For 30-somethings and those around that age

[crafts_not_coitus]

Hi, I'm new to the forums. Just wanted to pop in and meet some other 30-something aces. *waves*

[Qutenkuddly]

Welcome to all the new folks! Please enjoy some !

[DangerFive]

Hi, I'm new to the forums. Just wanted to pop in and meet some other 30-something aces. *waves*

I love your username! Welcome!

[njosnavelin]

I can't stay up anymore even though it is way too early to go to bed. I don't care. Goodnight.

[Snao Cone]

I wish I could fall asleep earlier. Last night I was up far later than I wanted to be - even though I was tired enough at 10, various pain and discomfort and dread kept me up well past 12:30.

[PeterPanForever]

I didn't kick off my college career until I turned 39. I really enjoyed reading everyone's story, and for better or worse it makes me feel better about where I am at on life's journey, lol. What's the big deal anyway? Let's try not to beat ourselves up too badly :) I keep telling myself that I have a few basic rights, the right to pursue my passions, the right to self-determination, and the right to grow. Yes, by the time I am done with college I will be a quarter of a million in debt, but as I am not a capitalist, I am not going to let capital distract me from getting a formal education in a traditional setting. Maybe it will lead to a fulfilling career, maybe not, but either way, I am a better person than when I first began. :)

[Guest]

Welcome to the thread new people

Its ok to start studying at a later age my cousin is following a study and she is almost 40, I have heard stories of an elderly woman who was in her 80's when she graduated in rights soo you are never too old to learn something new :)

As for goals: I'm not really good at focusing on goals so i rather not start them i just focus on what i can do at the moment!

[Snao Cone]

I think it would be awesome to go to university in retirement.

[PeterPanForever]

There are actually quite a few people who are nontraditional students on campus, and to be honest I am very proud of them

[Snao Cone]

My alma mater was all about the non-traditional students, even though I was very much so a traditional one myself. It's located in the inner city, and it has special outreach programs for older students, parents, people with disabilities, new arrivals, et cetera.

[PeterPanForever]

I went back and read a couple of your earlier posts in this thread to get an idea of what you had been up to, and a couple of them cracked me up, but it sounds like you went back to school later on as well, did I get this right? What did you major in?

[Snao Cone]

I got my first degree in sociology then went back a couple years after that to get another one in human resource management. That was my life plan all along - get something broad and engaging first, then live a little and go back to get something for a career.

[PeterPanForever]

Cool! I have changed my major a few times, but now entering my first of two senior years I am finally satisfied with my program, for the time being. I had originally chosen a major in psychology, and then it was social work, and finally I landed on sociology, with minors in environmental studies, and sustainable systems, and I had already earned enough credits in psychology to add that to the list of minors already. I am beginning to feel like a broken record because I think that I have already mentioned this in various threads and to various individuals at least a hundred times, lol. I don't know what is to come though. I used to say that only the lucky find themselves in jobs and careers that they find satisfying, and to the rest of us it is work, work, work, and we have to find our satisfaction somewhere in the space between work and sleep, a yummy meal, a funny movie, The Voice, whatevers.

[Snao Cone]

Yeah, I'm in that place now. I guess I always will be, because I'm not really motivated by work. I think I'll be happy if I move in a direction that uses more of my skills, but I have a long period of time ahead of me in which to do that, so I'm not too intense with my efforts to get there. I mean, the concept of "work" we have now isn't something inherent to being human; it's a big lump of play-dough that's been added to with different colours over time as society has changed in the past 10,000 years. Purpose is a very complex concept for human beings, as we're very complex organisms with very complex brains working together in very complex societies.

[PeterPanForever]

Man, I hear ya loud and clear! For my last job though I worked as a night auditor for nearly 15 years at Motel 6 in Moab, and I can't tell you how much I hated it. I saw the next 30 years flash before my eyes, yet Napoleon Dynamite has more skills than I do and so I had to go to college to learn a skill-set, but the funny thing is that even though I was pretty sure I wanted to do something in the social sciences, I didn't know what, and I still don't know how I am going to make a living. I don't expect to be all that passionate about my next job because I am not all that passionate about work period, I don't find it satisfying at all, at least previous experiences, but I just want to do something that brings in a paycheck so that I can take part in some of life's basic luxuries, and I think that it would be nice if whatever comes next, if it's not something that I hated as much as I working for Motel 6.

[PeterPanForever]

I guess that I do find the idea of purpose appealing, in a dreamy sort of way, like purpose is almost a religion in and of itself.

[Snao Cone]

I don't have a single thing that drives my purpose. I guess I'm not intense enough to devote myself to anything so strongly that it fills up my sense of purpose. I'm just sitting back and watching, you know?

[PeterPanForever]

I'm feeling that maybe I'm kind of jealous. I feel a little lost, a little scared, and I feel like maybe a sense of purpose is the only thing standing between me and a cardboard box to call home. I want to be carefree, but I'm mostly just scared that the rest of my life is going to be a struggle, and I'm tired, pushing through til the second wind. Is there anything you are passionate about?

[Snao Cone]

Not really. I don't get deeply into anything. I like to know a bit about everything rather than dedicate myself to a small group of things.

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

I got my degree in electrical engineering and got a well paying job out of college. Over time, I really got tired of the business. It was a large corporation, and my work was getting less and less interesting to me every year. I decided to quit it and start my own wedding DJ business. That was a lot of fun, but it wasn't paying the bills. I dreaded it, but after a few years of that I had to get a full time job again. I found a programming job at a different large corporation and I absolutely love it there now. It's more fun and there's a positive atmosphere there.

Sometimes I feel really lucky that this happened to me. It all started with taking a huge risk and leaving that first job. Peterson, maybe you'll have the same sort of luck. You might find a job that requires your particular set of skills that you really enjoy.

As for devoting my life to goals, I have my career, with recent promotion to manager. My most important hobby is writing music, which I share with thousands of people across the world for free. That's fulfilling in it's own way. If I can help people feel something through music, then that's what makes me happy.

My only concern is finding some new friends. All of my friends are paired up and married, most with kids now. Ideally, I could make some aromantic friends that wouldn't run off and leave me. But, I'm not sure how to find them around here just yet. There aren't aromantic meetups (yet).

[Snao Cone]

I can relate on the friends issue, Blue. My friends are great, but they're busy with their own lives in ways that are beyond their control at this point. Finding more single friends would be great.

[crafts_not_coitus]

I'm curious; as an ace DJ, how did you deal with drunk girls/women hitting on you? I mean especially at weddings, when many allosexuals' desperate fear of lifelong loneliness comes out after a few drinks?

[PeterPanForever]

@ Phoenix, I think it's amazing that you're finding a way to do what you love! It really sounds like the foundation of your livelihood is rock solid. I am just the opposite of that. My foundation is in ruins, and how can you "bring someone on board" when your ship is sinking?!?! It just doesn't feel right, lol. Anyway, it sounds like you're in a really good place right now, and just keep putting yourself out there and I would bet that you'll build a really nice community for yourself. All of my friends from childhood are gone, and that's a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing because it has given me a chance to better know the man I am today, not twenty years ago, it's a new start, and like everything else, friendship is a choice, the downside though is the lack of intimacy while in limbo. The more time I spend alone in my own head the more egocentric I become, and I don't like it.

[PeterPanForever]

My issue with friendship these days is that I live in a new town (Logan, UT), and I attend USU, therefore everyone I spend time with is half my age. I'm not comfortable with it at all and it is weird to me, so I stick to myself. There are some professors who I wouldn't mind getting to know, but they are married. When you add the probability of asexuality into the equation, why even bother, lol. At least that has been experience to date. I am very thankful for the AVEN community though. I come and go, but when I need a friend or two I know where to find them, and that's nice.

[Snao Cone]

AVEN has been great for making new friends that are separated from other parts of my life, so they're good sounding boards and also a means of escaping things. The discussions here can get very interesting, too, and very mind-opening.

They can also get loud and angry and repetitive, though, so I still need real life to take me away from the internet sometimes.

[PeterPanForever]

I haven't yet been involved with an angry forum thread rumble yet, but I only follow a handful of threads. I found a thread today called something like "Confessions Corner" and I like it a lot, lol. I have been little by little letting the cat out of the bag regarding my own personal internal struggle with sexuality and it seems like every thread I have ran into the last couple of days has just been pulling it out of me, alongside the thoughts and internal conflict. Confessions Corner was nice because it is the nature of the thread and so it didn't give me that tmi feeling that I was either hijacking someone's thread, or else bringing up things that others didn't want to hear about, taking dirty to a whole other level. I feel myself often repeating the same themes over and over, like a broken record, but I think maybe it is because these issues are consuming me.

Again, I am extremely thankful for the AVEN community, lol. And that people within the AVEN community put up with me, despite my deficiency, insecurity, and high maintenance personality.

[Snao Cone]

Confessions Corner is a good thread. You can get to know people a little before you actually engage in direct conversation, and with the range of subject matter from silly to serious, it's a pretty open environment for whatever you want to say.

[crafts_not_coitus]

And that people within the AVEN community put up with me, despite my deficiency, insecurity, and high maintenance personality.

:-) What is AVEN if not an Island of Misfit Toys where we're all trying to work out our own issues and insecurities about being different from the mainstream population? No matter what specifically we happen to be working on as individuals, we're all part of the same island.

[PeterPanForever]

I LOVE that term Island of Misfit Toys, lol. :))))))))))))))))))

[PeterPanForever]

I really like Confessions Corner! I have great respect for self-disclosure, and for those environments which allow us to be open with others, setting aside our social script. I really appreciate the freedom of the site, and it makes me feel like it's okay to release the issues that burden me the most. The irony though is that they are still there. The issues and the burdens that is. One more thing that I really like about the thread is that it is busy! Lots of activity! :)