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boots57

anyone past 50 on here?

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CompassRose

not sure i know what i am doing

Hi! I just found this place last night. I will be 53 next month, and I really never knew there was such a thing as asexual, but I always knew I was different, that I just never felt a need to have sex with another person, it just never happened for me. It is so good to know I am not alone. I have felt that way a lot over my life, never felt like my friends understood me, or my family. So, I hope we can be friends!

Welcome Neffie! Have some :cake:

(We give lots of cake out around here, since :cake: is better than sex)

I discovered the existence of asexuality last summer when I was 48. It is indeed good to know we are not alone, isn't it?

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Blitzentan

I can still recall how liberated I felt when I 'found' AVEN at 56 - I'd spent a whole lifetime of trying to be like everyone else and then discovered why I was different...and I wasn't a freak!

So a huge AVEN welcome...and have some more welcome :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :D

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Kelly

We have a number of people that are. I am a bit of a baby, though. I am presently celebrating my 51st b-day.

Welcome! :cake:

Ack! Now I am 52. I will be 90 before I know it.

*celebrates while I can*

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Sally

My theory (and I'm sticking to it!) is that if all the people over 50 realized what asexuality was, we'd far outnumber the 16-25-year-olds who are flooding AVEN. Just think, there's probably 30 decades of people still alive out there who have no idea that there is a name for something they've felt all their lives.

We could be 20% of the population. We could take over the world! (If we start soon enough.)

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joplin

My theory (and I'm sticking to it!) is that if all the people over 50 realized what asexuality was, we'd far outnumber the 16-25-year-olds who are flooding AVEN. Just think, there's probably 30 decades of people still alive out there who have no idea that there is a name for something they've felt all their lives.

We could be 20% of the population. We could take over the world! (If we start soon enough.)

I would agree that there should be as many over 50 folks as the 16-25 bracket, for all the reasons that you give. But also, there are at least some who maybe were not asexual in the younger days, but who are now. I speak especially of those who had a low libido or desire to start with. Then aging or a medical condition or a history of bad sexual relationships, or God knows what has resulted in becoming an asexual.

So over 50 folks, come out of the closet!

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yyy

Some of you (or one of you) have/has said that you think that being an asexual and an agorphobic are connected because an agorphobic does not get opportunity to be out among people much and cannot engage in sexual relations with others . Also some of you (or one of you) have/has said that you think that some asexuals were not asexual or at least had low libido when they were younger but became asexual when they got older.

Such statements confuse cause and effect, or reason and result. If a person stays indoors because s/he is agorphobic, it means that s/he will get less of an opportunity to meet other people thus not have opportunity for sexual realtionships, but if the person would practice sex if s/he interacted more with people, it means that s/he is not intrinsically asexual but just cannot practice being a sexual person because of circumstances. It is like a person alone on a desert island whom cannot engage in sex with another person. S/he is celibate but not by choice. So it is not automatic that a person whom is agoraphobic will tend to be "asexual" in his/her "orientation," only circumstantially. Being an asexual is really much more deep inside a person than what outer situations can affect.

As for a person being "less asexual" when younger and becoming "more asexual" when s/he got older: I tried thinking open-mindedly about it. It is like a person being hetrosexual when younger and becoming homosexual when older, or vice versa. Is that possible? Then couldn't a person be asexual when younger and become sexual when older?

What about a person whom is attracted to persons his/her own age when s/he is in his/her late teens into late adulthood but then becomes a pedophile when s/he becomes middle aged and older? How about vice versa? Is that possible?

It seems that being sexual in any way is such a "disclaimer." A person with low libido is still sexual and low libido just like sexual dysfunction implies a medical problem not an "orientation." And I hesitate to really define asexuality as an orientation, because orientation indicates which way a person's sexual desires go, whether with the opposite, or same, or both sexes, while asexuality means that you have no want to engage in sex with anyone, but I use the word "orientation" here in a unscientific general way because I mean to say that asexuality is within the frame of a state of being even though it is an oxymoron. It's association with sexual states of being are that it is not associated with sexual states of being.

Of course a person becoming "more asexual" as s/he grows older could just mean that s/he is merely experiencing certain changes that come with age. Often people whom had been very sexual in their youth (and wanted to be) do become less so when older, or elderly. It does not mean that they "became asexual." It means that they were best able to practice sex while younger, and though they may not care for it anymore it does not un-do the fact that they had had a desire for it and acted upon those desires.

Of course some people are mixed up because society teaches everyone that sexual desires are natural and healthy and that everybody experiences them, no exceptions, and that people who think that they themselves don't want sex, just don't realize how bad they do want it. So there are a lot of asexual people out there whom think that there is something wrong with them and that they could not be experiencing a lack of sexual desire (or as I like to put it, a freedom from sexual desire).

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Lucinda
If a person stays indoors because s/he is agorphobic, it means that s/he will get less of an opportunity to meet other people thus not have opportunity for sexual realtionships, but if the person would practice sex if s/he interacted more with people, it means that s/he is not intrinsically asexual but just cannot practice being a sexual person because of circumstances. It is like a person alone on a desert island whom cannot engage in sex with another person. S/he is celibate but not by choice. So it is not automatic that a person whom is agoraphobic will tend to be "asexual" in his/her "orientation," only circumstantially. Being an asexual is really much more deep inside a person than what outer situations can affect.

If someone does not want to practice being a sexual person because they want to limit their interactions with other people and don't experience any sexual push out the front door, then they could very well consider themselves asexual. No one who has posted on this thread lives on a deserted island.

As for a person being "less asexual" when younger and becoming "more asexual" when s/he got older: I tried thinking open-mindedly about it. It is like a person being hetrosexual when younger and becoming homosexual when older, or vice versa. Is that possible? Then couldn't a person be asexual when younger and become sexual when older?

If you talk to enough people, you will realize that there are quite a variety of possibilities ... although not everything is necessarily possible for one particular person. It depends ...

What about a person whom is attracted to persons his/her own age when s/he is in his/her late teens into late adulthood but then becomes a pedophile when s/he becomes middle aged and older? How about vice versa? Is that possible?

Are you asking if there are people who disregard the concepts of safe, sane, and consensual in their sexual dealings with others?

It seems that being sexual in any way is such a "disclaimer." A person with low libido is still sexual and low libido just like sexual dysfunction implies a medical problem not an "orientation."

How is "low" libido measured? And what medical problem is implied?

And I hesitate to really define asexuality as an orientation, because orientation indicates which way a person's sexual desires go, whether with the opposite, or same, or both sexes, while asexuality means that you have no want to engage in sex with anyone, but I use the word "orientation" here in a unscientific general way because I mean to say that asexuality is within the frame of a state of being even though it is an oxymoron. It's association with sexual states of being are that it is not associated with sexual states of being.

I never considered asexuality a sexual orientation even before I joined AVEN. And I really haven't changed my mind. I don't believe everyone has to have a sexual orientation. People are going to be attracted to whomever they are attracted to for whatever reasons. Why not just leave it at that?

Of course a person becoming "more asexual" as s/he grows older could just mean that s/he is merely experiencing certain changes that come with age. Often people whom had been very sexual in their youth (and wanted to be) do become less so when older, or elderly. It does not mean that they "became asexual." It means that they were best able to practice sex while younger, and though they may not care for it anymore it does not un-do the fact that they had had a desire for it and acted upon those desires.

There's a myriad of reasons why people desire partnered sex when they are younger and when they are older. And not all older people lose their ability to practice sex ... and they certainly don't lose their ability to figure out workarounds. At the same time, there are mature people who grow more into their own individuality and thus don't find themselves to be sexually dependent on others. That element of proving themselves or being like everyone else or keeping score are no longer there. They don't want to relive their youth or somehow recapture their youth. They are relaxed and content within themselves. No one else can give that to them. Like you, they could say they have reached a freedom from sexual desire or dependency or neediness, etc. If they come to an asexual board and state that they have become more asexual, I accept their statement.

Of course some people are mixed up because society teaches everyone that sexual desires are natural and healthy and that everybody experiences them, no exceptions, and that people who think that they themselves don't want sex, just don't realize how bad they do want it. So there are a lot of asexual people out there whom think that there is something wrong with them and that they could not be experiencing a lack of sexual desire (or as I like to put it, a freedom from sexual desire).

It makes me wonder to what extent desires are taught rather than being an innate phenomenon.

Lucinda

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Sally

I would agree that there should be as many over 50 folks as the 16-25 bracket, for all the reasons that you give. But also, there are at least some who maybe were not asexual in the younger days, but who are now. I speak especially of those who had a low libido or desire to start with. Then aging or a medical condition or a history of bad sexual relationships, or God knows what has resulted in becoming an asexual.

So over 50 folks, come out of the closet!

Asexuality isn't low-libido or medical condition or bad sexual relationships.

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Sally

It makes me wonder to what extent desires are taught rather than being an innate phenomenon.

Lucinda

If sexual desires--or being a sexual rather than an asexual--could be taught, I certainly would have taught them to myself during the many years I was trying very hard to be sexual.

You may not consider asexuality to be an orientation, but that doesn't mean it isn't. Many people in the past didn't consider homosexuality to be an orientation; however, no one but fundamentalists claim that it isn't now.

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Lucinda

It makes me wonder to what extent desires are taught rather than being an innate phenomenon.

Lucinda

If sexual desires--or being a sexual rather than an asexual--could be taught, I certainly would have taught them to myself during the many years I was trying very hard to be sexual.

But Sally, somewhere along the line, you must have received some message (taught) that you had to be sexual. Is that not the reason that you tried very hard and at one point thought you were broken? Yet do you think you are broken for not desiring a cup of coffee? I personally don't see a difference and I certainly wouldn't have thought you were broken in either case.

You may not consider asexuality to be an orientation, but that doesn't mean it isn't. Many people in the past didn't consider homosexuality to be an orientation; however, no one but fundamentalists claim that it isn't now.

But my point is that no one can or should tell me I have to have a sexual orientation. No one can or should tell a homosexual that they have to have a sexual orientation. I remember when Marty introduced her "other half" to a group of former high school chums. One guy said, "I didn't know you were a lesbian!" to which Marty replied, "Lesbians are attracted to women ... and I am attracted to her.". She didn't want or need their orientation label because it really was a non-issue at that point. She was not in the market for a sexual partner, she already had a partner, so why should anyone care one way or another? By the way, I have no reason to believe she is a fundamentalist. :)

I accept that you may have your own reasons for needing a sexual orientation.

P.S. To answer the OP, I am not over 50. Where is the OP?

Lucinda

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joplin

I would agree that there should be as many over 50 folks as the 16-25 bracket, for all the reasons that you give. But also, there are at least some who maybe were not asexual in the younger days, but who are now. I speak especially of those who had a low libido or desire to start with. Then aging or a medical condition or a history of bad sexual relationships, or God knows what has resulted in becoming an asexual.

So over 50 folks, come out of the closet!

Asexuality isn't low-libido or medical condition or bad sexual relationships.

Asexuality is what it is, isn't it?!

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Sally

But Sally, somewhere along the line, you must have received some message (taught) that you had to be sexual. Is that not the reason that you tried very hard and at one point thought you were broken? Yet do you think you are broken for not desiring a cup of coffee? I personally don't see a difference and I certainly wouldn't have thought you were broken in either case.

I never thought I was "broken." I just thought that if I kept trying, I'd eventually get it. There wasn't any information about asexuality when I was a teenager. There was barely any information about sex itself.

But my point is that no one can or should tell me I have to have a sexual orientation.

No one's telling you that you have to have one. Nor can you say that others shouldn't necessarily think that there are sexual orientations. And I don't know who Marty is. Perhaps because I'm over 50.

I accept that you may have your own reasons for needing a sexual orientation.

I have a sexual orientation and don't need any reason for it. It just is. I look back on my life now, since I was in my teens, and asexuality always was my orientation. You may not consider yourself as having any particular orientation but you shouldn't characterize others who do as "needing" one; that's a bit patronizing.

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joplin

Post 50 topic

I am an asexual, atheist, aromantic Aspergian female, a mother of three, interested in intellectual stimulation via blogging, writing, reading, games, fitness and such.

I will probably frequent the PPS section more than these self disclosure threads. 8)

You said:

"I will probably frequent the PPS section more than these self disclosure threads."

I think you have a great plan. I feel lost, inferior and lacking in this section. This sqeezes out the steam from my esteem.

What is a PPS section, and where is it?

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Hammerhead

What is a PPS section, and where is it?

Philosophy, Politics and Science forum?

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joplin

What is a PPS section, and where is it?

Philosophy, Politics and Science forum?

Sounds good. A place more likely to put the steam back into my esteem! Some times a person can shout in this over-the-hill forum and hear nothing but the echo. Other times, you hear the whistling noise of stones whizzing past the head.

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Sally

Some times a person can shout in this over-the-hill forum

Over the hill? Not us! But if you can't keep up with us, you are excused from the table. :lol:

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Blitzentan

Huh, I'm still on the 'up' side of the hill :lol:

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Martina

not sure i know what i am doing

56 here. I'm pretty sure what I'm doing, and what I'm not doing.

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thomwest2634

Dave, what the devil is going on in the "chat room"? The first night I went to it it was interesting and there was a lot of discussion about asexuality, gay and straight (each of which being an oxymoron, I think) but it has deteriorated into a bunch of blithering (well you know what I mean.). I thought I had a good place to talk and it's just a disaster. There is another site for asexuality, the something Experience, but I'm really disappointed to have to give up on this one. Somebody did put some good thought into starting it. Isn't it monitored? I'm sorry to have taken so long to ask you this, but I could use some help. I'm going to jump in for a few minutes right now, and if it's like last night I'm outa there. Thanks. Thom

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thomwest2634

Hi - you sound like me. Nobody drives me if I can help it, and I've decided it's a control issue which bothers me not. If it bothers the other guy, it's his control issue. See, I do things RIGHT, and nobody else does, so by the time we get where we're going I'm ready to scream or kill. I think it's a separate thing from the agoraphobia, though. Lawsy, we're loaded for bear, eh? Hang in there. Thom

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cdrdash

Ok ... Now I can post that I'm past fifty ... Ok only 10 minutes past 50 but still past 50.

:lol:

:lol:

:cake: :cake: :cake:

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CompassRose

Ok ... Now I can post that I'm past fifty ... Ok only 10 minutes past 50 but still past 50.

:lol:

:lol:

:cake: :cake: :cake:

Happy Birthday!!! :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

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Blitzentan

*Joins in even though I'm a decade too old... :) *

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Sally

(intruder from the 30-something thread here)

Just poked my nose in to see who inhabits this space and what a lovely surprise to see so many names I know :) I had assumed many of you guys were 20-somethings with loads more common sense than me. Where do we get the idea that the internet is overrun by under 21s? :D

Common sense. What's that?

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Blitzentan

Common sense is not so common Sally... :lol:

Apparently the UK has the highest percentage of 'silver surfers' in Europe :)

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Sally

I'd like to be more like that but I have rage issues :blush:

YOU have rage issues???!!!???? Ha! You don't know what RAGE IS!

Well, uh...never mind... :redface: :wacko:

*grabs cat and pets her aggressively; cat bites Sally and jumps down*

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