aromantic with 'romance drive'?

[frozen moment]

given that you can be asexual but still have a sex drive...

can you be aromantic, but still have a romance drive?

Because that pretty much describes my romantic orientation and it scares me. I daydream about being in a romantic relationship (well... mainly just hugging someone), and yet I have never experienced romantic attraction nor do I understand how it would feel.

But I really don't want to be aromantic :( That's how I felt to start with, then I got more used to the idea and thought well, it might be ok. But, god I really want someone to cuddle.

I'm 19. Maybe I'll change? Maybe I'll "grow up"?

[Alva]

It sounds like you may have a romantic side, at the very minimum I'd say you're poly-affectionate. Whats wrong with that? You're 19 and still evolving... I wouldn't put too much stress on labels at this point. Just keep learning and hold onto what you feel is true. When I came to this website I identified as an Asexual Heteroromantic and now I'm one very happy, stable Polyromantic Demisexual.

[modus operandi]

I think your situation sounds like mine ten years ago, when I was precisely 19 as well. I used to like the notion of romantic attraction (i.e. simply wanting to be "close" to someone) but not actually experience it (in practice, experiencing nothing more than intense intellectual bonding with my friends). Now that I've established one romantic relationship, I count myself as polyromantic, because I can understand the possibility of romantic attraction to others. In a sense, then, I feel like my personality has "grown" a bit. Hope that sheds light on your questions.

[Pandoren]

I've fantasised for years about being in a romantic relationship and have felt small amounts of romantic feelings towards another person, but when I got to sit down and think about it, I realised that despite those romantic feelings, I didn't actually want a relationship. I had impulses to... comfort her when she was sick... make the dinner for her when she got home... that kind of stuff, but I don't think I could ever feel enough to make it work. I'm too self-dependant, too controlling of my own life... maybe if I met the right person I'd submit that control a little, but at the moment I don't think I can. There are too many things I'd want to do alone. Sometimes I think that my want for emotional intimacy is merely that I have no close friends or family, and if I got a close circle of friends IRL having a partner would be far less interesting to me.

[tuffy]

Sounds a lot like me, though for me I really don't want any type of relationship other then a friendship which is what makes me think I am aromantic, but in my head I've had lots romantic "connections" with men, Usually made up or guys I either don't know very well or have an emotional connection with. But the thought of actually touching them or having an actual deep relationship with them turns me off/scares me. But then again I am curious about what it would be like to be in a relationship and to care for someone like that/love. I am also 19 and think that maybe I will change as time goes on. We are still young and have plenty of time to figure ourselves out. :)

[Snarkyaxolotl]

I can totally relate to this :)

[Samael]

Hmm. Well, I'm still waiting for my personality to "grow up" too, so to speak. :P ... since I haven't felt any kind of romantic attraction towards another human. I got the idea from your post that you're troubled by your confusion; that you don't feel any romantic attraction yet you'd like to. Also, you're young (19). In my opinion, all of this implies that you might yet to develop into a fully romantic person, in time. They say that sexual orientation is like a fluid and can change in time. I bet the same holds true for romantic attraction.

[Floella]

That's exactly how I feel, too! :P I'm even your age. But yeah, that's more or less what I feel like.

Though admittedly, you seem to feel more distressed about it than I do...

Please don't feel lonely! (hug)

[martianJusticiar]

That's pretty much exactly my feeling. Until a little less than a year ago now, I thought I was heteroromantic. I have since realized that 1) I don't know how to start a relationship, nor what I would do with one, and 2) my ideas about romance are possibly really screwed up. However, I still feel like I would want that close of a relationship with someone. I just don't know what it would look like, and how, if at all, it would differ from my close friendships.

[sindi]

I daydream about being in a romantic relationship (well... mainly just hugging someone), and yet I have never experienced romantic attraction nor do I understand how it would feel.

It sounds quite much like me, except that I feel romantic attraction towards real people also, but very rarely, and even then I don't know if I would really want a relationship with them anyway. I think I'm just too much of a loner-personality to actually be in a relationship, but I like to dream of romances...