Mezzo Forte Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 13 minutes ago, Hadley167 said: Ahh I love your musical facts, Mezzo! So, what you're saying is that maybe guys will like a woman who plays piano? That's why I'm here. And yes, People tend to dig musicians, and a lot of guys do like piano-playing women in particular from what I can tell. (I know some people with soft spots for women who play instruments and sing at the same time too, which makes piano, guitar, and ukulele pretty popular.) 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Mezzo, you're motivating me to pull out that guitar and learn to play it once again. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 11 minutes ago, Emery. said: Mezzo, you're motivating me to pull out that guitar and learn to play it once again. Go for it! Guitar's a pretty awesome instrument. I really like Latin American styles of acoustic guitar playing, and a lot of guitar music is actually pretty idiomatic on marimba, go figure (I actually really want to either transcribe or arrange some of Villa-Lobos' Choros at some point.) 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gentle Giant Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 In high school I was friends with some of the foreign exchange students and one was a guy from Ecuador who played the flute. he was a very nice soft spoken guy. @Hadley167 When you were talking about playing the flute, it made me think of Jethro Tull and it was interesting that you brought up that your first album was Thick As A Brick later in your post! 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
<No longer active> Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 I wish I could play guitar or ukulele, but I'm left handed and it's difficult to play right handed instruments... you can get left handed ones but they're more expensive and rare... perks of being a minority XD oh well, I'm a polar bear (RAWR) I played piano for like 5 years though 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 2 hours ago, rivkael said: I wish I could play guitar or ukulele, but I'm left handed and it's difficult to play right handed instruments... you can get left handed ones but they're more expensive and rare... perks of being a minority XD oh well, I'm a polar bear (RAWR) I played piano for like 5 years though I can only imagine being a leftie makes that a pain. In percussion, being a leftie is only really noticeable in the beginning stages when you're developing stick control, and that's more of a difference in what parts are easier rather than making the whole experience easier or harder. The learning process rather than a difficulty. Instruments like tambourine don't need specialized forms to play leftie either. When I was in Cuba, I saw this band playing American rock music, and one of their guitar players didn't have a left arm, so he had a leftie guitar and special rig so he could pick with the end of his missing arm. The group actually let one of my friends jump on drum set for a song. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ricki Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 3 hours ago, rivkael said: I wish I could play guitar or ukulele, but I'm left handed Turn the guitar upside down and re-string it Spoiler 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Man, I can't wait until I'm recovered enough to start drumming again. There's a part of me that wonders if maybe in a week or so, I can start just doing isolated wrist exercises with my drum sticks. Maybe find lower-intensity forms of playing that wouldn't transfer to the chest. I'm at least holding off until I get my bandages removed though, since "I wonder if ___ will work one week post-op" tends to be the start of an awful idea. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 I'm going to ask a psychiatrist I know for a gender therapist today. Wish me luck. This. Issue. Is. Draining. Me. Not to get too personal but... I struggle with all sorts of dumb problems in the lines of depression, anxiety and bad temper and I attend therapy. Aaand I tried to talk about it with my therapist. About my gender issues. With some issues she helped. But ultimately. I still have a problem. I very well know what's reasonable or what others would want to hear from me. They would like to have a tomboy. A woman who excels at non-traditional things. Even if gay... they want a woman. I've talked about it in the forum before. About my "crossdressing issues". And issues with cross-identification. I keep on arguing with myself. There is something in me wanting to scream that I am a man. I know I shouldn't. I know it will only cause me problems. Who knows, maybe it's the root of my problems. It needs to end. Something needs to be done about it. I've tried long enough to know that I'm not a tomboy. Unless we stress the "boy" part in it. Yeah, I like this word as much as feminists hate it. I'm scared but I need to take the leap. It all just looks like an attempt to pacify someone who doesn't fit the system. I don't know it. Maybe I will transition with everything? Down to SRS. Maybe just partially. Maybe I'm done already and I need self-acceptance. Because I do have acceptance issues. I used to be a misandrist. Curious, huh? But I guess it's just a spinoff of my transness. Guys could be guys, you know? Hence they deserve to be hated 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Almost. Appointment within two weeks. Date and time to be set. *headdesk* Stress... But you know what? At least the psychiatrist suggested that I don't look like a woman... I said that "a woman" is how I look and he repeated that somewhat... without conviction. 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ashes Floating Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 I almost forgot how it feels to be deadnamed, misgendered, insulted, and belittled in the space of one conversation. Ah, the joys of being non-binary. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Toothlesss Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 So, that weird group thing..(I haven't followed up email wise..) but I find it easier in general (on good days) to accept a retail employee's use of "girl" and "ladies".. in real life- MUCH EASIER than in an online conversation (i.e email) and phones.. because I never see their faces, and unless I freakin know you, I'm not going to be all outgoing like I am in real life sometimes. I feel like the middle ground between online life and real life is real for me, but once you add in having to talk on a phone...(not even video chatting)..it just feels soo...pointless. It's strange because on here and my tumblrs I'm pretty open about myself, but on facebook (where most of the people from my past as a conservative...*cough* thinking past are) I keep it low profile with what I talk about on there. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Sorry to share bad news, but jfc...https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/may/22/texas-bill-ban-transgender-students-bathrooms-lgbt Quote A wide-ranging bill more similar to North Carolina’s that would have affected all public restrooms and preempted local anti-discrimination ordinances was passed by the Texas senate earlier this year but stalled in the state house of representatives, where the speaker, Joe Straus, was worried that businesses and sports events could pull out of the state and damage the economy. Ooo, better not pass the more broad bill, you might lose businesses from the state. Let's just fuck students who don't have a choice instead. /s 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I can't believe how many of those people "gender is made up and an ideology" are in here, that is meant to be a safe space. It's toxic bullshit, excuse my wording. edit: Oh my... why did dysphoria get so hard over the last week or two... Nobody even treats me like a girl any longer... Guys take me on board, madamming almost stopped... Even if I don't pass, you can probably clearly see how I go out of my way to present masculine and this is why the significant reduction of madams. I'm still so... I don't know... I bursted out into tears yesterday in the evening and wanted to scream. It's the first time it got so... acute? And despite things being rather good in that aspect? 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Toothlesss Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 I don't understand why I'm still getting emails from that group leader. Even if I was still there, I'm volunteering at the horse show this weekend. I don't have time for this group nonsense. If you read the longer thread I made about the strange, social anxiety inducing situation, they blamed me for someone else leaving. I don't want any of the catty drama the group leader seems to want to cause and I'm better off away from it. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 @Toothlesss, it honestly sounds like you're better off without them. I hope you're able to keep putting distance between them and yourself. You definitely don't need the extra hassle and drama *hugs* 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 1 hour ago, Toothlesss said: I'm better off away from it. 2 words - ignore them! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 https://www.quora.com/Are-transwomen-condemned-to-a-life-of-suffering-if-they-cannot-afford-bottom-surgery-and-do-they-experience-tremendous-dysphoria-because-of-their-genitalia The first answer here, by the trans woman is exactly how I feel. A backpack of stones. I didn't realize how heavy the genital dysphoria one was until I removed other stones. That explains perfectly why I didn't notice it as much because it was lost in the weight of all the other stones. I think that makes me feel better about how all of this has come to light. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 That was a good read @Hadley167 thank you. Makes me afraid of what i will find if/when i start to look more deep inside of me. And sorry about your feelings *hugs* 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The-world-is-quiet-here Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 I decided to bind today, because I haven't done it in a while. I forgot that I like how it feels. If I go out today, I probably won't pass, but oh well. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 I have 't touched my binder in weeks. It was sooo warm the past few weeks that i just stuck to either a sportsbra or just no bra they told me at the gym my muscle mass increased and i'm up for another level as i completed my first trial too! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 9 minutes ago, Jayce said: I have 't touched my binder in weeks. It was sooo warm the past few weeks that i just stuck to either a sportsbra or just no bra they told me at the gym my muscle mass increased and i'm up for another level as i completed my first trial too! Once again Jayce i am so happy for you. I actually smiled for the first time in a long time when i saw my face in the mirror today. I think it is because of the hair. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ashes Floating Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 I recently asked a long-time friend of mine to use my new name and pronouns, and I was refused. She said that because she had always known me as my deadname, and my name wasn't legally changed yet, she wouldn't use my new name to address others and me. I don't want to lost her as a friend, but I'm not certain what else to do. Thanks for the help, Dakota. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 That's really not nice of your friend, Dakota. Like... really? Not legally changed? What a very rigid appraoch. I'm sorry. Maybe you could tell her how it makes you feel? Good news Jayce, the-world-is-quiet-here and Kimmie I'm sorry Hadley. The backpack of stones mathaphor also hits home for me, although about a bit different kind of dysphoria... I don't know what is awaiting for me, though. I have to quietly admit that the feeling of not being fine with your bits is not alien to me. This... unravels, doesn't it? Toothless, ignore, I agree with that. Send them right to the spam folder. If someone left because of you wanting to be adressed in a gender neutral way, that's a pretty strange reason to leave or be offended. Not your fault at all. Their behaviour. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 I'm feeling better today... I'm not sure why it hit me so hard. Maybe that's just stuff surfacing. It was so much out of synch. Looks like an "old wound". (edit: Anyway, return to the present moment, to the reality I've worked for, was really... nice.) I cried because there was a talk on the radio on LGBT issues, including trans issues and I saw so much of myself in it... just being told all the time that the way I feel is Not Fine or just Worse, and getting shit for even the smallest expressions of that. Simple negative messages, but it really gets to you... Also I was scaring the shit before asking for the gender therapist. Exacly because I don't feel like it's fine for me to be trans. Anyway, the psychiatrist was nice, fortunately... He was like... it's fine... happens... actually, it was the first time I've heard someone speak about it in such an uplifting way, and to me. Anyway, this gender therapist apparently deals with lots of people like me too, namely non-transitioners... And hopefully I'll find some good ways to deal with things with her. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Got my bandages off yesterday! Now, I'm only down to dressings and an ace bandage for compression. (Before anyone says anything, ace bandages are commonly used for post-op compression during top surgery recovery. I'm actually using an ace bandage given to me by the nurse.) Turns out that the reason why you don't see a lot of warning about the painful experiences I had at my post-op appointments is that this stuff doesn't happen 100% of the time. In fact, my nurse said it was something she sees more often in Double Incision patients. Spoilers just in case: Turns out that one of my drains was getting clogged up and wasn't really helping my left side much, which was creating buildup and lots of swelling. The nurse was forcing that swelling out by hand, first with the drains still in, then two more times squeezing it out of the incision where the drain used to be. First two times hurt more than anything I've experienced in my life thus far, but this most recent one? Nowhere near the pain, simply because I'm farther along in recovery and less sensitive. Made a huge difference in the swelling too. Left side looked like at least an A cup before she squeezed out all that gunk, and it feels much better without that stuff in there. That said, I'm happy and my family is super impressed with the results. They have a good idea of how these things recover, and they can tell that my chest will look damn good as it heals. Even with swelling, I'm amazed by how flat I am. The skin's so tight that my nurse had to assure me that I wouldn't pop a stitch from standing up straight. It doesn't even feel real yet. I promised myself that I'm going to take good care of the scars too. Gonna make massaging them a part of my daily routine once I hit that stage. Also gonna wait to go shirtless in the sun until I'm one year post-op to help fade the scars. I figured it'll be worth the extra precaution. Besides, I can still go shirtless indoors/at night in the meantime. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ix Phoen Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 20 hours ago, Toothlesss said: I don't understand why I'm still getting emails from that group leader. Use filters and block her email or send it directly to spam. You've already told them you're leaving. No need to engage further. It doesn't matter what she does if you make it so everything just gets dropped into outer space. *grin* You own your space, you know. You don't have to let others inside your boundaries, and there are many ways to ensure it's very difficult or even impossible to push in where they aren't wanted. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AwkwardAxolotl Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 3 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said: I promised myself that I'm going to take good care of the scars too. Gonna make massaging them a part of my daily routine once I hit that stage. Also gonna wait to go shirtless in the sun until I'm one year post-op to help fade the scars. I figured it'll be worth the extra precaution. Besides, I can still go shirtless indoors/at night in the meantime. I don't know how much scar tissue you'll have, but if your scar tissue is kind of rigid/inflexible when you get to the point when you are allowed to do everything again, yoga actually helps quite a bit with that. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mezzo Forte Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 4 minutes ago, AwkwardAxolotl said: I don't know how much scar tissue you'll have, but if your scar tissue is kind of rigid/inflexible when you get to the point when you are allowed to do everything again, yoga actually helps quite a bit with that. I appreciate the advice! My dad and sis actually love yoga. I've been cautious about it since I get paranoid about hurting my wrists, (*paranoid percussionist*) but I may see if it could actually be a way to strengthen my wrists and prevent injury. Figured that with peri, the scars won't be bad at all, but I might as well minimize those scars too. Now that I can see that my chest is turning out great, I'm getting excited. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AwkwardAxolotl Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 3 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said: I appreciate the advice! My dad and sis actually love yoga. I've been cautious about it since I get paranoid about hurting my wrists, (*paranoid percussionist*) but I may see if it could actually be a way to strengthen my wrists and prevent injury. Figured that with peri, the scars won't be bad at all, but I might as well minimize those scars too. Now that I can see that my chest is turning out great, I'm getting excited. Peri shouldn't leave you with too much scar tissue, I had a double-incision, so I had more scar tissue to work on. You still might want to try out yoga. Done properly is shouldn't hurt your wrists, and will help them in the long run. I used to sprain my left wrist fairly easily, and I haven't had that happen in the last year and a half (I took up yoga consistently after my top surgery, which was almost two years ago). 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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