TransWhatevers of AVEN

[Heart]

Oops, I'm afraid I didn't phrase the nude beach idea very well :redface: The last thing I wanted to do was imply that physical body dysphoria is somehow nonexistent or would just go away magically at a nude beach. I should have been more explicit in saying that I was talking more about social dysphoria than physical dysphoria... *hugs* As with everything else here, your mileage will vary, and what works for me would not necessarily work for anyone else. I'm sorry that I accidentally minimized body dysphoria :(

But clothing optional places are the best of all. In fact, one of the beaches on my last university's campus was a clothing optional beach, and it was surrounded by cliffs and on a point, so no way to see it from any other beaches or by the road, so great seclusion and privacy. I liked it better than nude beaches; choice is always the best, you can just do whatever you feel like that day ^_^

I think gender identity should probably still recieve a distinct protection as well. There are trans folk who are not dysphoric. Genderqueer folks and cis folks with different gender expressions should be protected as well. I am really not sure this is the best route. I also know a woman with Cerebral Palsy who got angry with a trans woman who conflated the trans struggle with her own.

I think that if gender received distinct protection, it would negate the need for dysphoria to be a disability. But until then, I guess we have to take what we can get, eh? And, to be fair, dysphoria can be a heck of a thing to deal with. It stops me sometimes from leaving my room at all, period. I have struggled with both dysphoria and depression in the past, and while it's often impossible to disentangle the two as they sometimes feed back in on each other, when one is present without the other, the two have similar effects. And of similar intensities. So while I can see that people who suffer dysphoria are in no way the same as people who suffer any other disability, and each person has their own experiences, all of which are valid... dysphoria can have very damaging effects as well. I say "as well" and not "the same as" because it's not always the same, but that doesn't make it easier or somehow less worthy of help.

So, I guess I'm saying that in short, dysphoria to me kinda is a hindrance on my life. Just like depression can be at times. If depression is a disability thing (and it can be, though I have never gone through the paperwork to make it official) then I don't see why dysphoria can't be too. To me, an official diagnosis of disability is not about being somehow "weaker" or worse in any way. It's about acknowledging that your needs are not met in standard procedures. Your needs are simply a bit different than your typical public space or workplace caters to, and so you need a word to wave around with some official clout so that people in HR will listen to you and give you the accommodations you need to be the most productive you. So, even if we were to say definitively that gender dysphoria is a disability, I don't see that as the same thing as saying that people with gender dysphoria share any part of their experience with people who need a wheelchair, for instance. We need different accommodations, such as gender-neutral washrooms (for example; after all, what helps one person won't help another etc). We experience the world differently. But we can still function better when certain conditions (appropriate washrooms for example) are met, just like someone who is in a wheelchair can function better when there are ramps and elevators. It's just really too bad that the word "disability" has such stigma attached to it; it really shouldn't be a bad word. It should simply be a way to acknowledge variation in ability, experience, and need. It is not a reflection on a person's strength or beauty.

I don't know if that made sense. I guess my summary of that is this: an official designation as disabled, to me, means only that it is officially recognised that the environment that you work best, happiest and most efficiently in is different than the one that corporations provide as a standard one-size-fits-all. So you can have the right to ask them to change within reason for you, instead of them just not hiring you. That, to me, is what a non-discrimination against disability is all about, not about saying that one person's experience is "the same" as another's, or "worse" or "harder" than any other person. It's just that you are an individual who has different ideal conditions. I hope that makes sense... I don't think I phrased it well at all

Having said all that, yes, it would be really nice if there was a non-discrimination protection of some sort for people of all genders and orientations, regardless of if it would otherwise impact their ability to work or not (so regardless of if it's a disability in the sense of needing a modification of some sort in the environment to lead to optimum conditions).

[Kellam]

I think I may have confirmed today an important difference between myself now, and myself prior to starting transition.

Bad ideas* genuinely sound like bad ideas instead of good ones now. I still have thoughts about things, but they genuinely sound like bad ideas to me now.

*self-destructive behaviors, ending it all, etc

I feel like I can see things clearly now, as they really are, and not as my depressed brain saw them. It's really sad how bad things were. I can't hug and console past me though.

Hadley, I know what you mean. I have had so many similar revelations. Being able to recognize my feelings for what they are is so very powerful. I have been going through old photos recently. Pre puberty I am all happy goofy me. And then the sadness hit and I find myself looking at those pic from my teens and twenties and just saying, "it is all going to work out in the end, it is okay" . Sometimes when I am walking around Boston and I pass a place I remember doing self destructive things or feeling a lot of pain, I can see my old self and I want to call out.

Eventide, I am still trying to get a handle on self harm. Most of mine was more pasive our substance based. As I have learned whilst getting sober, tackle the most destructive thing first. Give yourself time, a year or more if you have to. It is okay to work on it too and fail. So long as you keep working on it. Calligraphette is right on about ptsd. Until I started talking to medical professionals I hadn't even considered that I had suffered trauma. It does still haunt me. But once you know about it you can work on it.

We really need folks to know that the biggest change in transition is being able to love yourself.

[Kellam]

Oops, I'm afraid I didn't phrase the nude beach idea very well :redface: The last thing I wanted to do was imply that physical body dysphoria is somehow nonexistent or would just go away magically at a nude beach. I should have been more explicit in saying that I was talking more about social dysphoria than physical dysphoria... *hugs* As with everything else here, your mileage will vary, and what works for me would not necessarily work for anyone else. I'm sorry that I accidentally minimized body dysphoria :(

But clothing optional places are the best of all. In fact, one of the beaches on my last university's campus was a clothing optional beach, and it was surrounded by cliffs and on a point, so no way to see it from any other beaches or by the road, so great seclusion and privacy. I liked it better than nude beaches; choice is always the best, you can just do whatever you feel like that day ^_^

I think gender identity should probably still recieve a distinct protection as well. There are trans folk who are not dysphoric. Genderqueer folks and cis folks with different gender expressions should be protected as well. I am really not sure this is the best route. I also know a woman with Cerebral Palsy who got angry with a trans woman who conflated the trans struggle with her own.

I think that if gender received distinct protection, it would negate the need for dysphoria to be a disability. But until then, I guess we have to take what we can get, eh? And, to be fair, dysphoria can be a heck of a thing to deal with. It stops me sometimes from leaving my room at all, period. I have struggled with both dysphoria and depression in the past, and while it's often impossible to disentangle the two as they sometimes feed back in on each other, when one is present without the other, the two have similar effects. And of similar intensities. So while I can see that people who suffer dysphoria are in no way the same as people who suffer any other disability, and each person has their own experiences, all of which are valid... dysphoria can have very damaging effects as well. I say "as well" and not "the same as" because it's not always the same, but that doesn't make it easier or somehow less worthy of help.

So, I guess I'm saying that in short, dysphoria to me kinda is a hindrance on my life. Just like depression can be at times. If depression is a disability thing (and it can be, though I have never gone through the paperwork to make it official) then I don't see why dysphoria can't be too. To me, an official diagnosis of disability is not about being somehow "weaker" or worse in any way. It's about acknowledging that your needs are not met in standard procedures. Your needs are simply a bit different than your typical public space or workplace caters to, and so you need a word to wave around with some official clout so that people in HR will listen to you and give you the accommodations you need to be the most productive you. So, even if we were to say definitively that gender dysphoria is a disability, I don't see that as the same thing as saying that people with gender dysphoria share any part of their experience with people who need a wheelchair, for instance. We need different accommodations, such as gender-neutral washrooms (for example; after all, what helps one person won't help another etc). We experience the world differently. But we can still function better when certain conditions (appropriate washrooms for example) are met, just like someone who is in a wheelchair can function better when there are ramps and elevators. It's just really too bad that the word "disability" has such stigma attached to it; it really shouldn't be a bad word. It should simply be a way to acknowledge variation in ability, experience, and need. It is not a reflection on a person's strength or beauty.

I don't know if that made sense. I guess my summary of that is this: an official designation as disabled, to me, means only that it is officially recognised that the environment that you work best, happiest and most efficiently in is different than the one that corporations provide as a standard one-size-fits-all. So you can have the right to ask them to change within reason for you, instead of them just not hiring you. That, to me, is what a non-discrimination against disability is all about, not about saying that one person's experience is "the same" as another's, or "worse" or "harder" than any other person. It's just that you are an individual who has different ideal conditions. I hope that makes sense... I don't think I phrased it well at all

Having said all that, yes, it would be really nice if there was a non-discrimination protection of some sort for people of all genders and orientations, regardless of if it would otherwise impact their ability to work or not (so regardless of if it's a disability in the sense of needing a modification of some sort in the environment to lead to optimum conditions).

You put that so well! And I do agree. I could have gotten so much further in my life by now if not for the hindrance of dysphoria. That is part of the bounty of transition, I now get to take opportunity as it comes instead of having to fight against the pain of trying to live my dreams as an incomplete me. I guess for me, having grown up with a father who works with the intellectually disabled as well those with physical disabilities my view is a bit skewed. I have always seen myself as very able bodied. I have trouble both asking for help and receiving it. Not to mention even admitting there is a problem. Old self denier me. I am working on that.

I think that's my new mantra...I'm working on that!

[CosineTheCat]

Oh! I promised pictures a few days ago, Sorry all, the days have been hectic since I'm in the middle of moving into a new house.

Anyways, I took these directly off of facebook, but I've pretty much spammed many people the last couple days with my new hair cut xD

So, you can;t see how long my hair was, but this was before:

and after:

[butterflydreams]

Yay, Cosine! I'm also digging that leather jacket in the second pic. Sharp!

Back in the day when people finished their transitions, we used to call it 'living the good life'. I saw soo many people being happier than they ever were. That's why I think the people at the gender clinics with ideological axes to grind are just SO wrong when they say that transition makes no difference.

My hope would be that these people are saying that transition makes "no difference" in that it won't make you a different person. That would be technically accurate. And it's one of the things I told myself when thinking about what to do. I reminded myself that it isn't going to make my problems go away. The same things that made me depressed before will still be there during and after. However...how effectively you're able to handle problems does change I think, and I think that's what I'm noticing. Same problems, but instead of being terminal, I feel able to work through them.

Now if anyone wanted to say that doesn't count as a difference, then I'd certainly want to have words with them. That's a huge difference, and a potentially life-saving one at that.

I also appreciate you mentioning seeing people happier than they ever were. That gives me hope. In the trenches, it can sometimes feel like tomorrow is forever away, and I don't have the strength or resolve to get there. We focus a lot on the struggles, problems and difficulties, so it's nice to hear positive stories too. *hugs*

Oops, I'm afraid I didn't phrase the nude beach idea very well :redface: The last thing I wanted to do was imply that physical body dysphoria is somehow nonexistent or would just go away magically at a nude beach. I should have been more explicit in saying that I was talking more about social dysphoria than physical dysphoria... *hugs* As with everything else here, your mileage will vary, and what works for me would not necessarily work for anyone else. I'm sorry that I accidentally minimized body dysphoria :(

But clothing optional places are the best of all. In fact, one of the beaches on my last university's campus was a clothing optional beach, and it was surrounded by cliffs and on a point, so no way to see it from any other beaches or by the road, so great seclusion and privacy. I liked it better than nude beaches; choice is always the best, you can just do whatever you feel like that day ^_^

No worries from me here :) I knew what you were getting at, though I think I and others saw "nude", blocked out the rest and went, agghhhgh! *fingers in ears* Just a little bit ;)

Truth be told, I enjoyed thinking about it in the very long term scenario. That's kind of how a lot of this stuff is. The journey is the real pain, so sometimes it's nice to cut out the middle part and bask in the sunshine of the destination if only in imagination. I liked thinking about it as a goal too, like Kellam I suppose. That kind of thing had never come up on my radar before, because I never would've done it. Now? Well, hold on there, maybe that would be fun...

I guess it's kind of like all this stuff you were being held back from, and you didn't even realize it, and now I'm like, "oh, wow, that sounds fun, and that sounds fun, ooo I just have to try that!"

We really need folks to know that the biggest change in transition is being able to love yourself.

Heh, I didn't even know this was a thing. I thought life sucked, and it sucked for everyone, but they were just way better at toughing it out than I was.

[jack616]

Oh! I promised pictures a few days ago, Sorry all, the days have been hectic since I'm in the middle of moving into a new house.

Anyways, I took these directly off of facebook, but I've pretty much spammed many people the last couple days with my new hair cut xD

So, you can;t see how long my hair was, but this was before:

and after:

Awesome!!!

[Heart]

I think that's my new mantra...I'm working on that!

I like it. Can I borrow that? There are some days when it feels like my entire energy goes towards the battle to just gain one inch... but I'm working on it. Those inches add up over time, y'know! ;)

Oh! I promised pictures a few days ago, Sorry all, the days have been hectic since I'm in the middle of moving into a new house.

Anyways, I took these directly off of facebook, but I've pretty much spammed many people the last couple days with my new hair cut xD

So, you can;t see how long my hair was, but this was before:

and after:

I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU LOOK SO AMAZINGGGGGGGGG!

Like, seriously. The new hair cut suites you perfectly, and I love the colouring too. It's like the icing on the cake ;)

[Kellam]

Cosine, seriously, you look awesome and I second the thumbs up on the leather jacket, so cool.

Heart, of course you can take on my mantra!...'cause every little bit helps. ;)

[butterflydreams]

I know it's a little last-minute, but in talking to my therapist on Tuesday, we did kind of think of a mental game plan for Thanksgiving (which I'm traveling to my parents' house for this year). I'll have my brother and his girlfriend there as some kind of backup, but she suggested having someone I trusted somewhere else just to message, or for virtual hugs, or just to say that they have your back.

I don't think I'm gonna need that myself (famous last words) but I did want to mention that my inbox here is open for others to message me, especially at this time when people are potentially seeing family they don't see as often. It adds in a whole new element of stress. Heck, even I'll be seeing my grandma.

I can't promise super quick turnaround on messages, but I'll do my best. *hugs for everyone*

[Calligraphette_Coe]

Oh! I promised pictures a few days ago, Sorry all, the days have been hectic since I'm in the middle of moving into a new house.

Anyways, I took these directly off of facebook, but I've pretty much spammed many people the last couple days with my new hair cut xD

OMG, how nifty is that hair cut? Let me count the ways..... Avogadro's number ought to just about cover it! :)

[EventideTraveler]

Oh! I promised pictures a few days ago, Sorry all, the days have been hectic since I'm in the middle of moving into a new house.

Anyways, I took these directly off of facebook, but I've pretty much spammed many people the last couple days with my new hair cut xD

It's really cool! Cooler still is the fact that it makes you so happy. ^__^

[daveb]

I envy your long hair in the before pic (I have lost too much hair on top of my head to be able to feel good about having long hair anymore), but the new short haircut looks great on you, Cosine!

I'll be at home, enjoying myself alone, for Thanksgiving. In fact, I don't know if I'll even venture out at all for most of the long weekend, so I won't likely be talking to anyone for the next few days. The only thing that is annoying is I had ordered some stuff online and the tracking info was saying it was supposed to be delivered yesterday and showed in the local system for my own. But then the Post Offal apparently had some difficulty and now the tracking info looks like it was sent back to the local PO distribution/sorting office. So I won't get it until Friday at the earliest now. If they even get it sorted out and don't send it back to the seller or something. :(

[Calligraphette_Coe]

Back in the day when people finished their transitions, we used to call it 'living the good life'. I saw soo many people being happier than they ever were. That's why I think the people at the gender clinics with ideological axes to grind are just SO wrong when they say that transition makes no difference.

My hope would be that these people are saying that transition makes "no difference" in that it won't make you a different person. That would be technically accurate. And it's one of the things I told myself when thinking about what to do. I reminded myself that it isn't going to make my problems go away. The same things that made me depressed before will still be there during and after. However...how effectively you're able to handle problems does change I think, and I think that's what I'm noticing. Same problems, but instead of being terminal, I feel able to work through them.

Now if anyone wanted to say that doesn't count as a difference, then I'd certainly want to have words with them. That's a huge difference, and a potentially life-saving one at that.

I also appreciate you mentioning seeing people happier than they ever were. That gives me hope. In the trenches, it can sometimes feel like tomorrow is forever away, and I don't have the strength or resolve to get there. We focus a lot on the struggles, problems and difficulties, so it's nice to hear positive stories too. *hugs*

The Quakers have a theory about one's self and being- one should always follow the Inner Light. And I saw people do that, and be changed by that. Transition was like a caterpillar going into bio-stasis to emerge as a butterfly... their past caterpillarness trapped their Inner Light. But when they were allowed to emerge into the sun, no force on Earth could have kept them from taking wing to the wind and finding the beauty in that Inner Light set free by their new butterflyness.

You'll see! Maybe I'm like your annoying big sis who keeps telling you things ad nauseum, but if you get around more trans people, you'll probably get to see it, too. Especially when you look in the mirror. :)

[Kellam]

Thank you Calligraphette, I needed that piece of Quaker theology right now.

Hadley, you are so sweet to open your inbox.

dave, so sorry about your package but I hope you enjoy your holiday alone. I did that last year and it was marvelous.

I'll be here all weekend. Having turkey day lunch with my folks and my Uncle. And some good news came today too. My brother has lifted one ban. I can send his daughters gifts!

[EventideTraveler]

That is definitely very kind of you Hadley. =)

Not that anyone really knows me very well here or that I ever do or say anything terribly memorable/meaningful, but my inbox is open as well. I won't be doing thanksgiving with my family, but rather a friend's place, so there will be a few hours when I can't reply, but I'll check before I leave and as soon as I get back.

[butterflydreams]

Back in the day when people finished their transitions, we used to call it 'living the good life'. I saw soo many people being happier than they ever were. That's why I think the people at the gender clinics with ideological axes to grind are just SO wrong when they say that transition makes no difference.

My hope would be that these people are saying that transition makes "no difference" in that it won't make you a different person. That would be technically accurate. And it's one of the things I told myself when thinking about what to do. I reminded myself that it isn't going to make my problems go away. The same things that made me depressed before will still be there during and after. However...how effectively you're able to handle problems does change I think, and I think that's what I'm noticing. Same problems, but instead of being terminal, I feel able to work through them.

Now if anyone wanted to say that doesn't count as a difference, then I'd certainly want to have words with them. That's a huge difference, and a potentially life-saving one at that.

I also appreciate you mentioning seeing people happier than they ever were. That gives me hope. In the trenches, it can sometimes feel like tomorrow is forever away, and I don't have the strength or resolve to get there. We focus a lot on the struggles, problems and difficulties, so it's nice to hear positive stories too. *hugs*

The Quakers have a theory about one's self and being- one should always follow the Inner Light. And I saw people do that, and be changed by that. Transition was like a caterpillar going into bio-stasis to emerge as a butterfly... their past caterpillarness trapped their Inner Light. But when they were allowed to emerge into the sun, no force on Earth could have kept them from taking wing to the wind and finding the beauty in that Inner Light set free by their new butterflyness.

You'll see! Maybe I'm like your annoying big sis who keeps telling you things ad nauseum, but if you get around more trans people, you'll probably get to see it, too. Especially when you look in the mirror. :)

What? No, I'm not crying, I just have something in both my eyes...

That really is so beautiful. People have actually called me a caterpillar/butterfly before for other reasons, so the metaphor has particular significance to me.

[binary suns]

I wanna be a butterfly

[Autumn Sunrise]

I envy your long hair in the before pic (I have lost too much hair on top of my head to be able to feel good about having long hair anymore), but the new short haircut looks great on you, Cosine!

I'll be at home, enjoying myself alone, for Thanksgiving. In fact, I don't know if I'll even venture out at all for most of the long weekend, so I won't likely be talking to anyone for the next few days. The only thing that is annoying is I had ordered some stuff online and the tracking info was saying it was supposed to be delivered yesterday and showed in the local system for my own. But then the Post Offal apparently had some difficulty and now the tracking info looks like it was sent back to the local PO distribution/sorting office. So I won't get it until Friday at the earliest now. If they even get it sorted out and don't send it back to the seller or something. :(

:(, Dave - wretched Post Offal (like that name - I think I'll adopt it :D )

Caligraphette, I love the idea of likening transition to the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly - such a positive and beautiful way to see it!

I have a plentiful supply of *hugs* to spare, whenever anyone needs them, and I always answer PMs.

I hope that Thanksgiving will bring a little special happiness to everyone here from the US, whether you are alone or with family/friends (I wish Australia had something like that - I think it's one of the nicest traditions of the US).

Hadley, I'll be thinking of you - take care, and I hope you make it back home safely.

[EventideTraveler]

It occurs to me that it's basically impossible to be "stealth" as a nonbinary person. During the time I IDed as a trans woman, I had the privilege of my gender (or at least what I thought my gender was at the time) being recognized as an existing thing by society, so whether they knew I was trans or not, I could at least get them to file me into the correct "gender box" with my presentation and transition.

But now...there really isn't a such thing as "stealth" for me. The fact that I want to be called "they" alone makes that basically impossible. Either I endure misgendering...or I out myself. There is no way to communicate my correct gender to people without them knowing I'm trans.

I can't visit my family this thanksgiving due to not being able to afford an airplane ticket (and I'm not ready to come out to them again anyway; they were difficult enough about calling me my true name and "she" and will probably think I'm just confused/flip-flopping/something, I don't even know) so instead, a friend of my housemates' who I've met several times and found to be a lovely person invited me to her family's thanksgiving celebration tomorrow. I decided to go, because I REALLY need to get out of the house and try to meet people here since I know almost no one in the area, but I'm nervous; I want to ask that I be introduced with they/them pronouns, and I don't want to present ultra-femininely if I don't want to. I know that this person and her family are super supportive of trans people, but I don't know where they stand on nonbinary/genderqueer things, and while they're probably just fine, there ARE "allies" who are supportive of binary trans people while still thinking genders outside male and female "don't exist."

Note: this person currently thinks I'm a trans woman

[EventideTraveler]

hm...maybe I could be okay just being perceived as female for this brief encounter. It's definitely less triggering/dysphoric than being seen as male.

It still bothers me though. I'm not a girl. Feminine inclinations don't make me one. Nor does thinking I was one for a time. Nor does taking full-dose estrogen HRT (which makes me feel more "right" even though my gender isn't female). That's not who I am. /:

I'm strangely worked up about this, even if it's only for a few hours on one day. Blegh...

[Kellam]

hm...maybe I could be okay just being perceived as female for this brief encounter. It's definitely less triggering/dysphoric than being seen as male.

It still bothers me though. I'm not a girl. Feminine inclinations don't make me one. Nor does thinking I was one for a time. Nor does taking full-dose estrogen HRT (which makes me feel more "right" even though my gender isn't female). That's not who I am. /:

I'm strangely worked up about this, even if it's only for a few hours on one day. Blegh...

I am in the same boat only I have an easier time being seen as female. I do like it! But the most important thing for me is not being seen as male. It is also just safer and easier to be seen as female. My Mom calls my main mode of dressing "deliberately androgynous " and my "androgyny project" . Basically I wear a lot of andro and butch leaning women's clothes. I'm going out for turkey day and I will be sporting a blazer with a button front collared shirt, jeans and sneakers. I had no trouble with being feminine, I always knew that, it was the lack of expression that killed me. That and the body dysphoria (yay hrt!) I did have to struggle to accept that I am trans, and that tomboy explains me so well. I want the world to see that. Do what feels right yo! I will keep you in my thoughts.

Ps. I had written a longer reply but the site crashed just as I was posting! I gotta try and get some sleep...

[oldme]

I've been very lonely these past few months and one of the biggest reasons is that my best friend has been busy and we haven't had any chance to hang out and play board games, etc. Yesterday I had a Skype chat with my friend and he admitted that he's been deliberately avoiding me and every time we've had plans to do something he has given me excuses that weren't true. He said that the reason is me coming out to him couple of months ago. He said that he's always thought of himself as a liberal and open minded person, but me revealing being trans wasn't something he was ready for. His exact words: "It knocked my blocks off, and I've been trying to stack them back together ever since". He admitted that he feels deeply ashamed of his behavior and said that me being trans will not end or change our friendship. I told him that it's ok and he can have as much time as he needs to sort things out. We had a long chat about what is going to happen and I addressed all his concerns and answered his questions about the process. His primary concerns were the suicide rates of trans people and the fear that I'm going to be a completely different person. We had a talk about the statistics and I told him that I'm more likely to end myself in the future if I stay the way I am. As for turning into a complete stranger, I said that I don't know. I said that my personality is probably going to stay the same no matter how I look on the outside. It all ended on a positive note and he said he was relieved that we could talk about it freely. It's always been like that between us, we've always been able to speak about difficult personal issues, but this was just a little bit bigger than others for him.

[jack616]

*cries* My stupid GP won't administer my hormones :'( ill have to go all the way into central London to a trans drop in service who say they will do it. Ugh! Feel like dressing in ninja gear and painting the outside of the GP with rude words. VERY rude words.

Oldme, so sorry gun :( hope things even out. I've experienced the same. (Hugs)

[EventideTraveler]

*cries* My stupid GP won't administer my hormones :'( ill have to go all the way into central London to a trans drop in service who say they will do it. Ugh! Feel like dressing in ninja gear and painting the outside of the GP with rude words. VERY rude words.

Oldme, so sorry gun :( hope things even out. I've experienced the same. (Hugs)

Jack, I'm sorry to hear that. My GP wouldn't either, and it can be so disheartening...

You'll get there, though! For whatever that's worth...which I know at some times may not be much. *hugs*

[jack616]

I'm so fed up mate :(

[EventideTraveler]

I'm so fed up mate :(

I know the feeling, and I just wish I could help more concretely somehow... :c

*more hugs if you want them*

[Kellam]

jack I am so sorry your doctor is alowing their own bias to cloud their responsibilities. I hope the next place you go will be more honest in their dealings.

oldme, that is hard but I am so glad your friend is at least talking to you again.

[binary suns]

my hair looks ok today

I want to learn how to make my hair look amazing every day

but I want it to look amazing in a feminine way and I'm not out yet

I don't know what to do with my hair

I hate shaving my upper lip it hurts every time so much :( and thankfuly my lower lip doesn't grow very fast cause i keep cutting it :(

[Kellam]

my hair looks ok todayI want to learn how to make my hair look amazing every daybut I want it to look amazing in a feminine way and I'm not out yetI don't know what to do with my hairI hate shaving my upper lip it hurts every time so much :( and thankfuly my lower lip doesn't grow very fast cause i keep cutting it :(

You'll get there. I hate the upper lip too. I got the worse razor burn there. Then I started electrolysis and even though there is still hair it is so much finer. Even though you aren't out could you get electrolysis or laser (if you are lucky enough to have the right skin and hair colors)? That could be a huge relief. Or I just got an electric razor. It doesn't get it baby smooth but it does a decent job. For your hair could you do a more andro look? I don't know, I know how rough it is, the situation I mean.

[binary suns]

I have no clues :(