Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

goaTmcFEE

Being a mormon asexual sucks.

Recommended Posts

sharpy   
sharpy

I had a similar talk with with my cousin who is lesbian she still goes to church regularly as do i but i dont belive in typical christian belief i have my own view in a more tolerant god and i dont belive in an after life.its ok to have an alt view on religon arent the latter day saints just a different take on the christen relgion and isnt that just a spin off on the jewish belief.why not belive in ur own version of ur belief maybe it will become the new mainstream view who knows think it over and pray on it whatevet choice u make be proud of it remember god loves all his children whether they be gay strait or even asexual at least thats what i belive

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sherlock   
Sherlock

I know a number of people who don't subscribe to every little bit of doctrine in their own religions. Like Catholics who don't think the Virgin Mary was a perpetual virgin (honestly, where do Jesus's brothers and sisters come from without concocting some convoluting "oh, they were Joseph's previous children, and Mary is really his second wife, yadda yadda yadda"), so on and so forth. Honestly, a lot of things that have become 'accepted' in various religious doctrines are basically re-interpretations of Biblical text. For instance, during the time of Jesus, the story of Lot and the city of Sodom and Gomorrah had nothing to do with same-sex relations. It had everything to do with following God's Laws for the sake of the Testament. (In the case of Sodom and Gomorrah, it was more important to show hospitality to strangers than it was to uphold the virtue of one's daughters.)

What about Mary Magdalen? Poor woman has been turned into a prostitute by some bishop's interpretation of the text hundreds of years ago, and lingers to this day.

When I faced leaving home and entering the world on my own, I prayed for an answer to a nagging question: would exploration of other religious and spiritual traditions be fully acceptable, or was there truly damnation in wandering from the path one's parents set us on?

The answer? "Live your life as you see fit. God will judge you on your own merits." (Came in a little 'fortune-cookie' at Lent.)

I like the answer Jean-Luc Picard's character gave in Star Trek: The Next Generation: "If we're to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are."

I had a dream where I visited a hell where people thought they were in heaven. It was pleasant and nice, but also boring and dull. Basically, people settled on this being their heaven. It was the settling on remaining the same and not trying to achieve more and go further which caused it to become a 'hell'.

I say congratulations on making a leap of faith to accept who you are and what you need.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mindsword   
mindsword

You have given me much to think about. I myself am agnostic, but I have Mormon friends. Two of which know about my sexuality. now I wonder what they think. Very interesting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sinisterporpoise   
sinisterporpoise

While you're not looking into the dark side of the faith -- and there's a huge dark side, you're also missing something. Mormonism isn't a "you only get one shot at this" proposition. If a person does not marry in this life, he can get a second chance to do so. Assuming asexuality is innate to the body, rather than to the spirit, there is no reason to assume a person will be asexual after death.

Mormon leaders have not addressed the issue of Asexuality and are not likely to do so anyt time soon. Even if they do, it's not like they'll start the BYU experiments involving electroshock therapy they used in the 70s to try to cure homosexuality.

There are Mormon and Ex-Mormon Asexuals here. They can understand where your coming from much better than people comparing it to standard Christianity.

By the way, the afterlife scheme is not unique to the Mormons -- it was lifted from a man named Swedenborg.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ace of Swords   
Ace of Swords

I'm multifaith, one of those faiths is Mormonism. I'm struggling with the same sorts of issues that Rynn is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
GirlInside   
GirlInside

Wait, doesn't Christianity in general accept celibacy? I don't know much about religion, so you'll have to forgive my ignorance...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sinisterporpoise   
sinisterporpoise

Don't confuse Mormon theology with standard Christian theology.

And polygamy is STILL part of Mormon Doctrine. Section 132 was never removed from the Doctrine and Covenants. The church does not allow it in this life, but they fully expect it to be allowed in the next.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sally   
Sally

sinister, i dont mean any offense, but the reason why i mentioned doctrine in this thread was so that others could understand where I am coming from with my current frustrations. The thread is about asexuality and mormon doctrine/culture. It wasn't intended to be a religious debate, which is exactly where you are pointing the discussion.

All AVEN threads--and topics on any other internet forum--are discussions. You could call them debates. No one can control a discussion. You can start a thread but you can't reasonably or effectively forbid other people from bringing up concerns. Especially on the subjects of religion or politics.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sinisterporpoise   
sinisterporpoise

I was a Mormon so please don't try to lecture me about the faith. The answer almost always is "It'll be fixed later" in cases like this. I know as a faithful Mormon you want to believe it's all peace and light, but no religion is that cut and dry.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ame   
Ame

This maybe doesn't relate totally because Paganism (+Shamanism) how I practice it has no set doctrine but mythology and stuff that works for me, but...within Paganism I sometimes feel really weird, because many practices believe in "divine union of male and female", and how the entire universe is made up thusly. Now granted that's a really Wiccan idea, which I am most definitely NOT, but a part of me will honestly never be able to connect to a goddess who has a consort and their divine union. Sometimes I almost wish I was sexual so I could see what's so spiritual about sexing someone, but as it stands...no. I always think I'm like a failure of a pagan because fertility rituals mean nothing to me. I hate babies, literally, they disgust me. Pregnancy sends me into gagging fits.

And if you follow the trad. Wiccan holidays...the entire thing is structured around fertility and union of male and female. It doesn't help that's I'm homo-romantic asexual, either. So there's two places I can't really connect with it. I have a gay friend who sees it as metaphorical; as his own feminine and masculine sides becoming one and whole. I just can't get into it though.

Maybe not coincidentally, I connect with virgin and death deities the most as a result.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sally   
Sally

However, you're right by saying its not my place to try and control discussion. So if you feel the need to turn this into an 'im right, your wrong' finger pointing session (purely in regard to the nature of mormonism), count me out of it. Such talk rarely yields anything but blind hate/faith, and frankly I've got better things to do.

Rynn, I'm a different poster -- I'm not discussing Mormonism; I merely pointed out you can't control AVEN threads. You need to look at who you're responding to when you criticize them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Siggy   
Siggy

If you really want to know what Mormons think, the very first approach to try is to go to the Mormons, don't you think? Incidentally, there was a thread on LDS.net about asexuality that appeared on my alerts earlier.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lucinda   
Lucinda
My ultimate point, however, is that mormons look forward to what blessings lay in store after this life and the highest of these blessings is the ability to be with ones spouse for eternity with the ability to eternally procreate. That forms a bit of an issue with non-heterosexuality because without external help, homosexual couples cannot procreate, and asexuals may not want to. So what is in eternity for them? Will they be denied the 'highest of blessings' because of these differences?
With all the degrees of heaven mentioned, but not defined yet, is there a place for asexuals/homosexuals/all the rest? Is it possible the eternal reality presented by mormonism is equipped to include these groups, despite the immediate reluctance of the church to admit it?

I will be as objective as possible although I am not quite sure why the answers to your questions are clear to me, but not to you.

You are focusing on sexual identities and sexual orientations, but those are irrelevant. There have been statements made by Brigham Young all the way forward to modern church leaders who make it clear that it is your actions that count. If you accept the D&C and know what is required to reach the top degree in the Celestial Kingdom, then you must prove while on earth that you are worthy to receive such blessings in eternity.

One could consider themselves heterosexual and choose to spend their life doing missionary work or devoting their time and energies as a librarian at the Family History Center, and hence never marry. Will they receive the highest of blessings? What do you think? ... So, by this example, whatever identity you may choose for yourself (if you really must choose one) is irrelevant.

So, what will happen to all these people who did not marry for time and eternity for the purpose of producing offspring? Well, wouldn't it be the same as for those who married in time only? According to the D&C:

16. "Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are appointed Angels in heaven, which angels are ministering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more and exceeding and an eternal weight of glory."

You become a servant. Just like the recent press release video clip statement regarding gays ... they can serve and be of service to the church. In eternity, the angels will be subjects to those men who have reached Godlike status. As Pres. Faust said of single women and married women without children, he believes they will receive compensatory blessings. So, that should answer your question. According to LDSism, they will be denied the highest of blessings.

Cultural bias clouds their judgement and how can they possibly hope to have an answer that is true with their own biased thoughts getting in the way?

Why do you believe cultural bias, as opposed to religious bias, is what is clouding their judgment?

Lucinda

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Asterion   
Asterion

Sherlock:

I like the answer Jean-Luc Picard's character gave in Star Trek: The Next Generation: "If we're to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are."

I dimly recall that line, though if it's not from the pilot, I'm unsure to which episode it belongs. Anyhow a similar attitude might characterize my response to a (hypothetical) false accusation that went too far--an excuse for real nastiness.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awsm4all   
Awsm4all

I know exactly how you feel. I am a mormon asexual too. Everytime people talk about marriage and dating, I feel like its a dagger through my heart. I want to believe that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, but everyone in the church keeps saying that I should be looking for an eternal companion. They want us to want sex once we get married, as though that's the only way that we're going to going to bond with each other in a meaningful way.

I want to get married in the temple, but its so hard to find a mormon guy who would want to share an eternity without sex. I want to share my life with them, care for them, talk with them. I want a melding of the minds, someone to inspire me while I write. I want someone who can hold me in their arms and tell me everything will be all right and that there is a way out. Someone who's willing to work with me to move forward in the gospel. But the church seems to say that that's impossible without a little sex. I don't understand and its driving me crazy.

Recently, I've started to have some pretty dark thoughts about ending my life just to have some relief. The world's assumptions about asexuality are too much to handle and the future seems bleak. I don't plan to carry it out. Doing that would devastate my family and I don't think I would ever be able to face Christ or Heavenly Father with that kind of guilt on my shoulders. It's just that I don't see any other path I can take and I'm tired about hearing about romance and sex every where I go.

I hope I haven't alarmed anyone too much with this post.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bristrek   
bristrek

I'm not too big on the religious faith thing, not having any myself. But for what it's worth, I recon that any decent god if he existed (or goddess or spirits and what have you for various other faiths) would know you're asexual in any case, would know it's part of who you are and something that you can't change. And would much rather you be a decent person, living a good life and being kind to others and helping them have fully, happy lives themselves. I would've thought those things would be right at the top in the judging of how good a person was and where their soul should go next.

But that's just my take on religion when it comes to this sort of thing. I've always thought that any god, were they to exist, wouldn't be the least bit interested in if a person's sexuality and focus more on if they'd made other people's lives a misery or have helped others instead.

Gay person who helps out with Oxfam verses devout person who follows every rule but mistreats their employees and denies others their rights.

Just my take on it for what it's worth.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hot_Air_Balloons   
Hot_Air_Balloons

Only you can decide what is right for you to do about this. I would say follow who you are, because God made you that way, so by listening to your heart you are listening to Him.

I am Catholic, and was brought up that way. I don't know specifically what they would say about Asexuality as an orientation, but they promote being single as giving your life up for God. That's why the Priests and Nuns remain single. So I doubt they would have a problem with an aromantic asexual, I mean I'm not doing anything outside of marriage and sinning.

I'm not sure if Mormons are Christians or not, so don't get insulted by anything I say. But my take on life is to believe in Jesus and follow what he says. Religion does have a lot of "rules" and some of them seem to have nothing to do with what Jesus said specifically. So yeah that can get confusing when it comes to certain things. As far as non-Christians go, I respect them and realize they are on a different journey in life, as we all are. We aren't supposed to judge anyone.

So my best advice to you is to follow your heart. I already know in my heart God made me to be single and He will tell me what he wants me to do with my life as needed. So it doesn't matter to me if my religion has a problem with my asexuality or not. As long as I believe in Him and lead a good life.

I hope you can work this out somehow. Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lucinda   
Lucinda
I hope I haven't alarmed anyone too much with this post.

I don't know how much is too much, but I do know that I am quite concerned for you.

I want to believe that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, but everyone in the church keeps saying that I should be looking for an eternal companion.

Perhaps everyone in the church doesn't know what Heavenly Father's plan is for you. Why give them that much credit?

They want us to want sex once we get married, as though that's the only way that we're going to going to bond with each other in a meaningful way.

Perhaps that is the only way they can bond with each other in a meaningful way? Does that mean that they cannot bond with anyone else without sex? I didn't realize that people were limited in that way.

But the church seems to say that that's impossible without a little sex. I don't understand and its driving me crazy.

I understand that for Joseph Smith, it was impossible. But one person's impossibilities don't make another person's impossibilities. Any counterargument to this blatant reality is, in my opinion, crazy making ... so I understand why it is driving you crazy.

Recently, I've started to have some pretty dark thoughts about ending my life just to have some relief.

But you can give yourself some relief without committing suicide. Don't you feel that power within you? When you get tired of the pressure, really tired, then you will find it very easy to simply ignore it. Let others speak for themselves as you continue to face all of life's adventures. Aren't you the least bit curious as to what lies ahead? And in my experience, the more challenges you face and the more you rely on your own wits, the more triumphant you will feel.

The world's assumptions about asexuality are too much to handle and the future seems bleak.

What are the world's assumptions? I ask because I can't possibly know. What I do know is that some guy in Japan and some gal in South America don't care whether or not I am having sex. They don't even know me and besides they are too busy living their own lives.

I can't guarantee that you will meet and marry a compatible companion because I can't guarantee that of anyone! But I can almost guarantee that your future will be bleak if you settle for someone who is not compatible in all areas that you deem important. Marie Osmond said recently on the Oprah show in regards to her divorce from her allegedly abusive husband that one marries down to the level of their self esteem. Therefore, it is not worth it unless you deem it is worth it and only when you find the self worth within yourself ... regardless of what the church says or what the world may think, etc.

It's just that I don't see any other path I can take and I'm tired about hearing about romance and sex every where I go.

Perhaps you don't see any other path because you have only been presented with one path. But the reality of life is that it is a journey with no clear path despite the best laid plans. You won't know what turns it will take until you reach the crossroads. Why even try to predict the future? You can set goals for yourself and make plans for your immediate future, but beyond that ... what is the point in worrying? Why not free yourself from the pressure, the worry, the fear ... and simply live!!!

Tread your own path ... even if it means not listening to a word I say. -_-

I care,

Lucinda

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Siggy   
Siggy

I'm not sure if Mormons are Christians or not, so don't get insulted by anything I say.

Perhaps you should educate yourself a bit! Mormonism is a branch of Christianity founded around the 1820s in New York. Perhaps one of the most well-known Mormon beliefs is of Jesus' ministry in the Americas after his resurrection.

In California, they're known for being the primary financial support for Prop 8, which banned same-sex marriages.

On a personal note, I know a gay ex-mormon who had gone through straight camp, and was eventually kicked out of the house at gunpoint.

On the other hand, Mormons are also known for being the nicest people you'll ever meet.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.