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I dont talk much about sex outside of these forums, but I happen to know most people just seem to assume I have whatever they consider to be a "normal" sex life.

 

Ends up, any anxiety I had about sexual stuffs was in my head and changing my attitude was all I needed to to to stop feeling shamed :P

 

Might not be the case for all and it might be different if I was super vocal about my orientation but right now I'm pretty happy with how things are going in that vein. :lol:

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I have no idea what people think about me. I think some think I'm a lesbian, some definitely assume I'm waiting for the right man, and some probably think I'm sleeping around a lot because I've become more vocal about not wanting to settle down. I don't bring it up independently, but if I'm asked about my dating life, I have no problem any more being honest about the fact that I have zero interest in marriage or children. I really don't care what people think, and if they think I'm out having tons of sex, then whatever... it's kind of amusing. 

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1 hour ago, Puck said:

I dont talk much about sex outside of these forums, but I happen to know most people just seem to assume I have whatever they consider to be a "normal" sex life.

 

Ends up, any anxiety I had about sexual stuffs was in my head and changing my attitude was all I needed to to to stop feeling shamed :P

 

Might not be the case for all and it might be different if I was super vocal about my orientation but right now I'm pretty happy with how things are going in that vein. :lol:

I'm in the same situation, pretty much. Last night I spent some time talking to my 23 year old cousin about life, and I never mentioned asexuality or aromanticism or whatever. I just said I'm happy being single. We were talking about her dad/my uncle, and how he still views some of us as kids and always will because he chooses to be ignorant of our realities - especially since he's so socially conservative he doesn't want to think about any of us being gay/bi/pan/or possibly even ace. I don't want to formally come out to the whole family because I don't want to hear condescending conversations from older relatives like him. He's not even that much older, and he's not very wise or intelligent either, but he holds such moral superiority that he probably things I need guidance from him...or Jesus, but Jesus through him. Naturally.

 

29 minutes ago, SaturnOOO said:

I have no idea what people think about me. I think some think I'm a lesbian, some definitely assume I'm waiting for the right man, and some probably think I'm sleeping around a lot because I've become more vocal about not wanting to settle down. I don't bring it up independently, but if I'm asked about my dating life, I have no problem any more being honest about the fact that I have zero interest in marriage or children. I really don't care what people think, and if they think I'm out having tons of sex, then whatever... it's kind of amusing. 

This is very very similar to my situation too, but it seems that most people don't bother asking me about dating, even. My brother's girlfriend asked if I'm seeing anyone or if I'm looking, and I just said it's not my thing and that was the end of that conversation. It was refreshing. Obviously people are going to ask, whether to make conversation or just get to know another person's life situation better. It's how they follow up with my answer that makes it verge on annoying and intrusive.

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1 minute ago, Snao Cone said:

This is very very similar to my situation too, but it seems that most people don't bother asking me about dating, even. My brother's girlfriend asked if I'm seeing anyone or if I'm looking, and I just said it's not my thing and that was the end of that conversation. It was refreshing. Obviously people are going to ask, whether to make conversation or just get to know another person's life situation better. It's how they follow up with my answer that makes it verge on annoying and intrusive.

Totally... I don't really care if people ask. I get it fairly often because I work with a staff of about 200 (24 bed ICU, 1:1 nursing 24/7, huge interdisciplinary team...) plus we get new nursing resource team ICU graduates cycling through all the time... You can work beside someone new each shift for months without repeating. So usually those types of things just come up in the course of the day. 

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bluedragonwings

I get the questions at work, at home (less and less), from distant peeps when we catch up. I mind people asking, mostly because I don’t have an answer. I mean I want a relationship but I don’t see how to find one. The concept of dating strangers skeeves me right out. But on the flip side, being alone without cuddles drives me nuts. And my culture is so weird it it’s physicality, but like only in romantic relationships. 

 

Granted In high school I hung out with mostly girls so lots of hugging and minor cuddling, especially with the marching band/flag line peeps. Then I went to the UK for my senior year, to an all boys school. That was a shock less touchy culture combined with all boys school. Ever since I have been in this weird wanting/avoiding physical interaction. 

 

Well this this rant took a turn. So in response. 🙀

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Hello,

 

I'm in my early 30's just figured out this week that I'm an Ace. I literally did not know such a thing existed. Now I feel like there's a whole new world opened up to me, and I'm still trying to figure out what this means for me currently and in the future. 

 

My second husband and I (been together 10 yrs & 3 kids) just decided to call it quits a few weeks ago for a lot of reasons unrelated to sexuality. Though looking back now that I've figured out I'm Ace, does clarify why I behaved the way I did on some occasions and felt the way I have all along. I just came out to him last night, and referred him to the FAQ for families on here. It will take him some time to process, but I think it will be kind of a relief for him to have an explanation for why I felt the way I have this whole time.

 

Anyways, just wanted to introduce myself and say hi to everyone here :)

 

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Hi there,

I'm a 36 year old woman from Canada.  I've been doing a lot of research & thinking about who I am.  I've been very confused & conflicted about my identity - sexual identity, for a long time.  I have felt so "weird" & "different" for many years.  I stayed a virgin until I was 27. I felt so odd at being a 27 year old virgin so I did it to get it over with.  I get asked "How are you not married?" or "Why don't you have a boyfriend?", etc.  I have wondered why I can't date like "normal" people.  Although i will say i long for emotional, mental & spiritual connection with someone.  I have wondered why I don't want to have sex, yet I can pleasure myself if the urge comes upon me (very occasional).  I've felt shame & guilt, loneliness & wanting a companion & at other times so glad to be on my own.  I thought maybe it's due to sexual assaults in my past & a religious background that was strictly heterosexual & "wait until marriage".  I have been asked if I am gay.  I still am not 100% sure what I am or how to identify myself but the more I read about asexuality, gray-sexuals & demi-sexuals, things are starting to make a bit more sense.  I think I may fit into one of those descriptions.  I don't know how many people out there are like me (I'm thinking its not a lot and probably not in my small city).  I joined this site so that I may learn, develop friendships & figure out who i am.  Thank you for reading.

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Lotta_Biscotti

Hey @Hilana and @Evenstar4! Welcome to AVEN. I think you both will find out a lot about yourselves by being here and talking with your fellow aces. There are a lot of new concepts and ideas I wasn't familiar with until I read more up on asexuality and sooo many glossary terms. I might not need a label on everything, but it's nice to have a way to talk about it. It's also just nice to hear from other people and be reminded that your feelings and inclinations or lack thereof are perfectly valid.

 

Welcome aboard and good luck to you in your personal journeys! :cake:

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I'm so glad I came back to this forum. I've been feeling so isolated lately because it dawned on me that I literally have no one to talk to about this. 

I read through a few pages of this thread and it made really did make me feel better and RELIEVED to know I'm not alone. 

 

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Lotta_Biscotti

@nicsw I kinda dropped off too, shortly after I first joined. I'm just not really used to forums. I came back after Todd came out on BoJack, hoping new people would be around and wanna talk. People here are friendly though! It's nice to know you're not alone.

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I used to be a big part of some smaller forums and made a lot of friends that way. When I joined AVEN it had been a long time since that ended, so it was nice to find this place. There's only so J much selection of people to relate to in "real life" so I find online environments pick up a lot of what's missing.

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I enjoy the 30’s thread. 

 

It it gives me a space to post stuff about me and what has been going on In my life because I don’t have Facebook or any other social online outlet.

 

I love the fact we share those small life achievements. Everyone here is relately with the same context of our life. We always seem to be accommodating to anyone who has discovered who they have finally grasped  their identity or whatever aspect they see.  Having a little more life experience tends to help us help them.

 

I read nearly everything in this thread I don’t necessarily respond.

 

Let me rewelcome some of the other members. Join in the discussion make something up propose a question or statement give us an opinion oh and find something juicy to bitch about. We will tag along in the fun — together

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This is a great spot for general conversation and asexuality questions. Plus avocados, sometimes.

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After reading some of the more recent posts here - I just have to say, thank you.  I joined years ago, but stopped coming around for multiple reasons.

I'm usually good about being alone.  This year feels different.  I needed to reconnect with others that are like me - if only through a computer screen.  Not sure why it took me so long to log back in - but here I am.

It's nice to remember there is a place I can go and just say "I have no real desire or need for sex" and have people actually understand.

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1 hour ago, ejq1978 said:

After reading some of the more recent posts here - I just have to say, thank you.  I joined years ago, but stopped coming around for multiple reasons.

I'm usually good about being alone.  This year feels different.  I needed to reconnect with others that are like me - if only through a computer screen.  Not sure why it took me so long to log back in - but here I am.

It's nice to remember there is a place I can go and just say "I have no real desire or need for sex" and have people actually understand.

Welcome back!

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Hi all, I just joined, I'm a 36 yo woman living and working in London. I always thought I was different but its only in the last year that I finally encountered the term that best described me. Reading articles and posts on asexuality has truly been enlightening and I'm looking forward to meeting people who 'get it'. Although I am ace I can still drop an innuendo and laugh at one in turn.

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Personally I find there's less to be embarrassed about when dirty jokes won't expose any dirty secrets.

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@Nahteb15 welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 :cake::cake:

 

@Snao Cone, are you suggesting that innocent little me has a dirty mind?? :P:P

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3 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

@Nahteb15 welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 :cake::cake:

 

@Snao Cone, are you suggesting that innocent little me has a dirty mind?? :P:P

Sky. Is there an innocent little you? I mean, in addition to the one we know and love?

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My co-worker announced to me he doesn’t believe the Earth is flat anymore. All I said to him, “I am glad you came around on your own because I don’t know what to say to you otherwise."

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5 hours ago, njosnavelin said:

My co-worker announced to me he doesn’t believe the Earth is flat anymore. All I said to him, “I am glad you came around on your own because I don’t know what to say to you otherwise."

Wait... Did this really happen? Sorry to doubt it at first sight, but it sounds too good to not be a premade joke. :0

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If the earth is flat, was that because a terrapin burst it? 

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