Nonsexual Intimacy (with a special someone)

[Palovana]

I've been thinking about this for a while, and I've just come to figure it out. Does anyone else, any other romantic aces, feel this way too?

First of all, I have to say I'm grayromantic. I can count on one hand the number of people I have EVER wanted to be romantic with. And this whole nonsexual intimacy thing...there is only one person I think I would enjoy being this close with.

I'm talking about being really really physically and emotionally intimate but with no sexual activity AT ALL. Like being naked or almost completely naked in some circumstances, like taking a shower together. Recently I've felt like this would be something I think I would like, to take a bath or a shower with someone I love and trust and who loves and trusts me, but without him desiring my body or wanting to give or receive sexual pleasure. I think I would like to hold him at night while he sleeps. He has a LOT of beautiful tattoos, and I want to see them all, but I don't want him to think I want to see his body because I want to have sex with him. I feel like this is pathological or something...like it's not ok to be that close with someone or to want to be naked or nearly naked with someone but not have his dick in my vagina *facepalm*. And honestly, I don't think it would ever happen, because he's straight.

I really love this person. Not even in a romantic way but just...I love him because he's him. I even love his faults. But I don't think it's necessarily a "romantic" love. And yet I think about being very intimate with this person a lot, but absolutely no sex or anything sexual. I almost feel like...being that close to him would be as physically close to him as I could ever possible be and thoroughly enjoy. I kind of wish neither of us had genitals so we couldn't have sex...we wouldn't even have a concept for sex :lol:

But really, has anyone else ever felt this way? I feel weird. Not that it feels weird for me...it feels totally normal for me. But I think the rest of the world would say that's pretty strange, perhaps even stranger than being asexual.

[Lucinda]

It doesn't sound "pathological" or "pretty strange" to me and I am part of the rest of the world. :)

Lucinda

[phantomwriter]

That sounds wonderful and I think you expressed what you're feeling with such eloquent words! I don't find it weird. That's like the ideal to me.

[. . .but there are sounds]

I love sharing a bed with someone, cuddling, petting, messaging, etc. I can't say that the shower one has ever occurred to me, but isn't something that I would object to if someone else proposed it. I am hardly unique in enjoying these things in an entirely non-sexual manner, and I actually know a lot of sexual people who appreciate doing so with me because they also like such but can't otherwise have assurances that it will remain non-sexual. I don't think it's weird at all. (Most) Humans are wired to crave intimacy, I think it's completely normal.

[Oeagrus]

I dated a girl for a while and it was exactly like this.

I more or less toe the edges of asexuality (Gray A?), but with her I just found her to be beautiful. She was aggressive and forceful when I wanted things to be gentler. Part of it was her personality, but the rest was just me.

[Rigras Leever]

Can definitely relate! I really don't understand why "intimacy" must mean having sex. But as a straight female I've yet to find a man who would enjoy this. It's like sex is as important as food and water to them. :/

[under_the_radar]

I think intimacy on a physical level does not have to be sexual. I love being close to my husband while sleeping and non-sexual-nude-time would be very ideal although rather difficult with lack of the appropriate sized bathing facilities for two, however being in the buff and simply holding each other is nice.

He is sexual so maybe in time unspoken tension will leave now that he is better learning where I am compared to him, most of our past issues have arisen from us both being overly accommodating to each other preemptively. Yay, something new to look forward to and work on, thank you for bringing this up!

I think you're normal and think the level of comfort and trust for these things are very intimate, nudity is natural and two people being comfortable in their natural states with no sexual component is a powerful expression of connectedness. ^_^

[Palovana]

Aaaaaaaw thanks so much. I was really freaking out about it. I would probably be able to offer a more thorough and coherent response than this if I wasn't nodding off over my keyboard. It's 2 AM and college is killing me...I'm busting my ass over my literature assignment. -_-

[kakuloo]

I think it sounds exactly right. For instance I always thought it would be nice to have someone I was close with wash my hair (and maybe wash theirs too). It wouldn't be sex, but it would be very intimate.

Or allow someone to put their hands in my pockets. Stuff like that. Things that aren't sexual but still are very personal usually.

[Tael]

I like intimacy like that a lot...thoughtful stuff like that, maybe a l'il flirty heheh...

There are some rules though, like anything not covered by shorts is off limits...and it's really difficult to do stuff to me besides lift up my shirt or something.

I'm glad you and your boyfriend can be close like that without making you uncomfortable! It's sorta like a compromise without all the negativity...So yup, you're definitely not alone *grin*

[Palovana]

For instance I always thought it would be nice to have someone I was close with wash my hair (and maybe wash theirs too).

This is one of my favorite asexual fantasies :3

[somewhere_else]

nice to have someone I was close with wash my hair (and maybe wash theirs too). It wouldn't be sex, but it would be very intimate.

Or allow someone to put their hands in my pockets. Stuff like that. Things that aren't sexual but still are very personal usually.

Yeah, those are nice. :)

It's romantic - in the sense that romantic means: loving, tender, and intimate.

[Alba]

nice to have someone I was close with wash my hair (and maybe wash theirs too). It wouldn't be sex, but it would be very intimate.

Hmm, I'm gonna need to try that one with my partner when I get home. I have always liked massages, especially neck and scalp massages, so it stands to reason...

[Rhaenys]

I think it sounds exactly right. For instance I always thought it would be nice to have someone I was close with wash my hair

Now you are making me have asexy romantic fantasies ( mind you I have a weakness for hair and head like petting or someone I like running their fingers through my hair )

No no OP dear it's not strange :lol:

I wish that I could be intimate with someone without him wanting my body and sex but sadly to some people it's a basic desire that I refuse to fulfill so I lose in any case.

[Amedot]

Hmmm... I've a fair few friends I cling to while I sleep...

Unfortunately, for the most part, I can only enjoy such touchy-feely situations when I'm not quite sober. It's as though I need something to either lower my inhibitions or alter my senses to prevent a claustrophobic feeling.

[vogue]

Hey,

I'm also grey-A, and have often felt the same as you... I don't think it's weird! However, I have to say I'm not quite sure WHY I felt that way... I think part if it was due to performance anxieties & fear of sex... but also part of it was just that I never really desired sex. But I can't explain why I don't desire sex... but yet am willing to do other sexual/physical things - anything BUT sex. I think a low libido, self-esteem issues & maybe other issues have to do with it... i'm quite awkward at learning new things & I think this made me more anxious to try sex as well......

I haven't yet fully accepted that I may be 'asexual' so that's why it's more difficult for me. If you're asexual, I can understand why you may desire doing things besides sex but not sex. It seems like you have a certain aesthetic appreciation for this person & also romantic interest, but not sexual.......that's quite normal for asexuals & grey-A's as well :)

[A Long Time Ago]

I'm talking about being really really physically and emotionally intimate but with no sexual activity AT ALL. Like being naked or almost completely naked in some circumstances, like taking a shower together. Recently I've felt like this would be something I think I would like, to take a bath or a shower with someone I love and trust and who loves and trusts me, but without him desiring my body or wanting to give or receive sexual pleasure. I think I would like to hold him at night while he sleeps.

That would be very wonderful indeed. I think you just gave me an asexual fantasy. I would choose this over the typical sexual relationship virtually any day of the week.

I kind of wish neither of us had genitals so we couldn't have sex...we wouldn't even have a concept for sex :lol:

Have had this type of sentiment before but I didn't articulate it as well.

On another note, reading this post was what made me consider that I might be asexual and that I wasn't crazy. I previously thought that something was quite wrong with me in that I wanted a very romantic, emotionally intimate, and physically intimate relationship but with little to no sexual component and that I got a really strong crush on my best friend but didn't have any desire to have sex with him. Thank you, Antihero and commentors, for the enlightening post and comments. I now have a better understanding of my sexuality (or near lack of since I think I am grey-A after a lot of reading and thinking).

[Noim]

YES! You have described exactly how I feel. I wish genitalia didn't exist, because I love being intimate, in fact, nudity is really natural to me and I love to be embraced by someone I love, but never with the sex! You are not alone :D

[Angel_eyes]

I've been thinking about this for a while, and I've just come to figure it out. Does anyone else, any other romantic aces, feel this way too?

First of all, I have to say I'm grayromantic. I can count on one hand the number of people I have EVER wanted to be romantic with. And this whole nonsexual intimacy thing...there is only one person I think I would enjoy being this close with.

I'm talking about being really really physically and emotionally intimate but with no sexual activity AT ALL. Like being naked or almost completely naked in some circumstances, like taking a shower together. Recently I've felt like this would be something I think I would like, to take a bath or a shower with someone I love and trust and who loves and trusts me, but without him desiring my body or wanting to give or receive sexual pleasure. I think I would like to hold him at night while he sleeps. He has a LOT of beautiful tattoos, and I want to see them all, but I don't want him to think I want to see his body because I want to have sex with him. I feel like this is pathological or something...like it's not ok to be that close with someone or to want to be naked or nearly naked with someone but not have his dick in my vagina *facepalm*. And honestly, I don't think it would ever happen, because he's straight.

I really love this person. Not even in a romantic way but just...I love him because he's him. I even love his faults. But I don't think it's necessarily a "romantic" love. And yet I think about being very intimate with this person a lot, but absolutely no sex or anything sexual. I almost feel like...being that close to him would be as physically close to him as I could ever possible be and thoroughly enjoy. I kind of wish neither of us had genitals so we couldn't have sex...we wouldn't even have a concept for sex :lol:

But really, has anyone else ever felt this way? I feel weird. Not that it feels weird for me...it feels totally normal for me. But I think the rest of the world would say that's pretty strange, perhaps even stranger than being asexual.

I think you're in similar company with a lot of people on here. I can tell you, that sounds absolutely lovely to me :) sign me up please!