TransWhatevers of AVEN

[Enne Kristin]

thon is a possibility too

 

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2017/03/16/merriam-webster-included-a-gender-neutral-pronoun-before-you-were-born/

 

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/de/worterbuch/englisch/yon

 

 

[Andiamo]

On November 2, 2017 at 7:41 PM, Any said:

Did anybody read those "Rain" comics? Any opinions?

Yes! I really enjoy them! I appreciate how they try to have representation of as many different identities as they can, which isn't something I've seen often. I also appreciate that they do their best to make it clear that any one character's personality and actions is just about them, not about everyone who shares their identity.

[Enne Kristin]

yes, right... I am at page 480 now, but I have to admit that there are many people around there now, so I am getting a bit uneasy (yes, even because of comicstrip characters... social relationships give me really hard time. and large groups of persons make me ... argh... yes, I am strange... )

[Enne Kristin]

omg, I just recently joined an ace-group on facebook and this one was really crazy, almost 2/3 of the posts were about "this or that group or person is exclusionist" ... my goodness, I fled this. most users of the group went mad and it seemed their main occupation in there. never seen this before... I hate exclusionism and erasure too, but at such an extend? It was like... "huh?"

[Was here]

I really, really want to ask my mom about things, but I'm afraid shell just throw out "are you still thinking you're transgender?" the word just scares me so much now. I never asked her about puberty when it started, I just thought ,"Well, I have to deal with this now and wait until it's over". I'm so afraid she won't understand it. I'm afraid she'll tell me that what I'm feeling is normal out if a misunderstanding. Why couldn't I have been born a boy instead so I didn't have to suffer from so much confusion? Why couldn't I have said "I'm a boy" since I could talk so it would be more obvious? I've been thinking about this for over a year, but to her it just looks like I suddenly started going crazy thinking I'm trans....I just want her to believe me, but no, everything is fucking OCD or a phase to her. I want to talk about it to her so fucking bad but I don't know how to talk about it. I don't want the "are you still thinking you're transgender?" question to come up because to me it sounds like ,"are you still believing you're that thing that you're not?" "is there something wrong with you?" "is it a phase/OCD?" "Are you just jealous of your one friend because you think it's cool or something?"

 

I think the problem is that I always felt like this, but I just repressed/surprised (I'm too lazy to look up which word is correct right now). I think anyway. I didn't think like this when I was really little, but when puberty started and my libido kicked in, I thought "this is terrible'". I never talked about it because 1. I thought it was normal. Yeah, girls start to hate their bodies when they start to develop. Why wouldn't they? and 2. I feel ashamed of it. I'm supposed to like being a girl. My parents want me to like being girly and pretty and shit. I've said when puberty first started that I didn't want to start wearing bras because "they're weird" and was embarrassed by having to wear one. When my period started, I cried the second day of it even though I knew it was normal. I've always talked about how I wanted to remove my uterus and vagina, and my mom's always agreed saying "being a girl sucks sometimes" but...she just doesn't understand it. My body feels wrong most of the time now. I'm on the fence now about if surgery is worth it or if my lower area being fake isn't. Surgery still terrifies me in general. and what if all this is just a phase and I would be destroying myself? I've always hated this body but.....what if it's a phase somehow?? I don't know. I don't know anymore.  

[Comrade F&F]

6 minutes ago, Dan99 said:

I really, really want to ask my mom about things, but I'm afraid shell just throw out "are you still thinking you're transgender?" the word just scares me so much now. I never asked her about puberty when it started, I just thought ,"Well, I have to deal with this now and wait until it's over". I'm so afraid she won't understand it. I'm afraid she'll tell me that what I'm feeling is normal out if a misunderstanding. Why couldn't I have been born a boy instead so I didn't have to suffer from so much confusion? Why couldn't I have said "I'm a boy" since I could talk so it would be more obvious? I've been thinking about this for over a year, but to her it just looks like I suddenly started going crazy thinking I'm trans....I just want her to believe me, but no, everything is fucking OCD or a phase to her. I want to talk about it to her so fucking bad but I don't know how to talk about it. I don't want the "are you still thinking you're transgender?" question to come up because to me it sounds like ,"are you still believing you're that thing that you're not?" "is there something wrong with you?" "is it a phase/OCD?" "Are you just jealous of your one friend because you think it's cool or something?"

 

I think the problem is that I always felt like this, but I just repressed/surprised (I'm too lazy to look up which word is correct right now). I think anyway. I didn't think like this when I was really little, but when puberty started and my libido kicked in, I thought "this is terrible'". I never talked about it because 1. I thought it was normal. Yeah, girls start to hate their bodies when they start to develop. Why wouldn't they? and 2. I feel ashamed of it. I'm supposed to like being a girl. My parents want me to like being girly and pretty and shit. I've said when puberty first started that I didn't want to start wearing bras because "they're weird" and was embarrassed by having to wear one. When my period started, I cried the second day of it even though I knew it was normal. I've always talked about how I wanted to remove my uterus and vagina, and my mom's always agreed saying "being a girl sucks sometimes" but...she just doesn't understand it. My body feels wrong most of the time now. I'm on the fence now about if surgery is worth it or if my lower area being fake isn't. Surgery still terrifies me in general. and what if all this is just a phase and I would be destroying myself? I've always hated this body but.....what if it's a phase somehow?? I don't know. I don't know anymore.  

I have a suggestion: Write things down and leave the note to her. That way you can get everything out and you won't need to confront her about it on the spot.

[Was here]

Just now, Feys&Florets said:

I have a suggestion: Write things down and leave the note to her. That way you can get everything out and you won't need to confront her about it on the spot.

I sent her an email about it once, but she said "if you think you are, we need to something about it" in a tone that scared me, because she said it was like it was some disease. She's not transphobic or anything, I'm just really afraid of it again right now. Maybe I should just ignore it forever, I don't know.

[Guest]

Received my invitation letter today to the gender clinic in my country xD

 

It's in february though, But, at least waiting without a date is over now!  

[Emery.]

1 hour ago, Dan99 said:

I sent her an email about it once, but she said "if you think you are, we need to something about it" in a tone that scared me, because she said it was like it was some disease. She's not transphobic or anything, I'm just really afraid of it again right now. Maybe I should just ignore it forever, I don't know.

Well, maybe your mom didn't mean it this way. Maybe she meant that you have to do something about the fact that you're so bothered? Because you know. I've been struggling with my gender for long years and recently I felt overwhelmed and helpless, so I went to a gender therapist. I just judged that I'm in distress and can't do anything more on my own, because I ran out of ideas and possibilities. And going to a gender therapist several times helped. It helped a lot to talk with someone who will say that... I'm not crazy. And that I don't have to be ashamed of who I am. Who would help me push through the so called social norms which I can't fulfil. 

[kaysir]

On 11/7/2017 at 7:51 AM, Andiamo said:

Yes! I really enjoy them! I appreciate how they try to have representation of as many different identities as they can, which isn't something I've seen often. I also appreciate that they do their best to make it clear that any one character's personality and actions is just about them, not about everyone who shares their identity.

 

22 hours ago, Any said:

yes, right... I am at page 480 now, but I have to admit that there are many people around there now, so I am getting a bit uneasy (yes, even because of comicstrip characters... social relationships give me really hard time. and large groups of persons make me ... argh... yes, I am strange... )

Whoaaa I used to read that and similar comic years ago! I had no idea it was still going, even though I feel like I read some of it as recently as last year. It throws LGBT stuff out there a lot which is cool, but, if I'm not confusing it too much with the other trans girl-centric comic I was reading at the same time, it forces drama to happen too much for my tastes. It did comfort and inspire me as a gender questioning person and a wannabe comic artist, though!

 

EDIT: went to google for five seconds and found the other comic I was talking about: Wildflowers

[Finn.]

Had a very intense phone conversation with my mom.

Trans related quote: "If it's okay for your coworkers to call you *birthname* all day, why is it so bad when you family does it?" I just KNEW that would be her argument.

 

[Enne Kristin]

Our supreme court has ruled today that the government has to introduce a third gender into our "Pesonenstandsgesetz"/Civil Status Law ... (only a first step, but...)

 

http://www.bundesverfassungsgericht.de/SharedDocs/Pressemitteilungen/EN/2017/bvg17-095.html

[Finn.]

http://www.tagesschau.de/inland/intersexuelle-geschlecht-105.html

 

this seems to be exclusively aimed at only intersex people iding as something different than man or woman. but the actual laws that might happen could be a huge thing for (other) nb people in germany! the question remains, if you will have to be *diagnosed* as intersex to be able to use a different gender marker than male or female. or if anyone can change their gender marker? and what does the bureaucratic process look like? cause changing the gender marker for binary trans people is an odyssey. we'll see, we'll see

[Enne Kristin]

the Langericht Celle has judged allready that deleting the gender marker is according to the personal identity of a person, not their bodyparts... i think they will have to take this into account...

[iff]

i saw this on facebook

 

 

 

 

[Finn.]

17 hours ago, Finn. said:

Had a very intense phone conversation with my mom.

Trans related quote: "If it's okay for your coworkers to call you *birthname* all day, why is it so bad when you family does it?" I just KNEW that would be her argument.

Anyway we agree I won't stay in contact with the rest of the family. Contact with my parents hasn't been decided upon yet.

Trans unrelated news (abuse cw)

Spoiler

She acknowledged that she/they neglected me as a child "more than she knew" and she apologized. But she also said "they are not one of those Really bad parents or else I wouldn't have become such a good person". And she said that my father once gave my brother a beating "but not as bad as he had been beaten by his own father" (wtf). She said she didn't remember I had been spanked as a kid, even though I confronted her about it several years ago for the first time. And then later she promised me that I was "never abused". I guess she means sexual abuse? And physical abuse? (Since spanking does not qualify as such in her mind).

I confronted her about my mental health problems and she was just like "but how did you manage to be such a good student then?". I don't know?? I'm super high functioning and super adaptive. Then she just got angry that my therapist said nothing was wrong with me. 

Idk. I blamed her for a lot of stuff, and didn't get much of a reaction. I guess she is sad and sorry. Which is more than could've happened. Getting it off my chest feels cathartic nonetheless. Maybe it made her think.

 

[Guest]

On 7-11-2017 at 6:13 PM, Any said:

omg, I just recently joined an ace-group on facebook and this one was really crazy, almost 2/3 of the posts were about "this or that group or person is exclusionist" ... my goodness, I fled this. most users of the group went mad and it seemed their main occupation in there. never seen this before... I hate exclusionism and erasure too, but at such an extend? It was like... "huh?"

Ouch. I don't think i'd last in such a group...exclusionism and erasure are a one way ticket to more drama...it's nauseating, some people tend to forget they're facing issues too because of their identity/orientation but they are not being a hair better then the ones they are trying to find support on. *Sigh*

 

 

[Emery.]

Why don't people in the college socialise? Back. Why do people in the college socialise only to drink litres of vodka?

[Enne Kristin]

when I was at the university it was Tequila...

[Emery.]

It's regional. East of Europe.

[Guest]

If it helps any, they really drink anything here..vodka, beer, Tequila. You name it and they drink it.

[ChillaKilla]

5 minutes ago, Jayce said:

If it helps any, they really drink anything here..vodka, beer, Tequila. You name it and they drink it.

I might be a freshman but I'm no drinker  None of it tastes good to me... never really understood the college fascination with inebriation.

[Mezzo Forte]

35 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

I might be a freshman but I'm no drinker  None of it tastes good to me... never really understood the college fascination with inebriation.

I know the feeling. I didn't see how much people tend to drink until I studied abroad about halfway through my undergrad. One even cracked a joke that if you drink a shit ton in college, then you're a social drinker; you're not an alcoholic until you graduate.

 

I'm very picky about what drinks I like. Pretty sure the only alcoholic drink I ever 100% enjoyed was a sangria I tried in Havana. (That was definitely the only alcohol I could tolerate when I was there. Everything else used rum, and that shit's intense. I tasted one that was aged seven years and I swear it was like swallowing unflavored mouthwash.) 99% of the time, if I like an alcoholic drink, I'll like it even more if you remove the alcohol from the mix. Mocktails rock.

 

Alcohol always kind of scared me because I might be genetically predisposed toward alcohol abuse, and I grew up in a 100% dry household with very anti-alcohol sentiments. Imbibing any amount of alcohol tends to make me feel guilty, like I'm letting my parents down. Hangovers also sound like hell. Plus, I'm already a rambler and a bit of an open book, so I can only imagine just how much drunk me would overshare every little thing that's going on in my mind. That thought definitely kept me far away from the stuff while I was still questioning/closeted.

 

That said, I feel a bit more open to the idea of trying alcohol now. Some of my past professors have mentioned experiences that came from improvising while buzzed, and it can actually be a really productive practice as you stumble on new musical ideas while uninhibited that you might not have tried while sober. I'm also a paranoid person, and I think it'd be good to gauge my tolerance/limits for my own peace of mind. Guess this conversation had good timing because I'm actually planning on doing exactly that pretty soon. A dear friend is committing himself to watching/caring for me while I drink, so that should stop me from doing anything stupid or potentially dangerous. I want to at least see if I have a better tolerance than my sister, who can get drunk off of less than half a Mike's Hard, or (accidentally) from a glass of Manischewitz while her roommate was observing Passover.  

 

(I already promised myself not to text or do any form of electronic communication while inebriated, so don't hold your breath for any Mezzo Drunken Forte posts. )

[AwkwardAxolotl]

43 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

 I'm also a paranoid person, and I think it'd be good to gauge my tolerance/limits for my own peace of mind. Guess this conversation had good timing because I'm actually planning on doing exactly that pretty soon. A dear friend is committing himself to watching/caring for me while I drink, so that should stop me from doing anything stupid or potentially dangerous. I want to at least see if I have a better tolerance than my sister, who can get drunk off of less than half a Mike's Hard, or (accidentally) from a glass of Manischewitz while her roommate was observing Passover.

Having someone there while you test your alcohol tolerance sounds like a smart idea, especially if you don't know what kind of drunk you are or how much it takes you to get drunk. I had my roommate/best friend keep an eye on me in college the night that I decided I wanted to figure out how much of an alcohol tolerance I had/what kind of drunk I would be. (It turns out it takes about 6 drinks for me to get drunk (assuming 1.5 oz of hard liquor constitutes one drink), and I'm a happy drunk).

[Mezzo Forte]

9 minutes ago, AwkwardAxolotl said:

Having someone there while you test your alcohol tolerance sounds like a smart idea, especially if you don't know what kind of drunk you are or how much it takes you to get drunk. I had my roommate/best friend keep an eye on me in college the night that I decided I wanted to figure out how much of an alcohol tolerance I had/what kind of drunk I would be. (It turns out it takes about 6 drinks for me to get drunk (assuming 1.5 oz of hard liquor constitutes one drink), and I'm a happy drunk).

Glad to hear others suggest the same thing. There aren't a lot of people I'd trust for something like this, but thankfully, I'm roommates with one of my dearest friends who I do trust for exactly that, so that keeps things simple. Everyone keeps assuming that I'd be an absolute lightweight though, but I guess that's because of my size and general lack of alcohol/mind-altering substances in my life. I wouldn't be shocked if 3 drinks was enough to get me drunk honestly. The fact that I'm likely to be a lightweight is why I want to know my limits though, because if my tolerance really is that low, then I need to be extra vigilant about alcohol in certain situations.

 

The most alcohol I've ever consumed was either that 1/2 of a Rum and Coke in Havana (it was a free cocktail with dinner) or the 2 small glasses of wine I had during my Austria study abroad. Can't say either had a big effect on me, but that only says so much about my tolerance.

[butterflydreams]

The most drunk I’ve ever been was at my friend’s bachelorette party over the summer. I don’t think I could’ve done that before transition, because it takes a lot to let your guard down with friends like that. I never wanted to let my guard down before. But like Mezzo, I worry tremendously about alcoholism and even though I don’t know if it runs in my family, I try to moderate as much as possible. I experienced what it was like to have someone drinking all the time when I was growing up. Plus, I’m just alone a lot, and contrary to George Thoroughgood, I don’t want to drink alone.

 

I’m so tired of getting rejected. It’s just constant. I know everyone says, “just move on to the next one.” And I really do try. But you’d have to be made of stone to not let it affect you even just a little bit after so much time. My friend told me something yesterday about how intimacy with a guy is great, and I felt so sad that I’ve never had that. So, freaking, sad  

 

Supposedly though, I’m “doing all of the right things.” Which doesn’t make me feel any better.

[Was here]

I thought of making an account for second life sometime because an article got me ore interested in it, but I'm afraid of feeling like I'm lying to people even though they wouldn't know that I'm a girl irl. i know that just because someone's a male or female avatar doesn't mean they're that in real life, so i don't know what I'm worried about. I do't have to be specific even, i could have a non gendered username and switch between male and female avatars.

 

sorry, i wrote that really weird. I do't know why I'm nervous over something as stupid as an avatar in an online thing.

[Emery.]

I like some alcohols for their taste, but drinking to just get stoned with it? C'mon... I also don't find it easier to socialise when on drinking high. I also don't find drunk behaviour funny or cool.

 

I'm also tired of getting rejeted and not feeling like myself in relationships.

[Starbogen]

This morning I was thinking that as far as transition goes, I still feel like a toddler trans guy. I'm sure someone must have plotted out something like this before but I haven't seen it so I thought... in my opinion at least, it goes something like this:

 

 

Baby trans person: this is when you're still questioning, or maybe you have a good idea of what you are, but you haven't done anything about it at all yet.

 

Toddler trans person: you start doing things, taking baby steps. You come out to significant people, change your name and pronouns, masculinize/feminize/neutralize your appearance as much as you can (and want to) without the use of hormones or surgeries, go to the bathroom that suits you, etc. (Obviously not necessarily all of those things, but some of the big ones)

 

Kid trans person: you've been living with those changes and/or with the knowledge of being trans for 2+ years.

 

Teen trans person: you go to a gender therapist and go on hormones and/or have surgeries and start dealing with legal things (or if you don't want these things you've been refining yourself and been out for 5+ years or something like that)

 

Young adult trans person: you've been on hormones for 5+ years and you're probably still dealing with surgeries and legal things. (If you don't want those things, you're pretty much settled into your identity but haven't spent a long time in this settled state..or something, sorry this is kinda aimed at people like me who do want those things)

 

Adult trans person: you've done everything you wanted to do with your transition, you've been on hormones for a while so everything's kinda settled, and you're finally living without thinking about what you need to fix next (I know for some people transition never really stops, but for the sake of this I mean when you've dealt with all the major concrete things you wanted to deal with)

 

 

So yeah... Anyone feel any differently? Or like I left important things out? This is how I think of it right now at least.. and I'm totally still a toddler.

[AwkwardAxolotl]

1 hour ago, Starbogen said:

This morning I was thinking that as far as transition goes, I still feel like a toddler trans guy. I'm sure someone must have plotted out something like this before but I haven't seen it so I thought... in my opinion at least, it goes something like this:

 

 

Baby trans person: this is when you're still questioning, or maybe you have a good idea of what you are, but you haven't done anything about it at all yet.

 

Toddler trans person: you start doing things, taking baby steps. You come out to significant people, change your name and pronouns, masculinize/feminize/neutralize your appearance as much as you can (and want to) without the use of hormones or surgeries, go to the bathroom that suits you, etc. (Obviously not necessarily all of those things, but some of the big ones)

 

Kid trans person: you've been living with those changes and/or with the knowledge of being trans for 2+ years.

 

Teen trans person: you go to a gender therapist and go on hormones and/or have surgeries and start dealing with legal things (or if you don't want these things you've been refining yourself and been out for 5+ years or something like that)

 

Young adult trans person: you've been on hormones for 5+ years and you're probably still dealing with surgeries and legal things. (If you don't want those things, you're pretty much settled into your identity but haven't spent a long time in this settled state..or something, sorry this is kinda aimed at people like me who do want those things)

 

Adult trans person: you've done everything you wanted to do with your transition, you've been on hormones for a while so everything's kinda settled, and you're finally living without thinking about what you need to fix next (I know for some people transition never really stops, but for the sake of this I mean when you've dealt with all the major concrete things you wanted to deal with)

 

 

So yeah... Anyone feel any differently? Or like I left important things out? This is how I think of it right now at least.. and I'm totally still a toddler.

Using this set of criteria, I'd be a young adult/adult. I haven't been on T for 5+ years yet, but I have finished the surgeries/legal stuff/everything I feel the need to do.