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Would like to interview an asexual male for a magazine feature


Rob FHM

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Hello,

I'm seeking an asexual male for a Q&A within a relationships

feature. Coverage will be handled sensitively and anonymity is available,

if desired. Happy to credit AVEN or any other associated organisation etc.

Please get in touch if this interests you, either via this forum or at rob.mcgarr@fhm.com.

Many thanks in advance,

Rob

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Hi Rob

all request for interviews, input etc must go through the moderation team.

feel free to contact any of those in red/green or pink at the bottom on the members list

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What kind of magazine is that?

Here's the website: http://www.fhm.com/ The tag line is "Hot Girls, New & Men's Fashion"

In short it's a "lads mag"n though a higher end one.

In my opinion asexuality would never be portrayed in a positive light in this kind of magazine.

Tell me I'm being judgmental - I am! But I'm cautious when magazines such like this want to do a "feature" on asexuality. It has the potential to turn into another "Not getting laid tonight?" article. Beware.

EDIT: I am being a little harsh here, I realize that :lol: If you do wanna do it all I suggest is that you request a read back :)

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Oh, I've never read any "women's magazines" or "lads' maganizes" so I wouldn't know. I don't think I have any preconceptions about them either. But in all fairness the front page of the magazine, sorry mr. reporter, gave me the creeps. Not my type of paper. I wonder if the readership of the paper would even be interested in reading about asexuality?

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I wonder if the readership of the paper would even be interested in reading about asexuality?

Sure they would! It would mean they could say "I may not be getting any, but at least I'm better than those losers!"

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What kind of magazine is that?

Here's the website: http://www.fhm.com/ The tag line is "Hot Girls, New & Men's Fashion"

In short it's a "lads mag"n though a higher end one.

In my opinion asexuality would never be portrayed in a positive light in this kind of magazine.

Don't forget that Foreplay, an actual porn mag, published a very reasonable piece on the subject. If Foreplay can I don't see why FHM can't.

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Don't forget that Foreplay, an actual porn mag, published a very reasonable piece on the subject. If Foreplay can I don't see why FHM can't.

Haha, I was waiting for you to bring that up :P In my defense I the interview I did for Helen Croydon was for the Times, and I wasn't told until after the interview that it was gonna be used in Foreplay too. And yeah, it was a really good article, more or less exactly the same as the Times but with more of a personal twist on it :) (I actually preferred it to the Times!)

It's just something about the whole "lads mag" genre that puts me on edge when it comes to visibility (and some of the woman's mags if I'm honest)

Guess what i'm saying is "be cautious" - not only with FHM, but with any form of media, non-community generated visibility. Research the magazine/etc that want to do a feature on asexuality. When you do an interview you are a spokes person for the asexual community.

If your gut says "no" then you should probably follow that instinct, if it says "yes" then the same applies.

In this case my gut says "no....not that it matters since I'm female :lol:

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Don't forget that Foreplay, an actual porn mag, published a very reasonable piece on the subject. If Foreplay can I don't see why FHM can't.

Haha, I was waiting for you to bring that up :P In my defense I the interview I did for Helen Croydon was for the Times, and I wasn't told until after the interview that it was gonna be used in Foreplay too.

Interesting. When I got involved, it was simply an article for Forum (the old name for Foreplay, and a sister magazine of Penthouse) and only a little while later did the Times take an interest in publishing a version too.

Anyway my point wasn't to question why people did or didn't get involved in that; I'm simply saying that it's quite possible for the unlikeliest of magazines to publish a positive piece on asexuality.

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Don't forget that Foreplay, an actual porn mag, published a very reasonable piece on the subject. If Foreplay can I don't see why FHM can't.

I actually kind of trust porn mags more than mainstream "guy" publications. Porn is actually in the business of offering people real pleasure, and therefore pornographers frequently are a lot more accepting of the idea that pleasure takes different forms for different people. Whereas things like FHM tend to strike me as being more about policing traditional masculinity than exploring its real diversity, and therefore a lot less likely to put a positive spin on anything that questions masculine norms.

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I would be inclined to agree with nleseul.

But, don't let that stop you from lining up to the interviewer :lol:

/sarcasm

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I actually kind of trust porn mags more than mainstream "guy" publications. Porn is actually in the business of offering people real pleasure, and therefore pornographers frequently are a lot more accepting of the idea that pleasure takes different forms for different people. Whereas things like FHM tend to strike me as being more about policing traditional masculinity than exploring its real diversity, and therefore a lot less likely to put a positive spin on anything that questions masculine norms.

I very much share this opinion actually, but didn't know how to put it into words!

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I'm interested in being interviewed, but only after I'm content that reporting will be accurate and sensible and that no detriment will be caused to the community.

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OK well we'll have to see who's right about this! Personally I think you may well be pleasantly surprised. As it happens I have no problem speaking to hostile audiences (if that does indeed turn out to be the case, which I doubt); I think we have a lot more to gain than to lose from this sort of thing. But it's up to each person to decide.

Oh and on another point from earlier...

Hi Rob

all request for interviews, input etc must go through the moderation team.

feel free to contact any of those in red/green or pink at the bottom on the members list

Actually at the moment, no prior permission needs to be obtained for media requests; they can simply be posted in Announcements, as the OP has done. It's only requests for research participants that may need this prior approval, if the proposals mandrewliter has outlined are confirmed. It's possible that, in future, this requirement will be extended to media (and other) requests too, but nothing has been decided about this yet.

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I'm very glad to see people questioning what this will entail before just saying, "Yes!" :cake:

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It would be a refreshing change if we actually put structures in place to future proof asexuality as it expands rather than the traditional method of fighting a fire after it has started

All info requests through the backroom would ensure this is a possibility

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It's good to be a bit skeptical about various media. And if your "gut" tells you to stay away that's probably for the best.

On the other hand, to play devil's advocate a little, V stands for Visibility and E stands for Education so it seems to me there should be some sort of "official" Aven outreach going on, like a pr person or team. We can "preach to the choir" all day long, but if you want to increase visibility and educate people someone has to get out there.

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It's good to be a bit skeptical about various media. And if your "gut" tells you to stay away that's probably for the best.

On the other hand, to play devil's advocate a little, V stands for Visibility and E stands for Education so it seems to me there should be some sort of "official" Aven outreach going on, like a pr person or team. We can "preach to the choir" all day long, but if you want to increase visibility and educate people someone has to get out there.

True, someone/ones need to get out there. I'm just skeptical when someone wants to get "in here" without giving us much information about who they are, why they're doing it, and what they're going to do with it. I'm especially worried about freelance writers who want us to basically give them answers they can use in the articles they try to shop to various magazines. We don't know what they'll do with those answers, or which ones they'll use. We get such weird responses when we try to tell friends about asexuality; having someone we don't know saying stuff we can't review beforehand is dicey.

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Yeah, Sally, I guess that's why it's starting to seem to me that it should be less of a "crap shoot" and more of a deliberate effort on the part of the Asexual Visibility and Education Netowrk. Someone(s) in an official capacity to represent the group, help vet interviewers/writers, help them find willing interviewees, be interviewed themselves, etc. I know David Jay has done some of that sort of thing in the past. Other members have given interviews, and I'm not saying that shouldn't still happen if individuals are willing to do it. But it seems like it would be good if it weren't all on David Jay's shoulders, nor all up to just any person who might be willing but not necessarily informed or not necessarily able to speak for the group. Getting the word out is important. So is being careful. Do we want to leave it up to happenstance?

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Do we want to leave it up to happenstance?

I don't think we should. Prospective researchers or article writers who want answers from AVENites should come through one doorway after being checked out, not just post, often practically anonymously with a list of questions, in the forum.

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I find myself asking..there is shed loads of information and personal stories already within aven..easy to find should you choose

then I also point out that any organisation/group tend to have an organisation to support it and promote growth in a controlled beneficial manner

if we are serious about visability should it not be done..when it comes to media,science...reserach..shouldn't it be done with some thought, control and to our benefit?

I agree not everything should not rest on dj's shoulders and whilst tremendously thankfull he started the site that drew us all together..he has to all intense and purpose left us to run it ourselves and so it should be how we organise as a collective more than run around treating david like a god who will save us..it's good when he pops in and say hi..but beyond that on a day to day basis..this is our site to screw up..or get it right

this control and promotion through media and research is exactly i feel why we have a project team and as such all request should go through them to ensure a consistent and correct projection of aven and of it's asexuals/sexuals/trans etc

positive projection cannot happen if every one is left to thier own devices as it increases the risk of own goals

personally I think it's about time the project team stepped up ..or was allowed to step up..and be the funnel for avens publicity

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this control and promotion through media and research is exactly i feel why we have a project team and as such all request should go through them to ensure a consistent and correct projection of aven and of it's asexuals/sexuals/trans etc

Thanks for the suggestion. There's something else I forgot to mention earlier though. While some requests for media participants get posted directly in Announcements, some journalists instead send an email to info@asexuality.org, which can be found on the front page. This reaches DJ, who then will often pass on the requests to the leader of the media team in the relevant country. (That is, assuming the country has a media team.) The leader of the media team will then (a) pass it onto the team and often (b) encourage the person to make a thread in Announcements (or even make one themselves, with permission of course).

And then, some just post straight to Announcements.

I think as soon as we have got the research rules through, we should start discussing how to extend these to media requests, if at all. I think it's probably right that there should be some vetting process. And yes, the idea that the PT could take on this role has been floated before. I think it's best though to wait till (a) we have the researcher rules confirmed and (b) we have elected the new 5th PT, before we start discussing this matter formally.

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OK I did the interview this morning. I'm happy to confirm that the concerns people had seem to be unfounded in this case (although caution is certainly correct in general). The guy I spoke to seemed quite sympathetic and understanding and I'm sure he'll write up a positive piece.

However it seems he only wanted to talk to one person, so I guess that's that for this article.

As for how my interview went... mmmm it was OK I think, but like with the Foreplay and Times articles, I was not as articulate as I might have been. I think the common pattern is that these were all phone interviews. I don't know why speaking on the phone seems unnatural to me but it does - and it seems harder to find the right words than with an in-person interviewer, in a radio studio or in front of a live audience. Funny that.

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Sometimes the most intelligent are the most socially awkward..still fair play for dealing with it michael

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Thanks for the compliment. I don't mind admitting being introverted. What seems strange though is the way it's much easier for me to do these things in front of someone (whether an interviewer, a radio presenter or an audience) than over the phone. And I don't think I'm unique in this by any means.

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Well done michaeld!

Any idea which issue the article is destined for?

I'm the same as you in preferring to communicate face-to-face rather than over the phone.

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Has any "mainstream" magazine done an article on asexuality?

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Well done michaeld!

Any idea which issue the article is destined for?

Thanks but don't say well done until you've seen the article! I'm just hoping not to have been quoting saying anything too silly.

I don't know which issue to look out for, but I'm being sent a copy when it does come out. I'll let y'all know... :)

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mylittlehazmat

Thanks for the compliment. I don't mind admitting being introverted. What seems strange though is the way it's much easier for me to do these things in front of someone (whether an interviewer, a radio presenter or an audience) than over the phone. And I don't think I'm unique in this by any means.

Well, you know how people are constantly prattling on about how this is the internet, we can't hear tone of voice or look at body language, so we're only working with 15% of our total communicative skills - same for the phone, I'm afraid, except you get the little morsel of tone of voice to guide you. Personally, I think phone is the worst way to communicate with someone, it's in between the full flexibility of face to face communication and yet not quite like written text where you can take more time to build your sentences. Even as an introvert, you're still human, and you still benefit from being face to face with someone. Indeed, my cousin and cousin in law both have this disorder that prevents them from reading body language, so when talking to people, they're on the phone all the time. Sucky.

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