AVENguy Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 There's been some discussion around of looking for other asexual people out there, which begs the question of exactly how many there are out there. Before I throw out some loose numbers, I want to talk about staying at the AU dorms this summer. In a personal experiment I've decided not to out myself on the mass scale that I normally do. I've only told about 10 people (in a random conversation) and around 4 more I've stronlgy alluded to it. Of those 14 people 1 identified as asexual themselves and another (in the strongly alluded conversation) complained about how she never really wanted to be sexual in her sexual relationships but thought had to because it was important. SO. If you want to find other asexual people, get visible. Number of people who have identified (albiet very quietly) on my campus since I started being visible:3 Number of asexual people I've come across since starting AVEN a year and a half ago(through e-mail, web searches, the amoebas and now this forum):approx (very) 175 Number of unique IP addresses to visit AVEN this month: 353 Avg. hits per hour (according to my web analysis program, I think, its a new hit every time a new page is clicked):22 Total this month:11222 (with about 10 days worth of logs being mysteriously deleted.) Yesterday:1585 Which brings up a useful question:how are people getting here? I haven't found any search engines that list the site (though I've submitted it), are you just typing it in? Link to post Share on other sites
purplehaze Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 I found it when I was doing an article about sexualities and typed in 'asexuality' on google.com ... Link to post Share on other sites
nemesis Posted July 22, 2002 Share Posted July 22, 2002 No, if I remember correctly, there was a link to your site from a site on celibacy so I used that to find my way here. I'm sort of curious about how many people around me are asexual. However, I'm not all that comfortable announcing it to a bunch of random people. Since my brother is also on my campus, visability equals a strange and uncomfortable talk with my parents, something that I can easily avoid for at least another five years. Plus, I'm really uncomfortable talking to groups of people in a social situation (though I can present or lecture to them just fine). I'm good one-on-one but tend to be really really quiet when there are more then two other people there. I did discuss my asexuality a bit in my essay for my woman's studies class. But I really don't think my teacher is going to be reading it for the class or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda Posted July 24, 2002 Share Posted July 24, 2002 Hey, I found this site because I wrote an article on Asexuality and a person named David Jay responded and told me about this site. Does anyone know how to get in contact with him? Also I find that talking about and writing about asexuality has been a way to meet other asexuals, or persons who may not identify as asexual but can relate to someof what I feel and that is important to me to feel less isolated with, something i was earlier embarrassed or unable to address. yo! Link to post Share on other sites
quarridors Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 I just added this site as the official link from the asexuality community's profile on LiveJournal (with permission of course) and I've been directing the members there to come look here. That may account for some of the figures. I was amazed by how many people joined the community IDing as asexual after simply seeing my description of it over at the community_promo community. LJ users aren't subscribed there by default so this suggests there's masses more potential members (ie asexuals) at LJ and therefore in the world at large. Oh also, asexuals I'd met in the past were the sort who thought sex stuff was such a non-issue that they wouldn't be likely to join a community or look at a website to discuss the lack of it (I also met genderless people who felt no need to make any big thing out of it). For every asexual wishing to find identity I expect there's several more who hardly ever thought twice about it. I keep randomly reading people who aren't on any asexual community saying in passing that they have no interest in sex and never really have. I always wonder if people who are asexual (and also people who are ungendered, for similar reasons) are maybe less inclined to seek out and identify with each other, if only because, unlike things like common sexuality, asexuality is based on not having some drive rather than sharing the same drive. Using the gender analogy, men might ID with other men and women with other women but ungendered people don't really ID with anyone in that way and just got on with it not doing gender or making it up as they went along using whatever seemed most sensible/useful/fun. Ungender people might identify with both men and women in some ways or they might not see any reason to identify with anyone or they might decide to band together with other people who never really identified with people in that way either and maybe even identify with them. But it's sort of a shared, not having this thing that everyone is supposed to have rather than having this drive for identification. I suppose our most prominent reason for grouping together is to find romantic relationships with people who'll be completely happy without any sexual element. But for those asexuals who look for lots of strong friendships or aren't really looking at all, maybe they'd be less inclined to join in. I suppose my main motivation is activism, but again, plenty of asexual people would have gone through growing up not seeing what all the fuss was about and never had that fear of being broken or a freak... This entire thing was completely directionless and rambling. Sorry for posting without even being bothered to read it through... bed time. So to redeem myself... what's your motivation for seeking out other asexuals? Double points if finding potential romantic partners wasn't the reason *g* Actually (rambling again) I guess I jump at any venue where there might be interesting discussion in the hope I'll find someone who thinks like me... I don't really class that as romantic but if I find someone who thinks like me but has had different life experience and made different conclusions, that's definately stimulating in its own way. I find meeting other people who have something 'special' about them a really, hmm, enriching experience and I know many people like that who I would very actively seek out spending time with and get a lot out of seeing and being with without calling it a romance or partnership thing. Maybe I want to emmerse myself in them to some degree *s* but I don't have any desire to get snuggly or anything like that... it's certainly different to usual friendship though. I suppose that most people have several different kinds of relationships they keep with people but this society only really values the exclusive sexual/romantic ones as worth labelling as something other than 'friends'. Not having that sexual thing myself I'm left wanting to see human relationships as this massively complex thing... I start to treat it like gender and use my own actually useful categories rather than the limited choices given (stranger, aquaintence, friend, lover). Hmm let's see... how many more directions can this reply go in... no actually, I think I'll just go to bed *g* Nat. Link to post Share on other sites
nemesis Posted July 25, 2002 Share Posted July 25, 2002 what's your motivation for seeking out other asexuals? Double points if finding potential romantic partners wasn't the reason *g* Because it's part of who I am and I spend a lot of time on introspection. Not just with my sexuality, of course, I actually have spent much more time thinking about the effect of my family, my constant moving from state to state, the media, religion, etc then I ever did about sexuality. Which is why I've had many discussions over the years about religion and only in the last few weeks have I spent much time discussing lack of sexuality. I think a large part of my search was due to the sudden realization that it may be more common then I was aware of (something that I might have come up with myself if I'd spent more time dwelling on it then just when I was discomforted by other people trying to push boyfriends and such on me). Another reason is that my parents are starting to not-so-subtly hint about me getting married and having children so it's becoming more of an issue in my life. I'm not looking for a romantic partner here though. Wasn't anywhere on my mind when I went searching since I'm all too aware of the problems of long distance relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted July 29, 2002 Author Share Posted July 29, 2002 Nice!! Possibly our first word of mouth reference. Is aforementioned friend on this forum? (Make yourself known now..) Link to post Share on other sites
Plasmatica Posted July 29, 2002 Share Posted July 29, 2002 I was telling my friend about me being asexual, when she said she was as well, and gave me the link to your website. Link to post Share on other sites
Plasmatica Posted July 29, 2002 Share Posted July 29, 2002 Im still kinda confused about the layout of this board, but if you're asking if my friend is here, I don't think she is. She's on the LJ one, though. Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted July 29, 2002 Author Share Posted July 29, 2002 I just wasn't certain if your friend posted on this forum (since she knows about the site..) Link to post Share on other sites
Plasmatica Posted July 30, 2002 Share Posted July 30, 2002 No, she's not. I'll ask her about it, though =0) Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous User 8818 Posted August 1, 2002 Share Posted August 1, 2002 . Link to post Share on other sites
Hazmat Posted August 2, 2002 Share Posted August 2, 2002 I also came here from the asexuality community at LJ. Nice place...hope it continues to grow. Link to post Share on other sites
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