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ChillaKilla

I posted a coming out thing on Instagram and had a super pleasant surprise- one of my friends who is from a super southern baptist family (basically diet Duggars) is wholeheartedly supportive of me! It really made my morning.

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ChillaKilla

@daveb I'm more of a vaporwave person when it comes to aesthetic, but I would never say no to a kick ass cravat and pair of zeppelin pilot goggles :D

 

@Mezzo Forte I can second the thing about trans men and dudebros. There's so much toxic masculinity in the mainstream FTM community (which probably comes from depression and overcompensation). Also, I'd wager the vast majority of transmedicalists are trans men. Since a lot of trans men find it easier to go stealth than say, a trans woman, they project their narrative onto everyone else and say "Look how easy it was for me. You had a hard time? That's your fault somehow". Not to mention the "I got mine so nuts to you" attitude, when they just turn their backs on the community entirely. On an unrelated note, you should totally do capoeira! More trans martial artists FTW!

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butterflydreams
2 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

 I'm more of a vaporwave person when it comes to aesthetic

*respect for Chilla intensifies* :lol: 

Spoiler

 

 

4 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

Since a lot of trans men find it easier to go stealth than say, a trans woman, they project their narrative onto everyone else and say "Look how easy it was for me. You had a hard time? That's your fault somehow".

The difference in passability/stealth is more marginal than it seems, at least, according to the latest NTCE survey. But can confirm the rest, 100%. It's a gross, bullshit, toxic attitude and I hate it. Not to say that trans women don't do it as well, *cough* Blaire White *cough*. Trans women can get to that stealth place as well, but I think it generally takes a bit longer, so maybe they have more respect for it once they get there. Just a theory though. I don't feel I'll ever be stealth, even though I want to be more than anything. It's hard not to feel self-critical and self-conscious when I watch some trans guys move through their transitions. I constantly feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.

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*googles caporeia and vaporwave*

 

I think vaporwave might be what they play frequently on the college radio and it's pretty cool. And caporeia seems way cool too. Hm. Maybe I'll do that at some point. Hey, by the way, once I'm done with coursework and get rid of that cold and sleep debt, I'm planning to come back to karate once again, because it crosses my mind over and over again, and I had so much fun with it before. 

 

Hm, I hang out mostly here when it comes to the internet... so I don't even know. But I had the bad luck of dating a dude bro. Maybe I needed to experience it at least once in order to regret it. 

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56 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

I'm more of a vaporwave person when it comes to aesthetic, but I would never say no to a kick ass cravat and pair of zeppelin pilot goggles

Ha! I read that as "vaporware" first and was confused (never heard of vaporwave). I don't have a full outfit, but I do have a few accessories, like an emerald green cravat and pin to go with it, boots, and goggles that fold up and go into a little tin case. Also, a few different hats to choose from. :)

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butterflydreams

Holy shit. Fuck people. I can't give them the satisfaction of seeing me give up...or worse, but it sucks to go on and on and on like this.

 

I didn't message you. I have no idea who you are. And yet you felt the need to reach out to me, unsolicited, to tell me that I'm really a man.

 

What happens if I run into one of these hot shots IRL? Are they going to try to kill me just for existing? Just for walking down the sidewalk? Fuck, at this point, I wish they would. Quit running your mouth, prick. Put up or shut up. Save me the fucking trouble.

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Mezzo Forte
10 hours ago, ChillaKilla said:

On an unrelated note, you should totally do capoeira! More trans martial artists FTW!

 

9 hours ago, Emery. said:

And caporeia seems way cool too. Hm. Maybe I'll do that at some point.

Capoeira's been indirectly part of my life for a while, since I do a lot of research regarding Afro-Brazilian music traditions in particular, and my biggest research area (and potential dissertation topic for my doctorate) is actually focused on the berimbau, which is an instrument that's considered an integral part of capoeira. If nothing else, I should do it for the sake of my research, but from what little I've tried of it, I actually found it quite fun (if a little nerve-wracking since I'm paranoid about hurting my wrists). Plus, I think it'd be cool to eventually be able to do all the flashy handstands and whatnot. (Plus, all the more opportunity for me to play berimbau and experience its function firsthand.)

 

Maybe this is a strange thing to look forward to, but the berimbau is actually traditionally played either shirtless or with a very thin white t-shirt (thick clothes can absorb some of the sound), so once I can start playing percussion after top surgery, I'm going to finally get to play the berimbau while shirtless :) 

 

@Hadley167 holy shit, fuck people indeed. Says a lot about a person's character when they give unsolicited insults behind the safety of a computer screen. Also gives off the impression that the person is so self-absorbed that they can't keep their damn opinions to themself, like your life just couldn't possibly go on without their input. I don't get people. :huh:

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@Hadley167 {{{hugs}}} They are saying far more terrible things about themselves with that message than about you. May they find themselves afflicted by the same level of pain you suffer until they learn empathy and consideration for others. You are definitely a wonderful woman, worth knowing and they don't deserve to even have knowledge of your existence as a brilliant light in the far distance, never mind communicate with you.  

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butterflydreams

I guess I didn't mention that this was an online dating scenario. This was the first message I'd even received since April 2016. 99% of my sent messages are ignored. So that was nice. I want to give up on everything so badly. I know what everyone will say, but I have a hard time even believing that I'm worthy of having a partner. Like, ok, transition is fine, but don't inflict yourself on others. I feel like that experience of being with someone who truly loves me isn't something I'll ever have in my lifetime. I want to give up completely.

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swirl_of_blue
15 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

I want to give up on everything so badly. I know what everyone will say, but I have a hard time even believing that I'm worthy of having a partner. Like, ok, transition is fine, but don't inflict yourself on others. I feel like that experience of being with someone who truly loves me isn't something I'll ever have in my lifetime. I want to give up completely.

Oh no, you sound just like me! With the exception, that I've given up to the point where I don't initiate meaasging and just wait for someone to contact me on dating sites, and that happens maybe once a week if I'm lucky. Most of those messages are completely empty in content (like a simple "Hi!" and I clearly say in my profile that I won't waste my time with people who don't tell anything of themselves in their first message) or asking for sex (sometimes with money involved). Most people who contact me will also refer to me as a woman or girl in their messages, though I clearly state in my profile that this will make me uncomfortable.. I'm starting to believe more and more that there are no "good" people on dating sites...

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Mezzo Forte
2 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I guess I didn't mention that this was an online dating scenario. This was the first message I'd even received since April 2016. 99% of my sent messages are ignored. So that was nice. I want to give up on everything so badly. I know what everyone will say, but I have a hard time even believing that I'm worthy of having a partner. Like, ok, transition is fine, but don't inflict yourself on others. I feel like that experience of being with someone who truly loves me isn't something I'll ever have in my lifetime. I want to give up completely.

I had a feeling it came from a dating site based on how you spoke of the encounter. :( I'm more on the side of not giving these shitbags the power to stop you from pursuing something that will make you happy, but I can only imagine how frustrating these moments are. I'm sure you know that I personally can get self-depreciating in the face of rejection too, (the easiest person to lash out to in these situations often ends up being yourself,) but I hope it goes without saying that I (and lots of other people in your life) will fervently disagree with what you're saying about yourself.

 

If you don't mind me making a request, maybe consider doing something nice for yourself today. Maybe make/buy your favorite meal, or spend some extra time gardening, or go for a nice drive. Remind yourself of the pleasures that nobody can take from you  and get your mind off the negative thoughts until you feel better equipped to sort through them. 

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butterflydreams

Maybe I should just stop using it. Maybe that's a sign of loving myself, and caring about myself enough to stop doing something that causes so much pain. Even though as bad as it is, I feel like it's my best/only shot. That's depressing. I know me, and me isn't going to try to do anything IRL where I can't pre-screen people to being open to me.

 

30 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

If you don't mind me making a request, maybe consider doing something nice for yourself today. Maybe make/buy your favorite meal, or spend some extra time gardening, or go for a nice drive. Remind yourself of the pleasures that nobody can take from you  and get your mind off the negative thoughts until you feel better equipped to sort through them. 

I can't really think of anything nice to do. I just want to be a lump. I have to put on a smile at work today too. It sucks.

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Mezzo Forte

@Hadley167, If nothing else, a small break from dating sites might help you, if to at least get rid of the negativity that's currently coming from them. Plus, sometimes you'll meet cool people IRL when you're not looking for them. :) 

 

You can probably see how much I wear my "cope through distraction" tactics on my sleeve, so if what I suggest isn't helpful, that's okay. Totally unrelated conversation helps snap me away from the things burning at me, and I definitely relied on that method to keep myself sane early in my transition. I guess you'll know what works for you. I imagine that You know best about whether you should be alone or with friends right now. Maybe have an intentional cathartic cry later today or scream into a pillow or something along those lines if it helps you. Maybe hug a friend if you see any today. (You definitely have my hugs, as always, Hadley.) 

 

Sorry if I'm being a bit more problem-solvey than you might like, but I hope that today's a better day.

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butterflydreams
1 hour ago, Mezzo Forte said:

@Hadley167, If nothing else, a small break from dating sites might help you, if to at least get rid of the negativity that's currently coming from them. Plus, sometimes you'll meet cool people IRL when you're not looking for them. :) 

Yeah, my friend was like, "ok, step one: get the fuck off of those sites immediately." I hate to cut and run like that, but I did. I deleted everything. My day to day life doesn't put me in the path of meeting many (if any) new people. And I know the answer to that is to "put myself out there more" and "change my life so that I am put in the path of more new people." Easier said than done. I'm a quiet, shy person. To use my new analogy, that's a large emotional check from an account that is running a very low balance right now.

 

I never like being told that I'm different, or that I need to act differently to others. My brother told me to lower my expectations and "stop excluding people right out of the gate" even though I'm already doing that beyond my comfort level by saying I'd be interested in dating a woman. I'm really not that interested, but I feel like I have to be, because I can't afford to be picky.

 

I don't mind you being problem solve-y. It helps actually. If nothing else, to get my mind off things. I appreciate the hugs.

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Mezzo Forte

@Hadley167, one thing I can say about "getting yourself out there" is that it won't mean much if you don't feel comfortable enough to be sociable. Maybe it's from my experience of using my sis as a social crutch for most my life, but I've found that my deepest bonds come from the friendships I make myself. There's just a difference in the social dynamics, as I have a way of feeling lost in the crowd since I prefer to engage people one at a time rather than all at once. I've also found that visiting places alone doesn't quite work well for me socially either. Going out and about with one friend tends to be the right sweet spot for me, and perhaps it might be for you too. I think it makes new conversation a little less stilted since there's someone you already know and are comfortable with, but you still have potential to chat with new people if you so choose.

 

I guess TLDR: Get a wingman/wingwoman/wingperson :P 

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butterflydreams
2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

@Hadley167, one thing I can say about "getting yourself out there" is that it won't mean much if you don't feel comfortable enough to be sociable.

Yeah, I know. This is why all the meetups I've been to have been so ineffective. And with that I'm only looking for friends, or someone who gives a shit enough to remember me. But I stay so quiet and shy, and interpret anything that happens as bad ("Oh, they didn't like me. I'm annoying this person talking to them. I'm totally making an idiot out of myself.)

 

2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

There's just a difference in the social dynamics, as I have a way of feeling lost in the crowd since I prefer to engage people one at a time rather than all at once.

Yeah, I engage with people one on one really well. I'm really poor with social cues and stuff and in groups, like at meetups, I totally clam up unless someone talks to me first, and even then, I tend to only answer their questions. I'm bad at going further than that.

 

2 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I've also found that visiting places alone doesn't quite work well for me socially either. Going out and about with one friend tends to be the right sweet spot for me, and perhaps it might be for you too. I think it makes new conversation a little less stilted since there's someone you already know and are comfortable with, but you still have potential to chat with new people if you so choose.

This too. My best friend? She really really wants me to succeed. She sent me a text recently that was like, "I want to see a happy Hadley living it up!" And if I'm out with her, I tend to be more relaxed and she knows just how to push me so that I'm improving, but not too far beyond my comfort zone. Sadly, she's 4 hours away and I rarely get to see her. I'd move to be closer to her but she lives in like the one place I'd never be able to go back to (I already lived there when I was in college).

 

I've actually been considering moving to Connecticut. Does anybody know anything about it? Ironically, virtually all of my extended family lives there, but because of assorted bullshit I hardly ever went there as a kid, and some of the family is pretty estranged (mostly because of my parents). I wonder if my aunt is still alive. She lives there. After my grandmother, my aunt was one of the most influential people in my early life. She really believed in me.

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7 minutes ago, Hadley167 said:

I've actually been considering moving to Connecticut. Does anybody know anything about it? Ironically, virtually all of my extended family lives there, but because of assorted bullshit I hardly ever went there as a kid, and some of the family is pretty estranged (mostly because of my parents). I wonder if my aunt is still alive. She lives there. After my grandmother, my aunt was one of the most influential people in my early life. She really believed in me.

Beautiful, but expensive. Basically anywhere close to New York City is going to be high priced, even in the rural areas. The property taxes are as high, or possibly higher than new Jersey. I don't know much about renting. (I'd say in my NYC suburb, it was maybe $1,500 a month for a single bedroom apartment??) 

 

I can't say much about Connecticut culture as I've never been there. From what I know, it's pretty much New England? 

 

 

 

This weekend, eh? It was okay but I got stressed out so I treated myself to a pedicure. 

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butterflydreams
1 minute ago, Toothlesss said:

Beautiful, but expensive. Basically anywhere close to New York City is going to be high priced, even in the rural areas. The property taxes are as high, or possibly higher than new Jersey. I don't know much about renting. (I'd say in my NYC suburb, it was maybe $1,500 a month for a single bedroom apartment??) 

 

I can't say much about Connecticut culture as I've never been there. From what I know, it's pretty much New England? 

Hmm, interesting. I'm not thinking of anything south of New Haven (Bridgeport, Norwalk, Stamford, etc). I know it's kind of a dump, but Torrington would put me in range of a lot of places I liked as a kid (in Massachusetts). I was also thinking something around Hartford. Or anything between the Connecticut River and Rhode Island. I know CT is "expensive" but it's tough to gauge, because it's all relative, and honestly, at this point, a lot of New England is expensive :( Though on the plus side, I've never lived anywhere else, so I'm pretty used to it.

 

5 minutes ago, Toothlesss said:

This weekend, eh? It was okay but I got stressed out so I treated myself to a pedicure. 

*hugs* for the stress. Did the pedicure help? My friend always just throws that out to me as an option to relax. I'd be too self conscious to relax though.

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1 minute ago, Hadley167 said:

*hugs* for the stress. Did the pedicure help? My friend always just throws that out to me as an option to relax. I'd be too self conscious to relax though.

Yeah. This place has the best massage chairs too. I pretty much had the massage chair on the whole time. 

I don't know if it'd help if you went with a friend and got them together? There was a man getting a mani-pedi when I was there. In my experience, they don't really care what you look like. 

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Gentle Giant
6 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

@Hadley167, If nothing else, a small break from dating sites might help you, if to at least get rid of the negativity that's currently coming from them. Plus, sometimes you'll meet cool people IRL when you're not looking for them. :) 

@Hadley167 I was going to say what Mezzo said in the quote above. I'm glad you did delete your account with the dating site. It's been nothing but a continuous source of pain for you. Keep going out with your friends and enjoy yourself.

 

Good for you, @Toothlesss, in getting that pedicure to help reduce your stress.

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Mezzo Forte
4 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

Yeah, I engage with people one on one really well. I'm really poor with social cues and stuff and in groups, like at meetups, I totally clam up unless someone talks to me first, and even then, I tend to only answer their questions. I'm bad at going further than that.

You know, my dad explicitly taught me how to carry a conversation when I was a kid, and while I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised that I have the opposite problem, (it's hard to get me to shut up :lol:) I find that the most helpful tactic I can use is the conversation volley. Someone asks a question, you answer and then ask a similar question, and the cycle begins.

 

A lot of early conversation topics tend to be pretty simple to volley back exactly (things like career, family, etc.) and you just sift through the small talk until you find something you can press further into like a common interest, or something one person is passionate about that makes the other curious. I love seeing that spark in people's eyes, so I always try to ask thoughtful questions to help keep them going. When I go off about my music, I try to be inclusive of the other person by asking related questions, like if they sing or play an instrument, or what kind of music they listen to. That way, it makes my rambling a touch more engaging and personable. I don't know if I'm articulating my tactics well, but there's benefits to actively strategizing how to handle a conversation!

 

4 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

This too. My best friend? She really really wants me to succeed. She sent me a text recently that was like, "I want to see a happy Hadley living it up!" And if I'm out with her, I tend to be more relaxed and she knows just how to push me so that I'm improving, but not too far beyond my comfort zone. Sadly, she's 4 hours away and I rarely get to see her. I'd move to be closer to her but she lives in like the one place I'd never be able to go back to (I already lived there when I was in college).

Reminds me of my predicament with my best friend, and I wish I had advice for this. :( I always joked about being his wingman when I tried to console him during the times he was single and actively yearning for love, but I guess I'm relieved that he didn't need to me help him find his current partner. 

 

Honestly, there's no words to describe how lucky I am in regards to my social situation at the moment though. To not only have someone like my best friend who will stay in contact with me no matter the distance, but to have a whole community of musicians who have my back is really humbling. I felt like an outsider for so much of my early years in college, and it boggles my mind to see how much that has changed. I have such a variety of people in my life that I can consistently satisfy myself on social, emotional, and intellectual levels that I never knew were out there. To not only have my best friend from afar, but to have a one-in-a-million deep emotional bond with someone who is part of my daily life on top of that is incredible. And then to add the friendship I have with you, Hadley, and everyone else who frequents these parts of AVEN on top of that. I'm honestly living in the best social situation I have ever had.

 

I hope that doesn't come off like some kind of showboating or humblebrag, but I feel like my current social situation came from a mix of luck, social growth, and years of momentum building, and it makes it hard to give advice about how to find something like this for others. (Or even myself once/if I eventually leave this university.)

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ChillaKilla

*derails thread with terrible joke*

 

What's a British trans man's favorite meal?

 

T-TIME!!!!! :lol::lol::lol: 

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butterflydreams

Between @ChillaKilla and @Mezzo Forte, the dad jokes in this thread are going to go off the charts. Nevertheless, I approve 8)

 

I debated whether or not to do the following. I had two shitty misgendering incidents today, and a couple in the past few weeks, and no real positive incidents to really counter it all. I hated that I got sent an old picture of myself today as a "joke". Circa 2011. I don't want to give it power over me, so I'm going to share it here. This photo is not me. Yeah, I was there, I was sitting in front of the camera, but this is not me. I can share this photo here because this photo is not me. I don't want any of these old photos to have any more power over me. I struggle so much feeling like I haven't changed at all from this photo, and I'm tired of it, because I don't think it's actually true.

Spoiler

unnamed.jpg

 

19 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I hope that doesn't come off like some kind of showboating or humblebrag, but I feel like my current social situation came from a mix of luck, social growth, and years of momentum building, and it makes it hard to give advice about how to find something like this for others. (Or even myself once/if I eventually leave this university.)

Not a humblebrag at all. As someone who struggles with the pain of social isolation every day, I'd never begrudge anyone, especially my friends, for having a more positive situation than mine. You enjoy it, Mezzo. You enjoy every minute of it and never, ever apologize *hugs*

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1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

I can share this photo here because this photo is not me.

Yeah, that is definitely not you.

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Woah ... I would have never guessed. *throws picture power out window*

 

Thanks for sharing, Hadley!

 

Lucinda

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Mezzo Forte

@Hadley167 People sharing old photos of you is not cool at all. :mad: Honestly, I think your reaction is a good way to process it, because I know that for me, I have a much easier time seeing old photos if I see them on my own terms, so there's people who I don't mind sharing old photos with. When someone catches me off-guard with old photos (or *shudder* videos) of me, I have trouble handling it. (I just about died when my sis recently played a video not only of me talking, but directly stating my birthname. I don't think she realized that I was quasi-stealth to one of the people in the room either.) Transition changes so much mentally/emotionally that I think it's more than fair to say the person in the old photos is not you.

 

I think I found myself getting intentionally misgendered today, and it just feels weird to think that. The person in question seems to have some weird preconceptions about LGBT topics and is more right-leaning in general, based on her comment a few years back that she's "okay with gay people, but doesn't approve of the lifestyle." I don't know why I thought I'd be more confrontational over intentional misgendering, but I guess I just let it happen like I let the accidental ones happen.

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7 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I think I found myself getting intentionally misgendered today, and it just feels weird to think that. The person in question seems to have some weird preconceptions about LGBT topics and is more right-leaning in general, based on her comment a few years back that she's "okay with gay people, but doesn't approve of the lifestyle." I don't know why I thought I'd be more confrontational over intentional misgendering, but I guess I just let it happen like I let the accidental ones happen.

Oh i really hate this part so much, that's pretty much more like: "I tolerate you but i won't accept you the way you are"   I honestly tend to think it was intentional misgendering as i know all about how they think about transgender people, I've seen that in my own community how they aren't exactly accepting towards people and just try to cover that with such stupid phrases.They don't accept LGBT people at all and are very narrow-minded when it comes to one being LGBT. I'll leave the ugly details out but i can promise that she isn't very accepting but rather trying to cover her ass by saying she is ok with you but she doesn't approve your lifestyle. It's more like a big: "I know who you are but don't expect me to become your fan" kinda comment wich just rubs me the wrong way. It's best not to respond and avoid them. (If it was me i'd probaly have a clash of the titans with that lady instead)  I'm sorry you had to experience such crap from the lady, that's not really nice of her to say that.

 

@Hadley167 I'm so sorry to hear you had to go trough that, them sharing old pictures is so not cool, that's not you at all.

 

Sooo it has been quite a while but my depression has been really shitty lately. I'm dealing with so many issues lately and it did take it's toll because when you think about stuff too much without giving yourself a chance to relax then it will become overwhelming in the end.

 

Spoiler because of mention of transphobia and other sensitive things.

Spoiler

my cousin has been giving me hell for the past few months. He is a cis guy, he has always liked guy things and all the sudden he decided he is transgender and feels like a woman.The worst part is that he has told everyone he knows about this including the bosses wich almost caused him to be fired and us having to hear the mess he made after it all happened.My family is transphobic, let that be a first thing i need to point out so my chances on coming out to them have shrunk to a minimum.I'm beyond furious let be fustrated, because of his ignorant behavior, i will have to remain closeted for probaly the rest of my life...I hate having to deal with that knowledge.They decided to put him on therapy because he obviously has issues but it kinda sucks as i suspect him copying me wearing guy clothes all the time. Now i'm not even sure if i should continue the road i begun about a year ago. I'm seeing my therapist next week and i'm counting the hours to finally start ranting about all the stuff i've been dealing with all the time.I'm glad i can because this stuff has been causing so much stress it has been affecting my health too. I'm soo out of it lately and i noticed that i'm not really enjoying things now these stuff happened so i obviously decided to put my gender issues in the freezer for now.Life really sucks atm.

 

 

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I'm sorry to hear the news and that you have to go through that, Hadley and Jayce. That's very insensitive of your coworker, Hadley. It's definitely not the kind of subject one can joke about. And Jayce, I understand. I'm so afraid to come out both with sexuality and gender, and I'm trying to just live my life in peace, and so does everyone on the thread, and then come those people who make one big argument of nothing and make the LGBT+ such a reputation. I hope you can come out to at least some of your family after that issue calms down, and that you find a way to wind down and rest, and that therapy goes well. 

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2 hours ago, Emery. said:

I'm sorry to hear the news and that you have to go through that, Hadley and Jayce. That's very insensitive of your coworker, Hadley. It's definitely not the kind of subject one can joke about. And Jayce, I understand. I'm so afraid to come out both with sexuality and gender, and I'm trying to just live my life in peace, and so does everyone on the thread, and then come those people who make one big argument of nothing and make the LGBT+ such a reputation. I hope you can come out to at least some of your family after that issue calms down, and that you find a way to wind down and rest, and that therapy goes well. 

Hmmm, I currently think my chances are below zero but yeah, let's try to stay positive..I had a firm talk with my cousin that he shouldn't be joking around about transgenderism because it pisses people off if they find out you're faking it. You can eat a snickers if you are hungry but you can't just do HRT and reverse it cause you "feel like a woman". I think that the issue is that people just don't have the right knowledge on being LGBT+ so respond to those who are LGBT in such a way but on the other hand, the way LGBT+ people are trying to get acceptance isn't really working well here where i live. I've often seen LGBT+ people doing things that makes me want to shake my head in awe, like every single person out there thinks the same way they do..some are making it some kind of a accept me or you'll be kicked in the nuts kinda game. while others just want to raise awareness to get more understanding on them being LGBT+.

 

I'm so sorry you are afraid to come out aswell. It's not easy to deal with that while you A try to discover more about yourself and B try to find a way to deal with it without all that other stuff, let be if you can't even come out to anyone, I can only give you my hugs and sympathy for that.

Yeah, i'm counting the hours! Hopefully i can get some tips how to deal with myself and how to keep things down because that's a hard thing to do lately. I discovered that trying to live your life is one thing but having to deal with the constant bullshittery is another.

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butterflydreams
10 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

(I just about died when my sis recently played a video not only of me talking, but directly stating my birthname. I don't think she realized that I was quasi-stealth to one of the people in the room either.) Transition changes so much mentally/emotionally that I think it's more than fair to say the person in the old photos is not you.

Yeah, when you're stealth, or at least questionable, that's the worst. On one hand, I'm not sure I even blame people. Assuming it's not obviously malicious, they may genuinely be unaware of how much it hurts. How can we respectfully convey this to people? Some people in my life seem to get it, that the old me isn't someone I want to hear about, especially in front of people who never knew that person. I guess I'd say to allies, follow the trans person's lead when it comes to how "out" they are. Otherwise, just treat them like any other person who hasn't transitioned.

 

Despite how "interesting" it might be for people to see, I never wanted to share a "before" picture of myself here. Because that person is not me. I see that picture and can scarcely believe I ever looked like that. But I also feel that showing it is a statement to myself that that old person has no bearing on me. And he has no power over me. I am my complete self now, becoming more so every day.

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