuading the girls to do it with us. So (in my own experience anyway) when we aren't like that, it completely wrong foots everyone. Girls have even been offended because they thought that i didn't think they were good enough for me. And of course, most people go for the easy answer - "he must be gay" - which does not help when you are trying to find girls.

Im thinking of being a lot more open about it, (i might even buy a black ring!) because i've decided that i'd be much happier with another asexual. Plus, from this thread, it sounds like our kind are somewhat in demand! lol :D

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I Exist ! I am straight asexual men

, Being asexual is already rare . We are 1 % of population . Finding and discovering one asexual is almost as difficult as finding 500 dollars euros or whatever in the street xD .Asexuality is more rare even for men cause masculinity is related with wating sex. As a person told here what makes even more difficult to find asexual is the fact that there is no places for asexual to meet each other like A-bar or A-party . The only chance to know asexual is by knowing a person and she tells you that she is asexual . Another problem is that aseuxality isn't known so a lot of asexual just don't know that they are andt this happens more with men , .

So I fell atracted by nice and intelligent women who doens't think that apparence is the most important thing to find in a person. I have never been in a date cause it is really difficult to find asexual women , I am really shy person I fear to tell someone "I love you" . Cause I got really afraid thiking i might be rejected or if the love becomes true I may get dissapointed . But i hope to find some woman that will make me feel happy ! I hope this day isn't far

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There seem to be significantly more asexual men on here than when I first joined (Sept '09). Can't complain about that. :)

are you throwing together males and men..because yes we certianly have more younger males in..but most of those rarely are here after 3 months and most will never be seen again after 12 months but would more than likely to be teens and not adults

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Of course this could be because my radar is completely dud, so I don't notice it in my environment. I can imagine choosing religious vocations for similar reasons.

Ha. This is funny. As a kid, I wanted to become a nun.

Funny thing is...I was TRYING to convince myself that I believe in God. I am, and probably have always been, a pure agnostic.

Right now I work in animal welfare. Animals are so much 'safer' than people :D

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I am an Asexual man who is attracted to girls. I generally like girls based on their sense of humor and personality. Basically, I like a girl who can take over a conversation when I get tired of talking, and can listen when she gets tired of talking, and is capable of sitting in silence and observing the world with me. I also like to cuddle, so a girl that is willing to do that is preferred. If you were asking about looks, I like girls with very definitive colors of hair- either very blonde, very black hair, or very red hair. I also like dyed hair along the same lines. Body size doesn't matter so much to me- though it usually matters to her, and that bothers me. I hate being asked how something makes the girl look. I would rather the girl purposefully dress in a ridiculous outfit just to mock everyone's expectations for her.

As for our rarity- if asexuals are 1% of the population, then even if males/females are equally likely to be asexual, then asex males will only be 1/200, and then you have to consider there are homo-romantic, asexual males..... you can't really expect there to be too many of us.

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Well being asexual and male is pretty hard, especially amongst your peers as sadly your masculinity is gauged by your sexual conquests.. It's no doubt that many of us are closeted. Men aside, it's pretty hard to find an asexual on the streets altogether, we are invisible after all and we have no "A-Bars" like gays and lesbians have so meeting another one naturally is pretty slim.

In a nutshell? ... pretty much lol

though i wouldnt say closeted more runnign along a dont ask dont tell policy

Girls have even been offended because they thought that i didn't think they were good enough for me. And of course, most people go for the easy answer - "he must be gay" - which does not help when you are trying to find girls.

and when the girl gets offended you franticly try to cover your tracks its quite amusing in hindsight really... have u ever tried to drunkenly explain that you just dont find them attractive. That one goes neuclear lol.

My main problem is that when i do actually tell a girl i automaticaly get benched in the friend zone because they dont want to.... infringe. I mean at first you dont really mind but after a while... i mean everyones looking for someone right

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I'm an Asexual man but I'm not interested in being in any kind of relationship. I'm much happier single, relationships drive me nuts... =(

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i'm a heteromantic male! The main problem is that we're supposed to be the ones who are mad about sex and pursuading the girls to do it with us. So (in my own experience anyway) when we aren't like that, it completely wrong foots everyone. Girls have even been offended because they thought that i didn't think they were good enough for me. And of course, most people go for the easy answer - "he must be gay" - which does not help when you are trying to find girls.

Yeah totally agree here. Usually its assumed to be the guys job to approach a girl so it doesnt matter if shes quite forward or shy/doesnt appear interested since guys will usually make the first move and try anyway. For asexual guys though were far less likely to make a move so the girls just assume were not interested in them. Ive had this happen a lot to me, some times its fine and if i genuinely like the girl ill eventually make some kind of move (or she will) but other times ive had girls totally go off me and think im a tosser since they have been actively showing an interest/flirting with me but are getting no reaction or response (since what they think is 'actively' is quite mild and im simply just not registering it - interesting point here im not sure if its me whose rubbish at noticing the flirting or the girls who are rubbish at flirting in the first place, afterall, usually all they have to do is look at a guy and he'll make a move so they often have dont need to be good at it. I suspect its a bit of both, mainly cause i dont want to think im THAT rubbish at reading people ;))

But yeah to summarize - an ace girl will generally be a bit quieter and less active in making a move, not an issue if the guy makes a move but if its an ace guy he's less likely or much slower to initiate anything and you end in stalemate. Solution...i dont have a god one but, for me at least, its got easier as ive got older and gained more experience, the flirting and initial connection bit isnt the problem for me now, its all the relationship stuff that comes after!

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It's not hard to find asexual men in general, but its hard to find asexual men who are interested in women. I know a few who simply have no interest in anyone.

I also join the quest in search of one who might want to date a girl like me ;)

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