For 30-somethings and those around that age

[MaxAmoeba]

I am wondering why are there not enough asexual asians.

I am well into my 30s but my mental age varies between 15-60. What I dislike about this age is most of my friends have got married, are busy with kids and all and are no pleasure to talk to anymore (kids, husband, relatives sob stories (yawn) Their carefree, friendly attitude goes for a toss and they start becoming like grown up adults which society expects them to be like. I know some who actually are not happy being married, after kids but, since they have made their decisions, somehow managing their burdens. I am happy being single but, would have loved someone to connect to on a mental plane at least.

[njosnavelin]

I am wondering why are there not enough asexual asians.

I am well into my 30s but my mental age varies between 15-60. What I dislike about this age is most of my friends have got married, are busy with kids and all and are no pleasure to talk to anymore (kids, husband, relatives sob stories (yawn) Their carefree, friendly attitude goes for a toss and they start becoming like grown up adults which society expects them to be like. I know some who actually are not happy being married, after kids but, since they have made their decisions, somehow managing their burdens. I am happy being single but, would have loved someone to connect to on a mental plane at least.

We are here to connect with others who on that same mental plane. I am glad to be riding it with you.

[catsaregood]

Hi Atilla, welcome to the 30s thread, and to AVEN! :) Have some welcome !

[conchyjoe]

I'm 55 but still feel 18!!

[catsaregood]

It's weird, isn't it? The body ages, and the mind refuses to believe it! I wish my body felt 18 :D Oh, the aches...

[RosettaAce]

I'm with you there! I'm almost 31 and I consistently feel younger

[iff]

as gabriel garcia marquez said "you don't give up your dreams because you grow old, you grow old as you've given up your dreams"

[Guest Scarlet Spider]

Yo!

I'm almost 24! Lel

[Atilla]

Hi Atilla, welcome to the 30s thread, and to AVEN! :) Have some welcome !

Thanks! I guess cake helps a little :P

[catsaregood]

Great quote, iff! :)

[tantric_cuddles]

Age 30 reporting in! :D

Do you guys ever wonder why? Why we're like this? Literally everything in nature is about sex/reproduction. Whats our purpose? And yes, I might have spent too much time watching nature documentaries lately... :P

Everything that seems to be about sex/reproductions was derived from a reproductive process that didn't bestow secondary talents through genes, would be my guess.

I'd look towards literature and manufactured structures as a way to connect to asexual ancestry, as I'm not aware of anything giving birth to bridges and the like. Also, cake!

[miz]

I'm so worried.. I'd love to have a family.. but I don't care to make one... this "American Dream" has been shoved down my throat... I feel inadequate because I'm not producing a family ;;

[WünderBâhr]

I'm not entirely sure there is any "purpose" to it. Rather, there doesn't need to be, for us to be validated, personally. Maybe it is nature's response to overpopulation, or certain resources dwindling down. Who knows? Life continues regardless of what I do or do not do with my bits.

I enjoy the idea of family, but it is more an idea of closeness and understanding than the perceived nuclear family unit.

[Cimmerian]

as gabriel garcia marquez said "you don't give up your dreams because you grow old, you grow old as you've given up your dreams"

Great quote! And sadly so true.

Do you guys ever wonder why? Why we're like this? Literally everything in nature is about sex/reproduction. Whats our purpose? And yes, I might have spent too much time watching nature documentaries lately... :P

I don't wonder about it much, but I'm used to feeling like an oddball so that may be why I haven't considered it. :P Even if everything in nature is about reproduction, humans seem to be the exception to the rule; we do things out of curiosity, hate, etc. for numerous reasons that aren't about reproduction. And romantic orientations have long been varied in humans... I think we're meant to have "strange" phenomenon or biological occurrences happen because we are the only currently known species that can afford to have concerns beyond food, survival, and reproduction.

Annnd that is completely off of the top of my head, so take it with a grain of salt. ^^;

[DexM]

Welcome conchyjoe, miz, Atilla, turnipqueen, Clouded_Leopard, Arabeska and tantric_cuddles :) Cake for you all

I'm with @.Finn on this one. I don't want to use the term "curiosity" or "different", and special has that non-pc 1980's feel to it. But I like to think that we provide an alternative in an otherwise familiar world. I'm not saying that someone is just going to cruise through the different orientations, ^_^ it's just we are now around for one another and nobody needs to feel confused or alone. We have a place, and I feel much the same way with other orientations as I do with extroverts. I am an introvert. I don't understand the appeal of going out but I don't have a problem with it and I feel very comfortable with other introverts. Introverts, according to some extroverts, don't contribute much to society, but we do have very nice lounge areas and interior design, and we like to welcome others in to see it. So we do keep home improvment stores in business. And now I am waffling. So, what are we all about? I don't think about it. I can now enjoy the ride, and I don't have to worry as much about other aspects of life that seem to bring a lot of other people, down.

[njosnavelin]

I'm so worried.. I'd love to have a family.. but I don't care to make one... this "American Dream" has been shoved down my throat... I feel inadequate because I'm not producing a family ;;

I agree with your sentiments but you shouldn’t let your inadequate-ness and American Dream dictate your life. You are going to do it when you are ready with your partner. I need to take care of myself. I can’t even get a attract a mate which is the first step. Since I don’t even try to attract a mate because I am not interested the vicious cycle starts.

[korik]

Pardon my rant:

I am so sick of people saying "but you were a kid once" in response to my statment of 'hating children.'

That makes about as much sense as saying to someone who just said they hate cloudy days, "Clouds are made of water vapour."

?!?!

I mean, what kind of response are they expecting to get? "Oh, really? Wow! Well, that changes everything! I love children!"

Stupid.

[catsaregood]

And unfortunately bio-females are 'supposed' to feel maternal, in the minds of many people. When I was in my early thirties I went through a stage of having far too many people say "Have you got children? Well, when you do..." When? Charming assumptions people make. It can be deeply offensive, or extremely upsetting for people who aren't able to have children, so why say silly things like that? Grrrrrrr.

[eee]

I am finally here and square!!!!!!!!!!!! 30 is just a number right?

[A Taste of Harmony]

Do you guys ever wonder why? Why we're like this? Literally everything in nature is about sex/reproduction. Whats our purpose? And yes, I might have spent too much time watching nature documentaries lately... :P

Our(?) purpose is to become a nature documentary maker and give completely different point of view of nature world. We will predominantly focus on digestive system of each life forms, why other species don't produce cakes other than humans, what kind of lions will eat cheesecakes, what species can skip the temptation of chocolate chip cookies. We will go into main stream networks and become a hit. We will teach them a lesson that the beauty of nature is not about surviving but enjoying the fruits of being existing.

Be strong. Many viewers are lazy to accept the new approach but they will give up eventually and most of all, we know how to enjoy the dessert. The dessert of life!

@korik

I would probably ask why they would think so. Their illogical sense can't win after all. Since they can't win that logic you can play along with it and make them annoying. :p Argue back by saying something like, "But that's like saying you won't be mad at people who lies to you anymore because you have had a experience of lying. I can't accept that. I don't think that's fair, don't you think?"

Or

You could say, "That's exactly my point, I'm so understanding about them because I've been one." "I think I'm more than qualified to express my opinion about them." :p

@tummy

Possible approaches;

Example 1: The passive aggressive/sarcastic(?) one.

"My long time, very dear friend of mine(just make up one) can't have children physically and it always breaks my heart to watch her suffer when strangers or people ask such questions to her."

"My long time, very dear old friend of mine(just make up another one) recently had removed both of her breasts due to breast cancer. Watching her suffer the illness physically was hard enough but to watch her suffer also mentally due to the societal pressure of being attractive with the size of woman's breasts caused deep anger to me. The assumptions people make about women is so ridiculous I wonder who comes up with such ideas. How sad!"

Example 2: The direct one.

"I think that's very insensitive of you to ask such question, please refrain from making such comment in future interactions. Thank you."

"Giving birth is not the only type of parenting."

"I want to know why you are concerned about my child bearing status. What do you want from me?"

"Don't worry, why bother making one for myself, I'll just take one of yours.

[C8H7N3O2]

Pardon my rant:

I am so sick of people saying "but you were a kid once" in response to my statment of 'hating children.'

That makes about as much sense as saying to someone who just said they hate cloudy days, "Clouds are made of water vapour."

?!?!

I mean, what kind of response are they expecting to get? "Oh, really? Wow! Well, that changes everything! I love children!"

Stupid.

I agree. Like.. people change. Minds change. Just because something used to be in the past does not mean it is the same or will be in the future. It's like when someone decides to become a vegetarian/what have you and no longer consume a particular thing - having the response be.. "what why? you used to eat -----". Is that supposed to suddenly make me realize the mistake I have made and resume eating -----? No. Does not make sense.

And unfortunately bio-females are 'supposed' to feel maternal, in the minds of many people. When I was in my early thirties I went through a stage of having far too many people say "Have you got children? Well, when you do..." When? Charming assumptions people make. It can be deeply offensive, or extremely upsetting for people who aren't able to have children, so why say silly things like that? Grrrrrrr.

Feeling maternal? I get it. But one can be maternal with other things such as pets or plants - even someone else's' kids.

My mother has been saying that to me since I was a teenager - when you have children.. blah blah. I am not gonna lie.. I did used to want children. But not anymore. Now she just feels the need to make old maid comments because I have never been in a relationship and don't have kids by now. I apparently am good with them though - raising my sister who is about to graduate hs and now my nephew is with us. It really irks me when people just assume they are mine. I like to believe I don't look my age nor do I look like I have had children. People just need to stop talking and think more beforehand.

Ugh.

[DexM]

I am finally here and square!!!!!!!!!!!! 30 is just a number right?

eee, so could to see, ya :) One of my oldest, most trusted and respected friends Have I missed your B'day? :redface: :redface: :redface:

:P It seems like an age since we've seen you on here.

I use up a lot of the paternal feelings I have, on my nephew. It's a bit like living permanently in a hotel. You have the joy of fuflilling that need to have something like your own place. You can come and go as you like, tidy up as much as you like, enjoy the solitude and freedom. But then you can go home and leave it to someone else whenever you wish :)

[kiaroskuro]

Now she just feels the need to make old maid comments because I have never been in a relationship and don't have kids by now.

Yes, that's so annoying, even when people are only hinting at it. Or comments along the lines of 'your biological clock is ticking'. For one thing, it's not like I didn't already know that - for another thing, why do people assume that I should be worried about it?

[C8H7N3O2]

Now she just feels the need to make old maid comments because I have never been in a relationship and don't have kids by now.

Yes, that's so annoying, even when people are only hinting at it. Or comments along the lines of 'your biological clock is ticking'. For one thing, it's not like I didn't already know that - for another thing, why do people assume that I should be worried about it?

Right? Like.. if I'm not worried maybe you should take the hint and stop worrying!

[catsaregood]

I have to admit to have very strong maternal feelings for my cats! :D And like you, Dex, I have nephews to use up any of my spare energy. And yes, C8H7302, people are very bad at thinking before they speak! So frustrating...almost as frustrating as other people hearing our biological clocks ticking! Really? Too bizarre.

[Spotastic]

Speaking of birthdays, mine is today! I'm planning on getting a cookie cake and relaxing as much as possible. :D

[WünderBâhr]

Happy birthday!

[kiaroskuro]

Happy birthday! Enjoy the quiet ... and the cookie cake :)

[vervain]

hello all :) it's so nice to have AVEN back... hope everyone is well. I am just back from Finland where I have spent a lovely month admiring lakes, trees, more lakes, more trees, the sea, the migrating fieldfares on their summer holidays... who would like a korvapuusti (cinnamon roll) while I catch up with the thread ?

(yikes, I didn't realise the image was lifesize until the post came up :redface: )

Edited September 9, 2014 by vervain

[iff]

happy birthday spotastic :)