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7 minutes ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

I pretty much stopped caring about/to some extent for my body since my mum moved country and couldn't nag me about it, and this is the first time in ages I've wanted to do something like exercise to feel and look better. Not superficially, I just really want to start feeling like my core muscles actually exist.

Sometimes when the people around us exert constant, subtle pressure to be other than we truly are we don't realize how much it grates on us and reduces our energy to enjoy life. I'm glad you're feeling more free now, and that it's showing up along with inspiration to develop your core strength. I'll bet it's getting easier to make healthy choices, too! So glad for you!

I love it when I feel inspired and interested in something, because it means I'll make a lot more progress than I would otherwise. Go for it! 

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
1 minute ago, Ix Phoen said:

Sometimes when the people around us exert constant, subtle pressure to be other than we truly are we don't realize how much it grates on us and reduces our energy to enjoy life. I'm glad you're feeling more free now, and that it's showing up along with inspiration to develop your core strength. I'll bet it's getting easier to make healthy choices, too! So glad for you!

I love it when I feel inspired and interested in something, because it means I'll make a lot more progress than I would otherwise. Go for it! 

Thank you! My mum was very much like that while I was growing up, and I never got on well with her at the time, but she was also divorced and raising me while working several jobs, including weekend/evening carework. I really can't blame her for it, and have already confronted her about how it was for me since I started understanding myself in terms of autistic traits. I think I should try and be more active, will see what happens since I have a dissertation to write for September :( but anyway. Thanks! :D I am already slightly healthier lately...

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Mezzo Forte
1 hour ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

Also, I pretty much stopped caring about/to some extent for my body since my mum moved country and couldn't nag me about it, and this is the first time in ages I've wanted to do something like exercise to feel and look better. Not superficially, I just really want to start feeling like my core muscles actually exist.

Is this too weird?

Nothing weird about that! Outside forces can sometimes feel like they rob you of your agency, like the decision to care for yourself wasn't your own. Without such voices nagging you, there's room to exploring your own feelings and coming to a decision on your own. Plus, I think it's good on the mind to actively commit to feeling healthier. :) 

 

(So, would you say developing six pack abs requires some hardcore training? :P)

 

I'm honestly relieved that I'm starting to return to a state of normalcy for the first time in a while. I'm done with all the medicine that kept making me bloat and threw my appetite into chaos, not to mention that I'm healed up enough to finally resume most forms of exercise. My weight's still a bit higher than normal, but back within a pretty decent range, and I'm feeling more confident about my body than I ever have. :) 

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26 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

(So, would you say developing six pack abs requires some hardcore training? :P)

 

Man, have I missed you people!

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Calligraphette_Coe
15 hours ago, Heart said:

<3

 

I'm so glad you got a spurt of the recognition you deserve at work. You deserve far more than just a raise, but I'm glad you at least got that.

 

Thanks, Heart! It's good to see ya again! And that red Admin blazer looks good on you!

 

As far as career ebb and flow, enh..... I know I'm shooting myself in the foot by not looking like the stereotypical engineer and/or being management material. That's why they buried me  deeper in the bowels of the place and replaced me with a neophyte who looks like a football player. Says all the right things, flirts with all the women, etc, etc, etc., brims with self-confidence bordering on arrogance.

 

I still remember how to fix equipment that uses vacuum tubes, how to use a slide rule, and am a wizard with  dial calipers or micrometer-- that's how far back i go. And I saw 'em come and go. They say the sergeants run the army but it takes an O4 or above to realize that and give those sergeants the proper respect. Even the word 'sergeant' has it roots in the Latin, which means 'to serve'.

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Dodecahedron314

Late to the party because I've been offline for reasons of being really sick (thanks, whoever got me sick on the plane back to the US), but: @Heart's back! Huzzah! *throws confetti*

 

Summary: I'm...reasonably alive? The university finally put together a proper astronomy/astrophysics major, so I'm trying that out and seeing if I can hang onto this new jury-rigged academic contraption without bits of it falling off. I gallivanted around Europe for a bit after my astronomy program in Paris (and even went to CERN! Though I don't think I saw you there), and am currently chilling (well, as much as is possible with this humidity) in Florida before heading off to my job at a cosmic ray experiment in New Mexico for the summer. So yeah, things.

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butterflydreams

I really wish I could do cool shit like y'all here. I didn't want to be a software engineer you know. Even though I taught myself a lot in high school, it wasn't what I wanted to do. I thought it was too easy, pointless and worthless. I just happened to be really good at it. I thought, "well, if I trudge through, maybe I'll at least make a lot of money and I'll be able to do whatever I want outside of work." But it doesn't work like that. I realized, the places I really want to live? You can't make that kind of money there. My friend is pulling at or beyond 6 figures at this point, but where he lives? I couldn't do it. 3 months before I graduated college, I had an interview in that same area. They wanted to pay me 80K, straight out of undergrad. But I just couldn't do it.

 

I always wanted to be a pilot when I was little. Or a train engineer. I liked the idea of constantly travelling and seeing new things and doing stuff that most people wouldn't do, and wouldn't want to do. If I could do anything in the world, absolutely anything, I'd drive trains from the mines in the Canadian arctic. I remember being so fascinated when I was reading up about some kind of large iron mine at the top of Baffin Island, and how trains brought the material south for export. I'm not big on the idea of raping the earth like that, but you know what, I kind of don't care anymore.

 

I wanted to see places that no one cares about. Even then, I think I knew, I was destined to be alone anyway. It's much harder to do jobs like that if you have a family. Even now, I think I should just put in an application for IT work at the tar sands in Alberta. 

 

I don't know why I'm too chickenshit to do any of these things. Now, I'm even more afraid to. Don't I need constant reasonable access to transition-related care? How am I going to get my meds on a train on one of the largest, least populated islands in one of the most remote places in the world?

 

I've still never even been on a plane. Because my family was too poor when I was a kid, and I had always said that the first time I was on a plane, I wanted to be in the cockpit. I feel like a complete failure in my life. I really do. And maybe this isn't all trans-related, but I think it is. Just because you're trans, these regular life things don't go away. If anything, they're made more difficult. It's like flying a plane with the landing gear down. Sure, you can do it, the plane will fly, but it will be dragging the whole time. That's what being trans is like. Everything works about the same, but you go slower, and you burn more fuel doing it.

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That's really cool, @Kelly.

 

@Hadley167, more self-defeating talk. Would you talk to a friend like that? Maybe you could use a dose of gender positivity (like going into the thread and finding positive things to write)?

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butterflydreams
7 minutes ago, daveb said:

@Hadley167, more self-defeating talk. Would you talk to a friend like that? Maybe you could use a dose of gender positivity (like going into the thread and finding positive things to write)?

Ugh...it is isn't it? I accept that my brain and my thinking aren't right. I wouldn't talk to a friend like that. Not at all. But a lot of people who should've cared about me, and helped encourage me would and did talk to me just like that. So I learned to talk to myself like that. I'm trying to unlearn, but it's hard. This is years of habit and reinforcement I'm up against. I will try to post more things in the positivity thread. Maybe just push myself to finding something, anything, over and over again.

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I have to agree with all that @daveb says. 

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Hadley, I'm on a CS course! :P I think this is really cool shit. But, of course, everything gets tedious and discouraging in too large amounts. Variety is necessary for many people to keep their interest. And I assure you people need medication frequently. I also do. I carry a lot just in case a migraine or a period caught me somewhere :P I also assure you that packing all your belongings and setting off into the blue isn't as scary or as fun as it seems. But it's exciting!

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Mezzo Forte
2 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

Ugh...it is isn't it? I accept that my brain and my thinking aren't right. I wouldn't talk to a friend like that. Not at all. But a lot of people who should've cared about me, and helped encourage me would and did talk to me just like that. So I learned to talk to myself like that. I'm trying to unlearn, but it's hard. This is years of habit and reinforcement I'm up against. I will try to post more things in the positivity thread. Maybe just push myself to finding something, anything, over and over again.

Heck, some of your wanderlust reminds me of my own, and I'm pretty sure you've talked me off of my ledge before when I freaked out about how my medicine/being trans complicates travel. That's just it though, complicated =/= impossible or even necessarily difficult. There's just more layers to the planning. (Plus, maybe just paying for flight lessons would be enough to meet your goal of flying in a cockpit if that's stopping you from the larger travel you're interested in.)

 

I think Daveb's way of framing this is helpful. It's so easy to rip yourself apart that sometime you need to imagine saying the same hurtful words to someone else to really see what you're doing to yourself. 

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*sigh* I want the school year to end. I want to do the cleanups and fixes and the similar, see friends and family, learn to play the guitar, read the books I want to read and go find myself a sport to do. It's one week left. I'm also changing the degree again :P Uni stays the same, because I like it, but a different course. I'm switching to applied mathematics. Easier and more pleasant than CS, with better job perspectives for me personality-wise.

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On 2017-06-22 at 2:56 AM, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Thanks, Heart! It's good to see ya again! And that red Admin blazer looks good on you!

 

As far as career ebb and flow, enh..... I know I'm shooting myself in the foot by not looking like the stereotypical engineer and/or being management material. That's why they buried me  deeper in the bowels of the place and replaced me with a neophyte who looks like a football player. Says all the right things, flirts with all the women, etc, etc, etc., brims with self-confidence bordering on arrogance.

 

I still remember how to fix equipment that uses vacuum tubes, how to use a slide rule, and am a wizard with  dial calipers or micrometer-- that's how far back i go. And I saw 'em come and go. They say the sergeants run the army but it takes an O4 or above to realize that and give those sergeants the proper respect. Even the word 'sergeant' has it roots in the Latin, which means 'to serve'.

That guy sounds... insufferable. I'm glad I don't have to work with him, I guess :P But in all seriousness, I have so much respect for you Cali. The only things in that list I can use are dial calipers and micrometers, and even then... it takes some thought. You're a genius as far as I'm concerned.

 

On 2017-06-22 at 3:04 AM, Dodecahedron314 said:

Late to the party because I've been offline for reasons of being really sick (thanks, whoever got me sick on the plane back to the US), but: @Heart's back! Huzzah! *throws confetti*

 

Summary: I'm...reasonably alive? The university finally put together a proper astronomy/astrophysics major, so I'm trying that out and seeing if I can hang onto this new jury-rigged academic contraption without bits of it falling off. I gallivanted around Europe for a bit after my astronomy program in Paris (and even went to CERN! Though I don't think I saw you there), and am currently chilling (well, as much as is possible with this humidity) in Florida before heading off to my job at a cosmic ray experiment in New Mexico for the summer. So yeah, things.

YOU WERE AT CERN?! Dang, I'm sorry we missed each other. I could have shown you my corner of the campus, the AD hall! They don't typically show that to tourists, their default tour always seems to just be ATLAS. If you ever go again, or if anyone here goes, let me know; if I'm in Europe at the time, we can at least grab tea or something ^_^

 

Which cosmic ray lab are you going to work at? Particle physics and astronomy are starting to become such intertwined disciplines, I find it fascinating what one can learn from cosmic rays.

 

On 2017-06-23 at 3:11 PM, Hadley167 said:

I really wish I could do cool shit like y'all here. I didn't want to be a software engineer you know. Even though I taught myself a lot in high school, it wasn't what I wanted to do. I thought it was too easy, pointless and worthless. I just happened to be really good at it. I thought, "well, if I trudge through, maybe I'll at least make a lot of money and I'll be able to do whatever I want outside of work." But it doesn't work like that. I realized, the places I really want to live? You can't make that kind of money there. My friend is pulling at or beyond 6 figures at this point, but where he lives? I couldn't do it. 3 months before I graduated college, I had an interview in that same area. They wanted to pay me 80K, straight out of undergrad. But I just couldn't do it.

 

I always wanted to be a pilot when I was little. Or a train engineer. I liked the idea of constantly travelling and seeing new things and doing stuff that most people wouldn't do, and wouldn't want to do. If I could do anything in the world, absolutely anything, I'd drive trains from the mines in the Canadian arctic. I remember being so fascinated when I was reading up about some kind of large iron mine at the top of Baffin Island, and how trains brought the material south for export. I'm not big on the idea of raping the earth like that, but you know what, I kind of don't care anymore.

 

I wanted to see places that no one cares about. Even then, I think I knew, I was destined to be alone anyway. It's much harder to do jobs like that if you have a family. Even now, I think I should just put in an application for IT work at the tar sands in Alberta. 

 

I don't know why I'm too chickenshit to do any of these things. Now, I'm even more afraid to. Don't I need constant reasonable access to transition-related care? How am I going to get my meds on a train on one of the largest, least populated islands in one of the most remote places in the world?

 

I've still never even been on a plane. Because my family was too poor when I was a kid, and I had always said that the first time I was on a plane, I wanted to be in the cockpit. I feel like a complete failure in my life. I really do. And maybe this isn't all trans-related, but I think it is. Just because you're trans, these regular life things don't go away. If anything, they're made more difficult. It's like flying a plane with the landing gear down. Sure, you can do it, the plane will fly, but it will be dragging the whole time. That's what being trans is like. Everything works about the same, but you go slower, and you burn more fuel doing it.

*many hugs* Sometimes, it's not about how much you make. Do you make enough to buy airplane flying lessons? Maybe you should give it a go! And remember, while you could be making more money, if you're talking about silicon valley then you'd also be spending a heck of a load more on basic living costs, and given your personality, probably not as happy either. Money is only important as long as it facilitates your own contentedness and health :cake:

 

Also, as for travelling, it's not impossible as a trans person. Once you're further along in your transition, you'll need less frequent doctor visits, and I'd bet you could ask to be able to "stock up" on hormone meds before long trips up to the arctic circle. There are some pretty beautiful landscapes up there.

 

On 2017-06-23 at 3:28 PM, Kelly said:

These boys are awesome. I'm so glad to see their parental support, and that this generation feels like they can do this! Things like this make me feel like society is indeed making progress :D

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On 2017-06-23 at 3:28 PM, Kelly said:

Wait a minut if that is a protest against the no shorts rule why those the boy with blue backpack have shorts thern?

 

anyway it is super cool:)

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I went to a different hairdresser today. I was supposed to fill out some sort of client info sheet. At least they didn't ask for my gender..I put my birthname there out of habit and it seemed so official, and I immediately regretted it. Anyway, it's not like they actually address me with any name there so it's okay-ish. And I didn't want to strike it out and be asked why or something.

So then the hairdresser came over and we talked about how I want my hair cut and she was like "let's not shave your sides but instead cut them with scissors, otherwise it looks masculine and not feminine". I was so uncomfortable. Yeah, I prefer it like that too but don't call it feminine. I actually like looking masculine-ish. I was also super confused by that info sheet thing, it talked about styling choices and preferences. And I was like "where is short and practical with no styling or any kind of products used?", in the end I checked casual and sporty. The whole thing was supposed to be super nice and friendly, with shaking hands twice and type consultation but I don't like this closeness. She like cut my hair for a whole hour and I was like what are you still doing I can't spot any difference anymore? I guess they want to make it worth the money. If I'd known it'd be so close and *nice* I would've gone elsewhere, especially since it turned out to be more expensive than expected. Oh well.

I guess next month I'll try yet another one. I am still bitter that I can't go to my former hairdresser anymore.

 

But yay! I was really excited for this guy there who got his hair dyed pink! He was 18 at most and really nervous, it was so adorable. And an honorable mention goes to my hairdresser for having petrol hair with an ombre to black, it looked so good.

 

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Welcome, Finn. from Germany. Yeah, the boy that got pink hair is awesome. I hope that you can get what you want from the hairdresser next time. I find Germany to be an awesome place. I have visited and worked in Germany many times over the last quarter century. My brother lived there and my sister-in-law was born there (they are both dead now, but sh*t happens; I did enjoy my times visiting them in Deutschland). One of my colleagues in Germany was out and gay and another was trans. Both had high-level engineering positions. Sometimes, I plan to get a job in Germany and move away from here. I am a bit gender quirky and my German colleagues accept that. Here, not as much.

 

2 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

Wait a minut if that is a protest against the no shorts rule why those the boy with blue backpack have shorts thern?

 

anyway it is super cool:)

I accept the news site's premise, but if they are indeed allowed to wear shorts yet opt to wear skirts instead, that is even cooler.

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19 minutes ago, Kelly said:

I accept the news site's premise, but if they are indeed allowed to wear shorts yet opt to wear skirts instead, that is even cooler.

Yeah i really have to agree with that:)

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ChillaKilla
3 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

Wait a minut if that is a protest against the no shorts rule why those the boy with blue backpack have shorts thern?

Probably either 1. He didn't want to wear a skirt (I know, so uncool :P ) or 2. wanted to go the extra rebellious mile and break the rule totally

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20 minutes ago, Kelly said:

I hope that you can get what you want from the hairdresser next time. I find Germany to be an awesome place.

The haircut turned out fine! I just prefer less fuss (and costs).

 

Most people wouldn't dare to be outspokenly anti gay or something here. We are all oh so *liberal*. Except for like, still not having equal marriage and a horrible legal situation regarding trans stuff but instead have a rise in hate crimes against lgbtq folk. But honestly, most people around here don't have the guts to be openly discriminatory, it'd be more subtle. In my experience at least. 

 

I had a work thing today, we talked about guidelines and work structures and stuff. Turns out we have anti bullying guidelines and everything, the company welcomes diversity and let me look it up "the diverse professions, cultural and religious backgrounds, lifestyles and life experiences of our staff make it especially unique and valuable.". *Lifestyles*, it's so funny. But anyway. I feel like coming out as not-straight lies ahead of me. I am still straight-by-default so far (even though some people seem to be suspicious). Maybe I'll drop hints or take the chance when it presents itself. We'll see.

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ChillaKilla

I like barbershops. Went to one the other day and it was great. A lot of the hairdressers were women, so it didn't have the "macho" exclusionary vibe I was nervous about encountering. Much cheaper than a salon too :P 

If your barbershop doesn't have shelves upon shelves of Mexican pomades and hair tonics, is it really a barbershop? ;)

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*sigh* And if I wear a skirt or nail polish, everyone thinks I'm actually expressing my womanhood *cringe*

 

Finn, you just need to overreact to any mention of anything LGBT-related :P

 

Yeah, apparently barber shops are cheaper...

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From what I know (and quickly googled), barbershops around here are just as expensive, and the men-kind-of-barbershops are very rare. There's one at our main station and that's the only typical barbershop I've ever seen. And it's expensive. 

 

@Emery. if only lgbt topics would ever come up among colleagues! the only time so far was when a colleague said "maybe she's a lesbian" after having a teacher who came for a visit stand really closely to her and making her uncomfortable. It was weird. I just chuckled and asked "do you think so?" and then she laughed as well. Idk.

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AwkwardAxolotl

Another alternative for people trying to find a good barbershop/salon is to cut your own hair/have a friend cut it. As long as you don't want a complicated style, it's not that hard to do at home, and it's way cheaper. I cut my own hair, and sometimes my brother's or my best friend's hair.

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Cutting hair on your own is difficult. Been there, done that.

 

I know what you mean Finn. I was also like... I'm going to come out! But how? It never comes up. Gender, gays, nothing... But I need to come out, because man, they're treating me like a (straight) girl, but I can't even pick on a particular behaviour. It's so irritating. I overreacted to Alan Turing recently. I'm not sure if they concluded something? But it's so hard.

 

Hopefully I'll go to the gender therapist next week (I have an appointment! Yay!) and at least I'll have some more clarity in that regard. I don't know. Other trans guys seem to transition so naturally. They hate their birth names, like to look like guys... And I'm so chill about the topic that... hm?

 

Aaaah, yeah, barber shops are cheaper in the UK at least. Where I live you don't get barber shops except for the very posh ones either. You just have the hairdresser, and both women and men go there.

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Oh yeah have to mention that our government have suggested a new law that transpeople should be included in the law against hate crimes. And will include gender identity and expression. 

And even discrimination will be included. 

 

And it looks like it will start in the first of January 2019.

 

Other sexualitys are already included.

 

http://www.aftonbladet.se/senastenytt/ttnyheter/inrikes/article25151066.ab

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3 hours ago, Finn. said:

 

I went to a different hairdresser today. I was supposed to fill out some sort of client info sheet. At least they didn't ask for my gender..I put my birthname there out of habit and it seemed so official, and I immediately regretted it. Anyway, it's not like they actually address me with any name there so it's okay-ish. And I didn't want to strike it out and be asked why or something.

So then the hairdresser came over and we talked about how I want my hair cut and she was like "let's not shave your sides but instead cut them with scissors, otherwise it looks masculine and not feminine". I was so uncomfortable. Yeah, I prefer it like that too but don't call it feminine. I actually like looking masculine-ish. I was also super confused by that info sheet thing, it talked about styling choices and preferences. And I was like "where is short and practical with no styling or any kind of products used?", in the end I checked casual and sporty. The whole thing was supposed to be super nice and friendly, with shaking hands twice and type consultation but I don't like this closeness. She like cut my hair for a whole hour and I was like what are you still doing I can't spot any difference anymore? I guess they want to make it worth the money. If I'd known it'd be so close and *nice* I would've gone elsewhere, especially since it turned out to be more expensive than expected. Oh well.

I guess next month I'll try yet another one. I am still bitter that I can't go to my former hairdresser anymore.

 

But yay! I was really excited for this guy there who got his hair dyed pink! He was 18 at most and really nervous, it was so adorable. And an honorable mention goes to my hairdresser for having petrol hair with an ombre to black, it looked so good.

 

Finding a good hair dresser and hair cut is so hard, at least for me. The fluidity in my gender doesn't help; every time I go for a haircut, I have that debate with myself. Do I get a haircut that I want in this moment? Or one that will still sit well with me if and when my gender decides to pick up and move again? And if the latter.... well, I have yet to even find a haircut that is sufficiently androgynous :P It doesn't help that I really like my long hair, and though I've considered chopping it off several time, the closest I've ever come is cutting off two feet so that it's still shoulder length but man-bun-able :P

 

Maybe next time I should try throwing out words like "casual and sporty". That could suit me, right?

 

1 hour ago, ChillaKilla said:

I like barbershops. Went to one the other day and it was great. A lot of the hairdressers were women, so it didn't have the "macho" exclusionary vibe I was nervous about encountering. Much cheaper than a salon too :P 

If your barbershop doesn't have shelves upon shelves of Mexican pomades and hair tonics, is it really a barbershop? ;)

Aha. Maybe I should also try a barbershop. I hadn't thought of that.

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9 minutes ago, Heart said:

It doesn't help that I really like my long hair,

high five...

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11 minutes ago, Heart said:

The fluidity in my gender doesn't help

 

Oh yeah. I'm lucky for the most part. Sometimes my gender and dysphoria act up and I want it at chin-length again. I have to say, I looked really cute like that. But this is still way better and fits me at least 80% of the time (and it's less effort). 

 

I love man-buns! 

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