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Sometimes young people give me the faeces


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Ged of Earthsea

The most depressing realization I've had in life was that adults do not, in fact, have all the answers. As a young kid, I really thought they did. As an adult, and the older I get, the more I realize that adults don't have many answers at all. I really thought my parents knew it all and were superhuman when I was young, and my grandparents even moreso.

It's not depressing at all! I think it's a great leveller. All adults are equal in that way. Also, if there is no answer, there is no right and wrong answer, just lack of imagination usually. So you can find your own way. The deification of my grandparents never stopped for me. It's funny because I'm acutely aware that my parents and their siblings don't view the grandparents that way.

I should think constipation WOULD be annoying. :P

Diarrhoea's worse. Or maybe that's just perception. I'm more a holding back than a letting go person. :P

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I'm 14, and I feel like I'm a kid in a teenager's body. No wait, I take that back. I don't have a teenage body, I don't have curves, I look like a dork, and I don't even like either gender, and that completely sucks. Because I'm not entirely sure I'm asexual, but if I am I'm ruining my life. On top of that, I've never done anything on my own, and I have some twisted form of autism or something and I can't even talk to most people I meet. My parents do everything for me, and they are overprotective. I don't have any friends. Look, I'm not saying my life all sucks, but I feel too mentally immature to be my age. :(

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Gho St Ory Qwan

I never thought adults knew everything. I thought they knew less than they liked to admit. And I stand by that. However such thoughts didn't make me have less respect for them. I suppose part of that was due to being above average intellectually. I'd ask them questions about things and they'd try to answer and I'd know why their answer was wrong and had to explain that to them before trying to figure out with them what the answer might be, then when we came to a conclusion, it was sometimes the correct one. I also noticed they'd forget my intellect because I was a kid, and small and thin for my age, so they'd be very stuck on appearances, which doesn't do their memory or general intellect justice. I just assumed they were smart or average, although that translates as not extremely good anyway. For example, if I get an above average grade, I'm disappointed in myself. I always expect perfect grades or near the top. of course I don't really often get grades to satisfy that lmao so I consider myself of only intelligent, everyone else is too.

The way I see it, everyone is smarter than yourself in one or two aspects just as you are they. So everyone could be equal. There's little point figuring out who's smarter than who, if you all work together you can survive much better than alone.

With regards to idea of right and wrong, which was probably more indirectly mentioned, I feel life has no set right or wrong. The whole concept of reality is completely subjective. you could wake up now, in that moment, all of this may become something separated from reality in your perception. The law of gravity here, could not exist when you wake up. These things are constantly on my mind. As far as I see if, every experience is reality, and as every experience is individual and subjective, so is reality. The reality is yours alone and thus the right and wrong for you is not going to be the same as it is for others.

How do you like my 'psychotic tangent'? lmao ^_^

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I thought adults knew it all when I was 5 or 6, because they acted like they did. The depressing part was realizing they didn't, because that meant I would never have all the answers either, and also because many people I feel should know a lot are dumbasses. It's more that I am very logical and calm, and I see most people as irrational, emotional, and unable to be reasoned with at all, and I find that immensely frustrating.

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I thought adults knew it all when I was 5 or 6, because they acted like they did. The depressing part was realizing they didn't, because that meant I would never have all the answers either, and also because many people I feel should know a lot are dumbasses. It's more that I am very logical and calm, and I see most people as irrational, emotional, and unable to be reasoned with at all, and I find that immensely frustrating.

You sound like me 5 years ago. Later on I've adopted a "business as usual" kind of approach. It has really freed me from getting too badly frustrated :)

It's only normal and expected that people can't be reasoned in a logical way. They aren't computers or drones, no matter how much you'd want them to be.

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I'm 14, and I feel like I'm a kid in a teenager's body. No wait, I take that back. I don't have a teenage body, I don't have curves, I look like a dork, and I don't even like either gender, and that completely sucks. Because I'm not entirely sure I'm asexual, but if I am I'm ruining my life. On top of that, I've never done anything on my own, and I have some twisted form of autism or something and I can't even talk to most people I meet. My parents do everything for me, and they are overprotective. I don't have any friends. Look, I'm not saying my life all sucks, but I feel too mentally immature to be my age. :(

If your parents are over protective, it's likely they're teaching you that the world is a scary place to stay away from, rather than teaching you social skills so that you can protect yourself and feel safe. I'm sure you're not autistic, just untaught.

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I never thought adults knew everything. I thought they knew less than they liked to admit. And I stand by that. However such thoughts didn't make me have less respect for them. I suppose part of that was due to being above average intellectually. I'd ask them questions about things and they'd try to answer and I'd know why their answer was wrong and had to explain that to them before trying to figure out with them what the answer might be, then when we came to a conclusion, it was sometimes the correct one. I also noticed they'd forget my intellect because I was a kid, and small and thin for my age, so they'd be very stuck on appearances, which doesn't do their memory or general intellect justice. I just assumed they were smart or average, although that translates as not extremely good anyway. For example, if I get an above average grade, I'm disappointed in myself. I always expect perfect grades or near the top. of course I don't really often get grades to satisfy that lmao so I consider myself of only intelligent, everyone else is too.

The way I see it, everyone is smarter than yourself in one or two aspects just as you are they. So everyone could be equal. There's little point figuring out who's smarter than who, if you all work together you can survive much better than alone.

With regards to idea of right and wrong, which was probably more indirectly mentioned, I feel life has no set right or wrong. The whole concept of reality is completely subjective. you could wake up now, in that moment, all of this may become something separated from reality in your perception. The law of gravity here, could not exist when you wake up. These things are constantly on my mind. As far as I see if, every experience is reality, and as every experience is individual and subjective, so is reality. The reality is yours alone and thus the right and wrong for you is not going to be the same as it is for others.

How do you like my 'psychotic tangent'? lmao ^_^

I totally agree with you. But i'm jealous that you knew about adults not knowing stuff when you were young. I never questioned what they told me - but that's probably because my dad always told me i was stupid and a whole bunch of other crap. My family (extended aswell) are paranoids. Questions were usually met with "why would you want to know that?" or "read a book." It always felt like I was surrounded by insane people, and that made me question my own sanity. Now I'm grown up and am allowed to associate with anybody I want, I can see that they have social problems and personal issues they're not dealing with.

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I thought adults knew it all when I was 5 or 6, because they acted like they did. The depressing part was realizing they didn't, because that meant I would never have all the answers either, and also because many people I feel should know a lot are dumbasses. It's more that I am very logical and calm, and I see most people as irrational, emotional, and unable to be reasoned with at all, and I find that immensely frustrating.

You sound like me 5 years ago. Later on I've adopted a "business as usual" kind of approach. It has really freed me from getting too badly frustrated :)

It's only normal and expected that people can't be reasoned in a logical way. They aren't computers or drones, no matter how much you'd want them to be.

What frustrates me is observing that people around me spend a lot of their energy on enforcing power relations rather than keeping an objective eye on who they are and who everybody else is. In my family, 'the family' is more important than the individuals in it. You can't reason with them at all because they have invested emotionally in the continuance of 'the family' no matter what it costs the individuals. Consequently they are very unhappy people who resent anybody doing well for themselves.

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In my family, 'the family' is more important than the individuals in it. You can't reason with them at all because they have invested emotionally in the continuance of 'the family' no matter what it costs the individuals. Consequently they are very unhappy people who resent anybody doing well for themselves.

Some families are tribes. Others are random collections of individuals who really don't relate to each other. I wish my family had been a tribe. It's hard to rebel against a random collection. Instead, you just kind of drift away from them and they don't even notice.

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In my family, 'the family' is more important than the individuals in it. You can't reason with them at all because they have invested emotionally in the continuance of 'the family' no matter what it costs the individuals. Consequently they are very unhappy people who resent anybody doing well for themselves.

Some families are tribes. Others are random collections of individuals who really don't relate to each other. I wish my family had been a tribe. It's hard to rebel against a random collection. Instead, you just kind of drift away from them and they don't even notice.

I think my mums family is like that which might account for her clinging to a cultish religion now. However I must say I didn't find it easy to rebel against our 'tribe' (good word btw) because the consequence of rebellion is not punishment or anything engaging. They just withdraw all support and shun you. I guess disjointed families are like that all the time.

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In my family, 'the family' is more important than the individuals in it. You can't reason with them at all because they have invested emotionally in the continuance of 'the family' no matter what it costs the individuals. Consequently they are very unhappy people who resent anybody doing well for themselves.

Some families are tribes. Others are random collections of individuals who really don't relate to each other. I wish my family had been a tribe. It's hard to rebel against a random collection. Instead, you just kind of drift away from them and they don't even notice.

I think my mums family is like that which might account for her clinging to a cultish religion now. However I must say I didn't find it easy to rebel against our 'tribe' (good word btw) because the consequence of rebellion is not punishment or anything engaging. They just withdraw all support and shun you. I guess disjointed families are like that all the time.

Unless you are dependent on your family's support, them shunning you probably won't mean anything to you, or does it?

My own family is an example of a disjointed one. I have not received any material or immaterial support from them since becoming of age and I've done fine on my own. Then again, being independent in every respect has always been important to me, so I wouldn't have accepted any support from them even if it had been offered.

Of course, some people value family integrity more than others.

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In my family, 'the family' is more important than the individuals in it. You can't reason with them at all because they have invested emotionally in the continuance of 'the family' no matter what it costs the individuals. Consequently they are very unhappy people who resent anybody doing well for themselves.

Some families are tribes. Others are random collections of individuals who really don't relate to each other. I wish my family had been a tribe. It's hard to rebel against a random collection. Instead, you just kind of drift away from them and they don't even notice.

I think my mums family is like that which might account for her clinging to a cultish religion now. However I must say I didn't find it easy to rebel against our 'tribe' (good word btw) because the consequence of rebellion is not punishment or anything engaging. They just withdraw all support and shun you. I guess disjointed families are like that all the time.

Unless you are dependent on your family's support, them shunning you probably won't mean anything to you, or does it?

My own family is an example of a disjointed one. I have not received any material or immaterial support from them since becoming of age and I've done fine on my own. Then again, being independent in every respect has always been important to me, so I wouldn't have accepted any support from them even if it had been offered.

Of course, some people value family integrity more than others.

Maybe my personality makes it more painful for me but even in childhood they had that policy, and it terrified me being frozen out by people I depended on. Sometimes if I was in their bad books they just didn't feed me - and I don't think it was malicious, they just forgot because they'd put me out of their mind. Things always seem worse to a child so I know my memories are probably worse than reality.

Which kind of swings back to the topic and reminds me to not be too hard on young people. Samael, I know you say it doesn't bother you to have a disjointed family but my soft heart hurts for you and for anyone who feels ignored by their family (hugs)

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Oh, there's no need to feel hurt. Not everyone wants to have an integral role in a family - given the choice some will choose differently.

To generalize or to illustrate via stereotypes, there are family-people and there are lonewolves. In a way, they are polar opposites of each other who require very different settings to feel content.

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I'm glad that's the case. I never wanted to be a lone wolf but circumstances forced it so I assumed others would feel the burning pain I've had at times. It's such a distressing feeling, like your skin is being torn off slowly and you can't stop it. Sometimes life really sucks but I'm glad there are always new friends to be made :)

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I don't know much about family life, but if you wish to experience it, could you not simply start a family of your own? Such would be a monumental undertaking in every respect, but I get the picture that you want to feel being part of a family, and that you are being deprived for not experiencing that.

I understood you might have complicated relations to your own family, but isn't that a separate matter? What kind of circumstances would prevent you from starting a new family unit?

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lizziegoneastray

I'm one of those who complain of life being over and I'm rather young.

Most of the careers I've dreamed about and still dream about you have to start young ( mostly entertainment sector jobs ).

I'll go with my dream timeline here:

I wanted to be an dancer ( at ballet or Indian classical ). My parents didn't agree to this and you have to start at least at 10 . The dance schools here don't take you if you are mid teens.

I then decided I wanted to be a vocalist. Again no agreement from the " authorities " so no training for me hence I had to drop this. Every singer I know ( minus Susan Boyle ) started young.

I wanted to go as a canidate for this country in Miss Universe. There is a age limit here , plus I have weight issues in which I have no support from family nor enough money to a point I won't make the limit.

Why I feel old ? Because there are people younger than me who have already made it big in those fields I wanted ex. Lee Taemin , Miley Cyrus etc whereas here I am with no motivation studying Accounting just to get my mother to shut up & it hurts. My parents are controlling so there is no way out for me atm Everything I want in life is evaporating so my choices are becoming less and less that's why I relegated myself to the languages field. I don't care who gets annoyed it's just how I feel.

Okay first and foremost, Miley Cyrus is a *terrible* singer. Seriously, she's bad. Terrible tone quality, and just... ugh.

Secondly, believe it or not, you really don't have to start at age 5 to become a singer. There are people who make it big with no vocal training -- like, for instance, Chris Colfer, who never had any training beyond what he picked up along the way in community theater, and now has a big singing role on the show Glee. It really does take all sorts, and it's never too late to start learning. You'll never know if you have what it takes until you try.

Right, so that's my input there. 'Fraid I don't have much to add to the original topic, though.

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I don't know much about family life, but if you wish to experience it, could you not simply start a family of your own? Such would be a monumental undertaking in every respect, but I get the picture that you want to feel being part of a family, and that you are being deprived for not experiencing that.

I understood you might have complicated relations to your own family, but isn't that a separate matter? What kind of circumstances would prevent you from starting a new family unit?

I love how practical you are Samael :cake:

The thing is, I miss being a daughter, a neice, a cousin. I have no real desire to be a mother at this time, but I would like to be a wife. Many families have different relationship roles and they are scripted differently in each family too. Sometimes they're blurred. In my immediate family, I played sister to both my mum and dad. I had no relationship with my actual brother - I only got to know him later. My sister played mother to both my parents.

I've always wanted to experience healthy family life, people playing their proper roles. To start a new family unit I can be a wife and a mother, but I'll never be a daughter, ever. I just have to get over that and be grateful that just recently one of my aunts has been making an effort to connect with me again.

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Ged of Earthsea

I don't know much about family life, but if you wish to experience it, could you not simply start a family of your own? Such would be a monumental undertaking in every respect, but I get the picture that you want to feel being part of a family, and that you are being deprived for not experiencing that.

I understood you might have complicated relations to your own family, but isn't that a separate matter? What kind of circumstances would prevent you from starting a new family unit?

I love how practical you are Samael :cake:

I think there are very different approaches to starting a family. For some it is a monumental undertaking, but others do it automatically almost. There are social factors here, but even across cultures, there are people who take to and excel at it naturally.

Little extreme anecdote about practical family planning. Judith Polgar is a top chess player: grandmaster at 15-something, one of only 70 odd people to beat Gary Kasparov, number 1 female player, etc. Her father's thesis was that geniuses are made and not born. He also very strongly believed in equality of sexes. He wrote a book expounding his philosophy and asked if anyone was interested in trying an experiment to raise genius children. They had three children, all home schooled. Two became grandmasters and held top positions in the women's game and one is an international master. Some children don't deal well with such experiences but the Polgar girls seem well adjusted.

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GhostsInThisMachine

I try not to complain about this stuff, because practically everybody I know is older than me and probably sees me as one of those 'whiny young people'.

I suppose it's not so much "my life is over at age 21" more like "my life has been shit so far, if this is what it's going to be like the rest of the time (and almost certainly for a while longer it will be like this) then effectively my life is over because I don't want to live it any more".

But I do feel old. I've seen too much, experienced too much, to feel young.

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I don't know much about family life, but if you wish to experience it, could you not simply start a family of your own? Such would be a monumental undertaking in every respect, but I get the picture that you want to feel being part of a family, and that you are being deprived for not experiencing that.

I understood you might have complicated relations to your own family, but isn't that a separate matter? What kind of circumstances would prevent you from starting a new family unit?

I love how practical you are Samael :cake:

The thing is, I miss being a daughter, a neice, a cousin. I have no real desire to be a mother at this time, but I would like to be a wife. Many families have different relationship roles and they are scripted differently in each family too. Sometimes they're blurred. In my immediate family, I played sister to both my mum and dad. I had no relationship with my actual brother - I only got to know him later. My sister played mother to both my parents.

I've always wanted to experience healthy family life, people playing their proper roles. To start a new family unit I can be a wife and a mother, but I'll never be a daughter, ever. I just have to get over that and be grateful that just recently one of my aunts has been making an effort to connect with me again.

Oh, I see. I got the idea of starting a new family unit from my own model. Then again, my immediate family (father, mother and sister) has had a loose affiliation with the rest of the family tree. A state of disconnection has always affected in the background of my family. Our immediate family actually broke up over a decade ago then, so there has been nothing left for a long time now and we all leave in different countries by now. I was the last to move out from the country where I was born as I moved to Switzerland, some 2000 kilometers South from Finland, about a month ago.

Thank you for seeing the practicality of it, but on second thought, sratch it. If you are of the "family" type, it's probably better for you to try to strenghten your bonds with your existing family rather than divert your energy into starting a new one. Time will tell what will happen :)

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I'm 24 myself, and so are all of my closest friends. (We grew up in the same grade at school) We do not believe that our lives are over, but we do feel that when we turn 25 this year, and almost all of us would have completed our schooling, and whomever did not move out would have to, and we would pretty much all have to find jobs, definitely feel not that our lives are over, but the easier and more fun part is -in our opinion. Most of us really are adverse to having structured jobs and obligations. We are all in pseudo-crisis mode discovering our callings in life. I'm starting to fear coming age as I know the years will fly.

I do have to say it was so strange to me to start putting a "2" in front of my age. Half my life I was preteen or "___teen" and then one day... "I'm TWENTY" had an impact. Being 19 and looking at 10 may cause a 19 year old to feel older, but being 21 looking at 19 feels like 19 looking at 10, and imagine now, what being 25 is, looking at 21? The changes that can happen in those few years are immense. I feel like I'm 15% of what I was pre-19. My fear now is not that life is over, that I will run out of things to do. I have learned languages, met many people, held jobs, been all over the country and the world, spent time in the military, been to college, and experienced romance, and I don't want a conventional career. I'm scared that if I continue at my pace, and accomplish more goals, through the 20s I'd exasperate most of what people do in their lives- and feel really old at 30. But who knows what will happen?

What makes those younger than me give me the feces is their generation. Oh yeah, the generation vs. generation talk. I am still very young in comparison to those whom are 30s, 40s+, but because technology is advancing exponentially, I feel the generations are getting smaller. I remember beepers, pay phones, walkmans, casette tapes, 386 computers, DOS, floppy disk, cable having 90 channels, super NES, Captain Planet, little league, boy scouts, playing outside... and I am sure you all remember things even before all of that.... and those born 1993 and are 18 this year, I feel are soooo different from myself and my friends. Looking at them, and those whom are older than me - we may all end up in the same workspace. I dunno what will happen, but I hope all will be good.

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Oh, I see. I got the idea of starting a new family unit from my own model. Then again, my immediate family (father, mother and sister) has had a loose affiliation with the rest of the family tree. A state of disconnection has always affected in the background of my family. Our immediate family actually broke up over a decade ago then, so there has been nothing left for a long time now and we all leave in different countries by now. I was the last to move out from the country where I was born as I moved to Switzerland, some 2000 kilometers South from Finland, about a month ago.

Thank you for seeing the practicality of it, but on second thought, sratch it. If you are of the "family" type, it's probably better for you to try to strenghten your bonds with your existing family rather than divert your energy into starting a new one. Time will tell what will happen :)

I hope you're enjoying Switzerland :)

I know that getting back in touch with my aunt is good for me since she can see the problems of my immediate family and verify that I'm not crazy. I have trouble communicating so I apologize if my posts are confusing. I've spent so many years talking to myself that I forget to consider what my words sound like to other people. :blush:

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I don't know much about family life, but if you wish to experience it, could you not simply start a family of your own? Such would be a monumental undertaking in every respect, but I get the picture that you want to feel being part of a family, and that you are being deprived for not experiencing that.

I understood you might have complicated relations to your own family, but isn't that a separate matter? What kind of circumstances would prevent you from starting a new family unit?

I love how practical you are Samael :cake:

I think there are very different approaches to starting a family. For some it is a monumental undertaking, but others do it automatically almost. There are social factors here, but even across cultures, there are people who take to and excel at it naturally.

True. For me it would indeed be monumental, because I excel on my own, and I'm not yet ready to give that up, especially if I don't have to. Even though I have no desire to start a family or to be a part of one, I very much respect the people for whom starting a family is so natural and goes without saying. From my perspective, they have a unique ability to form strong bonds, and especially emotional bonds that are required to closely bind the family together.

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I don't know much about family life, but if you wish to experience it, could you not simply start a family of your own? Such would be a monumental undertaking in every respect, but I get the picture that you want to feel being part of a family, and that you are being deprived for not experiencing that.

I understood you might have complicated relations to your own family, but isn't that a separate matter? What kind of circumstances would prevent you from starting a new family unit?

I love how practical you are Samael :cake:

I think there are very different approaches to starting a family. For some it is a monumental undertaking, but others do it automatically almost. There are social factors here, but even across cultures, there are people who take to and excel at it naturally.

True. For me it would indeed be monumental, because I excel on my own, and I'm not yet ready to give that up, especially if I don't have to. Even though I have no desire to start a family or to be a part of one, I very much respect the people for whom starting a family is so natural and goes without saying. From my perspective, they have a unique ability to form strong bonds, and especially emotional bonds that are required to closely bind the family together.

You know, I don't think it comes naturally in the sense of it being an inate genetic capacity. I think people learn from what they are exposed to. If you've been exposed to healthy bonding somewhere, either in immediate family or with the family of close friends, you learn what it looks like and you get acclimatised to it. Then it's no big deal to do the same. I'm still working on this myself because it's important to me. Samael, if you ever do decide you want a family, I think your present independence will be a huge advantage to you finding a partner. Self-sufficient people are good marriage material :)

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Ged of Earthsea

I think there are very different approaches to starting a family. For some it is a monumental undertaking, but others do it automatically almost. There are social factors here, but even across cultures, there are people who take to and excel at it naturally.

True. For me it would indeed be monumental, because I excel on my own, and I'm not yet ready to give that up, especially if I don't have to. Even though I have no desire to start a family or to be a part of one, I very much respect the people for whom starting a family is so natural and goes without saying. From my perspective, they have a unique ability to form strong bonds, and especially emotional bonds that are required to closely bind the family together.

You know, I don't think it comes naturally in the sense of it being an inate genetic capacity. I think people learn from what they are exposed to. If you've been exposed to healthy bonding somewhere, either in immediate family or with the family of close friends, you learn what it looks like and you get acclimatised to it. Then it's no big deal to do the same. I'm still working on this myself because it's important to me. Samael, if you ever do decide you want a family, I think your present independence will be a huge advantage to you finding a partner. Self-sufficient people are good marriage material :)

Sure, I wasn't referring to genetics either, but you weren't saying I was either. :) Some people manage their time very well or socialise easily. There is a nature-nurture combination at work under the hood. I meant it in that sense. I think that good marriage material is subjective too. I have seen couples in emotionally intensive and dependent relationships. I cannot understand or empathise but it works for some. There are those scary couples who thrive on tantrum and melodrama which neither my heart nor my brain can cope with. Then there's those people who like to discuss marriage on AVEN. <_<

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I think there are very different approaches to starting a family. For some it is a monumental undertaking, but others do it automatically almost. There are social factors here, but even across cultures, there are people who take to and excel at it naturally.

True. For me it would indeed be monumental, because I excel on my own, and I'm not yet ready to give that up, especially if I don't have to. Even though I have no desire to start a family or to be a part of one, I very much respect the people for whom starting a family is so natural and goes without saying. From my perspective, they have a unique ability to form strong bonds, and especially emotional bonds that are required to closely bind the family together.

You know, I don't think it comes naturally in the sense of it being an inate genetic capacity. I think people learn from what they are exposed to. If you've been exposed to healthy bonding somewhere, either in immediate family or with the family of close friends, you learn what it looks like and you get acclimatised to it. Then it's no big deal to do the same. I'm still working on this myself because it's important to me. Samael, if you ever do decide you want a family, I think your present independence will be a huge advantage to you finding a partner. Self-sufficient people are good marriage material :)

Sure, I wasn't referring to genetics either, but you weren't saying I was either. :) Some people manage their time very well or socialise easily. There is a nature-nurture combination at work under the hood. I meant it in that sense. I think that good marriage material is subjective too. I have seen couples in emotionally intensive and dependent relationships. I cannot understand or empathise but it works for some. There are those scary couples who thrive on tantrum and melodrama which neither my heart nor my brain can cope with. Then there's those people who like to discuss marriage on AVEN. <_<

Right you are, Ged. In this context, I believe there are yet again two stereotypes at play here. So, it should be recognized that there are the "emotionally vivid" people, and the "emotionally cool" variants. Try to mix two conflicting types together and it's no wonder that a union might not work out. Merge people of the same orientation and the chances might be increased.

In theory, anyway. Can "good marriage material" be defined as some specific qualities, like independence or emotional intensity? In this light, the answer would be no.

Thank you for the compliment, though, Averillo. :cake:

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Ged of Earthsea

In theory, anyway. Can "good marriage material" be defined as some specific qualities, like independence or emotional intensity? In this light, the answer would be no.

We were on holiday somewhere as a student group when the topic of ideal partner material came up. There was the big chest, nice butt crowd and the sense of humour, be into music, etc crowd. Someone even said they want someone who will be able to carry them over the doorstep after the marriage because that was their dream. And I made a small scene by claiming I would judge a partner by the underwear they wore. Can good marriage material be determined by underwear? You don't choose your eyes, nose or voice, but some people definitely choose their own underwear.

How to find the idea mate based on appropriate underwear characteristics remains an open problem. "Pardon my asking, but are you adorned with blue cotton underpanties chequered with dining koalas" doesn't sound very promising.

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If the underwear is at least clean, you'll know you won't have to wash the person's clothes. On the other hand, they might be impossibly obsessive about cleanliness which could be worse.

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I'm afraid I didn't make myself clear. I'm not talking about 'an ideal partner' because that is subjective. I'm talking about having relationship skills. If a person can take care of themselves, they at least have a chance of being able to contribute meaningfully to a partnership. You wouldn't go into business with someone who couldn't manage their own financial affairs for example. Not unless you get your self-worth from carrying other peoples responsibilities (as I'm afraid some people do).

And you're welcome Samael :cake:

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