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Isn't it hard to find Asexual MEN?


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#1 misscuriosity

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 04:04 PM

I'm attracted to men, but I have decided NOT to date any sexual men anymore. I'm dead serious about this. You can read my horrible relationship experience with a sexual guy from this thread:

http://www.asexualit..._1#entry1823161


This is not the only boyfriend I had who pressured me for sex. It's very common and I got sick of it. The problem is... isn't it hard to find Asexual men? Even if there are in your area, they most likely don't come out. Maybe they will if you tell them you are one, but what timing would you tell a guy you started liking that you're Asexual?

#2 PiF

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 04:07 PM

Straight Asexual men certianly are a rarity even in aven

being chosen because your the safe option I doubt will be a great chat up line though
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#3 Pandoren

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 04:08 PM

Well, on AVEN you'll probably find a few. If you look in the meetup mart section of the forum you can find asexuals in your area and go do stuff with them like going for a meal or entering an attraction like a museum or something. We aren't a dating site, but other asexuals have met and even married after meeting on AVEN. Don't give up yet ;)

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#4 Samael

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 05:31 PM

Hard to find?

There are asexual males. Chances are you've already met a lot of them but simply didn't know what to look for before. Even if the 1% of the population figure was accurate, we'd all have met lots of asexuals in life but just didn't realise it during the moment.
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#5 Bountiful Harvest

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 06:07 PM

Well being asexual and male is pretty hard, especially amongst your peers as sadly your masculinity is gauged by your sexual conquests.. It's no doubt that many of us are closeted. Men aside, it's pretty hard to find an asexual on the streets altogether, we are invisible after all and we have no "A-Bars" like gays and lesbians have so meeting another one naturally is pretty slim.
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#6 baochan

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 09:10 PM

We exist. Or at least I do. I just don't really "advertise" my asexuality. I'm not very outgoing, I don't flirt... You'd really have no way of knowing unless you asked directly. I don't think anyone outside of my closest friends has any idea, and I suspect even they think I'm joking. And it doesn't help that asexuality is still pretty unheard of. I've always known I was different (assumed for a long time I must be gay...), I just never knew there was a word for it. If you'd asked me a year ago if I was asexual I'd have just looked at you funny. I suspect there's more asexual males out there who just either don't know or cover it up because it's so "unmasculine".

#7 Quadrupole Knight

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 09:18 PM

[...] Even if the 1% of the population figure was accurate, we'd all have met lots of asexuals in life but just didn't realise it during the moment.


Personally I don't think it's 1%. I estimate it to be lower.


We exist. Or at least I do. I just don't really "advertise" my asexuality. [...]


Same here. No one knows. It's possible that many people are like that, though and that I get the impression that the percentage is lower because of that.

#8 Pandora's Fox

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 09:25 PM

Demisexual men are even rarer if you ask me.

#9 Paisano

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 09:40 PM

Well being asexual and male is pretty hard, especially amongst your peers as sadly your masculinity is gauged by your sexual conquests.. It's no doubt that many of us are closeted.


I completely agree... -_-
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#10 Quadrupole Knight

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 10:06 PM


Well being asexual and male is pretty hard, especially amongst your peers as sadly your masculinity is gauged by your sexual conquests.. It's no doubt that many of us are closeted.


I completely agree... -_-


I completely disagree but that has also to do with what kind of people you surround yourself. Maybe I was just lucky or maybe I unconsciously made the right decision but the people I deal with every day talk about these things next to never.

#11 Samael

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 10:13 PM

Well being asexual and male is pretty hard, especially amongst your peers as sadly your masculinity is gauged by your sexual conquests.. It's no doubt that many of us are closeted. Men aside, it's pretty hard to find an asexual on the streets altogether, we are invisible after all and we have no "A-Bars" like gays and lesbians have so meeting another one naturally is pretty slim.


Yes, I think it can be common for men to be "gauged" by their "conquests". Personally I don't really care if someone thought like that about me. Such low level thinking tells me that there's no reason to associate myself with such a person.
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#12 Paisano

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 10:20 PM



Well being asexual and male is pretty hard, especially amongst your peers as sadly your masculinity is gauged by your sexual conquests.. It's no doubt that many of us are closeted.


I completely agree... -_-


I completely disagree but that has also to do with what kind of people you surround yourself. Maybe I was just lucky or maybe I unconsciously made the right decision but the people I deal with every day talk about these things next to never.


I surround myself with good friends, who just so happen to all be sex-crazed people, and make sure to talk about it as much as they possibly can. I'd say you got lucky, but thats just me :P
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#13 Bobandirus

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 11:03 PM

I exist. I think :ph34r: Try finding identifying asexual biologists. There are only 2 of us I know of.
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#14 Philip027

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 11:23 PM

Here's one.

But yeah, the guys are probably rarer.
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#15 misscuriosity

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 11:29 PM

Thanks for the replies. I'm glad to know you guys exist. ;)

Questions:
Are you guys, Asexual men, actually attracted to women? What kind? (I'm just really curious!)

#16 Philip027

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Posted 31 March 2011 - 11:51 PM

Are you guys, Asexual men, actually attracted to women? What kind? (I'm just really curious!)


That's a bit of a harder question for me to answer, I'm afraid...

I just feel like I get along/interact/relate better to females, but I don't really know if I would call it "attraction" per se. There is a definite difference (although I could not say how much of a difference) from how I interact with males, which leads me to think that, at least to SOME degree, I could probably be considered "hetero". Or, I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about and I have things all wrong.

Idk. It's one of those aspects of myself that I think most people at my age already fully understand about themselves, but it's something that I'm only just starting to look to (largely because of finding this site, granted...)
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#17 LowTech

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 01:06 AM

Thanks for the replies. I'm glad to know you guys exist. ;)

Questions:
Are you guys, Asexual men, actually attracted to women? What kind? (I'm just really curious!)


I'm one, but I'm not attracted to women, well, anymore than I'm attracted to just plain "people". I can recognize an exceptionally beautiful woman, but that's it, I am not "attracted" to any "type" at all, and don't actively seek them.
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#18 daveb

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 01:08 AM

Thanks for the replies. I'm glad to know you guys exist. ;)

Questions:
Are you guys, Asexual men, actually attracted to women? What kind? (I'm just really curious!)

Yes. Funny, intelligent, silly, responsible, quirky, liberal, caring, fun, reasonably attractive (by my standards). Among other qualities. (:
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#19 Asexy Existentialist

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 01:23 AM

I exist. I think :ph34r: Try finding identifying asexual biologists. There are only 2 of us I know of.

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#20 A Long Time Ago

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 01:45 AM

I think asexual men are mostly hidden from view for the reasons discussed, and grey-A men even more so because it is not too hard for them to never think anything of the fact they are so much less sexual than everyone else.

#21 Hezoo

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 02:04 AM

I've been feeling doubtful myself! :/ If you find a bunch of them let me know heehehehe ^^;
I mean I've met a few here on AVEN but in real life? I don't think so...

#22 A Long Time Ago

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 02:48 AM

I've been feeling doubtful myself! :/ If you find a bunch of them let me know heehehehe ^^;
I mean I've met a few here on AVEN but in real life? I don't think so...


I have been good friends with a man who was either asexual or grey-A. That was one of the things I found attractive about him that undoubtedly played into developing a crush on him (he didn't feel the same for me if you are wondering). I have known a few other men who seemed like they were probably grey-A.

#23 Paisano

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 03:03 AM

Thanks for the replies. I'm glad to know you guys exist. ;)

Questions:
Are you guys, Asexual men, actually attracted to women? What kind? (I'm just really curious!)


I'm attracted to women ^_^

I like a woman who is trustworthy, kind, understanding, honorable, etc. I guess put short, the ideal woman to a hopeless romantic... :wub:
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#24 Ged of Earthsea

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 03:30 AM

Here's an idea I've been toying with. There are sometimes statistically significant correlations between a portion of the demographic and an occupation (I use 'statistically significant' in the technical sense: unlikely to have happened randomly). Mundane examples would be male taxidrivers or female primary school teachers. A more interesting example is gay, male fashion designers or people of Indian origin in the IT industry.

I wonder if there is are areas of work where asexual people (or asexual men, if you will) naturally, or subconsciously, gravitate towards. People might naturally drift into certain lines of work because they feel it fits their temperament. I find working in mathematical sciences provides a decidedly non-sexual working environment. I wouldn't even say this is true within science. At least my anecdotal knowledge of biologists and medics leaves the impression their work/social environment is more sexually charged than mine. Of course this could be because my radar is completely dud, so I don't notice it in my environment. I can imagine choosing religious vocations for similar reasons.

Any ideas/thoughts? Then we can go hunting. :D

#25 A Long Time Ago

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 03:34 AM

Here's an idea I've been toying with. There are sometimes statistically significant correlations between a portion of the demographic and an occupation (I use 'statistically significant' in the technical sense: unlikely to have happened randomly). Mundane examples would be male taxidrivers or female primary school teachers. A more interesting example is gay, male fashion designers or people of Indian origin in the IT industry.

I wonder if there is are areas of work where asexual people (or asexual men, if you will) naturally, or subconsciously, gravitate towards. People might naturally drift into certain lines of work because they feel it fits their temperament. I find working in mathematical sciences provides a decidedly non-sexual working environment. I wouldn't even say this is true within science. At least my anecdotal knowledge of biologists and medics leaves the impression their work/social environment is more sexually charged than mine. Of course this could be because my radar is completely dud, so I don't notice it in my environment. I can imagine choosing religious vocations for similar reasons.

Any ideas/thoughts? Then we can go hunting. :D


They seem to accumulate in Physics too it seems.

#26 Paisano

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 03:39 AM

Here's an idea I've been toying with. There are sometimes statistically significant correlations between a portion of the demographic and an occupation (I use 'statistically significant' in the technical sense: unlikely to have happened randomly). Mundane examples would be male taxidrivers or female primary school teachers. A more interesting example is gay, male fashion designers or people of Indian origin in the IT industry.

I wonder if there is are areas of work where asexual people (or asexual men, if you will) naturally, or subconsciously, gravitate towards. People might naturally drift into certain lines of work because they feel it fits their temperament. I find working in mathematical sciences provides a decidedly non-sexual working environment. I wouldn't even say this is true within science. At least my anecdotal knowledge of biologists and medics leaves the impression their work/social environment is more sexually charged than mine. Of course this could be because my radar is completely dud, so I don't notice it in my environment. I can imagine choosing religious vocations for similar reasons.

Any ideas/thoughts? Then we can go hunting. :D


I've never thought about that before...let me grab my Beretta 391! :lol:
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#27 ohjadah

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 03:56 AM


Here's an idea I've been toying with. There are sometimes statistically significant correlations between a portion of the demographic and an occupation (I use 'statistically significant' in the technical sense: unlikely to have happened randomly). Mundane examples would be male taxidrivers or female primary school teachers. A more interesting example is gay, male fashion designers or people of Indian origin in the IT industry.

I wonder if there is are areas of work where asexual people (or asexual men, if you will) naturally, or subconsciously, gravitate towards. People might naturally drift into certain lines of work because they feel it fits their temperament. I find working in mathematical sciences provides a decidedly non-sexual working environment. I wouldn't even say this is true within science. At least my anecdotal knowledge of biologists and medics leaves the impression their work/social environment is more sexually charged than mine. Of course this could be because my radar is completely dud, so I don't notice it in my environment. I can imagine choosing religious vocations for similar reasons.

Any ideas/thoughts? Then we can go hunting. :D


I've never thought about that before...let me grab my Beretta 391! :lol:


I'll join the hunting party! Asexual men, where do we find you? It's harder than finding Waldo in those books.

Asexual men, do us a favour and be more visible. Maybe if you all dress up as Waldo...? That would be a good clue. I'm afraid my A-Dar isn't very effective.

#28 Bountiful Harvest

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 04:57 AM


Well being asexual and male is pretty hard, especially amongst your peers as sadly your masculinity is gauged by your sexual conquests.. It's no doubt that many of us are closeted. Men aside, it's pretty hard to find an asexual on the streets altogether, we are invisible after all and we have no "A-Bars" like gays and lesbians have so meeting another one naturally is pretty slim.


Yes, I think it can be common for men to be "gauged" by their "conquests". Personally I don't really care if someone thought like that about me. Such low level thinking tells me that there's no reason to associate myself with such a person.


Don't get me wrong, I don't care either it just makes life awkward. . . why should I have to feel that way? Why should I have to be judged by my lifestyle? I'm teetotal and used to get the same flak for not drinking <_<

And don't mistake "peers" for friends, the two are different, I do not associate with such people.

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#29 misscuriosity

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 06:20 AM

I'll join the hunting party! Asexual men, where do we find you? It's harder than finding Waldo in those books.

Asexual men, do us a favour and be more visible. Maybe if you all dress up as Waldo...? That would be a good clue. I'm afraid my A-Dar isn't very effective.


Yes, please do dress up as Waldo!!! I like that idea, ohjadah! :D

#30 ohjadah

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Posted 01 April 2011 - 06:28 AM


I'll join the hunting party! Asexual men, where do we find you? It's harder than finding Waldo in those books.

Asexual men, do us a favour and be more visible. Maybe if you all dress up as Waldo...? That would be a good clue. I'm afraid my A-Dar isn't very effective.


Yes, please do dress up as Waldo!!! I like that idea, ohjadah! :D


I am envisioning a worldwide asexual Where's Waldo? game and it is a beautiful image. :D




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