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Asexuality Articles in Good Vibrations


swankivy

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So I've been tapped to write some articles about asexuality for Good Vibrations magazine. Yay for visibility.

Here's my first one:

Asexuality is Not Antisexuality: Sex Positivity in a Negative World

I'm pleased with this not only because I get to help contribute to awareness through this venue while targeting one of the groups that MOST needs to hear from us, but also because it is my first writing job that involves compensation, so hooray for being able to say I'm a published author. Yaaaaaaay swankivy.

I'll write on a series of subjects for the magazine; got a few more lined up.

Enjoy!

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JJButterworth

That's Nails :cake::cake: . I could not say it better myself. What you said in that artical are exactly my thought on sex, especially the we don't want to be seen as better than you bit.

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InkedElephant

excellent point about R-rated movies, violence and sex.

and also about the 'dirty' language we use for sex because of the 'we're-not-supposed-to-like-sex' attitude.

very interesting from a psychological view, too.

overall, bravo!

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As aforementioned, nicely done Swan! Nicely done indeed! :cake: I think it is very appropriate for the projected audience in furthering positive understanding and awareness!

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Congratulations Swankivy! :cake:

On the topic of the article, I think that it is worth mentioning that while there is something of a sex-negative attitude in the world, I do not think that this can neccessarily be taken at face value, and there are at least aspects of pragmatism behind this. People will always gravitate towards the 'taboo' elements of society. This idea that they're perhaps doing something that they shouldn't be doing adds to the excitement for sexual people, or so I would imagine. It is in many ways a positive part of the sexual culture, rooted in fact in sex-positivity, and for my part I am inclined to let them have their fun in what manner they desire.

That said, it is a problem if it leads to discrimination against those who do not desire sex. However, I am not convinced that this stems entirely from the sex-negative attitude so much as it does from the so often demonstrated tendency of people to utterly fail to look beyond their own personal experiences (especially with newly emerging groups), which is in no way limited to peoples' views on asexuality and usually dies down once a group becomes better known and more visible.

Or, of course, everything I wrote above could be completely incorrect. I am far from an expert on Human nature, particularly with regard to sexuality.

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I think that it is worth mentioning that while there is something of a sex-negative attitude in the world, I do not think that this can neccessarily be taken at face value, and there are at least aspects of pragmatism behind this.

Oh no, I understand where you're coming from. But even as one "owns" these "bad" things by making them their own and even as one enjoys the deliciousness of doing what one shouldn't, the fact remains that "you shouldn't be doing this" IS attached to sex for some reason, and if it's as wonderful and celebratory and healthy as they keep saying, why should it be attached to "forbidden" desires in the first place?

That said, it is a problem if it leads to discrimination against those who do not desire sex.

After submitting this article, I very nearly went back in and edited it to add something to this very effect (but I withheld my thoughts because I tend to get wordy and there was a word count limit suggested to me). I wanted to go into the opposite "stigma" that affects people who aren't interested in sex (e.g., we're losers, we "can't get any," we're pathetic, we fail at being human because we aren't procreating, etc.). It's interesting that we could have that dichotomy--we have a very damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't view of sex. But the thing is, people generally choose "damned-if-you-do" and, you know, go ahead and do. When they find people who aren't falling in with that, they have to come up with something to tell us we aren't any better than they are and try to convince us that we are damned too, even if we weren't trying to claim any superiority whatsoever.

However, I am not convinced that this stems entirely from the sex-negative attitude, so much as it does from the so often demonstrated tendency of people to utterly fail to look beyond their own personal experiences (especially with newly emerging groups)

Oh, I am in agreement on this too, because there IS no "one cause" really for this attitude. Ultimately, before there were Puritans and religion and guilt itself, people were judged as being successful largely because they could mate. We lack one of the major impulses that makes people mate. So that shock of "OMG, you're a failure" and "OMG, that is unnatural" is there too when they try to think of us. But when it comes out of their mouths as one of the many flavors of "you think you're better than me?" you can see it's the guilt talking. I thought it was the most important aspect of so-called sex positivity that is really sex-negativity for me to point out in an article geared toward VERY sexual people who don't understand that some of their attempts to uplift and celebrate sex are actually sex-negative.

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So I've been tapped to write some articles about asexuality for Good Vibrations magazine. Yay for visibility.

Here's my first one:

Asexuality is Not Antisexuality: Sex Positivity in a Negative World

I'm pleased with this not only because I get to help contribute to awareness through this venue while targeting one of the groups that MOST needs to hear from us, but also because it is my first writing job that involves compensation, so hooray for being able to say I'm a published author. Yaaaaaaay swankivy.

I'll write on a series of subjects for the magazine; got a few more lined up.

Enjoy!

Dang. I can't read it at work. It has been deemed to be of "adult" content. Probably the appearance of sex and good vibrations in the URL triggered the filters. Although I confess I did read it at home. I just wanted to reread it. Great job. I left a short and sweet comment on the article. Very cool that you got paid for it!

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Excellent article! I'll be of to read the other article in abit.

One thing I wanted to say about virginity being seen as a virtue, that's not as true for guys. Male virgins are more often seen not as virtuous, but rather pretty pathetic.

Anyway, keep up the great work! :D

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One thing I wanted to say about virginity being seen as a virtue, that's not as true for guys. Male virgins are more often seen not as virtuous, but rather pretty pathetic.

That's true, though it's not just male virgins--older female virgins are subjected to it too. (Being chaste is only admirable until you're maybe about thirty, I guess--then you must be a bag nobody wanted, or a future cat lady.) I had planned to go into it in the first article, how there is a stigma for people who DON'T get laid being viewed as "CAN'T get laid" and therefore pathetic, but because I had a word count limit and because it would read like more of a digression to my main point, I didn't go off on that tangent at that time. :)

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You're quite right. :)

Looking forward to more articles (now you've got me reading a sex magazine! :lol:)

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Nice articles.

I have to say I'm disappointed, though -- just a few days after they published your latest entry, they published one that included a line about how adult relationships just have to include sex. I realize they may not want to take a heavy hand with their authors. Still, if the editor(s) genuinely want to make the sex positive movement -- or at least their blog -- more inclusive of asexuals, this isn't the way to do it. Being welcoming towards aces (or any group) means being welcoming all the time, not just when you're wearing your "okay, let's talk about asexuality now" hat.

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Very intersting read. I've been thinking about the cover-up language, too. I belive that language is a great indicator of our relation to the subject - how can we develop a healthy view on sex if we can't even discuss it in a neutral way?

Anyways, talking about people's reaction to asexuality I must point out (as some already did) that it's not always viewed as being "something better". I think that might be mostly a cultural difference. Just as in my country we don't have censorship of the movies being virgin is viewed as quite embarassing after you are 17 or something. And I find that difference in perception very interesting.

Once again, good work! :cake:

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I'm disappointed, though -- just a few days after they published your latest entry, they published one that included a line about how adult relationships just have to include sex. . . . Being welcoming towards aces (or any group) means being welcoming all the time, not just when you're wearing your "okay, let's talk about asexuality now" hat.

Can you tell me which article that is? I'm going to assume that the same editor who is handling my articles isn't involved with this one, but I'd like to see it out of curiosity and see what spin they put on it. It's absolutely true that writers shouldn't be sensitive toward asexuals' perspectives only when and if they're writing articles directly about them. There isn't a partitioned place where on the other side of the barrier it's okay to be sexist, racist, or homophobic in that magazine, so I don't see where ideas that are dismissive to asexuals should be given a platform.

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Can you tell me which article that is? I'm going to assume that the same editor who is handling my articles isn't involved with this one, but I'd like to see it out of curiosity and see what spin they put on it.

It's Too Much Sex Ruining Your Sex Drive?, and the quote in question is:

That’s where you get trouble in your relationships because, let’s face it, you can’t have an adult relationship with no sex. It has to exist somewhere. You can still love without it, but you can’t have a marriage there. See what I mean?

I don't how many editors they have or what their editorial policy is, but it bugged me to see this published only a couple days after your entry about asexual relationships.

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I don't how many editors they have or what their editorial policy is, but it bugged me to see this published only a couple days after your entry about asexual relationships.

Barf. Well, it doesn't seem to be in any of the columns affiliated with the person who's in charge of my articles, and I'm sure in a magazine like this there are instances in which one hand doesn't know what the other's doing, but I'll be sure to mention it to the editor next time I talk to him and ask him what he thinks. He's very big on sex positivity and I think he'd see this for what it is.

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A bit disappointing to see only other aces commenting, though.

Well, have hope! The person who asked me to write these is not asexual, and he asked for my voice because he felt it'd be wrong to cover our important issues himself since he didn't want to speak for us. Some of them "get it."

Here is Dr. Charlie Glickman's article in the same magazine; he is the editor who hired me for this series.

http://magazine.goodvibes.com/2011/01/18/sex-positivity-and-asexuality-bringing-them-together/

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I don't how many editors they have or what their editorial policy is, but it bugged me to see this published only a couple days after your entry about asexual relationships.

Guess what? I mentioned it to the editor and he edited the article to remove the "sweeping statement"! It now says something about how the author herself doesn't want to have a marriage without sex rather than saying "let's face it, you can't," etc. I don't know if he just edited it and didn't say anything to the author, but I hope he passed on some notification and explanation of why this is pretty inappropriate, so hopefully she'll understand that it's poor manners (not to mention incorrect) to suggest that someone's relationship can't be "adult" or "a marriage" without sex.

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