anyone past 50 on here?

[Mocha Jo]

Oh, no, @prib23! Stay safe. I don't think I'd be able to live where tornadoes are too frequent. In New England we might get a threat every 5 years or so, and it is a big deal. One of the reasons I live in a place where the air hurts my face in winter. I don't want earthquakes or tornadoes. Blizzards are fine. Hurricanes, well, OK, if we must. But no tornadoes or earthquakes!

 

@daveb- I quite like my manual push mower. Just don't let the grass get too long- they bog down. I have it for the small dog yard. I have my tractor for the rest of the grass, lol.

 

@Tystie- I think camping out in a new house sounds like an adventure. I would probably enjoy it, at least for awhile!

 

@chandrakirti- I would love to meet you, but I am one of those people who just can't do NYC. I get a headache the moment I cross into it and it doesn't go away until I get home. Too "people-y" for me! I like my ,middle of nowhere.

[straightouttamordor]

Mocha Jo, I bet Autumn in your region is glorious. And you have some snow skiing opportunities there too. I like to ski the green and blue slopes. An inch of snow shuts down everything here in the south east.

[will123]

8 minutes ago, Mocha Jo said:

 

 

@chandrakirti- I would love to meet you, but I am one of those people who just can't do NYC. I get a headache the moment I cross into it and it doesn't go away until I get home. Too "people-y" for me! I like my ,middle of nowhere.

You can't beat VT, NH and ME in the fall!

[Mocha Jo]

Or, pretty much any season except mud season.

[will123]

7 hours ago, will123 said:

I don't ever recall being around someone being told (by a younger person) that they were "old enough to be their father". That "dig" was usually reserved for someone who if we were in a group of friends made a sexual comment about an obviously younger person.

Years ago I told off an older co-worker who commented about a female student working in our factory. For one he would've been old enough to be her father, plus he had a daughter not much older than the student. I had a hard time keeping a straight face when I chewed him a new one.

[Muledeer]

13 hours ago, Mocha Jo said:

Or, pretty much any season except mud season.

When is your mud season?  Most places it is in the spring, but at my ranch in the mountains, it is in the fall, starting about mi-October until the snow covers the ground for the winter.   The cold frosty nights freeze the wet dirt and it just can't seem to dry out during the day.  Last year we had a very mild mud season because the dirt was dry.  

 

@chandrakirti  lucky you for having that trip to the big apple planned this spring.  Seeing NYC is on my bucket list, also would love to explore the UK and down under.  But I will not travel alone to any of those places so I must hope to find the right friend in the future.

@daveb glad you are getting settled in to your new home.  I think the push mower is a great idea - it will ensure good exercise during the grass season.

 

Last night I had a nice visit with my brother.  I had not seen him in about five years.  My two brothers and I were each born ten years apart and I am the youngest.  It is interesting to see how they age and gives me an indication of how I might look or feel in the future.  I shared some letters I found to our grandma from 1949 right before she died from all of her siblings.  It was a fascinating glimpse of life at that time.    He shared with me several old photos of my childhood that I have yet to review.  He created some DVD's of scanned photos, slides and 8mm movie reels.

Having another snowstorm today here.......

[Deja Vu]

15 hours ago, daveb said:

I put the Oregon plates on my car and paid some bills today. Now I'm ready for my first weekend in my new home.

Then just a few more days and the movers should be delivering all of my stuff. I do still need to get other stuff for the house. I'm sure I will need more lamps, and a lawn mower (I want to see if a human powered push mower will be sufficient - there isn't a lot of lawn in the front yard and even the lawn in the back on the main level isn't too much, I don't think.)

I started having a lawn service do my lawn the year I was laid up with a hip replacement. Because I have a large yard (80x200) with hills in the back and lots of trees, it's not an easy job. Here in MN where we have lots of hot humid days, and sometimes lots of rain too, it can be a difficult job to mow this yard. I've often thought if I was NOT working FT, I could do it when it was convenient and the weather cooperated. Anyway, I never stopped the lawn service (though I did change vendors). And I really like it. The same company does my snow plowing. I feel like I live in a condo, and I am the general contractor for the HOA!

[Deja Vu]

I'm experiencing some odd feelings, for me anyway. As you may remember, December was a whirlwind of stuff in my life, from my brother's death to having a car plow into my house, to having stem cell treatments on my knee. It was followed by a few things I didn't post here: the death of a friend, the serious accident (and subsequent loss of eyesight) of another friend, and lastly another medical issue that has had me in and out of dr offices over the last couple of weeks. I narrowly dodged a bullet of having to have surgery again (which had been scheduled for yesterday but ended up not needing it).

 

Through all of these times I've been pretty reclusive (other than the interactions with insurance companies, doctors, etc.) I have worked at home quite a bit as well. Other activities were put on hold as well. But the routines that had kept me busy had pretty much stopped for awhile. And, my interactions with others as well.

 

I now feel like I'm experiencing a mini-PTSD or something similar. I feel like I'm having delayed but often strong reactions to emotions I'm unfamiliar with. At the same time realizing I am really not fitting in anywhere - not at work, not even within the circles I used to think were my friends. I was just too busy to notice before, that most of these interactions were superficial and existences were not because I was ever really a part of any of it.

 

Not one of my "friends" sent me a card for my brother's death. Not one has asked how the repairs are going on my house. Only two of them have asked how my knee is doing. I've learned of social activities that I was not included in, and realize they've probably been going on for a long time and nobody ever invites me to join. I think I got 2 or 3 Christmas cards, but only one with more than just a signature. 

 

My sister has been a little better about being in touch, but once we had my brother's stuff and the holidays out of the way, I've not heard from her either. 

 

I wonder what the rest of my life is going to be like. I'm at a crossroads as far as continuing with some of my dog activities, not sure if my physical health is going to allow me to resume to the level I used to be. And my puppy, that I had just started showing this past year, has decided to eat the hair off one of his ears, so his show career is done for quite a while now. 

 

Feeling really lost and lonely, which I'm not used to at all. The one thing I am feeling that is familiar, is the flight response to things like this - I signed up for a magazine on international living, and started thinking about bailing out of here permanently, and leaving all of this behind. Flight has been my familiar companion before, but I don't think it's how I want to be.

 

Have any of you going through this kind of transition, and if so, how did you deal with it? Feeling really sad and unloved...

[cdrdash]

8 minutes ago, Deja Vu said:

 

Have any of you going through this kind of transition, and if so, how did you deal with it? Feeling really sad and unloved...

I don't think I have quite gone through the kind of transition you have described.  I'm so sorry you feel sad and unloved.  I wish I lived closer to you so I could visit in person and just chat and vetch about life together.   It was lovely how easy it felt to talk to you when I visited you in Minnesota in 2014 (hard to believe its been 3 years now).  I will reread your post later today after I'm done with the women's march and come up with more comments and maybe something helpful in how to deal with it.  Hang in there Deja Vu!

 

Cathy

 

[Finding myself]

@Deja Vu hi I am sending love and a massive hug (if you like hugs) to you. I have not been through similar, but have faced a significant amount of loss over the last 9 yrs. I feel like the last year or so I have been rebuilding my life and that process is ongoing. I am happy to share more if it might help. In addition the last couple of years I have become much more aware of the transient nature of life. Thinking of you. 

[Deja Vu]

12 minutes ago, Finding myself said:

@Deja Vu hi I am sending love and a massive hug (if you like hugs) to you. I have not been through similar, but have faced a significant amount of loss over the last 9 yrs. I feel like the last year or so I have been rebuilding my life and that process is ongoing. I am happy to share more if it might help. In addition the last couple of years I have become much more aware of the transient nature of life. Thinking of you. 

Yes, I'm seriously looking for ideas. I thought I'd built the life I wanted, but am finding it included things that now evade me. And it's not working. Also I'm facing my own mortality more these days, with all the deaths and catastrophic injuries. Realizing how little time is left for active endeavors, and somehow I must have thought I'd go on forever, as long as I wanted to.

 

In the past when faced with physical stuff, I simply went into denial and it worked! For example, I broke a hip in a car accident when I was in my 20's. At that time doctors told me to stop doing all the things I was doing (skiing, waterskiing, etc.) and that someday I'd end up in a wheelchair. Well heck with that... not only did I do all the things they told me to stop doing, BUT they helped improve my previous loss of motion. I made it for over 25 years on that hip, and by then they had lots of options other than being wheelchair bound. 

 

I guess I assumed I'd be able to continue shrugging things off, and making it work in spite of challenges. Now I feel like I'm caving in instead of fighting back, and it's all catching up with me now.

[Myssterry]

@Deja Vu Sorry you are feeling low, and that people in your life have maybe not been as supportive as they might have been.

 

I have been through quite tough times when my immediate family passed away.  In a decade I lost my sister who was my only sibling, who died quite young (42), my father and lastly my mother.  I then had a brush with cancer myself, although not an aggressive one, luckily. 

 

I don't know what will work for you.  In my case I guess my work as a music teacher is the lynchpin of my life.  And the other interests I have in gardening, nature, bird watching.  I also take great solace from the companionship of my pets.  My cancer certainly made me realise I was human and vulnerable, and mortal.  That has given me more empathy and made me look outside myself more. 

 

Your difficult experiences have all come close together, and of course you are wounded.  There are stages we have to go through.  In time you will heal a little and start fighting back.

[daveb]

I might switch to a lawn service at some point, as I am not fond of yardwork. But I'll see how much I can do/want to do.

 

My sister and nieces are going on the women's march here, too. (I'm planning on avoiding the crowds and see if I can find more of the household goods I need)

 

@Deja Vu, you have been through a lot lately and I can sympathize with the lack of social network support (although I have not experienced the kinds of loss and medical issues and such). I don't have any good advice, but I think @Mz Terry makes some good points, and hopefully Cathy and @Finding myself will be of some help. Best wishes!

[Deja Vu]

9 minutes ago, daveb said:

I might switch to a lawn service at some point, as I am not fond of yardwork. But I'll see how much I can do/want to do.

I love mine, and hae never looked back.

 

9 minutes ago, daveb said:

 

My sister and nieces are going on the women's march here, too. (I'm planning on avoiding the crowds and see if I can find more of the household goods I need)

I would have loved to go to the one here, but marching with a cane is a bit too much for me yet.

 

9 minutes ago, daveb said:

 

@Deja Vu, you have been through a lot lately and I can sympathize with the lack of social network support (although I have not experienced the kinds of loss and medical issues and such). I don't have any good advice, but I think @Mz Terry makes some good points, and hopefully Cathy and @Finding myself will be of some help. Best wishes!

Thanks - I realize one of the issues is not being able to talk about it. You know, the name it and claim it routine. It seems there is such a focus on being positive, always looking forward, avoiding negative people... that is a great philosophy but it sometimes leaves other people feeling more alone. Especially around here - people expect you to get on with it and not bother them again. Sh*t happens, and it's not always positive sh*t, n o matter how much you pretend.

[Deja Vu]

21 minutes ago, Mz Terry said:

@Deja Vu Sorry you are feeling low, and that people in your life have maybe not been as supportive as they might have been.

 

I don't know what will work for you.  In my case I guess my work as a music teacher is the lynchpin of my life.  And the other interests I have in gardening, nature, bird watching.  I also take great solace from the companionship of my pets. 

 

 

Yes thankfully I have the dogs! My job is really intense right now, especially since three people have quit (or are moving to new positions) leaving extra work for the rest of us. And I've missed so much face time. I've been moved off of projects where I'd established connections with people who are now also gone from my life. Lots of disconnections going on everywhere.

[daveb]

Yeah, stuff happens, and being able to talk about it to people who really listen is good.

[Semisweet]

I'm just back from attending the nearest one of the women's marches. With a strong turnout and energetic atmosphere (not to mention lots of creatively worded signs), it felt good and inspiring to be part of it. I was amazed to see there was even a march in Antarctica! (The attendance there was rather modest, though.)

 

@Deja Vu, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so despairing. The succession of losses, traumas and disappointments you've experienced so recently, plus your ensuing greater sense of life's fragility, has been a lot to process and absorb. It's only human and natural for you to feel at a crossroads. And as at many crossroads, it's difficult to know which is the right path to take next. I can't claim to have any great pearls of wisdom to offer, but I hope you'll allow yourself plenty of time both to grieve and to ponder whatever next steps--small or large--feel right for you. In the meantime, treat yourself lovingly, and please accept my electronic hugs and positive thoughts.

[Cobie]

.

[Gentle Giant]

@Deja Vu Sorry you are having such a rough time. I hope things get better for you soon!

[Mocha Jo]

@Deja Vu, I am also at a crossroad, although without your health issues. I have also realized that the people in my life are superficial, but I think I am ok with that. My divorce has left me totally on my own again, as I am getting and feeling older and less immortal. I have things I do that distract me from the fat that I don't have a passion, or anything compelling that I want to do with my life. It sort of seems pointless. My animals all help keep me grounded, and I just take one day at a time. In my more positive moments I consider this my time of life to learn to live in the moment and not dwell on the past or perseverate on the future (which may not happen anyway.) I am becoming -well, trying to when I can- more zen, and more present. I am trying to learn to be still and listen and breathe. I am not really very good at it yet. I wish you peace to find what works for you.

[teatree]

5 hours ago, Semisweet said:

I'm just back from attending the nearest one of the women's marches. With a strong turnout and energetic atmosphere (not to mention lots of creatively worded signs), it felt good and inspiring to be part of it. I was amazed to see there was even a march in Antarctica! (The attendance there was rather modest, though.)

I thought about going to one of the marches, but crowds that big make me claustrophobic. (One of my favorite signs I saw on news coverage was "OMG GOP WTF"!)

 

I made a donation to Planned Parenthood, though! 

[Autumn Sunrise]

@Deja Vu I'm very sorry to hear that you have so many issues to deal with right now, and I understand how feeling alone can make this even more difficult. I think a lot of us here have experienced something similar at some time in our lives, but one positive result is that you have an online "family" who can understand what you're going through and support you. I know it's not the same as irl family, but it does mean that you have caring friends here if you need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. I know you've been through a lot over the past year or two, and I think maybe you need to give yourself a bit of "time out" -  just do what you can manage best for a while and let everything else go until you feel a bit more together.

 

My PM box is always open if you want to talk one on one, and I think I'm a good listener. *huge hugs*

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

So sorry to hear how you feel so down @Deja Vu. There are some clues in the things you say, though. You mention that you have had so many losses. That's horrible, to have so many challenges at once. Then you say you're at a crossroads. I'm a great believer in linguistics, and by what you write, you already know that you need some kind of change, after all, when you disregarded the doctor's advice (quite rightly too...doctor's advice is only relevant if you want to stay in the time it was given), you found that the hip that you were told needed to stay still, actually needed to be used...use it or lose it. So you made the right decision.

 

Also, in losing so much that was part of you, you have really 'lost a bit of yourself', so you could either go about replacing it as it was and reconstruct it or, you could see what else you could fill that gap with. Right now , maybe being kind to yourself, not expecting too much of yourself and just watching to see what comes up next, will show you the next direction. It's possible that all that tragedy will have left you with some PTSD symptoms, but that's not the sum total of you, you are much more than that, and I have faith that you will get through this, use it as a stepping stone to other things, and flourish, I'm rooting for you!

 

@Mocha Jo, yes, I'm a kinda wild spaces person myself and I'm definitely going to find NYC a challenge, due to crowds. Heck, I find London a challenge these days! (particularly when I was supposed to be there yesterday for a meet up and then the cat kept me awake all night so all I did yesterday was to doze on the sofa...)

 

@daveb, your idea for a push mower occurred to me when I moved to my little house here, it saves electricity and keeps the fitness levels up as well. I remember using an electric mower in Skye, but that was for a much bigger area. If you have a manageable patch, why not? This year again, I'm going to grow a small meadow and just cut a swathe to my hut for the bike. 

 

Well, it appears to be AVEN's birthday today so I'm off to celebrate (with cake!) with this diet, I can afford one small slice......

[Tystie]

@Deja Vu: Other people have already been more eloquent that I can be, but... You've been through a lot recently. No wonder you are feeling shaken and unsettled. I hope that you feel better soon. Meanwhile, don't feel bad because you are not taking everything easily in your stride. Be kind to, and make time for, yourself.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

I'm a numpty! It wasn't AVEN's birthday today, was it? I just saw a quick flash of something and misread it....good excuse for a cake though!

[Finding myself]

23 hours ago, Semisweet said:

 

 

[Cobie]

3 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

I'm a numpty! ...

And I learned a new word today.

[Deja Vu]

14 hours ago, Autumn Sunrise said:

@Deja Vu I'm very sorry to hear that you have so many issues to deal with right now, and I understand how feeling alone can make this even more difficult. I think a lot of us here have experienced something similar at some time in our lives, but one positive result is that you have an online "family" who can understand what you're going through and support you. I know it's not the same as irl family, but it does mean that you have caring friends here if you need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on.

 

Actually in some ways the online "family" is better. Real family (and friends) are supposed to care so expectations (on both sides) can get in the way of authenticity. I feel more free to share feelings here that might leave others feeling guilty or defensive if I was to tell them how I really feel.

[Deja Vu]

12 hours ago, chandrakirti said:

Also, in losing so much that was part of you, you have really 'lost a bit of yourself', so you could either go about replacing it as it was and reconstruct it or, you could see what else you could fill that gap with. Right now , maybe being kind to yourself, not expecting too much of yourself and just watching to see what comes up next, will show you the next direction. It's possible that all that tragedy will have left you with some PTSD symptoms, but that's not the sum total of you, you are much more than that, and I have faith that you will get through this, use it as a stepping stone to other things, and flourish, I'm rooting for you!

Great observation - the loss itself forces me to do something and part of my current state is not knowing which direction to go. This was a very helpful perspective - now that I know what the decision is really about. I hadn't thought of it quite that way before.

[Deja Vu]

To all of you - you have all helped me immensely and I SO appreciate it. You've shared insights that I hadn't considered, and done so in a considerate and caring way. You really changed things for me today, and for that I'm very grateful.

 

This morning I contacted a friend, one of the ones I felt excluded from, and we got together to train our dogs. It was a very good training session with my pup, Fizz, who hadn't done anything since the beginning of December due to all my crises. He impressed me greatly with how much he really has learned. I was afraid he and I were way out of sync, but maybe we both needed some incubation time.

 

My friend and I then went to lunch, that lasted from noon to almost 5:00 PM. I expressed some of my feelings of pain and sadness, and that I felt bad nobody had reached out to me through all of this stuff. She apologized for not sending a sympathy card for my brother, and I actually know that she has a horrible time sending these cards since all her own personal tragedies are still raw. She buys cards for people, then can't bring herself to write them and sticks them in a drawer that is now full of unsent sympathy cards. I had mentally excluded her from any obligation for this, as I know this about her and that she does the best she can. I learned she has some very serious family issues going on, that I'd been unaware of. Then the two of us shared our mutual feelings about the past election and our concerns about the future. It was a very intimate conversation, that made me feel maybe I am still connected after all.

 

It was a good wake-up call for me to realize I was making it all about me, and not considering other people have their trials and tribulations too. And maybe other people aren't in a place to help me at any point in time.