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"Official" Asexual Society... says who?!


Caroline78

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Actually, I've just checked this site out, and it is much more inclusive that AVEN. In fact, is is YOUR site that is making it all up as you go along. As an asexual myself, I can see that this site is dominated by a few who ram their views down other people's throats and contradict (in a nasty, vindictive manner) anyone who happens to disagree. I get bad feelings each time I come onto this site, but I check it out every so often because I cannot believe that the same old people are here, still spouting off their lies and misconcenptions about asexuality and feeling good about themselves in their little AVEN gang. It seems its still the same - and now you are even getting at other people fighting for the cause!

Affiliation with Peter Pan or gay pride. As an asexual myself, I know exactly which I would rather be associated with.

If you truly do want to have asexuality recognised as a valid and healthy community, why not drop the nastiness and vindictive approach and start welcoming others with a different viewpoint to your own. If not, you will always remain a little bunch of people spending hours on your computer screens trying to align alongside communities of which the asexual has nothing in common.

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Cate Perfect

You are certainly welcome to remain at the other site. No one is forcing you to come to AVEN.

Cate

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still spouting off their lies and misconcenptions about asexuality

It would help if you listed what some of these lies and misconceptions were. It's one thing to just say people are "spouting" lies and another to disclose exactly what they are and why they're lies.

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still spouting off their lies and misconcenptions about asexuality

I have seen people here have some very non-inclusive views on asexuality and try to force them on other people, but all of those threads I found in the Hot Box, and I think most of us were in agreement that they were unusually closed-minded. I may not have been here for very long, but all the people I've met here on the main forums have been very accepting and supportive.

Citing examples would help, I'm curious as to what specifically made you think this.

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DemiDee, my mind is boggled. I truly can't imagine you are talking about AVEN in that post... that's the exact opposite of how I found it to be....

As others have said, care to back that rather bold and provocative statement up with something?

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DemiDee:In fact, is is YOUR site that is making it all up as you go along. As an asexual myself, I can see that this site is dominated by a few who ram their views down other people's throats....

If you mean the view that there are many types of asexuals and we need not all fall into one particular narrow definition of asexual - than yeah. This site is dominated by people who remind others that asexuals vary in what they feel, do and believe.

That may seem like making it all up - but in actuality - if anyone tried to define sexuality in a narrow definition that anyone not asexual had to fit into - there'd probably be some major bickering over that.

DemiDee:...and contradict (in a nasty, vindictive manner) anyone who happens to disagree. I get bad feelings each time I come onto this site...

Nasty and vindictive often tends to be defined by how someone feels rather than the the intent of the actual poster... I have disagreed with many people (some long time avenites) on this board about various topics and have never had anyone be nasty to me over it. But you have to be able to distinguish between honest bluntness, and vindictive meanness.

hawke

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artemisbrowndeer

Holy cow-AVEN 'non-inclusive and vindictive'?? DemiDee must have done bumped her head or something! I've experienced nothing but inclusiveness and civility to others since I've been here. Sounds like she has a personal axe to grind or something. Each individual is different, and it's not fair to try to force people into little boxes.

I haven't been to that other site, nor do I have any interest in going there. The weather's just fine here 8)

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Affiliation with Peter Pan or gay pride. As an asexual myself, I know exactly which I would rather be associated with.

It depends on whether you want to stay in the playground with the other children, or grow up and join the adults in the real world.

Brian

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Sounds like she has a personal axe to grind or something.

8)

Indeed.

Whether or not the axe is in legitimate need of grinding is for someone more even-tempered than myself to decide.

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and it is much more inclusive that AVEN

How?

in fact, is is YOUR site that is making it all up as you go along

How?

As an asexual myself, I can see that this site is dominated by a few

Who?

who ram their views down other people's throats and contradict (in a nasty, vindictive manner) anyone who happens to disagree.

When?

I get bad feelings each time I come onto this site, but I check it out every so often because I cannot believe that the same old people are here

Why?

still spouting off their lies and misconcenptions about asexuality and feeling good about themselves in their little AVEN gang

What?

It seems its still the same - and now you are even getting at other people fighting for the cause!

When?

Affiliation with Peter Pan or gay pride. As an asexual myself, I know exactly which I would rather be associated with.

Which?

If you truly do want to have asexuality recognised as a valid and healthy community, why not drop the nastiness and vindictive approach and start welcoming others with a different viewpoint to your own.

Huh?

If not, you will always remain a little bunch of people spending hours on your computer screens trying to align alongside communities of which the asexual has nothing in common.

Reality check: AVEN is the largest asexual community out there. We have loads in common with the LGBT communities, and that's been made explicit by DJ since the start (Why would the AVEN symbol be a downward pointing triangle)?

HOW is the ONLS more open than AVEN when they remove from the spectrum anyone with a sex drive (me included)?

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Wow!

My mouth literally dropped to the floor when I read this site.....

I mean it would have left me seriously f**ked up! (excuse my language)

I would have thought I was just a lonely straight girl who was so unattractive she couldn't get a date and that I should be hopping into bed with people to up my sex drive......

Mind you I say I'm an asexual. I do not say I'm a non-libidoist.

While is good to improve the visibilty of asexuals this isn't the way to do it, trying to put people into neat little boxes, IMHO.

Very few people fit into a neat little box.

And the official tag is misleading, who made the site official?

That's what I like about AVEN it's so inclusive.

I masturabate but I don't want to have sex with another person. According to the 'official' site that makes me someone with a low sex-drive and not a non-libidoist. Well fine but in fact I could easily live without masturbation but that doesn't make me celibate either.

This site doen't help it gives you a list of things and if you don't fit them then you are not a nonlibidoist.

As for the comments be DemiDee that's we're wrong....just look at the language and you will see a nasty vindictive manner right there.

I'm glad I found AVEN I'm enjoying being with a group of people who have similar feelings, who are friendly and inclusive. Here people don't force you to put yourself into a neat little box. AVEN has a basic defintion of asexuality that as far as I'm concernd is very accurate.

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I've been thinking. This is a lot to do with point of view, I can see why people who have a strong idea of what asexuality means to them would feel "threatened" by people who have different views, in the same way *we* do.

What it boils down to is, I think I fit their definition of asexuality fine, but I wouldn't feel inclined to hang around there. I like it here and the people. Maybe it's a personality clash.

It's ok to have different communities with different people.

Howver, it is quite sad and worrying that we all have something in common but there seems to be some sort of competition.

In the future, when asexuality is more widely know about (I hope), there's the possiblity that people still won't know where to turn.

I may be blowing this way out of proportion, but I'm sensing and them and us and that's bad bad bad.

Just something to ponder.

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Yes Lors is right them and us is bad.

Everyone has different views the problem is when they make out to be the only 'true' vision.

BTW Lors (sorry to detract from a serious discussion) I'm sure my Grandmother would be honoured to know her quote was in your sig (even though she won't)

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DemiDee -- I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences on this board. I find it a fairly welcoming place. Sure, there are times when certain conversations can get a bit "heated", but I rarely see personal attacks here. I actually wish all internet discussion forums were as civil as AVEN!

Perhaps one of the reasons you feel uncomfortable here is because many on this board (myself included) are accepting of gays and lesbians and (some of us anyway) feel some identification with them as fellow "sexual minorities". If that's the case, you just have to realize that you have a "minority opinion" on this issue and make a decision as to whether that's enough to keep you off the board. For me, I'm sure many of my opinions on various issues are probably "in the minority" on this board, but I'm not going to let that keep me away. If I only associated myself with people who saw eye-to-eye with me on every single issue, I'd never be able to leave my apartment! (Or turn on my computer).

One thing I will say -- in some of your posts, you've made very harsh generalizations about the lives of gay and lesbian people. And even though you'll acknowledge that what you're saying is a "generalization", it can be hard for people like me not to feel a little offended when we know and care about gay and lesbian people who are nothing like what you're describing. Perhaps you could choose your words a little more carefully and express your views without making unfair generalizations about what "the gay community" is like (as if "the gay community" was some single-minded, monolithic entity).

I get bad feelings each time I come onto this site, but I check it out every so often because I cannot believe that the same old people are here, still spouting off their lies and misconcenptions about asexuality and feeling good about themselves in their little AVEN gang.

Respect works both ways. How can comments like this be interpreted as anything other than vindictive? Especially when you don't even specify exactly which people, comments or viewpoints you're referring to.

Anyway, I do hope you'll stay around here. A diversity of opinions (respectfully expressed!) always makes any discussion board more interesting IMO!

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  • 1 month later...
ChibiFirli

I checked out the site and some links (I can understand dutch, so it was easier). I can conclude I like it better here. I like unicorns though :D.

I just don't like the feel of the site. It feels ... erm... autoritary, or something like that. I'm searching, I don't need people to tell what and how to feel. Besides, knowing me, I'll ignore them anyway and do things my own way. That and they advertise too much (and not only for asexuality). I don't mind trying to educate people, but I would kinda feel used as merchandise.

I do appreciate the effort though. And the effort she put in researching about asexuality. Well, she mentioned researching about it... I would really appreciate the results (and not in a book I have to buy), I prefer information to be free.

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Geri has a two part dvd about her life on sale via that website. O_o Very strange.

The constant swarm of faeries and unicorns detracts from any seriousness the site might have had. Pictures are fun, but that's too many and way too...eyecatching. Something like [this], sure. But personally, I feel faeries and unicorns have nothing to do with asexuality or non-libidoism, and an informational site should focus on the information, not cute pictures of stuff that has nothing to do with what's going on. (and as was mentioned before, it just screams 'innocent and childlike.')

I found the whole "fill out the form and we'll tell you if you're non-libidoist" thing to be rather authoritative.

I prefer the term asexual, anyway.

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