TransWhatevers of AVEN

[butterflydreams]

ishperson, I love your name! Welcome :)

Kellam, those situations are pretty awkward, huh? It's coincidental that just recently happened to you. I got ma'am-d waiting in line at Bed Bath and Beyond on Saturday. As usual, I was kind of off in my own little world. The problem I have is while I love it, it's kind of a no-win situation right now. If I react and it turns out she was calling to any of the several other women around me, I look like an idiot, and if I don't react (like I did) then I also look like an idiot. Once I realized she was talking to me, I started walking over and she started apologizing.

But, it sounds like you're doing pretty well. Feeling good about yourself, feeling good about your voice (ugh, color me jealous ^_^) and even feeling good about your hair! For what it's worth, I don't think you should feel bad or silly about your folks calling you their daughter. You totally are. Maybe it'll just take time, but I know for me, if I just let it be, it feels really good. (Of course, I'm only a big sister at this point...probably never be a daughter.)

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely, and I totally understand that all of us here, cool as we obviously are ;), aren't a substitute for real life socialization. I think that's something that will change as you transition more. I don't know about you, but I was kind of always a loner who always kept people at a distance. But even just thinking about transition, and seeing the very visible changes in attitude it's already brought about in me have made me feel like I was never supposed to be that way.

[Kellam]

You're so sweet Hads, thanks ☺️. But you're right, I have always been a loner but I have always had a couple friends. But my guy friends from before are all distant now and my one girl friend is in school so I never see her. Add to that the fact that I am house sitting right now...well...it is just me and someone else's house plants. One of my problems about socializing before was how people saw me. I couldn't bear it. Now I like myself and I am getting lonely. Its like how once you start admitting you are dysphoric you really start to feel it. I used to just accept any crap that happened to me. I deserved to be unhappy. But that is over...I will always love my time alone but I do enjoy company these days.

Oh, and yay on getting gendered correctly. Like you said with the daughter thing, you will get used to it.

[Emery.]

--

[Kellam]

--

Emery, what happened? I just came by to read your post. I was just too pooped from work yesterday, I'm so sorry. If you need to share something please, please do. We aren't always up to the second in this thread but nobody is ever ignored. Try us again. I'm going to "like" your deleted post so you get this note.

[dash]

I went to visit a relative in the hospital today (they will be fine) and the staff person asked my name for the nametag. I told them, and then I spelled it (giving my legal name) but they had already (on their own) used the masculine spelling, so then they apologized and wrote over it, and I was like "either way is fine, people use both."

I now have a nametag with two spellings of my given name written over each other (the masculine spelling and the feminine spelling) -- which is unintentionally awesome.

[daveb]

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Emery, what happened? I just came by to read your post. I was just too pooped from work yesterday, I'm so sorry. If you need to share something please, please do. We aren't always up to the second in this thread but nobody is ever ignored. Try us again. I'm going to "like" your deleted post so you get this note.

I'm sorry if I haven't been responsive!

[dissolved]

I have my initial assessment at a gender clinic on 2nd April :D I had to pay to go privately rather than wait however many years to be seen on the free healthcare service here, but I've been saving money and it's going to be soooo worth it. I'm likely to be referred for top surgery (and possibly hormones if I so choose) later in the year :wub:

[Emery.]

--

Emery, what happened? I just came by to read your post. I was just too pooped from work yesterday, I'm so sorry. If you need to share something please, please do. We aren't always up to the second in this thread but nobody is ever ignored. Try us again. I'm going to "like" your deleted post so you get this note.

Oh my... I was basically emotionally "disintegrated", I hope it's gone for real by now...? It was something along the lines "I didn't ever feel like a girl" (and I decided not to deny it) and something very painful got me at the same time. Gender makes sense now. The drilling, silent thing is gone finally, but the truth is shocking to me (it must be true because of how much it holds and how emotional I am about it). I have already got used to the thought that I feel like more of a man than a woman, and neither at the same time... That it was drilling me because I'm more on the man side. Then after realising that something hopped into place and happened the thing I was trying to run away from for so long. Now I know why. Bacause it was pain of the level "I can't even feel it, my meter broke". And I wrote all that stuff impulsively, and then also deleted it impulsively ("illness on the head" - incoherent, illogical, impulsive reactions and stress overload somatic symptoms). Never mind it. You don't have to be sorry, folks.

[Emery.]

(double post, connection is breaking here)

[butterflydreams]

I have my initial assessment at a gender clinic on 2nd April :D I had to pay to go privately rather than wait however many years to be seen on the free healthcare service here, but I've been saving money and it's going to be soooo worth it. I'm likely to be referred for top surgery (and possibly hormones if I so choose) later in the year :wub:

Hooray! This cake might be a lie, but this big step you're taking sure isn't!

[Kellam]

--

Emery, what happened? I just came by to read your post. I was just too pooped from work yesterday, I'm so sorry. If you need to share something please, please do. We aren't always up to the second in this thread but nobody is ever ignored. Try us again. I'm going to "like" your deleted post so you get this note.

Oh my... I was basically emotionally "disintegrated", I hope it's gone for real by now...? It was something along the lines "I didn't ever feel like a girl" (and I decided not to deny it) and something very painful got me at the same time. Gender makes sense now. The drilling, silent thing is gone finally, but the truth is shocking to me (it must be true because of how much it holds and how emotional I am about it). I have already got used to the thought that I feel like more of a man than a woman, and neither at the same time... That it was drilling me because I'm more on the man side. Then after realising that something hopped into place and happened the thing I was trying to run away from for so long. Now I know why. Bacause it was pain of the level "I can't even feel it, my meter broke". And I wrote all that stuff impulsively, and then also deleted it impulsively ("illness on the head" - incoherent, illogical, impulsive reactions and stress overload somatic symptoms). Never mind it. You don't have to be sorry, folks.

I know those kinds of system overload feelings. They can be really intense and coming to terms with one's self is about as intense as it comes. So glad you came back. Just wanted you to know that it's okay, you are amongst friends.

[daveb]

(double post, connection is breaking here)

I've been having problems, too

Anyway, welcome back and have some :)

[Emery.]

Hugs

[Heart]

Hopefully by the time I'm in that position, the state of the world will have progressed enough that a somewhat well-known scientist being openly trans (and nonbinary at that) will be no big thing, but I just don't know.

I'm working on it ;)

*continues to catch up slowly*

[Heart]

Um Hi. I'm new to the forums and my friend told me about AVEN so I'm just looking around.

Also I don't know much about forums in general because I'm usually too *lazy* to read everything on it.

Anyways I'm on this thread because uh

Neutrois and Androphile (I'm pretty sure, but labels are confusing)

Hi. Lol I already said that though. Okay I don't usually sound this stupid. eeehhhhhh.....

Also this is my first post on this website :)

Welcome to AVEN ishperson!! :D Labels really can be confusing, but you sound like you've got a beautiful set. And heck, if it turns out they weren't the perfect set for you, you can always change later too ;)

Cake to welcome you to AVEN:

Oh, and last night I interviewed at an apartment and one of the roomies said she knew a whole gang of butch lesbian trans women. She actually passed my email on to a friend of hers, who actually contacted me. We're going to meet for a chat at the end of the week! I guess it is super obvious to some people how lonely I am getting. Oh, and there is a cute trans guy at one of my favorite cafes who has started saying "hey". Not that y'all aren't great, but I do so need to be able to talk to someone face to face. I wish y'all lived near me...I feel like a pariah some times. All the folks who've known me for years know me as the person who doesn't socialize, they haven't realized that person is gone. I'm just so bad at making friends, I never learned the skills as a kid. Hashtag, second puberty is hard.

That's exciting! I admit, the meet ups in Vancouver are one of the things I miss most when I go to Europe. I know how you feel about needing 3D contact with people like us sometimes. I tried hard to make a meet happen in Geneva last I was there, and I found one other ace, so maybe I can grow a tradition there too ;)

And it would be so amazing if we could have a real life meet up.... *sigh* The only problem with that is that there is far too much awesome in this thread, if all the members were in one place at one time we might just create an awesomeness black hole :P

Let us know how it goes with that group though! It sounds so promising :D

I went to visit a relative in the hospital today (they will be fine) and the staff person asked my name for the nametag. I told them, and then I spelled it (giving my legal name) but they had already (on their own) used the masculine spelling, so then they apologized and wrote over it, and I was like "either way is fine, people use both."

I now have a nametag with two spellings of my given name written over each other (the masculine spelling and the feminine spelling) -- which is unintentionally awesome.

Teehee. A nice outcome from something I'm sure the other person thought embarrassing or confusing :P Best of wishes for a speedy recovery for your relative <3

I have my initial assessment at a gender clinic on 2nd April :D I had to pay to go privately rather than wait however many years to be seen on the free healthcare service here, but I've been saving money and it's going to be soooo worth it. I'm likely to be referred for top surgery (and possibly hormones if I so choose) later in the year :wub:

Hooray! This cake might be a lie, but this big step you're taking sure isn't!

:o

I LOVE THAT CAKE!

I think maybe one day I will try my hand at making something inspired by that cake.... *plots*

[Kellam]

Okay, Heart asked for an update...

I found a place to live in Cambridge, MA! I have never lived there so yay! Another part of Greater Boston checked off my list, I have lived almost everywhere in the metropolitan area. I have two roomies both of whom are lesbians and punk rocking vegitarians. I will have to go back to eating no meat in house, which should be good for me. I was a vegetarian for 12 years but stopped when my life was falling apart. I will be signing the lease on the 14th, exactly one year since I reached self acceptance as a trans woman. Jeepers, I just got all choked up just thinking about it. My life is becoming what I always wanted, I just needed to be true to myself. Gosh...who knew?

My coffee meeting was just with the one woman but she was lovely and lots of fun. We talked for a good hour and a half. It was so amazing to be able to just chat about life and trans stuff. I will likely see her again too. Her girlfriend is my new roommate!

[daveb]

Congratulations, Kellam! :)

[butterflydreams]

Yeah, Kellam! Slaying it!

[Kellam]

I think I've read parts of this thread before but never contributed. I have always just been super quiet about this side of me...

I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to live in the open but at least I have taken some steps to make my private moments more free. Honestly too, I used to be terrified of being found out and having to explain myself. The self confidence I have garnered in coming to terms with my aceness and coming out with it has left me less fearful. I may just tell the truth if I'm ever queried on the matter again!

Sorry for such a long dull post, I just needed to share what for me is an important step and this is my safe space for these matters. I know that "I just bought some clothes" aint exactly headline news, but... I think it may be a pivotal moment for me.

Just over a year ago I made this post. It was the first time I had shared my trans feelings with the world with any confidence. In my diary it says that I reached self acceptance February 11-14. This post was the first big step. I had stopped searching and begun accepting. The support y'all gave me was so important in my life. I can't believe I have made it this far. From the bottom of my heart...thank you.

[Kelly]

to Kellam. :)

Also, this is how Henry Tadebois came out to people:

[butterflydreams]

Kellam, you and I have such similar timelines. I'm so happy that you've gotten to where you are. I was thinking a few days ago, it's one thing to get to the point of admitting something like this to yourself. Hard as that may be, it's really mostly a one time event that happens and is done. But being able to stick with it, against all the crappy external messages, rejection from others, and self-doubt...that's the really amazing thing. I hope you can take pride in that, because it shows real courage. I know sometimes it's hard to identify that in oneself, so I'm telling you :)

[Kellam]

Oh Hads, you really know how to make a girl cry. My nails are still wet and I can't wipe the tears away. You are so right and I hope you listen to your own words. You are a brave, unique and wonderful soul. This world needs more of you and as much of your true self as you can be!

Kelly, thanks for the cake and for that delightfully silly coming out vid!

[Heart]

Okay, Heart asked for an update...

I found a place to live in Cambridge, MA! I have never lived there so yay! Another part of Greater Boston checked off my list, I have lived almost everywhere in the metropolitan area. I have two roomies both of whom are lesbians and punk rocking vegitarians. I will have to go back to eating no meat in house, which should be good for me. I was a vegetarian for 12 years but stopped when my life was falling apart. I will be signing the lease on the 14th, exactly one year since I reached self acceptance as a trans woman. Jeepers, I just got all choked up just thinking about it. My life is becoming what I always wanted, I just needed to be true to myself. Gosh...who knew?

My coffee meeting was just with the one woman but she was lovely and lots of fun. We talked for a good hour and a half. It was so amazing to be able to just chat about life and trans stuff. I will likely see her again too. Her girlfriend is my new roommate!

Oh wow! You're amazing, I hope you know that. It sounds like you have a very bright future coming very soon, with all these amazing things lined up

Well, if today is officially the one year anniversary of you discovering yourself, than that is one good reason to celebrate. Happy first anniversary of becoming your genuine self, and here's to many more!

[butterflydreams]

My boss said something to me recently that I thought might be of help to people here. We were talking about how worried I was that I was inconveniencing others and making people feel really awkward. I said I felt like people had the right to hear my request (for name and pronouns) and tell me to go to hell, they weren't going to do it. He said he was sure this was a thousand times harder for me than it will be for anyone else. I never really thought about that before. Same old thought patterns I guess, my feelings don't matter, sacrifice them so that others aren't inconvenienced. But maybe that'll help others to hear: this is a lot harder for you than it is for anyone who gives you a hard time about it, or begrudgingly accepts you.

[DannyFenton123]

Hello everybody :)

[Emery.]

Hi :)

[Heart]

Hey Danny!

Random shout out to Hadley: I remember a time when you started growing out your hair, and were all worried that more was falling out. Most people reassured you that it was just longer, so each strand falling out seemed like more, do you remember that?

Well, do you remember how I recently chopped off a huge chunk of hair?

MAN, this hair sheds so much less than I'm used to! I don't think it's purely the "same number of strands, but each strand seems longer/shorter, so the total feels much more/less but it really isn't" effect. I think there's a little more going on: I think when I had long hair, the individual hairs just wouldn't fall out on their own in the course of the day, so they'd wait until I brushed it or washed it to all fall out at once. But now that it's so much shorter, the individual strands experience much less overall friction with their neighbours, so there's less to hold them there and they are just more likely to fall out over the course of the day without me noticing. Entropy too, it tangles so much less, so I'm sure that holds the hairs in less too.

It used to be that every single week I'd have to empty my hair brush, but I just realized that I haven't emptied it since I cut my hair. Wow. So much less hair falling out.

Anywho, that thought revelation made me think of you :) I suspect it will feel like you're losing even more hair as it gets even longer, if my reverse experience is anything to go by :P

[DannyFenton123]

Speaking of hair, I told my dad this morning that I'd like to cut my hair really short. My hair has always been annoyingly long so it'll be a bit different, but it's something I've always wanted to do; people have never really let me cut it above my shoulder despite the fact that I can't brush it properly for the life of me. I was looking up short haircuts and I thought a pixie cut would look really nice on me :)

Though my dad said yes, he was kind of weird about it. He said 'not too short' but didn't give much of an explanation as to how short this is. I'm worried that what he thinks he agreed to is me cutting my hair off just below the shoulder. So I'll talk about it with my older sister and my dad later, but for now I'm hoping for the best.

I don't have anything against long hair; it does look really nice. But I personally really don't like how it looks on me and how awful I am at maintaining it. So this was a ramble :)

[Emery.]

I can't brush it properly for the life of me. I was looking up short haircuts and I thought a pixie cut would look really nice on me :)

Same story here... Mess! Sholder length is about right for me though. Not too much maintainance, looks nice. I need to get it cut again, btw. I don't like pixies :P I can't help that if I cut my hair short I would probably end up looking like Justin Bieber. Or basically would unconsciously choose something very masculine. It has a tendency to happen to me. E.g. I go buy jewelry. I pick a bracelet. It turns out to be the only piece of men's jewelry in the whole shop... *sigh*

[butterflydreams]

Hey Danny!

Random shout out to Hadley: I remember a time when you started growing out your hair, and were all worried that more was falling out. Most people reassured you that it was just longer, so each strand falling out seemed like more, do you remember that?

Well, do you remember how I recently chopped off a huge chunk of hair?

MAN, this hair sheds so much less than I'm used to! I don't think it's purely the "same number of strands, but each strand seems longer/shorter, so the total feels much more/less but it really isn't" effect. I think there's a little more going on: I think when I had long hair, the individual hairs just wouldn't fall out on their own in the course of the day, so they'd wait until I brushed it or washed it to all fall out at once. But now that it's so much shorter, the individual strands experience much less overall friction with their neighbours, so there's less to hold them there and they are just more likely to fall out over the course of the day without me noticing. Entropy too, it tangles so much less, so I'm sure that holds the hairs in less too.

It used to be that every single week I'd have to empty my hair brush, but I just realized that I haven't emptied it since I cut my hair. Wow. So much less hair falling out.

Anywho, that thought revelation made me think of you :) I suspect it will feel like you're losing even more hair as it gets even longer, if my reverse experience is anything to go by :P

Hahaha :lol: I still make a little *sigh* noise in the shower when I see hair strands on my hands...or when I see what's in the brush after I brush it. Though now that it's longer, and HRT is doing whatever it can (no matter how little) to help, it's a lot less stressful :P

I think you're probably completely right, and I think you even mentioned something similar to me when I was worried. Any given head probably sheds pretty much the same amount of hair, but it obviously appears to be more when each strand is longer.

Should I take this to mean your new hair is working out? I'm excited! Have you tried a man-bun yet?