TransWhatevers of AVEN

[Guest]

Spoiler just in case

Spoiler

Those drains are very painful indeed! when i had my surgery the nurse used some breathing technique to get the things out as they didn't really have a function after two days in the hospital. I almost passed out as she removed them and my chest was pretty much swollen too. I'm not sure about top surgery but i can imagine you might want to wait with yoga untill you feel much better. Just saying out of experience it doesn't really work well if you start it too early!

 

 

Hmmm, they got broga at the gym, might consider trying that out too

 

I was considering top surgery but went for breast reduction surgery instead as i didn't really want to lose them just yet. I think i might consider later on when i get more used to my binder..wich i'm not wearing again today because it's so hot

 

 

Toothless, I'd just ignore them, giving them attention might result in them bothering you more so ignoring is the best thing to do in this case.

 

[Kimmie.]

Actually yoga is maybe something i should look in to. I have heard of many transwoman that use it to shape the body.

[Emery.]

Hey I'm leaving the forum for some time. Some moronic posts just are hurtful for me to even read. I'm not sure if this is some sort of shit wave of if it always looked like this. Anyway, it's too much for me to handle. Just shitting at different kinds of gender variant people and invalidation you know... So much hate.. See you later. 

[<No longer active>]

15 minutes ago, Emery. said:

Hey I'm leaving the forum for some time. Some moronic posts just are hurtful for me to even read. I'm not sure if this is some sort of shit wave of if it always looked like this. Anyway, it's too much for me to handle. Just shitting at different kinds of gender variant people and invalidation you know... So much hate.. See you later. 

take your time emery. It's sad that you feel it has come to this, but none of us will begrudge something your doing for the sake of your mental health. I'll miss you~

[Mezzo Forte]

6 hours ago, Jayce said:

Spoiler just in case

  Hide contents

Those drains are very painful indeed! when i had my surgery the nurse used some breathing technique to get the things out as they didn't really have a function after two days in the hospital. I almost passed out as she removed them and my chest was pretty much swollen too. I'm not sure about top surgery but i can imagine you might want to wait with yoga untill you feel much better. Just saying out of experience it doesn't really work well if you start it too early!

 

 

Hmmm, they got broga at the gym, might consider trying that out too

 

I was considering top surgery but went for breast reduction surgery instead as i didn't really want to lose them just yet. I think i might consider later on when i get more used to my binder..wich i'm not wearing again today because it's so hot

 

In response to spoilers:

Surprisingly, getting the drains out wasn't as bad for me as I expected. I kept hearing people say it felt like "getting stabbed in reverse" and I can't say it felt that way for me. I didn't even notice when the nurse removed the right drain.

 I've even heard claims that peri drains are usually more painful than DI drains, so go figure I didn't have too much trouble. Guess it was nothing compared to the swelling issues I had. I definitely wouldn't want to risk yoga now; I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than like 5lbs, and small as I am, my body isn't quite that light!  I'll have to hold off until at least one month post-op, if not longer depending on how my body feels.

 

From what I've heard/seen, reduction surgeries are pretty comparable to top surgery. Heck, the different forms of scaring are all comparable too. I'm guessing that one difference is the feeling of skin tightness though. I have to completely retrain my posture because of that skin tightness. I'm having trouble keeping my shoulders level because the tightness is making it harder to counterbalance my scoliosis. I'm trying to correct my posture now, but I may need to heal more before I really start pushing that.

 

Binder + Heat is no fun at all, so I feel you relenting on wearing one in this weather. Last summer, I was still binding with compression sports bras actually, so I've never spent a summer truly binding, and I'm glad that I never have to.

[Toothlesss]

8 hours ago, Jayce said:

Toothless, I'd just ignore them, giving them attention might result in them bothering you more so ignoring is the best thing to do in this case.

  I was ignoring every message since Sunday when they were doing the send 4 emails within three hours trick and then giving them the cold shoulder of silence every time. I can't tolerate transphobic people.

[butterflydreams]

*hugs* @Toothlesss

 

And *hugs* for @Emery. too. 

 

You know, I really appreciate all the positive words and encouragement people here have shared with me. So I feel bad that I just don't believe it. I just don't believe any guy is going to want me. I haven't met a single guy who is even open to the idea. I put myself out there a lot. I'm not afraid of online dating. I send lots of messages. I'm very active in the process. But a big nothing so far. I've never even been on a date with a guy

 

My IRL friends, bless their hearts, they talk to me as though I were just cis, and their suggestions come from that place. I like that they see me that way, but I'm not cis, and that was 100% the dealbreaker for the 4-5 guys who seemed to have any interest. I suspect the few guys who say they'd be ok going out with someone who's trans mean "post-op". 

 

But people have so much faith in me. Why? From where I stand, this is totally hopeless. That stupid movie, Boy Meets Girl...totally ridiculous. A fantasy. I feel like I'm living on leased time. I'll stick around for my friend's wedding in September. After that...?

[Gentle Giant]

@emery Sorry to hear that some posts around here have been bothering you to the point of needing a break. I hope you will come back!

 

@Toothlesss Sorry the group emails have been bothering you. Ignoring them I guess is the best way to handle it.

 

@Hadley167 Sorry you are feeling bad about not landing a date yet. I think some day when you least expect it, you will find some one. Maybe you are trying too hard? You said some were interested in you, but you think they mean post op? Maybe this is your chance to get to know someone and maybe with some time spent with each other it will work out?

[AwkwardAxolotl]

4 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

You know, I really appreciate all the positive words and encouragement people here have shared with me. So I feel bad that I just don't believe it. I just don't believe any guy is going to want me. I haven't met a single guy who is even open to the idea. I put myself out there a lot. I'm not afraid of online dating. I send lots of messages. I'm very active in the process. But a big nothing so far. I've never even been on a date with a guy

 

My IRL friends, bless their hearts, they talk to me as though I were just cis, and their suggestions come from that place. I like that they see me that way, but I'm not cis, and that was 100% the dealbreaker for the 4-5 guys who seemed to have any interest. I suspect the few guys who say they'd be ok going out with someone who's trans mean "post-op". 

 

But people have so much faith in me. Why? From where I stand, this is totally hopeless. That stupid movie, Boy Meets Girl...totally ridiculous. A fantasy. I feel like I'm living on leased time. I'll stick around for my friend's wedding in September. After that...?

 

Personally, I don't quite get why people get so hung up on whether their date is cis or trans, male or female (or other). But I know that for an unfortunately large number of guys, their date being trans is a deal breaker. Not every guy is though. Someday you'll find a guy who doesn't see you as Hadley-the-transwoman, you'll find someone who just sees Hadley, and loves you just because you're you.

 

I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug.

[Guest And Peggy]

A post from the PM thread with me, Toothless, and Chilla:

1 minute ago, And Peggy said:

Thought I should share this with y'all:  

 

https://terfpostgenerator.tumblr.com/

 

[ChillaKilla]

31 minutes ago, And Peggy said:

A post from the PM thread with me, Toothless, and Chilla:

 

I about peed reading this link believe me.

 

 

Srs bsns time:

I don't know how much longer I can stand this site. Everywhere I see people clamoring about "censorship" and "PC police" due to moderators cracking down on transphobia, but from my side? Nowhere near enough. In the past week I've seen people say things like "if you don't play the cards you were dealt then you're weak" "they're insisting we play along with their dress up and that's delusional" "I identify as a paypal collector so send me money or you'll trigger me" "Riley Dennis is a heterosexual man with sick fantasies". I could go on and on but this has got to stop. I feel like nothing is being done at all to stop these sorts of things. AVEN isn't safe anymore, and I don't wanna go but I don't know how much longer I'll have the luxury of making this choice.

[Comrade F&F]

6 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

Srs bsns time:

I don't know how much longer I can stand this site. Everywhere I see people clamoring about "censorship" and "PC police" due to moderators cracking down on transphobia, but from my side? Nowhere near enough. In the past week I've seen people say things like "if you don't play the cards you were dealt then you're weak" "they're insisting we play along with their dress up and that's delusional" "I identify as a paypal collector so send me money or you'll trigger me" "Riley Dennis is a heterosexual man with sick fantasies". I could go on and on but this has got to stop. I feel like nothing is being done at all to stop these sorts of things. AVEN isn't safe anymore, and I don't wanna go but I don't know how much longer I'll have the luxury of making this choice.

When I read Grep's post, I interpreted it as only being pointed toward dressing up as cats or robots. Not actual transgender identity. I'm not defending him - he'll have to explain it himself.

 

*slides over some cake* 

[ChillaKilla]

1 minute ago, Feys&Florets said:

When I read Grep's post, I interpreted it as only being pointed toward dressing up as cats or robots. Not actual transgender identity. I'm not defending him - he'll have to explain it himself.

 

*slides over some cake* 

I would've thought that too, but he went on to distinctly say "we have two distinctly healthy sexes" which would be relevant to gender as opposed to species or whatever.

 

An addendum- I've even seen trans people being downright antagonistic towards some of the less common and potentially questionable gender identities(?) in existence. News flash: mocking them won't make people like you more or accept trans people more. That's what the LGB movement did to trans people in the first place. Then it was binary trans to nonbinary, now it's nonbinary to other nonbinary. Stop it. You're being so unproductive and making everyone hate us ALL more!

[Toothlesss]

24 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

Srs bsns time:

I don't know how much longer I can stand this site. Everywhere I see people clamoring about "censorship" and "PC police" due to moderators cracking down on transphobia, but from my side? Nowhere near enough. In the past week I've seen people say things like "if you don't play the cards you were dealt then you're weak" "they're insisting we play along with their dress up and that's delusional" "I identify as a paypal collector so send me money or you'll trigger me" "Riley Dennis is a heterosexual man with sick fantasies". I could go on and on but this has got to stop. I feel like nothing is being done at all to stop these sorts of things. AVEN isn't safe anymore, and I don't wanna go but I don't know how much longer I'll have the luxury of making this choice.

I've been considering leaving this site for a little while too, all due to everything in this post. I don't even want to share my art on here because of this and most of my art has nothing to do with that nonsense.  

[daveb]

I don't see a lot of that because I pick and choose which threads I go into (or it goes right past me). I do see a bit of stuff in a few threads, but try to stay out of the "discussion" if it gets too out of hand (some people aren't going to change being the wankers they are and it's not worth it, in my opinion, to go round and round with them on; it just gets to be annoying and not at all productive).

 

I would hate to see @ChillaKilla or @Toothlesss go.  

 

I think the mods do their best to be balanced and even-handed. I am sure it is a very thankless task, and probably frustrating at times. There was the recent update to how they would handle some issues relevant to the topic at hand here. Hopefully that can help. In a forum as big as AVEN there are always going to be a few bad apples and some people who don't understand or whatever. Of course, each person has to take care of their self and do what is needed for their safety, sanity and well-being. But I refuse to let the b@st#rds grind me down.

[Toothlesss]

2 minutes ago, daveb said:

I would hate to see @ChillaKilla or @Toothlesss go.  

 I wasn't really thinking permanent- just more like getting off here and staying off for a while. I do the same on other sites too.    

[daveb]

You can always just come into our own little island here if you like. I mean, it's not Berk, but here be dragons.

Of course, if a break helps, we will understand and hope for your return.

[Comrade F&F]

Yeah, I'd hate to see @Toothlesss and @ChillaKilla go to. I'm with Daveb here. Being a mod is hard work. Just gotta take everything in stride when they miss stuff.

[Kimmie.]

This is interesting:

http://www.aftonbladet.se/debatt/a/XX0Ao/avskaffa-alla-dam-och-herrtoaletter

Use google translate or other. It is about the bathroom thing.

[Guest]

I'm just sooo sick and tired of seeing Avenites just openly invalidate my existence...the transphobia is just so sickmaking it just makes me feel bad about myself, Greps Post just shows how intolerant people are nowadays Ugh

[Kimmie.]

9 minutes ago, Jayce said:

I'm just sooo sick and tired of seeing Avenites just openly invalidate my existence...the transphobia is just so sickmaking it just makes me feel bad about myself, Greps Post just shows how intolerant people are nowadays Ugh

On no *hugs* i say as you are saying to me. just be you and that is all that matters. Remember there is people here that loves you for the person you are. 

[butterflydreams]

13 hours ago, Gentle Giant said:

@Hadley167 Sorry you are feeling bad about not landing a date yet. I think some day when you least expect it, you will find some one. Maybe you are trying too hard? You said some were interested in you, but you think they mean post op? Maybe this is your chance to get to know someone and maybe with some time spent with each other it will work out?

It's just so depressing. There never seem to be people online talking about it in a way I can relate to. I got home yesterday, just before 5, and just collapsed in my bed crying until around 8. I didn't even eat any dinner. I try so hard to imagine my future self. She's the only one I'll listen to. I imagine her being with me and comforting me when I'm crying. Because she knows what it's like.  I feel like I can listen if she tells me to stick around, because her existence depends on it.

 

I didn't expect to be more interested in a relationship after transitioning. I thought I'd be less interested, or maybe the same.

 

I just can't even imagine what a guy who would be interested in me would be like. I'm not even 100% sure what kind of guy I like, because "get out there and try being with different people" isn't an option.

[Kimmie.]

I am so sorry @Hadley167 i cant even imagine how it feels to be rejected in that way *hugs*. But i know how it feels to be alone. I had a episode last night when i couldn't come up with a single reason to way i exist.

 

And in the same time you seems to be so amazing so those guys dosen´t know what they lose.

[Emery.]

Okay, I'm not too good at leaving, ha ha. I think I'll just stick to a couple of threads like @daveb. I like talking with you here

 

It's good to take even a small step back sometimes though...

 

*hugs everyone*

 

I can't find a boyfriend either... My gender is a difficulty in it all for sure.

 

 

 

I change my facebook profile pic to more how I look recently. I'm happy with this photo. I was thinking of maybe going to Pride too. Or at least outing myself by asking who's going   I'm feeling a lot less anxious about it now.

 

edit: The photo is... me in a flannel, lol. And in my current hair. I've also found a friend who'd teach me play the guitar. He's a pro

[daveb]

1 hour ago, Emery. said:

Okay, I'm not too good at leaving, ha ha. I think I'll just stick to a couple of threads like @daveb. I like talking with you here

Yay!

(tears of joy)

[Gentle Giant]

@Hadley167 Hugs to you! It makes me sad that you're hurting so much. I don't know what to say to help you feel better. Just know that I care.

 

@ChillaKilla @Toothlesss @Emery. I don't blame you for feeling upset and need to take a break from here. Don't let the posters who say those dumb things get you down though. I think AVEN in general is a friendly welcoming place. Better than a lot of places on the internet. Stay away from the areas on here that bother you. You will never change the minds of certain people. I don't even bother with trying to reason with anyone like that anymore. Complete waste of time and energy.

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Gentle Giant said:

@Hadley167 Hugs to you! It makes me sad that you're hurting so much. I don't know what to say to help you feel better. Just know that I care.

 

@ChillaKilla @Toothlesss @Emery. I don't blame you for feeling upset and need to take a break from here. Don't let the posters who say those dumb things get you down though. I think AVEN in general is a friendly welcoming place. Better than a lot of places on the internet. Stay away from the areas on here that bother you. You will never change the minds of certain people. I don't even bother with trying to reason with anyone like that anymore. Complete waste of time and energy.

I agree, it's just that sometimes it's hard not to let things get to you, one of the bad sides of being a mod is that you have to sift trough the shit they post and try to deal with it.I honestly gave up trying to reason with them because it's just a waiste of time. But i still find it hurtful to read that fellow aces who already know the difficulties of being ace, do the same thing they want to have support for to the trans members of this community. I've not dared to go into a discussion with them but when i saw a fellow Objectum Ace getting blatantly mocked for the very same orientation i share with them i just had to intervene as they were trying to dig into their sex life.It was kinda like when i saw people getting flack for being Sapioromantic when i modded Aromantic orientations.I know Aven is better then alot of other places on the internet but it still kinda rubs me the wrong way that even this place you have to endure difficulties for being who you are.

 

I can imagine as  a fellow trans person that it's hard to watch people blatantly mock your gender identity and not to let it get to you, easier said then done IMO but in all fairness: Sometimes I can't blaim them for being upset, You're right though, you can't change the minds of some people but that doesn't take away the fact that it's godawful to receive nasty comments from people who come here whilst claiming they're an ally, like they've changed into completely different people in that one specific forum.I don't really feel Aven is a welcoming place, It is if you live up to some standards but it isn't if you don't really fit in. Reason why i sometimes avoid discussing things with people who would never understand anyway.I'm glad i mod Gender, it's probaly one of the best forums to spend time in if you want to kick back and sort out life issues. I might be abit biased though but i've been here for so long that it started to feel that way

[Emery.]

Ummm I'm not sure why I talk in such a breathy voice on the phone... normally I'm pretty much a contralto. Am I trying to be nice or what? I'm not sure how I really sound though, because I recorded myself something like last month and I sounded so gay... I just checked today... Well, I normally sound like I don't care at all or like I'm super bored. Yeah, that makes sense why I take on a different tone when talking on the phone then.

 

Almost there with the appointment.

 

Hm. The problem with the "normal" therapist is that she keeps on invalidating my identity / tries to push me into denial, probably out of lack of knowledge of the subject. Like, great, when I didn't know I'm trans, I was trans anyway and I was actually worse off... Right now I own who I am: I pursue someone if I want to, I don't hide my not-so-feminine interests, I'm not ashamed of my natural behaviour, or when someone calls me a dude, but some 2 years ago, I was ashamed that I'm not feminine enough. It got me nowhere good. I was just unhappy and my relationships with others were bleh.

[daveb]

9 hours ago, Jayce said:

one of the bad sides of being a mod

Another reason I don't think I would ever run for mod. (besides being too lazy, that is)

I guess mods see more of the sausage being made, so to speak.

 

Good luck, @Emery.!

[Guest]

I've been trying to speak from my chest lately to sound deeper. My voice is high pitched apparently (I rarely ever listen to my voice so I didn't really notice 'til now). It's a lot harder than I figured it'd be. Trying not to make it sound forced, at least.

 

Anyway, there's my usual struggle.