Skiddaloxx Posted April 8, 2003 Share Posted April 8, 2003 Reading the posts in the "dealing with sexual ppl" topic, and particularly reading orderinchaoses' last post where he says that he has had boyfriends, made me think: How on earth is it possible that even asexuals have romantic relationships? I know there is an own section for asexual relationships here but anyway...I really cannot understand that. The thing is, i have explained my sexuality to people best this way: My genotype is bisexual, but my phenotype is asexual. So my blueprint in me is bi but i have no desire to live that out which means asexual. (though it's a total chaos, my sexuality). When i hear someone asexual saying that he/she is in a relationship i just wonder how? I would like to experience that once just to see if i like it and how it is but it seems like there is a grand canyon between me and "relationship". Like there is a spell on me. Like i am in an Exile. Skiddaloxx Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 Like I am in exile... Yes, that's definitely how I feel sometimes! Kate Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 I'm with ya, and I'm frustrated by how difficult it is to describe to sexual people. It's interesting 'cause I know sexual people (not prudes, like radically sex positive queer people) who sometimes date and don't have sex. Part of it just seems like the psychology, adopting the entire construct of a relationship (picking someone and saying "you, yes I think you should be the center of my life") seems so weird and arbitrary. But at the same time I feel emotionally trapped without it... What's it like for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Saskia Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 It's a difficult thing... I might get in a relationship again with the same boyfriend I had before. We had a relation for exactly a year and a day when it got over. And all this time we didn't do anything else but kissing. Normal kissing, no frenchkissing or however you call it. He didn't push me to do anything I don't want, so nothing happened. He is a sexual person, so it might end up again in a difficult dilemma. Though I think I'm personally too weak to not have sex. I don't want it - but if he wants to, I'll let him. I love him so much and I don't want to loose him again, si if I have to have sex I think I just will... But that's my personal view, stronger people won't do it this way, I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted April 9, 2003 Author Share Posted April 9, 2003 @VivreEstEsperer: Go Girl! (j'éspere que tu es une femme..) I looked up Exile in the dictionary and there are two explanations: 1. place of banishment, 2. sanctuary......so it's quite an ambigous thing and i like that somehow. How do you cope with solitude? @AVENguy: Thank you for understanding. Well the last 2 days I had a big think-about where I am in my life now. That's why my post turned out to be quite melancholic. Some years ago I hadn't even know what depression, frustration means. I have always been a happy-go-lucky type and I used to be dolby-surrounded by loads of friends. Well most of those started to get a common life...work, girlfriend/boyfriend, u know....all jumping over grand canyon. I feel like the only one left on the other side. The thing is I have become quite recluse-ish which i enjoy mostly. So the center in my life is me. Sure, me and myself have fun, yet i wonder what it is like to "have" someone. I am not out as asexual because I am not sure what I am. But I cannot just go out there and hook someone up like a fish! It's doesn't work! It's like there is a spell on me! The construct of a relationship and how it is supposed to be is a strangie, yes. The idea to "have": possess someone is nothing that I am smitten with. A lot of people knot themselves together and after some time it dawns on them that they want their independence and freedom but find themselves in a golden cage. Of course i sometimes (rarely!!!) feel emotionally trapped because of my lack of desire. (Romantic) Love makes the world go round and is supposed to be the holy grail! And here we are, sitting on our sofas, trying to cope with the fact that we cannot really have that (or am I wrong here?). But then is romantic love the holy grail of life? Are we doomed? (Phew, quite a long answer.....) @Saskia: Don't think of yourself as weak. I think it's quite a Mother-Teresa-Act of you to offer your body on plate and hand yourself over to your x-bf. I hope you like it! Question: Can you try and describe me your love for him? I know it's probably a silly quessie but i am curious. Love, Skiddaloxx Link to post Share on other sites
imvegan Posted April 10, 2003 Share Posted April 10, 2003 Any time someone asks me if I have romantic relationships, I ask them what they mean by romantic. The fact that sexual people so frequently ask that question seems to indicate that they (who presumably experience *both* sexual and romantic feelings) do see them as being potentially separable. I *think* I can see them as being separable, to the extent that there's anything in the definitions of "romantic" that I can relate to. What definition are you using for romance? Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted April 10, 2003 Share Posted April 10, 2003 (I made a big post about this once too, but that was around the time when the forum got hacked, so it was lost. And guess who was too lazy to write it up again :P). Quite frankly, I don't mind being left on the other side of the Canyon. I've never had a desire for love, or that special someone to be by my side. I was wondering if I was alone because I saw a few people here saying they would like to experience romance. Oh sure, love and romance can make things interesting in stories, TV shows and movies (as well as in our friends' lives . . . God, it's a real soap opera with my friends *LOL*) but I don't feel like it's meant for me. Just being a really good friend to someone is as far as I will go :) I also don't like the idea of NEEDING someone o_O Meh. My other post about this way back then was much clearer. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted April 10, 2003 Author Share Posted April 10, 2003 @Gorax: Thank you. You give me a lot of confidence by saying this. Pity that your post had disappeared. I am interested in what you had to say! *hug* A romantic love relationship is supposed to be the top of the pyramid. How many times have I heard "JUST friendship"?!?! As if most attempts to find someone are directed to love and if they become *only* friends it's almost like failure. It's not that there is a hierarchy of types of relationships. Each one is different! Marriage is just as fantastic as a strong bond between friends, but the thing is: most people have and need both. (*SHOCK* could it be I am greedy??) @imvegan: well that's a bit of a thoughie....basically i'd say that romance and sex are seperable. I do like flirting, it's good fun, but i am always aware of the neon-green emergency button in my head that i push as soon as i feel: Oh oh! It's getting to deep! I am gonna stop before this girl/boy wants me! 3 2 1 Boooom! (Skiddaloxx is "safe" again.) I have not really thought about a definition of romance but i have OFTEN imagined ~my ideal relationship~. dum dum duuummmm Imagine: I am in a triangle relationship with a girl and a boy. Both are quite sexual and I love them very much. They do respect and love every fibre of me and so do i in return. Because i am very phase-y, my mood swings go from sexual to flirty to non-sexual at all. (Though the last weeks have been absolutely asexual). So when I am in a non-sexual phase, they'd still have each other to fuck while I'd be sitting next to them reading a SailorMoon Manga. Good solution, huh! Friendship, Skiddaloxx Link to post Share on other sites
orderinchaos Posted April 10, 2003 Share Posted April 10, 2003 Hi :) And thanks for raising this issue. My take on the whole situation is that, if you happen to be the type of asexual who experiences romantic attractions, romantic/intimate relationships with other people that don't involve sex of any kind are both possible and what one might be looking for. Even while I still thought myself sexual, only 35% of my relationships over the past 12 years were (in the sense of having 1+ sexual encounters) and when raised to 2+, that percentage drops to 10%. I can't remember once that I enjoyed sex, or didn't feel pressured to have it, either by fear of losing the relationship, or direct pressure from the partner. Several of my relationships ended over sexual compatibility and/or cheating by the other person. Given that, though, I think it's possible. There are people out there, albeit hard to find (at least now while asexuality is still largely in the closet) who I can be honest with who will respect me for who I am and not try to change me into a sexual person that I am not. Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 Hahaha! Skiddaloxx, I loved that solution! Just have to make sure the walls are well insulated so I can't hear the thumping in the other room eh? :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Saskia Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 Hey Skidaloxx, describe my love for my boyfriend? That's a difficult one... First of all, I feel totaly ín love. If I'm with him, I forget all my sorrow and enjoy the moment as much as I can. He can makes me feel like I'm a butterfly :roll: (oh, that sounds a little bit strange). I feel so very happy when I'm with him! But I also love him. If I don't see him for a week, it doesn't mean he's out of my mind for a second. We've been in a relation since february 19th 2002 and from that moment on he has never left my mind any more. I hope this description does it? ;) Love, Saskia Link to post Share on other sites
anythingtestdead Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 ... Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted April 11, 2003 Share Posted April 11, 2003 IN my mind i imagine hugging them and just feeling them in my arms cuz they are just THEM and they are alive and breathing.............i hate this over sexualized fucking perverted ass society and of the everbodys fucking bullshit...........people dont even come near understanding me or beiliving that i am what i am and how i am(except you guys/girls and a few others i know)...........i hate this shit..... some times i want to end it all but im not going to go out like that..... I believe that was the best summary to how I feel. People, in my eyes, don't seem to value other people for who they are or what they are capable of. I assume this world is only gonna get more f'd up unless I can help it ( which I can't but I'd liked to think I could) My idea.. ok take away the hopsitals and medicare,etc. and segregate men and women til the human population dwindles. (this is sorta sounding like Hitler, ewww, sorry). Then let the animals rule the world, I think they'd do a better job than us anyway. Next idea.. and probably more feasible releasing vengence on the sexual people who have treated me like shit. This plan would include tickle torture (hey tickling hurts after a while) and then lock them in a padded cell and let nature do the rest. I know these sound greusome, but I'm in one of those vengeful moods. grrr. Have a nice day. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted April 12, 2003 Author Share Posted April 12, 2003 Thank you everybody for contributing something to this topic! @Saskia: I know what you mean (i had this feeling for 4 months last summer but it ebbed away). I wish you ALL GOOD with your babylovercutiebootie! *wink nudge* @Skitzofriendik: firstly: your icon is so nice! So NICE! I hope you are feeling better, dear! Friends are an achor in everyone's life. We can live without lovers but most of us need friends. I feel like there are many potential friends out there, AND IN HERE!! @Daphne: Calm down, girl! Cool water? Yours, Skiddaloxx Link to post Share on other sites
anythingtestdead Posted April 13, 2003 Share Posted April 13, 2003 ... Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted April 13, 2003 Share Posted April 13, 2003 *LMMFAO* OMG!! That reminds me of Itchy and Scratchy :D Love the link! (and the icons hehe) Link to post Share on other sites
anythingtestdead Posted April 13, 2003 Share Posted April 13, 2003 ... Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted April 13, 2003 Author Share Posted April 13, 2003 O YEAH! This happy tree friends site is very much: me! Cute little appearing, but o so mean! hehehe *HIGH 5* Skiddaloxx Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted April 13, 2003 Share Posted April 13, 2003 Me like-a, OGMAIFO (oh my God my ass is falling off)!! How did you find this website skitzofriendik? Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted April 13, 2003 Share Posted April 13, 2003 Then let the animals rule the world, I think they'd do a better job than us anyway. What do you guys think about the happy tree friends ruling the earth? Link to post Share on other sites
anythingtestdead Posted April 14, 2003 Share Posted April 14, 2003 ... Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted September 14, 2003 Author Share Posted September 14, 2003 HEllo again! Recently, I have started to read through a lot of old posts, which is fantastic. The forum is like a diary, almost! And it grows like the sun! When I read this one, I've felt that we have all come a long way since April, when I originally posted this topic. Most of us have become so strong, in terms of self-acceptance, very strong! The depression has gone, the anger has left us too. We have developed a positive gang! Bravissimo! Where do you think we will be in 7 months from now? On top of the world? Maybe! With so many personalities in here, it will be an easy goal to achieve. It makes me fill with pride to be part of such a wonderful community. Hail the internet for making it possible. Love Always, Skiddaloxx Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted September 15, 2003 Share Posted September 15, 2003 What do you guys think about the happy tree friends ruling the earth? They won't last over a day :D Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted September 15, 2003 Share Posted September 15, 2003 Ok then, how about you ruling the earth, Gorax? Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted September 15, 2003 Share Posted September 15, 2003 Mmmm :) It's too much responsibilities, but that never stopped me before hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
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