... Am I asexual?

[Waterbottle20]

Hi aven, first post, as soon as I found this place I knew I had to sign up to ask what questions have been burning in my mind but can't talk to anyone about.

I'm complex when it comes to sexuality, but I guess, who isn't, right?

I'm male.

It seems I'm sexually attracted to men, but not emotionally attracted... at all. However, I get extremely emotionally attracted to women to the point where I pine over this same girl day in and day out, can never stop thinking about her, wish we could be together, wish I could protect her, wish I could just holder her and fall asleep with her every night.

While I find the idea of having sex with a women appealing, as the female body is appealing to me, I lack any sort of sex drive for it. I doubt I would be able to get it up for any girl. That's why I'm afraid of asking any girl I care about out to be more than friends with me. I'm afraid I'd just be hurting them in the end, because I probably wouldn't be able to make her feel sexy. I mean I love her, I care about her feelings, and I wouldn't ever want to wrong her...

even if I popped viagra or something, how long would I be able to keep up the act of being lustful? That being said, I'm technically a virgin so maybe if I actually got with a girl I'd feel differently and maybe develope a sex drive for it. Is that even possible?

As for men, it appears whenever I get close to a man, it's because he's attracted to me and eventually asks me out. Even if I didn't even know he was gay. I've never once felt the same way about any man. Is it my warped perception of friendship that's causing this to happen? Is a man not supposed to be able to open up to another man and become a close friend unless he has sexual interests at heart??? I've never once gotten actually close with another guy, (no matter how badly I wanted/needed friendship), without it turning out to be a secret fucking sexual agenda. I'm very sexually attracted to some men, but the prospect of a relationship with any man is not something I've ever wanted... Perhaps I just haven't found "a right guy", but... there would have to be a hell of a lot of "WRONG" guys for that to be true. I just don't feel drawn to be romantic with a dude. The idea repels me.

[Edit: I thought I should edit in here at this point to mention that because of all these complications sexuality brings, I'm beginning to bitterly hate sexuality as a whole. It never seems to be tuned in with ones own emotions. It draws you to be attracted to the most awful person you've ever met, it could draw you to be attracted to a family member and make you hate yourself, or perhaps this cruel unthinking animalistic force could draw forth secret agendas that toy with the parts of us that are actually human, to the point where we no longer want to be...]

Bottom line is, I'm lonely.

I have a huge sex drive for men, I would give up everything in my life to switch that sex drive to women.

I would also give up everything in my life to have a close friendship that isn't a one-sided love game.

Any help is appreciated, thank you in advance.

[narwhal]

No one can tell you if you're asexual. Asexuality is when you're sexually attracted to no one. If you're sexually attracted to someone, you probably aren't aseuxal. Asexuals can have sex drives as well. I'd suggest reading the FAQ's if you want more answers.

Asexual or not you're always welcome on the forum!

[Pandoren]

On AVEN, we differentiate between various types of attraction. The three main ones that are spoken about are:

Sexual attraction

Romantic attraction

Aethetic attraction

The first, obviously, is the feelings of arousal inspired by another person. The second is the desire to partner with someone/share time with someone/emotional bonding etc, and this can be separate from sexual attraction- someone can be sexually attracted but not want a relationship, someone can want a relationship and not be sexually attracted. The last type is about beauty- people can find other people good looking but not have any feelings inspired by that (some liken it to "a work of art" or, to put it a different way, this is what causes straight girls to get jealous of models).

So that's probably where your sexual interest vs emotional interest comes from.

[Quarky]

This is weird.

You're the first person I've heard of who has nearly the exact same sexual preferences as me. Attracted to men but not interested in relationship. Constantly freaking out over women who drive me crazy.

I feel the exact same way about just wanting to hold her and fall asleep with her. I have a girlfriend right now.

But no, having sex will not give you a sex drive, at least if you're like me. It just ends up feeling like you're missing something. No, stick with cuddling.

And I have been hurt by men alot when I thought they weren't just in it for the sexuality. it sucks.

But i totally get it. And as for whether you're asexual or not, Who knows? I don't really think you are, but I think you shouldn't bother identifying with any sexuality. Its not worth it to tell yourself you have to fit in a catagory you picked for yourself.

Good luck either way.

[Waterbottle20]

So I did some searching on this site and found that people like myself could be classified as Heteroromantic Homosexuals.. It appears very few exist, but...

This is weird.

You're the first person I've heard of who has nearly the exact same sexual preferences as me. Attracted to men but not interested in relationship. Constantly freaking out over women who drive me crazy.

I feel the exact same way about just wanting to hold her and fall asleep with her. I have a girlfriend right now.

But no, having sex will not give you a sex drive, at least if you're like me. It just ends up feeling like you're missing something. No, stick with cuddling.

And I have been hurt by men alot when I thought they weren't just in it for the sexuality. it sucks.

But i totally get it. And as for whether you're asexual or not, Who knows? I don't really think you are, but I think you shouldn't bother identifying with any sexuality. Its not worth it to tell yourself you have to fit in a catagory you picked for yourself.

Good luck either way.

It's comforting to know that there's at least 1 more person in the universe that's experienced what I have. :)

I'm suprised.

But as for your girlfriend... Is she really ok with that? Have you been together for a while?

Also the only reason I'm trying to fit in a category at the moment is so that I can figure out the proper course of action to take in order to not die alone... and less importantly also because I really don't know what to say anymore if personal sexuality happens to come up in conversation with a friend, lol.

P.S. Noctis is bad ass.

[Waterbottle20]

This site never ceases to amaze me, I found this graph generator and filled it out

note. Aesthetic, Platonic and secondary romantic are overlapped female/male lines but it only shows the female on there.

very interesting.

[.216549898]

This site never ceases to amaze me, I found this graph generator and filled it out

note. Aesthetic, Platonic and secondary romantic are overlapped female/male lines but it only shows the female on there.

very interesting.

Where did you go to fill that out? I would really like to do so myself.

EDIT: Nevermind, I found it.

[Avocado]

Sexually and romantically we are the same.. GOD.

I LOVE WOMEN, WHY CAN'T I BE ATTRACTED TO THEM ASWEL. (I am somewhat attracted to them, sexually, but not as attract as i am to men)

[Guest member25959]

And welcome to the Thread Necromancy Show, with your host, Arcanine.

And we got us a live one from way back on the 1st September, 2010. What was originally the OP's first thread, they now have a grand total of 219 posts!

Uh, yea......Please, do not revive such threads :lol:

[RandomDent]

Please do not revive old threads.

RandomDent