Tavi Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Just wondering, has the term demi-romantic ever been used before on AVEN or among asexuals? Kind of like being demisexual, but between being romantic and aromantic. It would apply to someone who is only interested in having any sort of romantic relationship in very specific/special circumstances, I think... I think this would apply to me, as I've never, ever been attracted to anyone romantically before... I've had people I've really wanted to be good friends with, but that's a squish right haha? However I feel that I've got the potential to like someone romantically, it would just take a near-miracle sort of ridiculously improbable chance meeting of two people compatible with each other in the exactly right ways. XD So... until I meet that person, I'm aromantic for all intents and purposes. o____o Or does this make me simply romantic? Ahhh well anyway I didn't mean to talk about myself, I just wanted to know if others have felt similarly before. :P My apologies if I'm just taking the whole "labeling" business too far or repeating an old idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Siggy Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Yeah, every so often, someone tries to define demiromantic as being somewhere between romantic and aromantic. It doesn't seem to have caught on though. IMO the definitions vary too much for it to be useful. I do consider myself between romantic and aromantic. Like, I'm aromantic the vast majority of the time... but I'm pretty sure I had a (romantic) crush this one time. Whether it was due to circumstance or chance is unclear to me. I don't know whether it will happen again, so I try to prepare for either outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
sindi Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I would say I'm demiromantic. I've only felt romantic attraction a few times, and only towards people I'm already good friends with! I've had some shallow crushes based on... shallow things, though, but I don't count them as real romantic attractions, 'cause I didn't want to act on those crushes in any way. It doesn't seem to have caught on though. IMO the definitions vary too much for it to be useful. I don't know if it's a very useful term, but I don't think that the definition would be too complicated. It's quite logical: demisexuals feel sexual attraction only when they have a deep emotional connection already - demiromantics feel romantic attraction only when they have a deep emotional connection (as friends) already :P Link to post Share on other sites
Bad Patient Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Ooh, this is interesting. I think 'demiromantic' might actually describe my current attitude/identification quite well. Link to post Share on other sites
Pandoren Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Yeah, it's been used a few times. I ID as grey/demi-romantic at the moment because I'm not romantic enough to be romantic and not aromantic enough to be aromantic lol Link to post Share on other sites
Ninny Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Yeah, I've used this term to describe myself sometimes. Although I do find it quite easy to develop a crush on someone 99.99999999% of the time I have no desire to interact with the person, get to know them or anything, I just 'like liking' them. They're superficial crushes normally based on looks or an awesomeness-factor. I am in relationship now because something made me want to know them better. I'm happy it happend. :) Link to post Share on other sites
you*hear*but*do*you*listen Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Yeah, every so often, someone tries to define demiromantic as being somewhere between romantic and aromantic. It doesn't seem to have caught on though. IMO the definitions vary too much for it to be useful. Agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
bristrek Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I've seen demiromantic used with the same relationship to romantic/aromantic as demisexual is to sexual/asexual and also used in the same way grey-asexual is used. The latter is how I use it for myself. Simply I'm biromantic, but more accurately I'd say demi-biromantic. Tend to only use that term around people who'd have any idea what it means though lol. But yeah, I've seen it used around and not just by me. It isn't a precise word meaning a precise spot on a grid but it is a good word to mean some place between romantic and aromantic. Aaaages ago now (well, last year lol) I drew up this cubic idea with axis for gender preference, strength of sexual attraction to people and strength of romantic attraction to people. Cause just as it isn't a black/white line between sexual and asexual nor is it a black/white line between romantic and aromantic. It seems easier and more accurate to have some sort of term to describe that. Link to post Share on other sites
Dylan-Michael Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Yeah, I say I'm aromantic, but in reality I'm sort of grey/demi romantic, bu not very much. I would say I'm aromantic 99% of the time and romatic the rest. Link to post Share on other sites
anowink Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Although I do find it quite easy to develop a crush on someone 99.99999999% of the time I have no desire to interact with the person, get to know them or anything, I just 'like liking' them. They're superficial crushes normally based on looks or an awesomeness-factor. I feel the same way. Well, I don't find it easy to develop crushes, but when I do I usually have absolutely no desire to act on them. I remember telling my friends in middle school that I missed the feeling in your stomach when you like someone after not crushing for about a year. I can't see why I missed that <_< I also find it very easy to "get over" crushes. Like, as soon as I heard that this guy I "liked" had gotten a girlfriend, my crush completely vanished, and I was able to enjoy his company as a friend. I suppose that, in theory, I would define myself as a hopeless romantic, but in practice I'm aromantic/low romance drive? Not quite sure. I do like the term "demiromantic" though, it kind of helps make sense of what of been feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Pandoren Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 In my case, I've only had one real episode of romantic interest (pretty short lived...) and although I can well see myself living alone happily and there are things I'd like to do alone (I'd actually like to adopt my own kids, they are a priority above a partner, partly because I'm stubborn and I know what I want my kids named, thank you so much, although if I met someone I loved beforehand I can see how I might adapt my future plans to include theirs, judging by the aforementioned romantic episode). I think sometimes that if I met the right person, I'd be interested. At the moment, there's no one and that's ok. That's why I ID as grey/demi romantic. I don't think it matters that grey-romanticism means different things to different people. Grey-asexuality means different things to different people too, it's an area rather than a clearly defined label. I think I'm right in saying that demi is a defined type of grey? Link to post Share on other sites
Ninny Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I also find it very easy to "get over" crushes. Like, as soon as I heard that this guy I "liked" had gotten a girlfriend, my crush completely vanished, and I was able to enjoy his company as a friend. Yes, this is me too. Actually it was for this reason I was a bit worried about getting into a relationship, like one day I would just wake up to find my interest had vanished. But thankfully that hasn't happened ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Pandoren Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Me too lol. I usually find it incredibly easy to get over people. Link to post Share on other sites
asexual cake Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I also find it very easy to "get over" crushes. Like, as soon as I heard that this guy I "liked" had gotten a girlfriend, my crush completely vanished, and I was able to enjoy his company as a friend. Yes, this is me too. Actually it was for this reason I was a bit worried about getting into a relationship, like one day I would just wake up to find my interest had vanished. But thankfully that hasn't happened ^_^ This was a concern that I had (when I still thought there was the possibility I might be interested in a relationship, anyway). I haven't been able to test it, but... you know, not that I mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlieee Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I suppose I would consider myself a demi-romantic, somewhere in between romantic and aromantic. I have the occasional crushes, and I think a romantic relationship would be nice, but it's very low on my list of priorities, haha. I agree, the name hasn't caught on because there's such a wide variety of definitions/interpretations. Link to post Share on other sites
Tavi Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 I never knew this many people would consider themselves demiromantic, interesting! Thanks for the responses peoples. And yeah I pretty much agree with what everyone's been saying... the term is kinda nebulous, but I think it could still be useful. Link to post Share on other sites
Bad Patient Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I propose that we begin to use the term Grey-R. My reasoning is that it looks like a (terrible) secret agent name. I rest my case. Link to post Share on other sites
Rivan Vox Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I propose that we begin to use the term Grey-R. My reasoning is that it looks like a (terrible) secret agent name. I rest my case. Gray Ray? Link to post Share on other sites
opal_lagoon Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Personally I think that romanticism, like most human traits, is on a spectrum. Some people are highly romantic and fall in love at the drop of a hat, others not at all and most somewhere in between. Personally I think I'm at the lower end of the romantic scale but wouldn't say I was totally aromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
prettyeyes Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Personally I think that romanticism, like most human traits, is on a spectrum. Some people are highly romantic and fall in love at the drop of a hat, others not at all and most somewhere in between. Personally I think I'm at the lower end of the romantic scale but wouldn't say I was totally aromantic. This! I only start feeling romantically towards someone after I've gotten to know them. This confuses the people who can want to date someone just from looking at their picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Brackets Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I think I just found a good term for my romanticism. Also, I've never heard the term "squish" before, but I think it's the appropriate word for most of my "crushes". Hurrah for learning new words! Link to post Share on other sites
Bad Patient Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Whoa. I've just urbandictionary'd the term "squish" and I love it. Seriously. I shall annex it to my vocabulary and use it extensively <3 Link to post Share on other sites
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