Midnight Lady Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 But what I mean when I say "child as pawn" paradigm is the way a couple will continue to fight after their divorce through using the kids as proxies. It's like they haven't expressed their anger enough, haven't totally annihilated their ex, so keep fighting through the children. Even though I consider myself to be pretty open-minded and my paradigm is "everyone to be blamed", but when I see such parents, I just want to slap (hit?) them in the face. There is nothing more disgusting then using other people (especially kids) for your own miserable reasons. Such people SHOULD be prohibited from having children at all. They ruin themselves, they ruin their partners, they ruin everyone around them, and most importantly, they ruin their own kids. That's why I said that after that work, I am even afraid to have kids. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Lady Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 It definitely is. And having a family of teachers makes me very sympathetic to them. A teacher comes into class and gets at most a few hours with the kids... all the kids... and must somehow grow them into great adults. how on earth are they going to do that? With, what, the 15 minutes a day they *maybe* have one-on-one with the kid? If the parents don't value school, the kids aren't going to value school. Then the parents come in and bitch, and it's like... well maybe you shouldn't have spent the last 12 years telling your kid that school is bullshit and teachers are assholes! Because now that kid isn't going to listen to a goddamn thing the teacher says. Sure, teachers can reach out and take a kiddo under their wing, but they can't do that with every kid in every class. Sigh. I'm getting all worked up! And then: how they can reach out to a kid and help them change, when after that they will come home and see/do/be told/experience shit there? It is like treating symptoms, but never having a chance to look into the cause. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CompassRose Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Lady Girl and Deal - I meant to respond before and got sidetracked. Those are scary stories in their various ways. I'm so glad you both survived to tell the tales. Deal, the thing is, that I bet the sight of 6 punks assaulting someone is much scarier than one or two. Hence the "see no evil" running away from the problem by the British public at large, I'd guess. I'd love to think I would respond better, but I have no idea if I would. I hope you are ok now, without lasting effects. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Lady Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Ace will be glad to read our philosophical/psychological/juridical deep conversation... ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CompassRose Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Ace will be glad to read our philosophical/psychological/juridical deep conversation... ^_^ Anything to keep Ace happy. ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Which Ace? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Lady Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Lady Girl and Deal - I meant to respond before and got sidetracked. Those are scary stories in their various ways. I'm so glad you both survived to tell the tales. Seconded Deal, the thing is, that I bet the sight of 6 punks assaulting someone is much scarier than one or two. Hence the "see no evil" running away from the problem by the British public at large, I'd guess. I'd love to think I would respond better, but I have no idea if I would. I hope you are ok now, without lasting effects. Compass, don't get that self-critical. The research showed that sometimes "a bystander effect" is very strong in people. It is not an excuse in no way, but at least it is something to acknowledge. When people think that someone else is going to interfere, they won't do anything. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 @M...more benefits of not smoking! The house isn't a constant haze of wafting billowing smoke (as hubby has quit also!!!). I feel like I have a lot more energy, and I had a lot before...I hope to gain a couple lbs. as I am kind of ultra skinny. I think my skin tone is going to improve. My mouth doesn't have a constant coat of film in it. Oh my gosh, I used to burn holes in my clothes when the wind would blow skirts into a lit cigarette...no more of that, EVER! Going to rinse a client be back with more, if I can think of stuff....it's making me pretty happy in general! :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
KittyGal Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I don't smoke and never have, but in a weird way I've always supported smokers' rights -- so long as it's a legal purchase, then it's their decision. Having said that, 2 years ago I lost my very beloved aunt to a stroke she suffered while fighting lung cancer, last year I lost my dad to a heart attack HE suffered while fighting multiple cancers, and right now my mum is fighting a bladder cancer that's recurred in her groin -- the radiotherapy was so strong the skin is even peeling from her back where the rays went all the way through her, and there's no guarantee that she's cured. So while I support their right to smoke, I also encourage, applaud, and send HEAPS of :cake: to ANYONE who wants to quit! :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Thanks KittyGal! I will never put down anyone who smokes, because I actually really loved smoking and kind of can't believe I quit...I didn't plan on it, and I picked a really bad stressful week to do it, but now that the first week is behind me I'm pretty, no really glad I did it! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Lady Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Well, we shouldn't put down anyone, anyway... It is just a very strong addiction, that's all. People have tendency to become addicted. Just some addictions are more beneficial, some are more harmful. Lucky those people who really decide to change their lives! P.S. I might also look into working with addicts. @Lady: Are you in MSN? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 [ Something similar happened to me in Liverpool a few years ago. I was in a park in the city centre, sitting and minding my own business, I think I was reading something, when I was approached by six young men asking if I had money, or a mobile phone, or cigarettes. When I said no, they grabbed me, dragged me off the bench, threw me to the concrete floor and started to kick and punch me, all six of them. The last thing I saw before I got kicked in the head and blacked out was everyone else within 300 yards walking very quickly in the opposite direction, rather than trying to help. Ever since then, I've had very little faith in the British people... That is horrible. I'm disgusted. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 That's totally not my image of Christians. Most of the Christian women I know have long hair, which is probably less fashionable around here. I think thats what it comes down to. I have unfashionable hair now for a person my age. I look like my mother. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 I try to be a Christian (they will know us by our love) and my hair is long. And certainly not offended...there are bad people claiming to be Christian. That's why I say I try, I prefer not to claim to be one. Long hair is spunky around here, especially with choppy layers or colour. I was going to grow mine past my waist but it was taking too long to grow the colour out, so off it came. Some people have said they like it but they're all my mother's age. And this is what i get for going to my mothers hairdresser I suppose. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 deà lradh, what an awful story! I'm so sorry that happened to you. Yikes! Lady... same to you! "Dragged on concrete" is something I'm glad isn't in my anecdote list. You guys are champs for handling it. So, you guys want a little case study for today? We have a client right now for whom we're trying to enforce parenting time. We'll call him father. His ex... we'll call her mother... has been refusing to let him see his daughter. Mom thinks that daughter was sexually assaulted while at dad's house by dad's nephews (child's older cousins). The boys are 13, the daughter is 10. Mom brought daughter to a clinic we have here in Portland that does sexual assault check-ups on children. They have a team of social workers, psychologists, and doctors... you bring your kid in and first the parent is interviewed. Then the child is interviewed. Then the child gets a medical exam and they're done. A report is generated to determine what, if anything, happened to the kiddo. In this case, daughter said that her cousins were touching her "down there" on several occasions.. Dad thinks daughter is lying and that it's actually mom's stepson who is molesting daughter... he thinks this because he had a talk with daughter and she agreed with him that it was her stepbrother. Meanwhile, when dad does have custody of daughter and they all go out with his stepsons, he'll say things like "oh we can't go there because **** can't go" and essentially blaming daughter for ruining their good times and freedom. He is also focused on mom, who he says is just trying to punish him, and that mom was The thing is, HE is our client. What do we do? What do you guys think of the situation? Our impressions, after meeting with everyone and reading everything, is that dad is sticking his head in the sand and refusing to acknowledge what happened because he doesn't want to be blamed for it. The boys may have just been being kids... kids sometimes experiment and touch each other... the problem is, no one is telling these boys that you can't touch other people! In all of this, the boys who actually did the touching are being completely ignored. Obviously they need to be told about good touches, bad touches, personal space, privacy, etc. And since dad is completely ignoring the problem, we're trying to hold off on reinstating his parenting time until we can impress upon him the importance of proper supervision. If its evident hes not giving proper supervision, do you guys not have a duty of care issue here? Can you legally pursue his case if there is doubt of his fitness? If something happens, will your firm be held partially accountable if you get his access enforced? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 Sweetex: Drastic haircuts are hard to deal with. I feel for ya! I prefer my hair to be in that awkward space between jawline and shoulder. If it touches my shoulder it is toooo long... if it doesn't fall below my jawline its too short. Wait, hang on, I bet I have a pic somewheres... Yours is, I assume, longer than that? Now yours looks snappy :) Mine touches shoulder and kinks up like Gidget. Its almost a 1950s revival. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 How about a court-ordered smack in the face, accompanied by "Grow up! You aren't the victim here! Take care of your daughter!" (repeated as needed) I favor this option. If it doesn't work, send him and the boys in question to the stocks. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 Old post. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
5_♦♣ Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Where's cakes? I don't think I've seen her on here at all today. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 M....I'm home now from work and husband has the PC so, I'll have to go to the app store and see if I can get an MSN app, or go online to my email...it might take a minute. Or two. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Lady Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 @Sweetex: I hope you got my PM... :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 M...my email had a link to it, and I went there...where are you? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Lady Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 M....I'm home now from work and husband has the PC so, I'll have to go to the app store and see if I can get an MSN app, or go online to my email...it might take a minute. Or two. :) Let's see how it works, because I am online (even though I shouldn't be!). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Lady Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 M...my email had a link to it, and I went there...where are you? Do you have the actual Live Messenger? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I'm confused...I sent the group an email, can you see it? And which person are you? fluffy, or v? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Old post. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I clicked on messenger and said is anyone here? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight Lady Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I clicked on messenger and said is anyone here? Did you get my PM ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Beachwalker Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Sweetex: Drastic haircuts are hard to deal with. I feel for ya! I prefer my hair to be in that awkward space between jawline and shoulder. If it touches my shoulder it is toooo long... if it doesn't fall below my jawline its too short. Wait, hang on, I bet I have a pic somewheres... Yours is, I assume, longer than that? Now yours looks snappy :) Mine touches shoulder and kinks up like Gidget. Its almost a 1950s revival. You do look like skully from x-files skully, and gidget is cute Sweetex! :) I really loved the x-files. @skulls I couldn't give a shit about the parents all that matters to me would be that the kids are safe..... I deleted what else I wrote. I think this thread needs to lighten up a bit, it has been a bit heavy going for me as well. What ya all gonna have for dinner tonight? We're having curried sausages :) they are cooking away in the slow cooker and the house is smelling good :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
test account Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Just a little request chaps that we try to keep the topics light. There are plenty of other spaces on AVEN to sink the teeth into meaty subjects, which we all enjoy at times. If we could move those off onto new threads, and keep this one simple, it might help us with our explosion issue :lol: This video is dedicated to all you guys at the premier coffee shop thread on AVEN *hugs* Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.