Demistifying my romantic orientation

[Unhastyotter]

 

To understand the following : I am male, with no romantic experience at all. I have never been in nor pursued a relationship. I have never kissed, held hands, etc. with anyone. Although I do love to give hugs to my best friends and pat their backs/shoulders <stuff like that, but definately not anything sexual or close to that area>. But to quell heteronormative uprising have limited this to my female friends. Now that the basics are covered:

Romantic orientation has always been something of a tormentor of me. My identity of it has forever been elusive, like smoke it hangs in reach, yet undefined. For months now I have explored in thought whether I am aromantic or biromantic. 

I have thought I am aromantic because in my feelings I had never truely longed to have a romantic relationship (typical courtship, kissing, holding hands, long talks on the phone, etc). To me those efforts seem flat, boring, and sometimes even an utter waste of time. (I still get pissed when I see that gum commercial that says the "average person" spends 20,000 minutes kissing)

On the other hand, I very much enjoy the selective company of both sexes. I find that both genders can be attractive and cute. In terms of what I find arousing, it is 99% about the actions and 1% gender. Females win the 1% because even clothed I find male parts annoying on anyone but myself and being an artist, find female curves/construction more even/ elegant. And to note, any genitalia is a complete moodkiller/gross out. But in terms of time spent with genders, it is 99% male as I feel akward and tense that women will think I am hitting on them doing social things with them or even going to the same place as them (example: seeing a movie, or even going to a school club dinner where one could have a date is wanted).     

 But lately my interest in men has evolved. It has evolved in that the words I think to describe those two best friends have grown.  I have always enjoyed spending time with them because they were fun, compassionate, and good people. But now "cute", "very handsome", and even "boyfriend" appear in my minds description of them. Sadly they are both hetero and one is happily taken (dating a adorable/bubbly girl, for which I am happy for him), while the others mom is an intense Catholic and he is definately interested in girls anyway. HOWEVER if they shared similar feelings as me (they were a bi-asexual/homo-asexual, whatever) I would sweep them off their feet right there and then and even consider marrige if they wanted and we agreed.

It should probably be noted too that the two women I feel closest to and consider the reason I would be Bi-asexual possibley don't count? This being that one is a adored childhood friend that I grew up with for 10 years (3-13, I'm 17 now) and only grew slighly apart because I moved 20 miles away. She would want a more romantic relationship anyway (one I would be uncomfortable providing one any level except the ones highlighted above).

The other is a lesbian who is my very closest friend and the only person I have confided in and disscussed my current topic feeling/matters. She is happily taken too, and I would be more heartbroken than happy by the loss of such a cute/beautiful relationship if she was hetero/bi and could return my feelings for her anyway.

Anyway I just felt like writing would help me, and hearing some comments/compelling questions from Aven's array of people (of whom some may have or are experienced similar things, and figured it out) would be great too. Thank you to all!   

[dora]

That's the same thing I was wondering lately. I too am unsure whether I am aromantic or biromantic. To me it seems that some of the feelings I develop for people are somewhere between platonic attraction and romantic attraction. I can differentiate them from platonic attraction because even if there are many people I would enjoy having as friends, few of them make me feel something special that I could't really describe. I'm also pretty sure it isn't romantic attraction since I don't feel the need to kiss, cuddle, etc. It's more like a desire to be around these people and connect with them on an emotional level without having to do anything physical with them.

But then there's no need to label yourself, just enjoy those beautiful relationships and the feelings that come with them without categorising them.

[Unhastyotter]

Thank you for the comments. I understand that labels aren't important and I don't need one to be happy, but uncertainty is it's own discomfort to me. Its not something I am looking to pin down in a day either, just something I ponder daily of. I am glad you mention platonic relationships though, as I have only paraphrased that idea to myself, and have not looked at it in depth.

[asexual Protestant]

That's the same thing I was wondering lately. I too am unsure whether I am aromantic or biromantic. To me it seems that some of the feelings I develop for people are somewhere between platonic attraction and romantic attraction. I can differentiate them from platonic attraction because even if there are many people I would enjoy having as friends, few of them make me feel something special that I could't really describe. I'm also pretty sure it isn't romantic attraction since I don't feel the need to kiss, cuddle, etc. It's more like a desire to be around these people and connect with them on an emotional level without having to do anything physical with them.

But then there's no need to label yourself, just enjoy those beautiful relationships and the feelings that come with them without categorising them.

My feelings about people are much the same as yours. I can totally relate!