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hiddentears

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Pamcakes

Then you need to word it a little more harshly, I'm sad to say.

Don't say, "I'm tired of you making promises you won't keep,"; instead, say, "I'm tired of you building me false hope, and then letting me down."

It's a more negative way to say it, unfortunately, but it will frame what his constant broken promises really mean for you.

Follow up with, "I'd rather hear the hard truth, so I can accept it and start to deal with it, than a gentle lie which will only hurt me more in the long run when I feel misled by you, again."

Sometimes harshness is required to communicate. Sad, but true. :(

P.

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Sally

And from an asexual:

You could say, "It's obvious you don't want sex. I do want and need sex. What can we do about this? I want to stay with you because I love you but we need to figure something out."

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Venus meets Chastity

I realize here on AVEN I am not alone.

I am sexual. I enjoyed all levels of sex from the spontaneous to the romantic. When I was in my teens I would read on it and preached safe sex. When I did it for the first time it was on my 17th birthday. It was not with a boyfriend but a close intimate friend who I trusted. It was nice. I couldn't understand when people would say they didnt like it or it hurt. I told them they weren't ready for it. Sex was intimate and fun, a recreational activity with someone you were not only attracted to but whom you can trust. Next person was a long time crush based all about fantasy of hooking up with the one you never thought you'd get. Then I experienced "LOVE." Sex and Love together was explosive, but the feeling after a relationship ends can very well be crushing. so for quite sometime I went back to just sex, except it was sex which I had control. It was sex which I can trust. I enjoyed it. Then I met the one who I would later call my husband.

I fell in love with him before even being "titled." We would do everything, talk about anything, laugh, travel, go to baseball games, go to indie films, explored different restaurants and dream. After 6 months of dating we would only get as far as "third base." Every time we were about to go all the way, he would be erect until he was bout to enter the gates... and then the erection was gone. I can still remember crying. But he told me he was a virgin and he did not believe in pre-martial sex. My response was a need to think it over because of his first lie (he lied that he was not a virgin). It was the first time I had ever felt disgusted and rejected. But it was too late I loved him and 5 days later we were back on track. He told me if I had the need to feel free to go to someone else, but not to exploit it. Those were my 20's, almost six years until we began to set a marriage date. Every so often... I would make a phone call to an ol' friend. Each time the marrieage was postponed, I made a phone call because to me it was another round of celibacy. I went through college with no sex. I lived on campus with no roomates and no sex. I had my own apartment and no sex. No one could understand how I can love a man who wouldn't make love or what we now learn couldn't.

Now after almost 7 years of marriage, I have also experience almost 7 years of celibacy. Aven is making me realize I am not alone. Other's feel the same way. My husband is not alone. It brings me light of hope and maybe support if the relationship is to go on a road less taken.

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Not-You

Now after almost 7 years of marriage, I have also experience almost 7 years of celibacy. Aven is making me realize I am not alone. Other's feel the same way. My husband is not alone. It brings me light of hope and maybe support if the relationship is to go on a road less taken.

I am relatively new to the idea of asexuality and am in a situation similar to yours it seems. Do you mind me asking if you have any plans going forward with your husband? There are a handful of people like us (sexuals in relationships with asexuals) here on AVEN and I love to get their opinions and perspectives on how to "make it work."

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Venus meets Chastity

Now after almost 7 years of marriage, I have also experience almost 7 years of celibacy. Aven is making me realize I am not alone. Other's feel the same way. My husband is not alone. It brings me light of hope and maybe support if the relationship is to go on a road less taken.

I am relatively new to the idea of asexuality and am in a situation similar to yours it seems. Do you mind me asking if you have any plans going forward with your husband? There are a handful of people like us (sexuals in relationships with asexuals) here on AVEN and I love to get their opinions and perspectives on how to "make it work."

Well since learning the term 'asexual', my husband asked if i wanted to divorce, my reply was quick... no! Actually let me clarify. Now that we knew what the target of our non-sex life was we can find ways to try to at least get past through the front door. We are trying to schedule with a therapist & doctor regarding the ED and the anxiety he begins to feel the second we are about (to attempt) to have sex.

I refuse to simply run away. I love him and if we can find away around the asexual-ness thats what is needed. If we can't perhaps other alternatives can be researched, but all one step at a time.

final note: Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update last night said a the funniest joke, which i had to laugh... <p> Recent study has found that couples who have been together for more than 20 years can feel like they are in the beginning stages of their relationship like new couples.... the key is a healthy sex life and making sure your spouse doesn't find out about your healthy sex life.

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Stranger

I first came to AVEN when I ran across a tangential reference to it on a sexless marriage forum 6 months ago. While a forum of spouses frustrated over their sex lives did make me feel less alone, it didn’t give me what I found here on AVEN: wisdom (and also humor, perspective, etc…) from people like Pam Cakes, Oliver, hmnut, live wire, and many others. I’m a sexual married for 25 years to my best friend who is a demisexual, but she probably has crossed into asexuality in the last couple of years. Knowing that sexy/asexy relationships are at least possible in some form or fashion gives me hope and reading the asexual perspective helps me to understand my wife better. Every idea I’ve had on how to deal with mismatch of our sexualities seems to have been discussed here somewhere, giving me a way of sorting through and evaluating them. Whenever my needs begin driving me to distraction AVEN helps me move past it (at least for the moment). I hope that one day I can add my own success story of how my wife and I were able to deal with my needs that don’t happen to match hers.

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Petra_Lorre

Hello. I've just been reading reams of posts the last couple of days and thought I'd go ahead and post. I'm here because I'm highly sexual but had an alarming (for me) total loss of libido awhile ago while on an antidepressant (SSRI). I still struggle with depression but am terrified to take the meds because I know what will happen. I guess I just wanted to see what it's like for people on the other side - who don't experience their sexuality the same way I do mine and for whom waking up tomorrow with all my throbbing bits would be discomfiting.

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Waterbottle20

Hello. I've just been reading reams of posts the last couple of days and thought I'd go ahead and post. I'm here because I'm highly sexual but had an alarming (for me) total loss of libido awhile ago while on an antidepressant (SSRI). I still struggle with depression but am terrified to take the meds because I know what will happen. I guess I just wanted to see what it's like for people on the other side - who don't experience their sexuality the same way I do mine and for whom waking up tomorrow with all my throbbing bits would be discomfiting.

wow there's suprisingly quite a wide variety of reasons that sexual people come here... very interesting.

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PiF

Personally thank you to those who have identified that you are sexual and continue to be part and contribute to Aven.

Sometimes in the revelation of thier new found asexuality some asxuals get the ..that's the way I am like it or lump it..and that's great when your single, but when your in a relationship/friendship some forget there needs to be a halfway point because sex or no sex there is always one.

again it's great to see a support as an allie to asexuals wether it be as a partner, parent, relative or friend. The world generally is me me me so when you see some saying ...hey what can I do..that makes a huge difference when new asexuals..particulry the young unsure ones..is a massive boost of confidence to know they have someone there for whatever reason and as to the older ones..it doesn;t get easier for asexuals or sexuals

Without sexuals, friends who are sexuals and allies that are sexual..aven would be a poorer place...thank you all for being here

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Reader of Strange Books

I agree with Pay It Forward.

I admit that I have problems relating to sexuals, particularly male sexuals, because of some of the things I have experienced at their hands. And I am far from being the only one on AVEN who has had this experience.

What I would like to say to our sexual allies is this: You can do a lot to help counter these things. When you see or hear one of your fellow sexuals behaving in a way or expressing an attitude which you know from reading these forums causes great emotional pain, please do us a favor. Stand up for us. Tell that person or those persons that what they are doing is giving sexual people a bad reputation and contributes to prejudice.

For example, there are people I know who unfortunately have a reputation in certain social circles for being "womanizers." Any woman who comes near them is fair game. This is well-known and ACCEPTED AS NORMAL. The poor woman who is unlucky enough to encounter any of them is not going to get any sympathy. In all my time of knowing these people I have never once heard (or even heard of) anyone confronting these individuals and saying that their behavior is not acceptable. Because, sad to say, their behavior IS acceptable.

We asexuals can't change that. But you can. Because this is "your" problem, as well as ours.

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BlackRose

Hello. I've just been reading reams of posts the last couple of days and thought I'd go ahead and post. I'm here because I'm highly sexual but had an alarming (for me) total loss of libido awhile ago while on an antidepressant (SSRI). I still struggle with depression but am terrified to take the meds because I know what will happen. I guess I just wanted to see what it's like for people on the other side - who don't experience their sexuality the same way I do mine and for whom waking up tomorrow with all my throbbing bits would be discomfiting.

Just wondering if you've tried non-SSRI antidepressants like Wellbutrin or Effexor, which have fewer sexual side effects.

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foxwithwings13

I guess im on AVEN b/c even though im not ace i can identify with what alot of people say on here. For the most part I am a homoromantic heterosexual (when i tell ppl that they look at me like im insane :blink: ). and I dont really think sex is all that important-kinda overrated.

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Petra_Lorre

Hello. I've just been reading reams of posts the last couple of days and thought I'd go ahead and post. I'm here because I'm highly sexual but had an alarming (for me) total loss of libido awhile ago while on an antidepressant (SSRI). I still struggle with depression but am terrified to take the meds because I know what will happen. I guess I just wanted to see what it's like for people on the other side - who don't experience their sexuality the same way I do mine and for whom waking up tomorrow with all my throbbing bits would be discomfiting.

Just wondering if you've tried non-SSRI antidepressants like Wellbutrin or Effexor, which have fewer sexual side effects.

I haven't tried Effexor - I'll definitely look into it next time. Wellbutrin I cannot tolerate well. It gives me horrible anxiety attacks and acid reflux. Weirdly, I also became convinced that my apartment was haunted when I took it. Once I switched meds, the "ghosts" disappeared. That was just odd.

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Holly Hobgoblin

I'm a Sexual who just joined like... a few minutes ago. XD

I first learned about Asexuals on another forum, and I automatically decided that I would support this group of people. (Then again, I'm a huge LGBT rights supporter already, so that undoubtedly made it easier for me to get behind the cause.) However, Asexuality didn't become relevant to my life until the girl who had been my best friend since elementary school came out to me as an Asexual and later as an Aromantic Asexual. She was the one who told me about AVEN.

As for the topic of Sexy/Asexy times? Relationships are already about compromise and Sexual/Asexual relationships are even more so. It's not fair for the Sexual partner to pressure his/her SO for sex all the time and not try to be understanding of the Asexual partner's position, but it's also not fair for the Asexual partner to completely withold any kind of physical affection and not try to be understanding of the Sexual partner's position. So maybe...sexy times once a year? Once every season? Once every time that a blue moon rises in the middle of a rainstorm and the thundergods approve of the union?! I don't know! (D8)

But...what do I know? I'm a complete introvert who's never even kissed anyone on the lips. I'm definitely not qualified to be a marriage guru.

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Johnbob

Ok, So I know I'm not the only Sexual here on AVEN. What I'm wondering is how many of us are there and what are your reasons for being on AVEN.

Personally I'm here because my best friend recently came out as asexual so I'm trying to learn more about where she is coming from. Also I haven't been here very long but I'v already made some pretty awesome friends and I can't wait to meet even more.

So I'd love to hear your story if you're willing to share.

Just joined right now after a short look at the site - curiousity mostly (both on a/sexuality in general and in self). Have had attractions to women before, though proper significant ones have always been really rare (like 1 or 2 at most i think, I'm 22). I suppose I can/do appreciate a good looking girl... but even then it's not strong at all, and I don't even feel it's that sexual tbh - all with the exceptions of forementioned 'rares'. Though I've never felt it for guys, so I'm V.confident in saying I at least know I'm not gay/bi, and technically I am straight.

Especially lost sexual interest/libido over the past year or so and now trying to figure myself out a little I guess - think I might have always had a lower sexual interest/libido than most (especially, but not only, male - though maybe that's just typical behaviour :P) of just about/everyone I've known though. Also I really can't be bothered with any sexual relations just now - whether that be dating, something significant, something like a one night stand :/, or even just kissing someone who could be considered attractive. I've had one LTR that mostly went well, though that was quite some while ago.

I don't know, could just be a 'phase' or something, only time will tell (if, or how long) I suppose...

I'm not really sure what's going on myself, so sorry if that seems kinda vague...

Maybe I'm simply just a confused, overly-fussy, high/rare-threshold(think that'd be right?) straight :P.

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Kaylah

Hello! Sexual here...(very...or used to be lol) married to an asexual...for 4 yrs going into 5...

I really like coming here...because this whole situation can be really frustrating at times...

And reading similar stories seems to help...?

Since my husband found this website we haven't had sex again...he doesnt have the need and I dont want to force him.

We've talked about being together but just like roomates (Which we basically are...except that we cuddle when we watch tv and we do kiss -but only pecks on the lips-)

we've talked about me having a lover...

He suggested a dating site so I could meet other people.

If you have used a dating site they ask you "describe the characteristics of your ideal partner" Well duh...Im already married to him! I just need the sex part...but then again...I think I can't have sex without being emotionally involved as well...

It was so depressing I didn't follow through...

We talked about taking some time away from each other to really evaluate what we both need...

my physical heart is literally aching...like pangs of pain that come whenever I think about a separation(I had no idea that could happen)

I dont want to...

I want him...

But I have to accept and respect that he is not into that...

I've learnt to keep my "sexual distance"...even if Im talking to him and I grab his leg...it has to be a "friendly" gesture...nothing sexual...because it feels like a lack of respect (of his boundaries)... has anyone experienced this?

I dont feel like going anywhere (as in...taking some time just for me)...but I do miss the sex/romance/passion...side of life.

So its just good to come here..feel that Im not alone... ;)

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evanescence

Don, having ED doesn't mean you're asexual, or even partly asexual. Asexuality has to do with not experiencing sexual attraction, not being unable to have sex.

I think there's a tendency on this board to separate all the elements of sex (sexual arousal, function, response, attraction, enjoyment, etc.) as though they don't overlap at all, but intuitively this doesn't feel right to me. If someone doesn't get excited and turned on by the idea of sex, he'll likely have "ED" in sexual situations. I don't view this scenario as a medical problem, just a physical manifestation of the underlying asexual orientation. Same deal as when a homosexual guy kisses a woman and has "ED," while getting instantly hard if his lips so much as brush against those of another man. It's the orientation expressing itself through bodily response.

E.

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Pandante

Hello! Sexual here...(very...or used to be lol) married to an asexual...for 4 yrs going into 5...

I really like coming here...because this whole situation can be really frustrating at times...

And reading similar stories seems to help...?

Since my husband found this website we haven't had sex again...he doesnt have the need and I dont want to force him.

We've talked about being together but just like roomates (Which we basically are...except that we cuddle when we watch tv and we do kiss -but only pecks on the lips-)

we've talked about me having a lover...

He suggested a dating site so I could meet other people.

If you have used a dating site they ask you "describe the characteristics of your ideal partner" Well duh...Im already married to him! I just need the sex part...but then again...I think I can't have sex without being emotionally involved as well...

It was so depressing I didn't follow through...

We talked about taking some time away from each other to really evaluate what we both need...

my physical heart is literally aching...like pangs of pain that come whenever I think about a separation(I had no idea that could happen)

I dont want to...

I want him...

But I have to accept and respect that he is not into that...

I've learnt to keep my "sexual distance"...even if Im talking to him and I grab his leg...it has to be a "friendly" gesture...nothing sexual...because it feels like a lack of respect (of his boundaries)... has anyone experienced this?

I dont feel like going anywhere (as in...taking some time just for me)...but I do miss the sex/romance/passion...side of life.

So its just good to come here..feel that Im not alone... ;)

I can relate very well to all you say. I'm a sexual and have been in a relationship with my asexual partner for 6 years. No sex, no kissing, a little hugging, a bit more cuddling, but no holding hands because I always have clammy hands <_< . The rules are simple and there's nothing I can do about it because i'm totally in love with her. Can't have my :cake: and eat it too. I have to contemplate every intimate action toward her and make sure that I don't convey the wrong message to make her uncomfortable. As you say, it has to be a "friendly" gesture otherwise I feel like i'm not respecting her boundaries and i'm compromising our mutual trust. Sometimes, it drives me up the wall. I've considered having a lover, but I don't think I would be able to through with it, even if my partner approved.

The frustration will be there for life, but even in the last few years, i've noticed that i have been able to cope a little better with it. For most of the day spent together it's not a problem and we really enjoy each other's company. But, the feeling of deprivation lingers and grows over time. Then, once a fortnight or so, it all surfaces and it has a very saddening effect on me. The best medicine to counter that i find is to go out for a run, take a long bath, or listen to romantic classical music at full volume.

I've recently joined AVEN to learn more about what asexuals think and feel, and find strategies to better cope with the lack of physical intimacy in my relationship. I need to make sure I can for the rest of my life, because marriage looms on the horizon. I feel calmer after spending some time here reading. ^_^

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Avistew

I'm sexual and don't know anyone who isn't (that I know of). I'm generally curious, and since I'm part of a misunderstood group (polyamorous) I wanted to learn more about other groups which might also be misunderstood, in the hope to get to understand them better. And I decided to check out AVEN for that reason to learn more about asexuality and get to know asexual people (and I guess share my experiences as a sexual if requested, as well, although I'm mostly interested in the other way around).

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BlackRose

The frustration will be there for life, but even in the last few years, i've noticed that i have been able to cope a little better with it. For most of the day spent together it's not a problem and we really enjoy each other's company. But, the feeling of deprivation lingers and grows over time. Then, once a fortnight or so, it all surfaces and it has a very saddening effect on me. The best medicine to counter that i find is to go out for a run, take a long bath, or listen to romantic classical music at full volume.

I've recently joined AVEN to learn more about what asexuals think and feel, and find strategies to better cope with the lack of physical intimacy in my relationship. I need to make sure I can for the rest of my life, because marriage looms on the horizon. I feel calmer after spending some time here reading. ^_^

Reading something like this -- and there are a lot of posts like this on AVEN -- makes me very sad. I know that there are people in a/s relationships who make it work, but it just sounds so painful and depressing... like you're in a prison of your own making, trapped and prevented from finding joy and satisfaction. I just want to grab people and scream "You don't have to do this! You can stay friends with your partner and also find a sexual relationship that satisfies you!"

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test account

I joined AVEN last year because I didn't understand my hostile feelings towards sexual activity given that I was always thinking about wanting sex. I had recently left a strict religious order that I'd been brought up in and rediscovered my libido which had been squashed since I was first told (at 15) that I would basically go to hell if I masturbated. Having kicked that stuff in the head, I was so horny I was forced to go out to the toilets a couple of times a day when at work to have a good wank. I fantasized about having casual sex but I also got very angry at the idea. So I was a bit messed up.

I hang around AVEN to talk about issues that come up for me while I'm getting comfortable with being a sexual person. I guess I was a repressed sexual all those years rather than asexual, but I can relate to a lot of asexual concerns because of my past.

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test account

The frustration will be there for life, but even in the last few years, i've noticed that i have been able to cope a little better with it. For most of the day spent together it's not a problem and we really enjoy each other's company. But, the feeling of deprivation lingers and grows over time. Then, once a fortnight or so, it all surfaces and it has a very saddening effect on me. The best medicine to counter that i find is to go out for a run, take a long bath, or listen to romantic classical music at full volume.

I've recently joined AVEN to learn more about what asexuals think and feel, and find strategies to better cope with the lack of physical intimacy in my relationship. I need to make sure I can for the rest of my life, because marriage looms on the horizon. I feel calmer after spending some time here reading. ^_^

Reading something like this -- and there are a lot of posts like this on AVEN -- makes me very sad. I know that there are people in a/s relationships who make it work, but it just sounds so painful and depressing... like you're in a prison of your own making, trapped and prevented from finding joy and satisfaction. I just want to grab people and scream "You don't have to do this! You can stay friends with your partner and also find a sexual relationship that satisfies you!"

I tend to agree because I personally would not see the point of a marriage relationship without almost daily sex. But it isn't easy to find people to love in this world--plenty you can have sex with but very few you can truly love. I wish them well :)

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Sally

Don, having ED doesn't mean you're asexual, or even partly asexual. Asexuality has to do with not experiencing sexual attraction, not being unable to have sex.

If someone doesn't get excited and turned on by the idea of sex, he'll likely have "ED" in sexual situations. I don't view this scenario as a medical problem, just a physical manifestation of the underlying asexual orientation. Same deal as when a homosexual guy kisses a woman and has "ED," while getting instantly hard if his lips so much as brush against those of another man. It's the orientation expressing itself through bodily response.

E.

That may be true, but ED happens to sexuals, so it doesn't mean you're asexual/partly asexual. It most often happens to older men with low testosterone due to age, who have been able to be sexually active all their lives, so it's definnitely not a sign of asexuality.

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Avistew

I think it's only considered erectile dysfunction if you are horny but can't get it hard or keep it hard. Not getting erect when you're not aroused is perfectly normal and not a dysfunction at all. And not being aroused when you're with someone you're not sexually attracted to (be it because of your orientation or not) is fairly standard too.

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BlackRose

I think it's only considered erectile dysfunction if you are horny but can't get it hard or keep it hard. Not getting erect when you're not aroused is perfectly normal and not a dysfunction at all. And not being aroused when you're with someone you're not sexually attracted to (be it because of your orientation or not) is fairly standard too.

I would consider it a huge problem if I couldn't get hard when I wanted to have sex, regardless of whether or not I'm attracted to the person. I think ED is usually defined in terms of physical stimulation. Though it's true that the vast majority of ED is caused by a physical problem, not psychological.

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Lady Girl

The frustration will be there for life, but even in the last few years, i've noticed that i have been able to cope a little better with it. For most of the day spent together it's not a problem and we really enjoy each other's company. But, the feeling of deprivation lingers and grows over time. Then, once a fortnight or so, it all surfaces and it has a very saddening effect on me. The best medicine to counter that i find is to go out for a run, take a long bath, or listen to romantic classical music at full volume.

I've recently joined AVEN to learn more about what asexuals think and feel, and find strategies to better cope with the lack of physical intimacy in my relationship. I need to make sure I can for the rest of my life, because marriage looms on the horizon. I feel calmer after spending some time here reading. ^_^

Reading something like this -- and there are a lot of posts like this on AVEN -- makes me very sad. I know that there are people in a/s relationships who make it work, but it just sounds so painful and depressing... like you're in a prison of your own making, trapped and prevented from finding joy and satisfaction. I just want to grab people and scream "You don't have to do this! You can stay friends with your partner and also find a sexual relationship that satisfies you!"

I know for the most part this is probably true. But for us, not knowing what was even going on for 24 years was the most painful and depressing part. Now we treat each other slightly more respectfully in regards to sex and this has had a positive effect on all aspects of our relationship. We are also more at ease around each other most of the time. I don't know how to explain it but there was an element of understanding missing that made our relationship 'bad'. We 'knew' from the start there was something...now that we know what that something is we understand each other and how the other is and we can both be that and be together without parting ways. We don't want to anyway...we tried, and got back together! :)

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Pamcakes

It is my experience that all relationships have a set lifespan, and each one is different.

People need to allow other people's relationships - except, obviously, where someone is in genuine danger - to come to their own natural end; which is generally the point where one or both partners finally realise it's no longer worth fighting for, to them. Sometimes it takes years, and it can be difficult to be an onlooker, plainly seeing that the relationship is bad for one or both of the participants, but you have to trust that they will sort it out for themselves, eventually, and if not - if they choose to stay in a relationship that is clearly painful, and never get to the point where they give up (and it bears keeping in mind that no-one knows everything that goes on in anyone else's relationship except the people themselves, so there may be really rewarding aspects that you simply don't see) - then that's entirely their right, and their decision.

Certainly, there's nothing wrong with counseling a friend, "Look, I don't really know what things are like privately between you and so-and-so, but from the outside, it looks like this, and I worry you're not getting everything you need." but ultimately, people have to be allowed to make their own decisions about what they are and aren't willing to endure, and continue to fight for, and more than that, those decisions need to be recognised as not only their prerogative, but as valid for that person.

P.

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Ladylilly

I'm here to seek help and advice for my relationship. I am a sexual with an asexual and we are sticking things out and making it work. We have our ups and our downs but I am genuinely happy with him and hope things will work out for the better. Communication is the biggest problem I'm finding but it's nothing that can't be helped. I'm looking for anyone that is willing to talk and find comfort in people that have made things work. I originally sought this site out when I came to find the term asexual and now we are seeking to change things for the better together. The journey may be long, but it's very much worth it.

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Pandante

Yes, the journey is long, but I also believe worth it. I don't know how far in it I am, nor how far left I have to go. In my case, communication is also a problem. The first pieces of advice one often obtains is to communicate a lot and find compromises. This is very difficult, because, for one, there may not be an acceptable compromise, no matter how much you talk about it. If this is the case, then it is good to firmly reach that conclusion together with your partner at some point, and make it clear that you are both going to live with the fact. The strategy then is to focus all the more on other things that you share. While conversation may not bring about a solution to the problem you're discussing, it serves itself as a solution, i think. Conversation helps you and your partner ascertain that you are on the same page about the relationship, and that you know each other's feelings, priorities, and points of view. It helps one figure out what the other's signals of affection are. That's very comforting.

I wish you all the best and keep us posted on your progress!

I'm here to seek help and advice for my relationship. I am a sexual with an asexual and we are sticking things out and making it work. We have our ups and our downs but I am genuinely happy with him and hope things will work out for the better. Communication is the biggest problem I'm finding but it's nothing that can't be helped. I'm looking for anyone that is willing to talk and find comfort in people that have made things work. I originally sought this site out when I came to find the term asexual and now we are seeking to change things for the better together. The journey may be long, but it's very much worth it.

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Sally

Yes, the journey is long, but I also believe worth it. I don't know how far in it I am, nor how far left I have to go. In my case, communication is also a problem. The first pieces of advice one often obtains is to communicate a lot and find compromises. This is very difficult, because, for one, there may not be an acceptable compromise, no matter how much you talk about it.

Usually what we say is to try to communicate in order to determine if there are any compromises. That's always up to the two people involved.

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