Dodecahedron314 Posted January 14, 2017 Share Posted January 14, 2017 7 hours ago, PrinceSerpent said: Someone else who get these kicks? I definitely get this sometimes, most often with my binder, certain outfits (I've managed to put together a set of concert blacks that's just the right amount of gender-flouting while also still looking fairly professional, and it's the best), and the deodorant/shampoo thing, as well as pretty much whenever nonbinary people are actually included in something, because that's still so rare. 7 hours ago, PrinceSerpent said: I talked to my cis friend and she said she had always experienced this, but if I think back, I don't think I ever have before I started finding out about my genderidentity. Wait...that's what being cis is like??? Feeling like that all the time? Welp, evidence #12309571 that I'm not cis... 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Went to get my prom tux fitted and ordered yesterday! Hope y'all are ready for pics come March 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Toothlesss Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Today and yesterday *sigh* I wish social dysphoria wasn't so hard to emotionally get past. I've done what I can to express myself in my own way, but I don't want to physically transition. No no matter what I do I still get called (sometimes demeaning) gendered words and it hurts. I don't remember ever having social dysphoria this bad before. ☹️ 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 42 minutes ago, Toothlesss said: No matter what I do I still get called (sometimes demeaning) gendered words and it hurts. I don't remember ever having social dysphoria this bad before. ☹️ I know that feel. I got called a bitch the other day, and I was shocked at how much the word stung beyond the rudeness :/ The word bitch conjures images of a girl like Regina George, a snobby, catty cis girl, who is as far from me in terms of presentation as one can possibly get. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JAKQ7111 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 26 minutes ago, Toothlesss said: Today and yesterday *sigh* I wish social dysphoria wasn't so hard to emotionally get past. I've done what I can to express myself in my own way, but I don't want to physically transition. No no matter what I do I still get called (sometimes demeaning) gendered words and it hurts. I don't remember ever having social dysphoria this bad before. ☹️ I know that feeling, for sure. I still have this image of myself, particularly in romantic situations/around people to whom I am romantically attracted, as this ugly, creepy cis male whom nobody could possibly love. It doesn't help that the political climate now is rife with cis feminists whose idea of "gender equality" is very cissexist in that it assumes the binary, and cis women are whom we should care about the most. Whenever non-binary genders are acknowledged, it's in a very academic, theoretical context, and in everyday life, political or otherwise, it's always Men and Women, and that's it. That has been really frustrating lately, since I literally cannot relate to cis women at all, and cis men are not much easier to understand. 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Toothlesss Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 8 minutes ago, JAKQ7111 said: it's always Men and Women, and that's it. That has been really frustrating lately, since I literally cannot relate to cis women at all, and cis men are not much easier to understand. All this. I'm thankful I have some closer friends who understand even if they've never experienced it themselves in some cases. I can't relate either. It's like- what's this intrinsic sense of womanhood or manhood all those cis people claim they have? Because I surely don't have it. Also- at least online (especially here) I just said "screw it" and changed my pronouns. I'm not as picky in real life because that'd be a pain, but here it's written out for all to see. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dodecahedron314 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 5 hours ago, JAKQ7111 said: I know that feeling, for sure. I still have this image of myself, particularly in romantic situations/around people to whom I am romantically attracted, as this ugly, creepy cis male whom nobody could possibly love. It doesn't help that the political climate now is rife with cis feminists whose idea of "gender equality" is very cissexist in that it assumes the binary, and cis women are whom we should care about the most. Whenever non-binary genders are acknowledged, it's in a very academic, theoretical context, and in everyday life, political or otherwise, it's always Men and Women, and that's it. That has been really frustrating lately, since I literally cannot relate to cis women at all, and cis men are not much easier to understand. Aaaaargh, this. This drives me nuts, because I'm currently in a "Gender and Sexuality in World Civilizations" class, which you would *think* would at least have some! sort! of! passing! mention! of! nonbinary! genders! But nope. There's more than a little irony (and not the amusing kind) inherent in the fact that one of the first things we talked about in the class was how problematic it was that "gender studies" is often used as a synonym/"politically correct" terminology for "women's studies"...and yet here we are. There are three nonbinary people in the class, counting myself, and the professor literally talked over us last quarter when we were trying to put the gender theory we were discussing into a more modern and inclusive context that, oh, I don't know, acknowledges the fact that we exist?!? Yes, cis women have been getting the short end of the proverbial stick for millennia. But you know who else has? Literally everyone else who isn't a cis man. (Yes, including nonbinary people, who have, in fact, existed just as long as people of both binary genders have. Of course, you wouldn't know that from looking at most of history because we get either misgendered or written out of history in the vast majority of cases, but just ask any one of the dozens of cultures around the world that have historically recognized nonbinary genders and then had that stomped all over by colonialism.) The only reason the focus is on cis women is because they're more common and more visible than every variety of trans person put together, and because binarism just won't die. Sorry, I appear to be in my genderranty place today. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Toothlesss Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, Dodecahedron314 said: Of course, you wouldn't know that from looking at most of history because we get either misgendered or written out of history in the vast majority of cases, but just ask any one of the dozens of cultures around the world that have historically recognized nonbinary genders and then had that stomped all over by colonialism.) The only reason the focus is on cis women is because they're more common and more visible than every variety of trans person put together, and because binarism just won't die. That's why I'm writing in my original fiction- a society and culture that doesn't give a damn about gender. Granted, the culture that's right near it might be more "behind" by having some remnants of the binary in another country's culture. Though- I (for real) want to create a fictional country in my fictional universe that's a parody on how colonialist/binary culture and how it usually goes patriarchal (thus giving cis-women the low end of the stick as you already said)..eh idk because I haven't written anything there yet and none of my characters go there unless they're monarchs/leaders/prime ministers/etc. 1 hour ago, Dodecahedron314 said: Sorry, I appear to be in my genderranty place today. You and me both. ☕️☹️ Edited January 18, 2017 by Toothlesss minor grammar mistakes 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 YESSSS! https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/01/17/us/politics/obama-commutes-bulk-of-chelsea-mannings-sentence.html?referer=android-app://com.laurencedawson.reddit_sync 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 1 hour ago, ChillaKilla said: YESSSS! https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/01/17/us/politics/obama-commutes-bulk-of-chelsea-mannings-sentence.html?referer=android-app://com.laurencedawson.reddit_sync I read it and i was very happy! I'm glad Obama is taking care of things before he really leaves the building. I'd hate to see Chelsea suffer more shit during Trump's presidency. 20 hours ago, JAKQ7111 said: I know that feeling, for sure. I still have this image of myself, particularly in romantic situations/around people to whom I am romantically attracted, as this ugly, creepy cis male whom nobody could possibly love. It doesn't help that the political climate now is rife with cis feminists whose idea of "gender equality" is very cissexist in that it assumes the binary, and cis women are whom we should care about the most. Whenever non-binary genders are acknowledged, it's in a very academic, theoretical context, and in everyday life, political or otherwise, it's always Men and Women, and that's it. That has been really frustrating lately, since I literally cannot relate to cis women at all, and cis men are not much easier to understand. Ah yes. I can give you a nice novel about that one too. I have been dealing with this for so long that i kinda gave up on trying to understand anything of this. I hope the day will come people will acknowledge non binary genders.And yes, I can shake hands with you on so many points you just mentioned in your post. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Finn. Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I lost my voice so my roommate/bff had to call in sick for me. Obviously she needed to use my birthname for that. It wasn't tha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Finn. Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I lost my voice so my roommate/bff had to call in sick for me. Obviously she needed to use my birthname for that. It wasn't that big of a deal to me, hearing my birthname when it's work-related is just this "professional me - persona" thing and it usually doesn't cause me too much dysphoria anymore. Anyway. I didn't even notice that much. But then she went on about " I am so sorry, I had to say *birthname* like five times just now and I feel so bad". Like. I know. Let's not talk about it okay? I don't want to feel bad because you feel bad about it. Also, don't say my birthname to me again please, because that just now made me more dysphoric than you saying it to my coworker on the phone. I know she is trying her best and she's a really good sport about the whole gender and name thing. But her bad conscience just makes me feel bad. She wants to use my chosen name with everyone now which is honorable (I didn't ask her to). But like, her telling me that she "still hasn't told her cousin about the new name" because she wants to do it in person and thus had to call me *birthname* on the phone... I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS. Work this out on your own please. I don't need more information than "my cousin knows about your name now" at the end of the process. Do I make sense? It's just exhausting. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 @Finn. makes sense to me and I can see how it could be exhausting. Sounds like she is trying, but loading too much on you by bringing it up and talking about it, but maybe that's part of how she is working through it. Hopefully your friend will work it out soon. Best wishes! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Finn i understand it can be exhausting. But i think it's good to give your friend time to get used to your new name.I can understand she needs that time.I'm sure she will get used to it eventually. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Finn. Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 @daveb @Jayce thanks for your nice words! yeah she's been using my new name for over half a year now or so and only messed up once or twice (and apologized). I feel like she takes this even more seriously than myself? idk, she wants to be really supportive, especially since my parents aren't. When I told her that my parents kept on using my birthname she went like "oh, so I'm gonna call you Finn especially often in front of them just out of spite". I appreciate her reasoning and passion. But it just adds to my stress. I don't really know how to deal with it? I don't want to tell her to back off or anything. But her making such a big deal out of it takes so much energy. Like, just call me Finn yourself, and leave it be. I already told her that I don't care whether her father respects my name change (we have a complicated relationship), I don't care for most people that aren't that close to me, that I didn't invite into my life myself. Because to those people I come out to and introduce myself as Finn myself. Ugh, I probably should just tell her exactly that. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Toothlesss Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Is there any way to make the hairstyle I have already more masculine? I'm just tired of being seen as female. Some days I wish I could just walk around as Hiccup (without doing any physical transition aside from hairstyle) Spoiler Spoiler Like- I keep on watching the series and movies where he's older- and I'm just jealous. Spoiler Spoiler (put those two screencaps in because you get a good look of the back of his hair) Also one of my favourite scenes...oh wait- the whole movie's my favourite.... I'm wondering if I should get a new hairstylist too- but idk it's soo expensive and I'm in a bit of a tight spot money wise for the time being. What do they teach these people in beauty school anyway? Make your clients conform to society's version of their hairstyle that's the default they were assigned to at birth?? *sigh* Then again- she's probably completely uninformed about the subject..(I know I was at her age too and that was only 4 or so years ago for me) Though if I were going for HTTYD 1 Hiccup- than, I actually have the correct hairstyle for that...Maybe I'm just overthinking, but after that bought of social dysphoria over the past week, I just feel like maybe the hairstylist went to feminine on me. :/ 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Emery. Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 1 hour ago, Toothlesss said: Maybe I'm just overthinking, but after that bought of social dysphoria over the past week, I just feel like maybe the hairstylist went too feminine on me. :/ You are overthinking probably. I do exactly the same. And it looks even exactly the same. Some dumb people who treat me like a girl, despite me not giving signals at all about my femininity -> I think I need a haircut and overscrutinise my physical appearance and gender expression, in terms of if I'm masculine enough. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 i dont like the professionals I've worked with so far. they are so useless. or is it me who is useless. i don't wanna have to work to be me. I want it to be easy, not a challenge. I want it to be free, not something that absorbs my time and money to do. I'm not sure if i'm strong enough. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dodecahedron314 Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 4 hours ago, Every Red Heart Shines said: i dont like the professionals I've worked with so far. they are so useless. or is it me who is useless. i don't wanna have to work to be me. I want it to be easy, not a challenge. I want it to be free, not something that absorbs my time and money to do. I'm not sure if i'm strong enough. I agree that it's total BS that the healthcare system has so many hoops for trans people to jump through just to get what we need. You shouldn't have to justify yourself every step of the way, because that's the complete opposite of how gender works. It just is, and honestly I don't think it's even possible for anybody to be "professionally qualified" to judge and quantify the nature and degree of its is-ness. But you know what it is, and that can give you strength. You've got this. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 *pokes head in quietly* Hey everybody... Been kind of a while. I've been working through stuff. Not good times. But I wanted to pop in here to say hello and try to get back on the horse, so to speak. I went to one of the women's march things today. Gotta be honest, I thought it was dumb. My brother totally bailed on me and I was stuck there by myself, with tens of thousands of people. It was really not fun. A lot of yelling, chanting, and...gotta be honest...not very good signs. I don't feel protected or cared about by Trump or by those kinds of people. My brother tried to tell me, "but they were talking about trans rights there." I must've missed that part, but regardless, just like the rest of my life, nobody in power actually cares about me, or how I feel, or what I need. Dammit, I work hard, both at my job and keeping myself moving forward in this crazy world. If I ever get jumped, or attacked, or anything bad in real life, what's gonna save me? Pithy chants? Or a Beretta? But no, can't say that. Nobody ever cared about me before, because I wasn't the "right" demographic. I struggled and suffered largely in silence. I would feel horribly disingenuous now if I jumped onto the transgender wagon and accepted support for that. The support I want, the fairness and equality I want, it will never come. Anyway, in happy news, I accomplished a goal today: Spoiler You can't buy that shirt in any store. I made it. This has been something I wanted to do since 2011. It wasn't too bad. The fabric I used is decent, but not great. It was cheap, that's why I got it for my first try. The fit is perfect, and I love the style. Took me about...4 hours total probably? I actually sent that picture to my best friend, saying, "look what I did today" and she responded, "you look great, did you get to do any sewing today?" I guess that means it looks like a shirt you would buy 14 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Toothlesss Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 That shirt looks fantastic @Hadley167! I'm lucky if I even get the neck right when it comes to sewing shirts. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gentle Giant Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 @Hadley167 You look so nice! Great job on making that shirt yourself! Sorry you didn't feel good about the march. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 7 minutes ago, Hadley167 said: You can't buy that shirt in any store. I made it. This has been something I wanted to do since 2011. It wasn't too bad. The fabric I used is decent, but not great. It was cheap, that's why I got it for my first try. The fit is perfect, and I love the style. Took me about...4 hours total probably? I actually sent that picture to my best friend, saying, "look what I did today" and she responded, "you look great, did you get to do any sewing today?" I guess that means it looks like a shirt you would buy In that pic you look like a woman I used to work with. I was always envious of the way she dressed. Great work on the top! Also, your hair is getting nice and long! (I'm envious) 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 4 minutes ago, Toothlesss said: That shirt looks fantastic @Hadley167! I'm lucky if I even get the neck right when it comes to sewing shirts. I was super confused about the neck at first, but once I watched a youtube video explaining it, it was easy. Surprisingly, the arms were a huge pain. It's because the curve for the arm in the body doesn't match the curve for the arm on the arm piece, because it has to bulge outward for the shoulder. Seriously hard and slow going to stitch. 5 minutes ago, Gentle Giant said: @Hadley167 You look so nice! Great job on making that shirt yourself! Sorry you didn't feel good about the march. Thanks! I honestly shouldn't have gone. I know those kinds of things aren't my scene, but I was hoping to see my brother. He also promised me drinks afterwards, and neither of those things happened 3 minutes ago, daveb said: In that pic you look like a woman I used to work with. I was always envious of the way she dressed. Great work on the top! Also, your hair is getting nice and long! (I'm envious) You're so sweet, thanks! I love stripes, and I love purple, but I have to say, stripes? Never again I tried so hard to get them to line up, but the material has quite a bit of stretch. No matter how careful, the stripes didn't line up. Yeah, I noticed how long it was. It's kind of a mess, because of this whole other thing that's been dragging me down. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 @Hadley167 Will you help me with future cosplay outfits? Jk, but for reals this looks AWESOME! Also, in my world: Chinese (well, Mandarin if we're gonna be picky) class is great. My teacher had us all write a list of qualities and interests so she could give us a Chinese name that would be easier to say for her (and c'mon, it's just plain fun). So I wrote down the standard list, and with mild trepidation added a note at the bottom asking for a name that could be for a boy or a girl. That was last Friday. Fast forward to Tuesday (MLK weekend, no school yo!) and she's assigning names. No comment from her, and when she got to me, I looked up the characters on various websites and sure enough, every single character was for unisex usage Sure it's a small thing, but I was really stoked about it as you could imagine. It's 林智新, which means Bright Creative Woods, pronounced "Lín Zhì Xīn". I'm clinging pretty strongly to my part-Chinese heritage as of late if you can't tell 13 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Hehe, @ChillaKilla, you're like 3rd in line for sewing requests I actually never thought sewing was that hard, and I used to mend clothes by hand all the time when I was in high school. But I guess a lot of people don't know how to do it. Glad to hear the Chinese is going well. Cool about your in class name too. Oh, and I almost forgot, the really crazy twist is that my sewing machine was powered for the entire process by a solar power station I designed and built. Classic Hadley. Adept at massively different tasks. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 6 minutes ago, Hadley167 said: Hehe, @ChillaKilla, you're like 3rd in line for sewing requests I actually never thought sewing was that hard, and I used to mend clothes by hand all the time when I was in high school. But I guess a lot of people don't know how to do it. Glad to hear the Chinese is going well. Cool about your in class name too. Oh, and I almost forgot, the really crazy twist is that my sewing machine was powered for the entire process by a solar power station I designed and built. Classic Hadley. Adept at massively different tasks. I wish I had the knack for engineering... 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gentle Giant Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 @Hadley167 That is really awesome that you made a solar power station to run the sewing machine! I used to sew using a machine but no longer have one. So any sewing I do now is by hand. @ChillaKilla Your Chinese name sounds wonderful! @Toothlesss I've been meaning to tell you that I'm a fan of the How to Train Your Dragon movies too and especially like the looks of Hiccup in the second movie as well. The art and animation is fantastic! 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Sunrise Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 @Hadley167 I would never have picked that shirt as hand-made - you did an awesome job (I know how hard it is, because I took sewing classes over the last couple of years, and absolutely nothing was easy.) You look really nice wearing it too! @ChillaKilla Yay for a gender- neutral Chinese name, and an understanding teacher 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Congrats ChillaKilla on your gender neutral Chinese name. Hey i didn't know you were part chinese too! I've got Chinese roots aswell. Hadley, you are not the only one who feels that way about women's marches. I have had my share too. One the one side i'm happy people are marching but i just don't feel like jumping on that bandwagon either. You make great shirts btw and you look amazing! Sewing clothes isn't my thing either. I got this sewing machine and thats about it.Have never touched it or am thinking about touching it.Clothes are just not my thing to make.I rather buy them then make them myself. So i recently got the opportunity to buy my first stack of men's socks! Now the only thing left on my list is a good pair of boxers and a binder Funny thing is that my mom didn't care if i bought them anyway. She assumes it's just for when i wear my work shoes anyway. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.