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Teagan KGB

TransWhatevers of AVEN

Recommended Posts

Kimmie.
14 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

Hey, you know what we haven't had in a while? A picture! See if you can impersonate r/transpassing and tell me how much I don't pass. lol

  Reveal hidden contents

IMG_1737-e1511823895869.jpg

 

You pass without a doubt. You look awesome. Beautiful hair:)

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Lirpaderp

@butterflydreams I agree with what everyone else has said so far. Actually, you look more like a woman than a lot of cis females I know.

 

On another note, my binder finally arrived!!!! 😁 I figured out how to put it on too. But do I push my boobs down or up? I can't find a definitive answer online and I'm not sure which is better.

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ChillaKilla
3 minutes ago, Lirpaderp said:

@butterflydreams I agree with what everyone else has said so far. Actually, you look more like a woman than a lot of cis females I know.

 

On another note, my binder finally arrived!!!! 😁 I figured out how to put it on too. But do I push my boobs down or up? I can't find a definitive answer online and I'm not sure which is better.

Down increases sagging- I personally prefer up or to the side.

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Lirpaderp
33 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

Down increases sagging- I personally prefer up or to the side.

I tried to the side but then they were in my armpits and it felt weird. Up feels better but down makes it flatter.

What's weird is some of my sport bras are way tighter. The binder definitely does a better job too. I can't wait to wear my suit with it!

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Emery.

I thought there is just one way to bind. :o 

 

Good news. I have the worst tests behind me. Now result wait. :( 

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Starbogen

I think I might have just gotten misgendered (by a stranger who doesn't know my legal name/status) for the first time in a year :(

But screw that, right after I just asked their names and introduced myself as smoothly as possible. If I get misgendered I'm at least gonna try to correct the person somehow.

 

But also now I feel even crappier about not binding. It must have been either that or that I need a haircut or that I let my mannerisms and voice/facial expressions be too fem. I got used to passing all the time without question and this sucks. Now I feel like I'm gonna doubt more often if I really pass as much as I think I do.

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butterflydreams
3 hours ago, Starbogen said:

If I get misgendered I'm at least gonna try to correct the person somehow.

:cake: good for you. If you're brave enough to do this, you're braver than me. 

 

I'll tell you what people tell me, and that's you have no idea what it could've been, but the one thing it's not is your fault. Try to remind yourself how embarrassed people will be when they find out they've made a mistake. I know how hard it is, but don't let one incident throw a wrench into your really good passing streak! I'm totally impressed. *hugs*

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Mezzo Forte
On November 27, 2017 at 5:11 AM, nerdperson777 said:

 I have been thinking to look up what kind of procedure is used for breast cancer.  I would guess it to be a DI procedure just because tumors.  I haven't gotten the chance to look it up yet.

 

There was that one time in another thread where someone linked a video, but then I looked at their other videos to find their phalloplasty.  That guy did a skin graft from his leg.  There was a tattoo there so his new penis had some remnants of it inside.  I think that skin is just gone, until it grows back, if it does.  I just think a skin graft would be way too painful, and I don't seriously want one anyway.  I'm content with taking an STP to the bathroom every time I need to go.

One of the hospital staff members who handled my hysto pre-op consult had a double mastectomy, and when I described double-incision scars, she said that it sounded a lot like what she had. Only differences are less contouring (because you're removing 100% of the breast tissue) and no nipple grafts (because that also counts as breast tissue). 

 

My mom has a coworker struggling with cancer who had a double-mastectomy earlier this year and is about to have her hysto this week. There are some superficial similarities, but I personally balk at the notion of someone comparing my transition to cancer treatment. It undermines the sense of loss that cis-women often experience during these treatments, and adds this layer of "pity the transperson" that reminds me way too much of the TERF sites I found when questioning. That said, I don't mind when cancer patients themselves find some solidarity in learning that we had similar procedures, because there's a sense of relating to each other without the "cancer sucks" damper. I think there's some positivity in seeing someone getting the same procedures for the sake of feeling right in their own skin rather than feeling forced into the situation.

 

Phallo actually goes beyond a skin graft. It includes microsurgical procedures that connects every individual nerve from the donor site to the groin. They take nerves, arteries, and who knows what else from the donor site and then have to put a skin graft on the donor site to protect it. That's why there's additional scarring on the leg even if you have RFF (radial forearm flap) phalloplasty. Honestly, it's an incredible procedure, especially when combined with all the other procedures it accompanies like glansplasty, scrotoplasty, vein tattoos, etc.

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Andiamo

I've finally come to understand and accept that I have to come out to my parents before the end of this semester. My gender presentation has changed so much this semester that they would definitely notice. I'm not about to change to hide from them because I know it would hurt. I don't think I can take a solid month of misgendering and being called by my legal name. I could hardly handle five days of that. That, and they want to visit me at college after break.  I don't want to spring it on them when I get back, but I want to be in control of how I tell them. I just have a feeling that they're going to bring it up if I don't, and I don't want that.

 

I know that they would be accepting and as understanding as possible, given their lack of education on the topic. I'm worried that they'll tell my extended family, and I don't know how they'd take it, but I think I can make it clear that this isn't something they can tell other people. But I have no idea at all how to start this conversation.

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nerdperson777
51 minutes ago, Andiamo said:

I know that they would be accepting and as understanding as possible, given their lack of education on the topic. I'm worried that they'll tell my extended family, and I don't know how they'd take it, but I think I can make it clear that this isn't something they can tell other people. But I have no idea at all how to start this conversation.

My parents are always frantic about what will they say when relatives ask.  They always like to be in control of things, but in this case, they don't.  From what I've noticed, they only care what other people (may) think.  Since most of the family near me is my dad's traditional side, I don't think they will take it well.  Contrary to what you think of your parents, my parents are keeping themselves tight-lipped on the topic, with no remorse about misgendering me.  Mom shows everyone that she is accepting of all LGBT+ people, but she doesn't even accept me.  Dad is uneducated about LGBT+ issues and does not try to learn.  He's just going with whatever keeps him seen as "normal" which would be making fun of gay people.  One thing I'm impressed though, is that my dad is so good at this secret while he sucks at keeping other secrets.

 

Sometimes it's best to go right into it and just say it, but that's pretty hard.

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999papercranes

I got the binders today!! They are magnificent! I'm so happy :) I can't believe how flat my chest is! 

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Andiamo
On November 29, 2017 at 8:38 PM, Andiamo said:

I've finally come to understand and accept that I have to come out to my parents before the end of this semester. My gender presentation has changed so much this semester that they would definitely notice. I'm not about to change to hide from them because I know it would hurt. I don't think I can take a solid month of misgendering and being called by my legal name. I could hardly handle five days of that. That, and they want to visit me at college after break.  I don't want to spring it on them when I get back, but I want to be in control of how I tell them. I just have a feeling that they're going to bring it up if I don't, and I don't want that.

 

I know that they would be accepting and as understanding as possible, given their lack of education on the topic. I'm worried that they'll tell my extended family, and I don't know how they'd take it, but I think I can make it clear that this isn't something they can tell other people. But I have no idea at all how to start this conversation.

Update: I told them. It actually went really well. This is going to be a long conversation (obviously), but I think it will all go well.

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daveb
5 hours ago, 999papercranes said:

I got the binders today!! They are magnificent! I'm so happy :) I can't believe how flat my chest is! 

Yay! Your joy makes me happy. :)

 

3 hours ago, Andiamo said:

Update: I told them. It actually went really well. This is going to be a long conversation (obviously), but I think it will all go well.

Congratulations! :cake: 

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Santa's Little Elf
7 hours ago, 999papercranes said:

I got the binders today!! They are magnificent! I'm so happy :) I can't believe how flat my chest is! 

Nice feeling, isn’t it? But i can’t get used to the hug attack feeling a binder gives you :lol: Buuut a flat chest is a flat chest! XD

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butterflydreams

There’s an old saying I was always fond of about being more afraid of success than of failure. When you spend so much time worrying, “what if I fail?” you sometimes develop a complex where you’re afraid to succeed. 

 

I’m wondering if that’s where I’m at vis-a-vis passing. I’m afraid to succeed. If I pass, it’s only a matter of time before someone catches on and then I’m in big trouble. Like if I go to a women’s meetup, and am passing right up until I’m not. Then what?

 

I’m honestly tired of wondering whether or not I’m passing. It’s so stressful. Maybe I should just assume that I pass and act incredulous and offended if I don’t. I am a woman, dammit!

 

I read so many stories of other people about how one day people started seeing them as women. Over 2 years in I’m not even sure I’m there yet. How do I get sure?

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Lirpaderp

After three hours of being called lady and woman, lifting weights at the gym felt really good.

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Finn.

Off topic but I contacted two therapists today. Maybe I am lucky and can see one of them, otherwise I need to contact others. 

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butterflydreams
On 12/4/2017 at 1:50 PM, Finn. said:

Off topic but I contacted two therapists today. Maybe I am lucky and can see one of them, otherwise I need to contact others. 

Good luck. I'm in the same boat. It's frustrating calling and hearing that they can't schedule you in.

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999papercranes

One of the reasons I doubt my "transness" a lot is because I haven't questioned my gender until seven months ago. I knew I had discomfort over my chest and didn't think my name sounded like mine and had trouble recognizing myself in the mirror, but I never thought I could be trans. But now I remember things from my childhood that make me go "huh." 

I was shopping for a rashguard today to add to my Christmas list and I remembered something very suddenly. When I was little I wore rashguards and swim shorts. Sure, they were the "girl" version but I loved them so much, and I never cared to wear two pieces. Maybe this was just an indicator that I didn't like girly swimwear, but it makes me wonder if it was a sign. 

Sorry for this pointless ramble, it's just nice to feel validated by my childhood self :lol:

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Lirpaderp

Are my shoulders sore from binding or benchpress? Also, I ran to catch up with my friends and it was the absolute best thing ever! I know you aren't supposed to exercise in it, but at this point I don't care. With boobs tucked away, I now have the will to be active. I even tried out a rock wall! And racket ball, but we just goofed off and hoped the ball wouldn't hit us (it did). I never thought I'd use the free gym at college, but I guess I am now.

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Finn.

Ugh yeah, having a flat chest would be the best and most practical thing ever!

 

(Also, my best friend and I were holding hands the other day because we were wearing gloves so the touch was bearable and it was amazing and like the second only time I ever held someone's hands and for some reason it made me feel a bit more gendered than otherwise these days)

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Mezzo Forte

Can confirm that having a flat chest is super practical for exercise. :) I don't even like running, but I actually ran farther than I ever did before last July out of the sheer novelty of running while post-op. Swimming's especially amazing now with the haircut and flat chest. Shame I spent so much of my life so unenthused about swimming while I lived so close to the ocean, and now that I like swimming, I don't have the same opportunities to do so anymore. All the more reason why I go out of my way to schedule beach days when I visit my parents.

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:)(:
3 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Can confirm that having a flat chest is super practical for exercise. :) I don't even like running, but I actually ran farther than I ever did before last July out of the sheer novelty of running while post-op. Swimming's especially amazing now with the haircut and flat chest. Shame I spent so much of my life so unenthused about swimming while I lived so close to the ocean, and now that I like swimming, I don't have the same opportunities to do so anymore. All the more reason why I go out of my way to schedule beach days when I visit my parents.

You are making me jealous a bit. 😋 When I jog and I can feel it for a while and with a 2 sports bras on I guess it makes it a just a tad bit harder to breath. 

 

Thats cool tho you will probably be like...

“Wow where did that six pack come from??!” With all of that exercise.

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Mezzo Forte
Just now, :)(: said:

You are making me jealous a bit. 😋 When I jog and I can feel it for a while and with a 2 sports bras on I guess it makes it a just a tad bit harder to breath. 

 

Thats cool tho you will probably be like...

Wow where did that six pack come from??!” With all of that exercise.

If only man, if only. :lol: I'm small and kinda lanky, but most my fat sits on my belly, so even if I developed my core muscles, a six pack would be absurdly difficult for me. I'm kind of a twerp and don't have much of a taste for gym settings, so I won't be ripped anytime soon. (That said, I may have to try capoeira because of the nature of my potential doctoral research, so maybe I'll develop some real muscle someday. :P)

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butterflydreams

Anyone else ever just get tired of being trans? Tired of the whole fight? I'm really depressed.

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Any

I am. It is one reason why I have not been here for a while too... I was just fed up with thinking about identity, bodyparts etc. I am genderfluid and sometimes I drop into a void, feels like depression. Just nothingness within and towards others. My spouses most hated times of myself... they get really mad about me then (and to be honest, I can be a real douchebag or worse in such a phase...)

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Groovy Teacakes

@butterflydreams I'm sorry, and yes, life would be so much less tense if I were cis. I could use public bathrooms, family interactions would be smoother, I would never have an entire day thrown into a funk by an offhand comment. Also I could have gender euphoria without the dysphoria to go with it, imagine that. (Also, I just wanted to say that I've been hanging around here for ages and you've really inspired me, you're so resilient and it is because of things you've said that I am confident enough to be myself. So thank you and I wish you so many good things in life. ^_^)

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Autumn McJavabean

So I've officially hit 7 months on HRT. I think the last time I posted here (this thread) I hadn't even started transitioning. Got that .2 mg in me.

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ChillaKilla
48 minutes ago, Autumn McJavabean said:

So I've officially hit 7 months on HRT. I think the last time I posted here (this thread) I hadn't even started transitioning. Got that .2 mg in me.

I didn’t even know you were trans ಠ_ಠ 

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Autumn McJavabean
Just now, ChillaKilla said:

I didn’t even know you were trans ಠ_ಠ 

I prefer to live without the label, but I am. :/ I wish I wasn't, just to be born female would have been nice.

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