shaking uncontrollably when things got very intimate?

[InkedElephant]

hello, aven. first off, thank you for providing me with a study break from finals. i greatly appreciate it.

second, i just want to know if this has ever happened to any other asexuals. the one time things got heavy between me and my girlfriend (now ex, thank god. that dipshit.), i started to shake so badly that we had to stop. i've never shook this much before (except when i'm borderline freezing). i was not cold, i was not afraid; i think it was my body reacting against what we were doing? i don't know how to explain it.

now i use this experience as a reason (besides plain not wanting to) to not do any hot and heavy things.

anyways, i just wanted to know if this has happened to anyone else. is this an ace thing?

[Shinnok]

I have a feeling this is going to happen to me someday but not because of being cold or my body's reaction to what's going on, but rather because I'm so nervous/afraid/ect. I'm trying to think of how I'll deal with it

I'm Demisexual and chances are this is going to happen to me. I wouldn't say it's an Ace thing

[LouLou]

I've gotten those same shakes when I got too close to someone. We started cuddling and suddenly when we did I couldn't stop shaking....badly. It was to the point I began to even feel sick. My first initial thought was that it was cause it was cold but after a moment I realized that it was a pretty warm night.

[Pamcakes]

I actually get physically shaky sometimes when I'm too sexually frustrated; I think it's the physical tension (as in, when I'm overly sexually frustrated I tend to tense up physically), if it goes on too long, causing my muscles to go into spasm from fatigue.

Anyway, if you've examined your thoughts and feeling about the event and you're not emotionally in any way disturbed by it, then I wouldn't worry. It might just be a reaction you happen to have to physical intimacy - not necessarily a bad thing, or a good thing, but just a neutral thing.

A girlfriend of mine apparently briefly faints when she orgasms, and has freaked out quite a few boyfriends (and herself!) that way.

*shrugs*

Bodies are weird.

P.

[Rin]

There was a thread similar so my responce would probably be almost exactly the same, here it is, but the gist is it's normal all things considered when facing a situation you don't want to be in:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/57161-cant-even-do-it-with-alcohol/page__view__findpost__p__1735163

I think whether someone wants to work to stop such a reaction depends totally on the desire to have sex really. It's entirely possible for sexuals also to get such a reaction involuntarily and repeatedly but the difference is they actually want sex and so would be more inclined to work to resolve it. Same with sexuals who have conditions where sex is unsuually painful for them, they're more likely to seek treatment because they want and need sex in their life. Some asexuals might want to work on it because they are indifferent about having sex and have a desire to work on it for their partner. But without the desire to have sex at all in any shape or form, it'd probably be like greasing a car engine to make it run better and smoother whilst the owner is away frollicking in the fields because they don't want to drive.

[two-socks]

I sometimes have that same kind of shakings, but I think it's mainly because of nervousness, as it happens in many other situations too.

[Ged of Earthsea]

the one time things got heavy between me and my girlfriend (now ex, thank god. that dipshit.), i started to shake so badly that we had to stop. i've never shook this much before (except when i'm borderline freezing). i was not cold, i was not afraid; i think it was my body reacting against what we were doing? i don't know how to explain it.

Heya. This has happened to me. I was spending a lot of time with a girl and she started saying things like 'you say you like me but don't act like it.' I explained that I had no idea what to do and while I knew how a movie scene would go in that situation, I couldn't push myself to behave like that. I was extremely relaxed during this conversation. Then, she tried to show me how to kiss and I had the shaking reaction you're describing. I eventually calmed down and we tried kissing a few times over the next few days. I ended up feeling quite strange for an extended period. I was shivering -- in fact my heart rate was super-high and my hands quite cold -- when we were together and eventually my head wasn't very relaxed either.

Those were the symptoms. What did I make of it? I think physical and mental comfort levels are quite different. My body just wasn't ready for physical intimacy yet. This can be confusing if the other person does not feel that way.

[herpaderderderderder]

I shake when I get nervous. I have a hard time even hugging people because I start shaking and want to shove them away at times.

[XjanuaryXmoonX]

i don't believe i've ever had this specific reaction myself, but i'd like to throw in there that a very sexual ex of mine did this the first few times we ever did anything sexual. so i don't really think its an ace thing, i would say it's more of a... nervous thing. or perhaps just a discomfort thing, your body's physical reaction to the stress.

[Kino]

the one time things got heavy between me and my girlfriend (now ex, thank god. that dipshit.), i started to shake so badly that we had to stop. i've never shook this much before (except when i'm borderline freezing). i was not cold, i was not afraid; i think it was my body reacting against what we were doing? i don't know how to explain it.

Heya. This has happened to me. I was spending a lot of time with a girl and she started saying things like 'you say you like me but don't act like it.' I explained that I had no idea what to do and while I knew how a movie scene would go in that situation, I couldn't push myself to behave like that. I was extremely relaxed during this conversation. Then, she tried to show me how to kiss and I had the shaking reaction you're describing. I eventually calmed down and we tried kissing a few times over the next few days. I ended up feeling quite strange for an extended period. I was shivering -- in fact my heart rate was super-high and my hands quite cold -- when we were together and eventually my head wasn't very relaxed either.

Those were the symptoms. What did I make of it? I think physical and mental comfort levels are quite different. My body just wasn't ready for physical intimacy yet. This can be confusing if the other person does not feel that way.

Ditto. Had exactly the same reactions when I decided to test if I was Asexual or not.

The shivering, the stupidly high heart rate and the cold hands all freaked me out. I don't think it's an Asexy thing as such, just a " I am incredibly scared and grossed out by what I am about to do" thing.

[Mahou-Koneko]

I think I can relate to this a little. It wasn't an overly intimate situation though. Instead, it was when someone told me that they liked me. As in were interested in forming a relationship. Thankfully, they didn't say it in person. One time was over the phone, another time was via an Instant Messenger but both times resulted in me shaking terribly, feeling ridiculously cold even though it was warm weather and feeling plain ill. So my reaction sounds a little the same to yours, maybe a little more intense? In anycase I'd say it meant you weren't ready for things just yet.

[Cazz333]

I have had the shakes before. Once, it was when I was dancing with one of my good male friends. We were talking and dancing around the loud rather trippy music and I suddenly froze. Half not there but super aware like I was going to fall on my back but not quite.

I felt really clammy like he had something really wrong and I was too shocked to do something about it. I can't say it was nerves because I wasn't feeling awkwardly self-conscious or particularly bothered about him not liking or liking me. IT happened out of nowhere and went just as quickly.

I am tempted to believe it was some kind of tactile warning that if I got any closer with him it would fail because he had sexual insecurity and some messed up childhood and wasn't ready to confront them for better relationships.

[leeleekitty]

I don't shake, but I get the giggles. Uncontrollable, manic giggles. Kinda embarrassing, but it always turns the guy off so I guess I'm okay with it ;)

[Hollye]

I was pretty relaxed in the beginning of the one 'real' relationship I've ever had. It was like - we're kissing now. And now we're touching each other through clothes. I like being close to this person, so this is cool. This is what boyfriends and girlfriends do, riiiiight? ^_^'

Near the end... things got a little rough. Among many, many other douchy things, he started pressuring me into having sex (we never actually did the literal act itself, thank god) and doing sexual things. He was an EXPERT at manipulation, and he'd slowly convince me that I was taking something from him by not being sexual with him, that I wasn't doing things because my 'disability' was controlling me, and when all of that failed, he would always begin whining like the spoiled brat he was, making me pity him, of all things.

Because of him pressuring me, I started shaking whenever we started getting together, but it wasn't out of fear - I know exactly what you're talking about. Eventually it wasn't even a sexual-actions thing. It was just - you're touching me, and now I'm shaking. You're near me, and now I'm shaking" and stuff like that.

Considering your asexuality, I guess you've probably already figured out that you were pressured into doing sexual things, even if the pressure came from someone other than your girlfriend - the media, outsiders, friends, whatever. The feeling of being pressured into doing something so invasive and personal kind of causes the body to react that way, I think, much more than a person's sexuality.

[Shlomit]

It's very interesting to me to see people comment on the shakes as a physical reaction to fear of sex or being nervous about it. I always thought that it was because of my rape in the past and my associations of rape with sex. That's just my two cents.

[Grenada]

I had this happen when kissing a few years ago. I was laying in bed holding myself up with my elbows and was kissing the last girl I kissed. I was on top of her and my right arm especially would shake uncontrollably. That was my main point of support since I wasn't trying to be too close even though we were kissing. I felt like I was supposed to be in control and didn't know what I should do.

I always felt more comfortable in intimacy with some guidance than to just be expected to know what I'm doing. It leads to pressure from expectations and endless worry, questions, and doubt can arise. I'm not even aware of it at the time. Maybe the two are related?

[G-Max]

I had shaking like that once. It turned out to be some kind of B-vitamin deficiency.

[Stormy Wether]

I had shaking like that once. It turned out to be some kind of B-vitamin deficiency.

Lucky you. If only everyone's problems could be solved by a jar of Vegemite.

[G-Max]

What the hell is Vegemite? I just took some vitamin pills and a crazy* amount of Librium.

*this was the day when I learned that sufficient doses of Librium can make me very, very emotionally unstable

[Palovana]

Well, I've never been...er...sexual with anyone, but the few times I've been intimate I flipped a shit. I had a friend last year who really liked me (REALLY liked me) and the first time we ever did anything...intimate...I started shaking and I remember being kind of scared. I like hugs and handholding, and I did sort of enjoy the snuggling that was going on, but soon he had his hands all over me except for...a certain area. And I did kind of enjoy it, but I kept thinking "oh shit,oh shit" because I was so afraid he was going to suddenly try to rip my shirt off and ram his tongue down my throat. I didn't know if I should ahve told him to stop because I didn't NOT like it, but I was a little uncomfortable. Then, uh, I felt his...um...yeah...suddenly pressing into my thigh and I freaked. I don't know if it's cause I'm ace or because I was molested when I was younger. Maybe a bit of both? *shrug*

[G-Max]

Please, describe the nature of the shit that you flipped :D

[Palovana]

:lol: Well, at first I just started to panic internally. My heart rate and breathing increased, which probably sent him a way different message than what was actually happening *facepalm*. I kind of tried to close myself off to him...I crossed my arms and kind of curled up. Oh, and then when I felt his...I kneed him in the stomach by accident. Oh, and he also bit my shoulder before that and I screamed.

You know, the more I say about this, the more questionable it sounds. :lol:

[G-Max]

It's okay to say "penis", my dear.

[test account]

I didn't realise people got the shakes in intimate situations. Last time I was in that sort of situation I did the opposite and froze. And then fled. But I hadn't been expecting anything to happen so it was just a shock.

On a more amusing aside, when I get near to orgasm one of my legs starts kicking uncontrollably, like what happens to a dog that's lying on its back getting its tummy rubbed. It's very embarrassing but I think it's pretty funny too. :lol:

[G-Max]

I notice a slightly similar phenomenon if I masturbate while in certain positions...

[test account]

You be Fido then and I'll be Spot :lol:

[test account]

jeez you're so subtle....

I think this thread has been hijacked long enough ;)

[Palovana]

PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!

[G-Max]

Awww, someone deleted my super-hilarious animated .gif :(

PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!

[test account]

PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!

this is the biggest laugh i've had on Aven :lol: