compromise sex

[StoryWitch]

For example, I get an emotional rush from being a domme in light BDSM situations

Same. Here. :D In fact, I think part of the reason my sexual boyfriend and I didn't discover my asexuality until over a year into the relationship is that we FIRST discovered that I was a (light) domme and he was a sub. So when we fooled around, it was often me doing all the touching and emotionally enjoying HIS pleasure. When he touched me instead, it didn't turn me on, but I usually didn't mind it, and as others have said, I enjoyed being touched or kissed in "intimate but not sexual" areas--mainly on my neck and back. It wasn't arousal, though, just the kind of sensual pleasure anyone would get from a good massage, combined with the "warm, fuzzy" feelings you might get from being close to someone you love. I always kind of figured the arousal would kick in eventually, when we went farther (it was my first relationship and I was a virgin, so we took things fairly slowly). But it never did kick in, which brings me to...

I have a different take on compromise sex because it is not sufficient for me to fake enthusiasm. I must be able to obtain and sustain an erection and reach orgasm or my partner gets all upset about it.

Same general problem for me, only in a womanly fashion. <_< When it comes to actual intercourse, I (a.) don't get wet, and (b.) automatically tense up (I can't control it), so I physically can't do it. We're hoping to try again at some point--most likely with me having some "alone time" beforehand, since I can usually manage just fine with the whole autoerotic thing--but for now, we're taking a break from trying, and fooling around within the light sub/dom parameters that Infinite Ruse mentioned.

In short, I agree with almost everyone else: Yes, it can work; No, it cannot work without a great deal of mutual understanding, clear communication, and willingness--cheerful, non-repulsed willingness--to compromise on both sides. It certainly isn't for everyone, but I wish you the best of luck!