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I am 51 years old and just came to the realization about my asexuality and in it coming this late in life, I look back on all my experiences, friendships and relationships and now am just coming to grips with how much I have consciously and unconsciously let it take control my life.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew there was something different, but the thought never occurred to me, so I kept chalking it up to being a late bloomer, a late developer. But seriously, how long can that really go on? And then I started making an inventory of my life and cataloguing all my mechanisms: coping and adapting. It involves a great deal of transference, as I found that I over the years I have exhanged deep passions and interests in hobbies & pastimes for personal interaction.

And then it starts... all the questioning and motives. What is real? What is not? And with that an amazing feeling of relief, that all this time I have been blaming myself and now I know that not to be the case.

Whew.

Welcome. I just found this site yesterday.

We need to stop pigeonholing ourselves into society's limited categories and realize that humans can be whatever is comfortable not what is perceived as "correct."

I wish there was more mainstream educational information out there so that young people wouldn't feel so alone. I dealt with my teens, 20s, and 30s by being an alcoholic. At 40, I got on anti-depressants and slowly weaned myself off the alcohol. It wasn't until my 50s that I started feeling like I'm o.k. and I don't need to live by the rules of the land.

Every new person that finds this forum will make me feel like the world is getting more enlightened.

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Welcome all the folks that appeared on this thread this past weekend. Virtual cake for all ... :cake::cake::cake::cake::cake:

I was out exhausting myself all weekend long with hiking fun and driving a long ways to do it. I drove about 400 miles to parks (and to my brother's house in SF on Friday night). Saturday I went to Pinnacles National Park about 100 miles south of here and hiked 8 miles with 1500 feet of elevation. We saw scads of wild flowers, a condor, caves, and the beautiful pinnacles! Sunday I headed 100 miles north of here to Stinson Beach north of San Francisco for a 6.5 mile and 1500 feet hike. It was an excellent mix of hiking in the redwoods, hiking on poppy covered hillsides, and stunning views of the Pacific ocean.

Pictures for those who like them ...

Saturday, Pinnacles: https://picasaweb.google.com/105234689104952250166/Pinnacles_3_28_15?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCIGO4ejsjJ_Kbg&feat=directlink

Sunday, Stinson Beach (Matt Davis, Steep Ravine, and Dipsea trails): https://picasaweb.google.com/105234689104952250166/Matt_Davis_Steep_Ravine_3_29_15?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCPPbrJz0oMyONw&feat=directlink

Friday my brother treated me to a belated birthday dinner. Lasagna, one of my favorite meals! He gave me the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts. He admitted to regifting it to me as someone had already given it to him. I just about bust out laughing as you know who gave him the book as a present? Me! :D . It was one of those presents that I gave that was because it was a book I wanted to read and so I figured someone in my family would enjoy it too. I actually hadn't read it yet. And as luck would have it I still haven't read it yet and I was happy to get it as a present!

Cathy

A friend of mine in Solana County often heads to Stinson Beach - I've never been there, but those hills look familiar somehow. Would you mind if I shared your link with her, Cathy?

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Welcome and :cake: , davdblum!

Today was pretty decent as far as weather goes. Some morning overcast-ness kept the temperatures down, so the high was "only" in the high 70s (just 10 degrees above average rather than 20).

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Welcome and :cake: , davdblum!

Today was pretty decent as far as weather goes. Some morning overcast-ness kept the temperatures down, so the high was "only" in the high 70s (just 10 degrees above average rather than 20).

So much for springtime weather here in sunny SoCal. this weather makes me crave a trip to Pieology for pizza and a diet dr. Pepper, lol!

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A friend of mine in Solana County often heads to Stinson Beach - I've never been there, but those hills look familiar somehow. Would you mind if I shared your link with her, Cathy?

Sure. Send her the link.

Cathy

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Welcome and :cake: , davdblum!

Today was pretty decent as far as weather goes. Some morning overcast-ness kept the temperatures down, so the high was "only" in the high 70s (just 10 degrees above average rather than 20).

So much for springtime weather here in sunny SoCal. this weather makes me crave a trip to Pieology for pizza and a diet dr. Pepper, lol!

Well, it's warmer than average, but at least it's not too hot! :)

Could still use a lot more rain though.

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Wow, a lot of new folks here! Great to "see" you all!

Cathy, happy belated birthday!

Work has been hectic this past week as we're installed a new system at the prison and it is NOT going well. Now tonight we are finally seeing a sign of spring - thunderstorms! I left the dog club quickly when someone came in and said the tornado sirens were blowing. So I headed for home, driving in heavy winds and lightning coming down with stuff flying through the air. I think my car was almost hit with a piece of styrofoam.- then I ended up running over it instead. I was thinking I was driving into the results of a twister or straight line winds or something. Now I can see still some lightning but it's pretty much passed over.

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Welcome and :cake: , davdblum!

Today was pretty decent as far as weather goes. Some morning overcast-ness kept the temperatures down, so the high was "only" in the high 70s (just 10 degrees above average rather than 20).

So much for springtime weather here in sunny SoCal. this weather makes me crave a trip to Pieology for pizza and a diet dr. Pepper, lol!

Well, it's warmer than average, but at least it's not too hot! :)

Could still use a lot more rain though.

Yes quite of bit of rain would be welcomed at this point, since Gov. Brown has made water conservation mandatory now.

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He should've done. We waste too much water.

I agree, he waited way too long. I know people in Central to Northern California have been under mandatory water restriction for quite some time now, allowing Southern California to continue its wasteful water usage.

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Sandraisme360

I am 51 years old and just came to the realization about my asexuality and in it coming this late in life, I look back on all my experiences, friendships and relationships and now am just coming to grips with how much I have consciously and unconsciously let it take control my life.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew there was something different, but the thought never occurred to me, so I kept chalking it up to being a late bloomer, a late developer. But seriously, how long can that really go on? And then I started making an inventory of my life and cataloguing all my mechanisms: coping and adapting. It involves a great deal of transference, as I found that I over the years I have exhanged deep passions and interests in hobbies & pastimes for personal interaction.

And then it starts... all the questioning and motives. What is real? What is not? And with that an amazing feeling of relief, that all this time I have been blaming myself and now I know that not to be the case.

Whew.

Welcome Davdblum I am 50 and am new to the asexual concept. I have been doing a lot of reflecting this last month I am looking forward to exploring how relationships will work without the sex hanging over my head. Discovering that I am asexual has expand a lot to me about my past. I am enjoying the journy

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I just found this site today. 55 years old here and looking to talk to others that are like me :) I thought I was alone and would never find others in the same situation. Most of these posts look older so if anyone still tehre please say hello. Thanks Tom

Hi I have not been here very long and am 61. I thought I was the oldest on the site and not to diss the youngsters but I cannot speak their language or relate to them much. I am glad to find people around my own age here.

Is anyone older from the UK? It mainly seems to be Americans on here which is another reason I find it harder to relate.

Bev x

Hi and welcome Bev (and all the other new members here since I last posted - a veritable eruption :cake::cake: :) )

I'm 53 and here in the UK. As others have said, there's a decent sprinkling from around and about. Using words like 'diss', sounds like you get the kids pretty well... ;-)

:) That's about all I know! ha ha. x

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Welcome and :cake: , davdblum!

Today was pretty decent as far as weather goes. Some morning overcast-ness kept the temperatures down, so the high was "only" in the high 70s (just 10 degrees above average rather than 20).

So much for springtime weather here in sunny SoCal. this weather makes me crave a trip to Pieology for pizza and a diet dr. Pepper, lol!

Well, it's warmer than average, but at least it's not too hot! :)

Could still use a lot more rain though.

Am sending you some over from the UK - we got loads to spare :) In return can we have some warm please? :d x

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I have been reading some of the back posts and all this adventuring and hiking is making me feel knackered! I wish I was fit enough to do that but suffer with copd (chronic obstructive lung disease) caused by smoking. I am only mild/moderate but it stops me walking up hills or steps much and very slowly at that.

I really connect to those who have lost their parents as I lost my dad in 2008. He was 89 and had lost the will to live around 6 months before he died. He was taken into hospital because of a UTI (which can be serious in old folk) and he died 3 1/2 weeks later of a heart attack. He stopped eating, had a fall in the hospital and broke his hip and was also transferred twice to local hospitals (without our knowledge) who promptly sent him back because he was so ill. All because they needed the beds in the acute wards - good old NHS - not.

My mother died in June 2013. She had been in a care home for 2 1/2 years because she could no longer manage in her home. We watched her decline (including also breaking her hip in a fall at the home) and she remained bedridden for the last 3 months of her life. It was awful. In her last couple of days me and 2 sisters took turns to be with her round the clock and I was on my own with her when she died. I had never seen anyone die before and it was very traumatic.

My sisters and I all said 'Oh we are orphans now' which seems strange at our age but that's how we felt. We also recognised that we were now the oldest generation in the family which was a funny feeling!

Being asexual I never married or had kids and as my health isn't that good now and will only get worse over the years I plan to sell my flat (apartment) and when I get my state pension in 4 years to buy a flat in a block for older people. I would have got my pension at 60 but the Govt. suddenly bunged it up by 5 years for my age group - barstewards...

I am expected to sign on for benefits and look for work until I am 63 but no one wants anyone my age any more. Fortunately though I have a couple of small private pensions so am living off those. I am mortgage free thank goodness (isn't that wonderful?).

I only have 3 sisters left - 1 married with 1 grown up son, and the other 2 like me I think are asexual. maybe it is genetic? Who knows?

I would love to go to any meet ups in London as I used to live there and know it well. I live in Devon now.

Just a bit of background on me folks.

Hope everyone having a good day.

Bev xx

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Autumn Sunrise

Hypercat, I can understand how you felt after your parents died, because mine died within a few months of each other, about eight years ago. Strangely, Mum died first, even though she was younger and Dad was in poorer health. I felt that he just didn't really want to go on living after she had gone. I, too, felt like an orphan after Dad went, and I find it very sobering to realise that I am the oldest of my generation in my family now - my cousins are all younger as well. I'm lucky, though, because I live with my son and younger daughter, and because of this, as well as the fact that we built a house a few years ago and are now working to set up gardens, orchard, etc to become more self -supporting . . . most of the time I don't feel quite as old as my birth certificate says I am :D

You seem to have your life/future organised pretty well, and I hope you enjoy your retirement when it comes. I see that you live in Devon - *envy* - a beautiful county with a climate that's kind to older people :)

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Hypercat, I can understand how you felt after your parents died, because mine died within a few months of each other, about eight years ago. Strangely, Mum died first, even though she was younger and Dad was in poorer health. I felt that he just didn't really want to go on living after she had gone. I, too, felt like an orphan after Dad went, and I find it very sobering to realise that I am the oldest of my generation in my family now - my cousins are all younger as well. I'm lucky, though, because I live with my son and younger daughter, and because of this, as well as the fact that we built a house a few years ago and are now working to set up gardens, orchard, etc to become more self -supporting . . . most of the time I don't feel quite as old as my birth certificate says I am :D

You seem to have your life/future organised pretty well, and I hope you enjoy your retirement when it comes. I see that you live in Devon - *envy* - a beautiful county with a climate that's kind to older people :)

Hi Autumn Sunrise thanks. I envy you having kids and living with them too! I am on my own and always have been all because I am an Ace and will not have sex though I have tried. I can't even do it then. I must admit to feeling down tonight coz all my friends are talking about their family Easter holidays and what they are doing ect. . I will just be on my own as usual. Sigh.... Still Christmas is worse and I always dread that the most. I am so lonely and wish I was a sexual person.

Ignore me - I'm just feeling sorry for myself. All I have got to look forward to is a lonely old age then death.

bev x

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Am sending you some over from the UK - we got loads to spare :) In return can we have some warm please? :D x

Sounds like a deal! :)

I know what you mean about holidays. Easter isn't a big deal for me, but I do like the winter holidays, even though I'm usually alone for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I love the cooler weather, too (and with my birthday being in early October, I start the festivities then and continue them through the rest of the year). I make sure I have foods I love, presents (things I buy online for myself so I have stuff to open), Christmas music, a Christmas tree some years, and all time to relax and enjoy myself and my hobbies. So it's still good, even though I miss having loved ones with me. Maybe (almost) always alone, but not always lonely when I'm alone. :)

Back to Easter, I might see what kinds of Easter goodies are on sale afterwards. Not that I need more sweets in the house! :D

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daveb, you reminded me of a christmas I had several years ago. It was the last time I decorated and put up a tree. I had been on the road for several months and wasn't in the xmas mood.

Woke up alone on xmas day, as usual, when I came across 3 bags of stuff I had picked up at various antique malls I had visited while on the road. Completely forgot about them. :o

I put on some xmas music, carried the bags to the tree, sat on the floor and started unwrapping my 'presents'. Everything was wrapped in plain paper, but wrapping paper is wrapping paper. :D

Some utilitarian things (kitchen stuff), some decorative(a small painting, tchotckes) and some things for my collections (cigarette dispensers, globes, etc.) Several I didn't remember buying, so, i was completely surprised!

It was the best xmas I've ever had. All to me, from me, by me! :lol: *hmmm...it's been almost 10 years...maybe I'll decorate this year :)*

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Am sending you some over from the UK - we got loads to spare :) In return can we have some warm please? :D x

Sounds like a deal! :)

I know what you mean about holidays. Easter isn't a big deal for me, but I do like the winter holidays, even though I'm usually alone for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I love the cooler weather, too (and with my birthday being in early October, I start the festivities then and continue them through the rest of the year). I make sure I have foods I love, presents (things I buy online for myself so I have stuff to open), Christmas music, a Christmas tree some years, and all time to relax and enjoy myself and my hobbies. So it's still good, even though I miss having loved ones with me. Maybe (almost) always alone, but not always lonely when I'm alone. :)

Back to Easter, I might see what kinds of Easter goodies are on sale afterwards. Not that I need more sweets in the house! :D

I would like some more rain, I hate being on restriction, I feel like a child! I'd gladly trade some sunshine and heat for your rain.

As for holidays, they've only gotten lonely after my divorce a few years ago. I don't like being alone on holidays or my birthday. That should soon be rectified once I move and rent a room from my friend. Then I should be okay traveling and celebrating the holidays with someone else around. I hope things change for you, hypercat. Daveb, you have the right idea, just celebrate, I like it!

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I try. My goal is always to have as much fun and enjoyment as I can in whatever way I can manage. I also try to do things for others (birthday cards and sometimes packages for birthdays, Christmas packages, that sort of thing), so I know at least people I care about are not forgotten.

Then if anyone else does anything for me (like a card for my birthday or a little present for Christmas or even a get-together with people I like/love) that's icing on the cake, so to speak. That's the ideal. But I'm human and I do still get my hopes up that other people will do stuff, but then I feel some disappointment when they don't. The key for me is to do a better job of planning my own celebrations, even if I celebrate alone.

Great story, Tja! :)

I never used to get a tree when I was much younger and first living on my own. But then a woman I worked with and was on friendly terms with (and had a major crush on) invited me to spend a day with her getting a Christmas tree, decorating it, and having dinner together, because she was on her own for the holidays, too (she was recently divorced). And that showed me it was okay to have a tree even if I were alone and no one else saw it, and could make things feel more festive.

Sounds like you have a good plan, Blondie! A couple of years ago I set things up to visit with my sister up north around the time of my birthday (also close to her husband's birthday), so we could have a joint birthday celebration. Her 2 grown daughters were there, too. That was one way to get to celebrate with loved ones. I'm thinking I'll try to plan something like that for my 60th birthday. :D

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I try. My goal is always to have as much fun and enjoyment as I can in whatever way I can manage. I also try to do things for others (birthday cards and sometimes packages for birthdays, Christmas packages, that sort of thing), so I know at least people I care about are not forgotten.

Then if anyone else does anything for me (like a card for my birthday or a little present for Christmas or even a get-together with people I like/love) that's icing on the cake, so to speak. That's the ideal. But I'm human and I do still get my hopes up that other people will do stuff, but then I feel some disappointment when they don't. The key for me is to do a better job of planning my own celebrations, even if I celebrate alone.

Great story, Tja! :)

I never used to get a tree when I was much younger and first living on my own. But then a woman I worked with and was on friendly terms with (and had a major crush on) invited me to spend a day with her getting a Christmas tree, decorating it, and having dinner together, because she was on her own for the holidays, too (she was recently divorced). And that showed me it was okay to have a tree even if I were alone and no one else saw it, and could make things feel more festive.

Sounds like you have a good plan, Blondie! A couple of years ago I set things up to visit with my sister up north around the time of my birthday (also close to her husband's birthday), so we could have a joint birthday celebration. Her 2 grown daughters were there, too. That was one way to get to celebrate with loved ones. I'm thinking I'll try to plan something like that for my 60th birthday. :D

Daveb, you should definitely spend your 60th birthday with the people you love and care about. My 50th birthday was anticlimactic and spent it in a low profile kind of way. My friends did take me out to dinner the night before my birthday. It was kinda cool to find out that Black Angus is the same age as me. My friend promised to take me to Hawaii this year for my birthday, so I'm looking forward to that. It looks like a Christmas tree will also be gracing the living room of the new place I'll be living at, soon. Hallelujah holidays again!!!!

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Autumn Sunrise

daveb, Tja, blondie - I admire you all for your positive attitudes. When it comes down to it, a holiday is what you make of it. I'll admit that it helps to have family and/or friends around then, but often it's just not possible.

I know I'm amazingly lucky to have my son and my younger daughter living with me (although no-one needs to envy me for the marriage that produced them - that was just a mess, and is now nothing but feelings of guilt and sad memories). We mostly make our own celebrations at Christmas and Easter because the rest of our family tends to have other commitments. My older daughter has a very assertive mother-in-law who usually expects (and gets) what she wants at these times, so we don't see as much of her and her family as we'd like. When I was younger, Christmas and Easter were times of big family gatherings, presents, specials meals - it was hard to adjust to the changes.

Hypercat, I'm sure you'll manage to find ways to make holiday times special for yourself, even if you do live alone. You're worth it, remember?! And now you have a whole bunch of new friends here - we can't be together physically on these occasions, but we can be a kind of online family and make these times special for each other.

*hugs* for everyone!

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Hi Bev/all,

I cared for my mother full time for pretty much the last 4 years of her life, and informally for several years before that. It's hard when you have watch them go, and for me, I was able to take comfort from the fact that her last wishes were respected. She was able to pass at home with her family, and it was her time. There aren't any happy endings as carer for a parent, sadly.

Xmas just past was my first alone. I tend towards introversion and like my own space, and I'd promised myself I'd do it once my mum passed. To not have to get dressed for a few days, to cook my own lunch when I wanted it and please myself about entertainment was quite good. No trappings, just a stripped-down few days when I could please myself.

Same this Easter - I visited my sister yesterday, but the next few days I'll be doing the same :-)

Whatever you all make of Easter, I hope you all have an enjoyable one... :cake::cake:

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My Mom, at 86 years of age, is still managing to care for my Dad these days. He is now 91 years old and its been about 1.5 years since his brain surgery to remove a benign tumor called a meningioma. He is doing OK but is pretty much limited to staying at home most of the time these days and requires my Mom's care. Mom got over her obstructed bowel before XMAS and seems to be on an even keel now. We do have a set up among us four siblings where we rotate flying to their home if Mom gets sick and she can't care for Dad.

I will continue to spend Christmas with Mom and Dad as long as they live. And when they both die, I have 3 siblings and lucky for me, I get along very well with all three! Usually one or all of them are happy to have me show up for XMAS. So hopefully I won't be spending my XMAS holidays alone for a very long time. As for Easter ... well, I don't celebrate it and neither do most of my friends or family so it usually feels like a regular day for me and not a day I'm looking to spend with family.

This weekend my plan was to hike both days but the hike on Sunday was cancelled today because of rain in the forecast. Love the rain!! Hate that the hike was cancelled. I probably will go hiking in the rain on my own on Sunday instead or chat with bykenut on Saturday and see if she would want to do a short rain hike on Sunday (she will hike in the rain but not for more than 2 hours or so).

For those that do celebrate Easter, have a lovely Easter on Sunday!!

Cathy

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Hiking in the rain sounds fantastic, Cathy! I love walks in the rain!

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Autumn Season

All this talk about Christmas evenings makes me feel that we as the AVEN community should celebrate those days together. Or at least those, who are not very busy.

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daveb, Tja, blondie - I admire you all for your positive attitudes. When it comes down to it, a holiday is what you make of it. I'll admit that it helps to have family and/or friends around then, but often it's just not possible.

I know I'm amazingly lucky to have my son and my younger daughter living with me (although no-one needs to envy me for the marriage that produced them - that was just a mess, and is now nothing but feelings of guilt and sad memories). We mostly make our own celebrations at Christmas and Easter because the rest of our family tends to have other commitments. My older daughter has a very assertive mother-in-law who usually expects (and gets) what she wants at these times, so we don't see as much of her and her family as we'd like. When I was younger, Christmas and Easter were times of big family gatherings, presents, specials meals - it was hard to adjust to the changes.

Hypercat, I'm sure you'll manage to find ways to make holiday times special for yourself, even if you do live alone. You're worth it, remember?! And now you have a whole bunch of new friends here - we can't be together physically on these occasions, but we can be a kind of online family and make these times special for each other.

*hugs* for everyone!

I like the idea of having an online family! We can celebrate the good times, encourage and support one another during difficult times. Of course with having a new family, a family reunion may have to follow someday. But I know the difficult logistics of having people from different areas and countries, find a common place to meet. But hey, a person can dream can't she? Anyway, cake for new online clan!

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All this talk about Christmas evenings makes me feel that we as the AVEN community should celebrate those days together. Or at least those, who are not very busy.

That is an excellent idea! :) :) :) We could start a thread and have an all day holiday chat.

*Thanks for adding me as a friend, Autumn* ;)

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Autumn Season

All this talk about Christmas evenings makes me feel that we as the AVEN community should celebrate those days together. Or at least those, who are not very busy.

That is an excellent idea! :) :) :) We could start a thread and have an all day holiday chat.

*Thanks for adding me as a friend, Autumn* ;)

Sounds good to me. ^^ Who's gonna start the thread and where? I'm too shy. xD

And you're very much welcome, I am glad you didn't mind me randomly adding you.

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Okay I hope nobody objects, but I decided to ask some of you over 50 peeps to be my friend. I would have said online family, but there's no button to click on for that! Thanks in advance!

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