The A Life Team

Can we teach people how to be happy without sex?

  

  1. 1. Can we teach people how to be happy without sex?

    • Yes. (Please elaborate)
      24
    • No. (Please elaborate even more)
      62
    • Other. (There should be no end to elaboration!)
      15

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42 posts in this topic

This week the intrepid panel of A Life takes a look at psychology of asexuality and especially the ways that asexuals and/or aromantics might teach happiness to sexuals and romantics without the constant need for sex or romance.

Please do add your thoughts about the subject, but I urge you to listen to the show first. It will considerably clarify the poll and give tons of thought-provoking entertainment. You can find the show here:

http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/

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No I did not read it but you are still very welcome to get my opinion about this.

No. Happiness is something which born naturally. You cannot teach or learn it, you have to feel it.

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Well by we I assume you mean Asexuals, which i am not.

well i am homo-sexual,homo-romantic and i do not think i can teach hetero-sexual heteroromantic people to be happy dating people of the same sex.

but i can teach them not to be homophobic or not to be afraid to be close with people of the same sex.

Similarly asexuals can teach sexuals to not think about sex in the same way.

for example that it is not a bad thing if you don't bring up sex all the time.

and yes i know not all hetero people are homophobic i was just giving an example of how two people of different orientations can have different views.

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You could only help them realise happiness in certain ways (non-sexual) if they were propositioned to find such things enjoyable. It can't guarantee overall happiness without some sources of happiness (sexual; if they were sexually inclined)...

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I think some non-ace people are already trying or have tried, but it's on small levels here and there. It's not on a big scale and I don't think it ever will be. Not with the media promoting sex as the most important thing in anyone's life. It's everywhere. Teen magazines, movies of every genre, television, advertising... No wonder people think they can't be happy without it or without thinking about it constantly.

Not to mention a lot of the activities considered "fun" by young people are intrinsically linked to sex for them, though they need not be. For example, drinking and dancing. I enjoy both but not in the way a lot of people do.

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I don't think you could teach happiness any more than you could teach sexual attraction. They're both intrinsic individual feelings.

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It's not so much as "teach" as getting someone to understand that you can be happy without sex. Like Sally stated above, happiness and attraction are too personal [individual] and everyone feels differently about what makes them happy. The best we can do as asexual people, is just help others who don't understand to get a better grasp about the concept [of being happy without needing/desiring sex].

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I don't think that's really something that can be taught. We might be able to show others that it's possible for some particular people to be happy without sex and/or romance in their lives, but that doesn't mean we can teach any given person how to be happy in their own life without these things. I have a friend who is just so much happier when she has a boyfriend. It's odd to me, seeing how sad and lonely she gets without one, but that's how she is...sex and romance are deep, driving needs for her, and if they're not met, she's not happy. All we can do, I think, is illustrate that in some cases, it is possible for some people to be happy and fulfilled without sex and/or romance, but not everyone can be really happy and satisfied with their life if they don't have these things.

Could someone who dislikes cake teach me how to be happy without cake? They could certainly try. But I doubt they'd succeed. ;)

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This is where sometimes we come off a bit piuos

we can't teach "people" as thats just another way of saying them

the best you can do is be open and honest about what,who you are and why ..then also promote visability and awareness

beyond that we can't enforce anything

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No, I have two best friends (among others) who are very sexual. They would laugh me off if I tried to teach them that they could be happy without sex. To them, sex is everything.

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no,i don't think you can teach others, but you might be able to teach yourself if you really tried

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I think some non-ace people are already trying or have tried, but it's on small levels here and there. It's not on a big scale and I don't think it ever will be. Not with the media promoting sex as the most important thing in anyone's life. It's everywhere. Teen magazines, movies of every genre, television, advertising... No wonder people think they can't be happy without it or without thinking about it constantly.

I think this is much more a problem than whether any individual can teach another individual how to be happy. Individually a lot of sexual people see through the media campaign and know that the media doesn't really represent the sexual world the way it really is. They live their lives according to their own assessment of how important sex is to their individual lives, not according to what the media says how often or with whom you should have sex.

A lot of people don't see through the media campaign, though, and try to measure up to how often or with whom they are supposed to have sex (teenagers who think that if by the age of 15 they haven't done a threesome they're somehow deficient and so on). I'm actually waiting for asexuality to become "trendy". Or have I missed that already?

But who is behind the media campaign?

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But who is behind the media campaign?

Corporations who know that they can use sex, and the promise of sex, and the absolute need for sex, to sell their products. It gets peoples' attention, and they begin to connect sex with the "good life" and being popular. Then they're sensitized for the next ads they see. It's been going on heavily since the 70s. It won't stop until corporations find it isn't working, and that probably won't be very soon because it DOES work.

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Yeah, I suppose we can teach people how to be happy without sex. But why bother? Haven't we (and they) got better things to do? If other people want to have sex that's fine with me.

Any group that could teach people how to be happy full stop would be worthy of note.

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Yeah, how much of it is put in their heads my the media? That's what I always wondered. Maybe we really aren't all that different after all. Everyone else could just be thinking that everyone else "needs" it all the time.

There are plenty of sexual celibates who are happy out there!

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Yes and no. I think if the media and general population stop drilling it into people's heads that is the best thing ever and you should have lots of it because it makes you more socially acceptable, people may not get so hyped up about it. I feel many people - especially males, where there's a lot of pressure to "get laid" as often as possible - only act like sex is their primary interest because they feel they should, or want to impress their peers.

However, there will always be hypersexuals, others with high sex drive, and people who really do find sex immensely enjoyable, and they'll always want it for as long as it feels good. They may not broadcast it so much if it isn't socially normal to do so, but they'll still desire it and seek it out.

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In high school, I was often the girl friends would come to for advise. One friend in particular was panicking because she didn't have a boyfriend at that moment.

"You could, you know, not have a boyfriend for a while? You've been complaining about not having enough time for your art or schoolwork. Why not just be single for a bit?"

She stared at me like I was a complete idiot.

The next day, she introduced me to her new boyfriend.

So, no, I don't think we can teach people to live without copious amounts of sex. My opinion, but I think it's valid in its own way.

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Can they teach us how to be happy with sex?

Same reply apply. LOL

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Hasn't religion already tried to do this? Monasteries, for example?

I've suggested people eat more cabbage, but they seldom take me up on it *shrug*

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Yeah, how much of it is put in their heads my the media? That's what I always wondered. Maybe we really aren't all that different after all. Everyone else could just be thinking that everyone else "needs" it all the time.

There are plenty of sexual celibates who are happy out there!

Really? Where?

The media has just glommed onto something that already exists. It's existed as long as humans have, way before the media existed. You can blame media for exaggerating the necessity to have constant ecstatic sex, but you can't blame them for causing people to want and like sex. That's a physical desire.

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Can Asexuals teach others how to be happy without sex?

I'm sure the others think the same about Asexuals

So I'm sorry but..no

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You're kidding me, right? You can give them your viewpoint, but you can't teach them.

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We can try to show them that they don't need not only sex but even another person in their life, and still be a happy and fulfilled personality. But I guess they won't believe it. They will think: "Oh, they just say it because they can't have it, so, they try to persuade themselves that they are happy, even though for sure they are not". Not to mention that human and social sciences always point out the necessity of someone to love and to be loved in your life.

Erikson as cited in http://www.learningplaceonline.com/stages/organize/Erikson.htm:

"6. Young adulthood: 18 to 35

Ego Development Outcome: Intimacy and Solidarity vs. Isolation

Basic Strengths: Affiliation and Love

In the initial stage of being an adult we seek one or more companions and love. As we try to find mutually satisfying relationships, primarily through marriage and friends, we generally also begin to start a family, though this age has been pushed back for many couples who today don't start their families until their late thirties. If negotiating this stage is successful, we can experience intimacy on a deep level.

If we're not successful, isolation and distance from others may occur. And when we don't find it easy to create satisfying relationships, our world can begin to shrink as, in defense, we can feel superior to others.

Our significant relationships are with marital partners and friends."

So, friends AND marital partners, otherwise, our world can begin to shrink. Sadly... :(

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Societal expecatations could certainly translate to differences in Sexual expression, but I don't think you could teach people to be Asexual, or Sexual, for the matter.

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Reading through the comments, there are a lot that I agree with. My personal opinion is about 95% no, 5% yes. The "no" answer comes from my beliefs that happiness is not learned, we have no right to control someone else's happiness, and we're born the way we are. (I view it as being the same as how a heterosexual person can't teach a straight person to be happy with heterosexual sex.) For the "yes" part, I think that aces can always contribute happiness into their relationships with sexual people by means other than sex (hence why so many asexual-sexual relationships work out).

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Amongst the most unhappiest people I have ever come across in life, are those that are sexually frustrated and no amount of 'happy' talk would ever change them,I think... bless em :)

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Thread revival alert!!!

A little of CPR isnt so bad! I couldnt help it and some other people replied as well. I guess it wasn't so dead.

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