'Glad to be A' - The Birmingham Post

[Live R Perfect]

I received a copy of yesterday's Birmingham Post in the mail today - I spoke to them via e-mail a couple of weeks back and now the article has been published. I will scan it eventually and I have asked the journalist who wrote it to send me a copy of the text that I can post here. Generally, though, I'm really happy with the article :D

[bard of aven]

Let's all give Karl another asexual hand :P

boa

[winter]

yay, karl!!!!! i can't wait to read it.

celebratory cake all around

[VivreEstEsperer]

Awesome!

[Live R Perfect]

Here it is:

Glad To Be A

When it comes to sexual preferences, there's just two choices - men or

women...or both. But what if you aren't sexually attracted to either? What if

you haven't felt sexual attraction - ever? One man tells Caroline Foulkes how he

found out he was asexual - and what that means to him.

You can't tell by looking.

It's not an obvious thing, not always.

So if you saw Karl in the street, you wouldn't know if he was straight, or gay,

or bi.

He'd be just another bloke.

You might fancy him. You might not.

It wouldn't matter. Because Karl isn't interested in women. He isn't interested

in men, either. Not in all those obvious, overt, nudge-nudge

wink-wink ways that you're supposed to be interested in someone else, anyone

else, just, well, because.

Karl is asexual.

The dictionary on my desk defines asexuality as "adjective (1) having no

apparent sex or sex organs. (2) (of reproduction) not involving the fusion

of male and female gametes, as in vegetative reproduction, fission or budding."

But this description doesn't fit Karl. He's an adult male, with everything that

brings. As a human, there's no way he could reproduce by fission, by

splitting in half. That's just for amoebas.

Yet by his own definition, Karl is asexual. And he's not alone.

Last month, a report in New Scientist revealed that there was a quiet sexual

revolution taking place - one that didn't actually involve sex.

According to the report, several studies have suggested that there are an

increasing number of people who are not interested in sex. Not only are

they not interested in sex, they have never experienced sexual attraction.

And no, they aren't celibate.

"A celibate person still experiences sexual attraction," says Karl, 27, "but

they don't act on it because of their beliefs or because they are

medically unable to. An asexual doesn't experience the sexual attraction in the

first place."

It's not like they can't pull, either. Karl had several girlfriends during his

late teens, and the picture of him posted on asexualitymeetup.com

shows he is by no means unattractive - dressed in a grey jumper with a navy

beany hat pulled over brown hair, his eyes stare out moodily from the

page. This is the kind of bloke you can imagine being introduced to you proudly

by a mate as their boyfriend. Other asexuals, such as 23-year-old

Esther Dail of Colorado, are married. Some even want kids - albeit with the help

of IVF.

But in a society where we're bombarded with sexual imagery from sun up to sun

down, being asexual can't be easy - or easy to understand.

In 1999, Elizabeth Abbott, Dean of Women at Trinity College, University of

Toronto, Canada, published a book called A History Of Celibacy. She

subsequently received mail from numerous people who told her that, like

celibates, they didn't have sex. The difference was that for them it wasn't a

matter of choice, they just didn't want to.

Another academic, Dr Anthony Bogaert, a psychologist and human sexuality expert

at Brock University in St Catherines, Canada, has just published the

first study into asexuality. In his analysis, he examined a 1994 survey of

sexual practices conducted on 18,000 people in the UK. Although it didn't

specifically address the issue of asexuality, it did include the option "I have

never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all." He found that 1 per

cent of respondents had chosen this option - close to the rate for same sex

attraction, which is around 3 per cent.

Until now, research into sexuality inactivity in humans has tended to regard it

as a problem that needs addressing. Yet people have such widely

differing sex drives, is it really a fantastic leap of the imagination to

believe there are some people who don't have any sex drive at all? People

can have a sex addiction, be a nymphomaniac, so why not the opposite end of the

scale? What if a lack of sexual attraction is truly just another

sexual orientation, rather than a "problem"? After all, as Karl points out,

originally people found it difficult that people might experience same sex

attraction.

"People's reactions tend to asexuality range from unquestioning acceptance to

outright disbelief and accusations of being inhuman. Basically, we have

to keep pushing the message out there that we exist, and maybe in a few years

people will begin to both recognise and accept us. There will always be

those who refuse to believe us though, just as there are those who refuse to

accept that homosexuality is as natural as heterosexuality."

We live in a society that has turned sex into a crazy dichotomy. We are

constantly warned about the dangers of having sex too young, with too many

partners and with no protection, and in the blink of an eye we are being shown

adverts that are sexual or suggestive in nature. Kids talk about being

pressured into having sex, but in truth we're all being pressured into having

sex, more sex, better sex, thinking about sex or at the very least,

being more sexy, 24-7. A lack of what is considered to be a "normal" response

means you are, well, abnormal.

"When I was in a relationship, sex always became an issue for either me or my

girlfriend at the time, ie, either they wanted it and I didn't, or I

felt like I should be wanting it and didn't understand why I didn't," says Karl.

"Because I had no inkling that it was possible not to be interested in sex, I

had no words to describe what I was feeling. Communication breakdown

usually factored highly in the end of my relationships.

"I hadn't had any sort of romantic or sexual relationship for seven years

before I knew I was asexual, because of the confusion that my lack of

interest in sex was causing me. I just thought I was repressed or something for

several years, but then I started coming to terms with it. About six

months before I realised I was asexual, I started to label myself as celibate,

but soon learned that this wasn't really an appropriate description as

I had never made a conscious choice to abstain from sex."

Because sex dominates, and lack of sex is seen as problematic, Karl was unable

to define what he felt, because there is no socially recognised term

to describe it. It also meant he felt, like many others in the same position,

that he was the only one.

It wasn't until he began doing some research on the Internet, trying to find

out if there was anyone else who was experiencing the same thing, that

he found out there was a word to describe his situation - and a website for

those who were feeling that way.

"I didn't know that the term 'asexual' existed in the way that I use it now

until then," he says.

"Once I came across the word 'asexual' at some sites about celibacy I decided

to type it into google, and hey presto! I discovered AVEN

(asexuality.org). The definition of an asexual on AVEN's main index - someone

who does not experience sexual attraction to others - sent a bolt of

recognition through me. I knew for sure that this new meaning of the word

applied exactly to how I felt.

"Reading through dozens of posts during the first evening of my membership at

AVEN was an incredible experience. Here I was at an online community of

people I'd never met or even considered existed, finding myself relating to

everything they were saying. A lot of their experiences matched up

exactly with mine and I began to feel a warm sense of finally knowing something

about myself that had eluded me for years."

Karl subsequently met up with people he had contacted via AVEN - something he

says he would never have previously considered with people he had only

spoken to over the internet - and is now hoping to organise a conference for

asexuals in the Midlands sometime in the near future.

Yet although he is now a member of the British Asexual Visibility Organisation

(BRAVO), Karl is not shouting his sexual orientation from the roof

tops. It's not really the kind of thing you do when you live in a quiet place

like Hereford.

"I've only used the word asexual to describe myself to one friend. She hasn't

given any sort of reaction to that yet, though whether this is because

she is open-minded or because she thinks it's just a phase I just don't know.

"I have hinted at my asexuality with a few male friends and the typical

reaction to a statement such as 'she's nice to look at but I don't want to

have sex with her,' is 'you're weird!' or 'what's wrong with you?'

"I'm inclined not to go round telling everybody just because of the sheer

hassle of having to explain myself to everyone I know, over and over. If

anyone asks me directly about my orientation I'll have no problem stating I am

asexual, but apart from that I'm not going to go around shouting about

it to everyone I know."

And like many people who are unsure of their sexuality, or lack of it, it's his

family he's found most difficult to tell.

"I haven't found either the courage or the perfect situation to bring this up

with members of my family. I convinced myself that I'd have to do it

what with all the recent media coverage of asexuality and my participation in

projects to raise awareness, but I never did get round to it."

Yet surely, in a country where we constantly harp on about underage sex,

teenage mothers and STDs, asexuals should be welcomed rather than ridiculed

- whether the rest of us find their choices difficult to comprehend or not.

Panels

Although the amount of research into asexuality is limited, researchers have

managed to establish a few general facts, including a classification

system that breaks down asexuality into four categories:

Type A: Do not experience romantic attraction but are able to get aroused - they

have no drive to engage in sex.

Type B: Experience romantic attraction but have no sex drive.

Type C: Capable of both arousal and romantic attraction, but have no drive to

put the two together.

Type D: Feel neither attraction or arousal.

Of course, as with anything, these categories are not set in stone - people can

move between categories or border between two types.

For more information on asexuality, log on to www.asexuality.org (AVEN) or go

to www.asexualitymeetup.com.

Celebrity Celibates

Although Karl says he doesn't know of any historical precedents for asexuality,

that doesn't mean it's a new thing.

"The problem is that people only started applying the word to humans in this

way a few years back," he says.

"For all we know there might have been asexuals from the very start of time,

but there really is no way that we can prove that. I know there are

sceptics who would say that asexuals can't have always existed because they'd

have been wiped out by not procreating, but I think that we probably

have always existed. Whilst we may not experience sexual attraction, that

doesn't mean we are incapable of reproducing, and I expect that there have

been, are, and will be hundreds of thousands of people who "go through the

motions" of a sexual relationship merely because of social pressure or

because they aren't aware that its OK to be asexual."

There are also many people who have classed themselves as celibate - Boy George

has variously told the media that he was gay, bisexual,

celibate,"very confused", "not confused" and "not really all that keen on sex."

He once famously said that he preferred a cup of tea to sex.

Stephen Fry, who once described himself as "90 per cent gay" was celibate for

15 years. Morrissey, former lead singer with The Smiths, is openly

celibate as is Sir Cliff Richard. Author Beryl Bainbridge gave up men at the age

of 60. Isaac Newton is believed to have been a virgin all his life.

[cait]

That's so long. And...it was published like that? BAD GRAMMAR ALERT!

...It's good...it's just bad. I'm sorry if I'm a grammar nazi, but grammar is important in journalism. It should be at any rate. *sigh*

But umm...shit, I should say something nice now. It's good, it's informative, I guess.

No, I fail at being optimistic today. FIX THE GRAMMAR!

[Kensta]

My grammars fine. 80 and still going strong! :mrgreen:

[Silly Green Monkey]

I thought we were trying to get away from 'categorizing' asexuals into strict 'types'?

[Live R Perfect]

Tell that to all the people who prefer the types system...

[kbrd143]

Wow! Love it, Karl! Love it. Sure, we are trying to get away from the types system; however, I can certainly see where such a thing might be useful for those trying to come to grips with the whole asexual phenomenon. We may have grown somewhat beyond it (or we may not have. . . I can't really speak for everyone, can I?), but, then again, we have been dicussing it long enough to be able to see its shortcomings. . . . The world at large probably can't say that. . . . And it is helpful in that it addresses specific things that sexuals will ask about asexuality: "Well, can you even fall in love?" "Can you actually HAVE sex, but you just don't want to?" "So, do you just hate everyone, or something?" It also has the advantage of being far easier to shorten and quote than the newer explainatory tract on the site.. . .

[Live R Perfect]

By the way, I didn't give her all the types info, she must have taken it from the site herself.

[Eta Carinae]

Though I don't like the type system, I'm more concerned about this:

Although the amount of research into asexuality is limited, researchers have

managed to establish a few general facts, including a classification

system that breaks down asexuality into four categories:

since it's, you know, completely untrue and all.

[kbrd143]

Though I don't like the type system, I'm more concerned about this:

Although the amount of research into asexuality is limited, researchers have

managed to establish a few general facts, including a classification

system that breaks down asexuality into four categories:

since it's, you know, completely untrue and all.

Wow. Hadn't hipped to that, Inkburrow. . . .

I suppose the statement could be considered accurate in that AvenGuy based the list upon some research that he did into the subject. So, sure, a researcher established the list. But he never said the list was completely accurate or factual. That is problematic. . . . :?

[Rin]

At the end of the day though, I think it sounds like a nice article since it seems to portray a large enough spectrum, congratulations.