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What is the cause of being asexual?

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#1 Lori1965



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Posted 09 May 2010 - 04:59 AM

I am 44 years old, been married for 18 years and have never liked sex. I have always liked or been attracted to certain other females but not for sex. I have tremendous love for some of these females and always want to be with them. I am very intimate and a romantic person. What causes this?

#2 Sally


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Posted 09 May 2010 - 05:11 AM

Welcome, Lori. :cake: :cake:

We can't diagnose you, nor can we tell you what the cause of asexuality is because the cause is not known. However, it's generally considered to be an orientation, just as heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bi-sexuality are orientations. Asexuals are not asexually attracted to other people, although they may love and feel emotionally romantic about others. That may be about the ONLY definitive thing you can say about it, because there really aren't any other generalities, just as there aren't about the other orientations.

Check out the wiki and other info on AVEN, and look at the different forums. You'll find a lot of information and opinions.
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#3 mindsword


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Posted 09 May 2010 - 07:26 AM

First off, welcome.

Like Sally said, I consider it an orientation. Its who I am. I can't find any cause, anymore than my gay friends can find a cause for them.
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#4 RED123


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Posted 09 May 2010 - 08:58 AM

I think it's a biological problem, like some people are gay because they are subjected to too many or too little specific chromosomes in the womb.

#5 virescence


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Posted 09 May 2010 - 11:19 AM

I think it's a biological problem, like some people are gay because they are subjected to too many or too little specific chromosomes in the womb.

Slightly derailing here... but should we be talking about any sexuality as a "biological problem"? After all, lots of people who are gay, ace, bi, pan, straight, etc. wouldn't describe their sexuality as a problem. Some might see it as making things more difficult for them, but that's personal problem - and what isn't going to be a problem for someone, after all? And talking about too many or too few hormones implies that there's a set level of hormones - that which causes straightness - which is Right, and everything else is Wrong. (As a comparison, no one would say that blue eyes are caused by having too little melanin in the iris, or that brown eyes are caused by too much melanin, because they suggest that a certain eye colour is a defect caused by the wrong melanin level. We'd say that blue eyes are caused by low levels of melanin, and brown eyes are caused by high levels of melanin.)

I realise you probably didn't mean to imply anything like that, but I thought I'd better point it out - that kind of language is very insidious.

More on topic: we don't have a clue what the cause is, as far as I know, but it likely is the same as the causes of all sexualities. Of course, we don't exactly know them yet either, but there's evidence suggesting a range of possibilities like genetics, uterine environment and hormone exposure, birth order, random chance, maybe even something environmental, though that would probably be something very variable, subtle, and not at all straightforward! Sexuality is probably caused by a complex mixture of these things.

#6 Lucinda


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Posted 09 May 2010 - 12:44 PM

I like eating blueberries. What is the cause of that, anybody??

I don't like swimming during freezing temperatures. Can anyone help me out with the cause??

Afterall, there must be a cause behind everything, right?


#7 PiF


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Posted 09 May 2010 - 01:28 PM

if you believe the un informed

then i am asexual because...i was abused as a child, I am gay, I am anti social(that bit might be true :lol: ) I am a nerdy geek who couldn't get laid if I tried, I am a socal misfit, I am afraid of women, i was raped,teenager going through a phase,, i have a limp dick, low libido, mental health problems etc etc

truth is..for some of the aboves may describe some who for very real reasons do not want sex and thats where the confusion happens...some confuse not wanting sex with asexuality

take me...many wish someone would....since the age of 12, I never could see what all the fuss was about ..people thinking love means sticking a dick in someone..really?

when others were trying to swop juices i was more interested in the person..mention sex and it's fair enough thats important to you...is the kettle on..i'm dying for a cuppa

throughout my life, now 46...i accept some ,most need sex but it does nothing for me, i'm not anti sex..just i do not feel the need, wish or want for sex..it's a feeling for me that does not exist

the other two missconceptions...because i am asexual it means i can't do sex....errrrr yes i can

and you can't be gay if your asexual...errr yes you can

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#8 sukies_star


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Posted 09 May 2010 - 02:22 PM

Firstly, welcome :D :cake:

My theory (although i'll probably be completly proven wrong :lol: ) is that if sexulity has a cause then its got a bit to do with your genes and the environment. Like with height you have a minimum and maximum height you can reach while growing based on how tall your parents are (if your parents are both short your likely to be short yourself). But environment and how you live after your born can also affect your height. For example, if you don't eat well then you won't grow as much as you could. This is where my theory kind of fails because i can't think of how the environment would affect sexuality :lol: but i suppose this theory could generalise to a persons full personality and their likes and dislikes ect
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#9 duckduck


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Posted 09 May 2010 - 07:27 PM

who knows why people are asexual. i believe i am asexual because i was sexually violated as a child. i was and still am a very shy person who never socializes with anybody.
some people are asexual because they are. i don't believe that it is transmitted genetically or you are that was from when you were a baby. asexuality just happens, just like being a homosexual happens you really can't control it if you don't try to control it. i also believe that you can change your sexual orientation, i've seen it happen before.
there really is no one cause to it. everyone is different

#10 Lori1965



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Posted 09 May 2010 - 10:41 PM

Thank you all for the reply. I guess no one will ever really know the specifics. We have our guesses and our thoughts but that is all. Anyway, I am glad to no that I am not the only one who has no interest in sex. I am interested in intimacy and romance. I love my husband, just not in a sexual way, nor would I love anyone in a sexual way. Everyone needs love somehow, someway, I just don't need or want sexual love, I get nothing out of it, I am interested in the person, in emotional feelings and intimacy. Thank you all again very much for the replies.


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