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Best responses to your asexuality


Pandoren

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I finally got up the nerve to tell someone I'm ace. We had talked about asexuality once before, so I thought for sure that she knew, or at least suspected that I was asexual. Nope; she was totally shocked, and it was actually kind of funny. She was kind of at a loss as to how to respond, and told me as much, but she was pretty cool about the whole thing, and didn't have a problem with it or anything. ^_^

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Honey_Badger

Me and my writing club's secretary, during a club hobnob on writing mental illness (and how not to do it insultingly.)

Secretary: Oh, and another thing - being asexual is not a mental illness, it's yet another sexual orientation, and...

Me *Raises hand*: Sort of a local expert, here

Secretary *jokingly*: Shut up [honeybadger,] you don't get to be the expert on everything! I am also a subject expert and I am talking now! Guys, I'm asexual and aromantic and the next time I see someone use either to dehumanize a character I will end them!

Vice President: And then your president, [honeybadger,] will sweep up what remains and bury you in a landfill.

Me: But of all the ace and aromantic people in this room, [secretary] is the scariest.

*Club freshmen burst into slightly terrified laughter.*

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I think my favorite so far was when I told one of my best friends and she's says "Yeahhhh, and?" In that tone of "you're just now figuring it out?" I laughed. It's alwasy been a sort of running joke between us that I'm slow to figure out all the innuendoes so for her it was just another one of my "slow" moments. ^_^

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My homosexual friend:

"well sure. you were never even a bit sexual. I would have said you're asexual long ago if I knew this concept exists"

My best female friend:

"oh, but that's such a waste! you're so pretty!"

A guy who studies with me and asked me for a date once:

"you know, you should wear a warning sign or something, 'I'm asexual, don't ask me out on a date' "

and that's also sort of a response:

I talked a bit with some guy at the dorms and he started hitting on me, and said we should set some time to meet. I wrote him an sms saying I'm asexual but it's fun talking with him and we can be friends, never heard from him again.

also, I don't know it this counts, but this was when I first heard about asexuality:

a friend's girlfriend: "I bet you're also lesbian"

me: "I don't know, I'm open for suggestions"

other people: "huh?"

me: "well I was never attracted to a girl, but I was never attracted to a guy, so I might be anything"

that friend's girlfriend: "so you mean you're asexual"

me: "never heard about it before, but that sounds about right"

her again: "you know there are forums for asexuals? you should look it up"

and that's how I got here. that's sort of a response too

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A lone Tyranid

Me: So...apparently I am asexual

Friend: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. That certainly explains a lot.

Me: Really?

Friend: Well, your not the most prominent choice when it comes to sexual endeavors.

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It was during p.e and we were sitting by the sidelines watching others play handball, and I just whispered,

Me: I'm asexual.

and she just nonchalantly went like,

Friend: Hey, that's okay, I'm sapiosexual. That's when -

Me: yeah, I know.

Friend: So I just love reading tons of books because I can feel all the intelligence coming from it.

Me: And you get off it? haha

Friend: no, it's not like that

And we joked for a bit and that was it.

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Slim Chaedi

The best reaction I probably got was when I was sitting at a table at school with six or so others. Someone made a sexual joke about me and one of the girls, when I said "I'm not attracted to women."

Jaws dropped, and people were shocked. After a few seconds someone was like "I never thought you'd be gay!"
Then I got the same reaction when I said "I'm not attracted to men either."

Can't wait to tell my Nan who is always on my back about wanting me to procreate.

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We were in small groups of three in class discussing a reading we did the night before about the importance of sex in marriage, and this person in my group just kinda went with it. I think they were the first person I really "told" so I was kinda worried about it at the same time. (It's always easier to tell these things to people you don't know well, so it was a nice trial run.)

Me: Yeah, this reading was a little difficult for me to relate to. As someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction or the desire for sex, I can't say I really agree that sex is all that important in marriage. So of course I don't think it's important for me at the very least, but I understand that it might be necessary for other, sexual couples.

Them: Oh, cool! So yeah, sex wouldn't be important to you. But you still get that your experience doesn't apply to everyone's. That's interesting! Cool!

So I might have paraphrased a bit, because it was a while back and I cant' remember the exact words, but that was basically the gist of it. They didn't even blink about it, which was awesome. But I think they are already cool about these things, just because they're genderfluid and already aware of a lot of social justice issues and sexuality and gender and whatnot.

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  • 4 months later...

I came out to my dad during an hour-long car journey were I wouldn't chicken out.

It was rather amusing. First, he thought the o stood for Outreach in the oSTEM group I'm a part of. Once I'd explained it, he went "Okay" then began discussing what I thought the traffic would be like once we got into the city and how to care for orchids.

That basically sums up my dad and I...

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I was at lunch with my friend and a few of her friends. I texted her about my asexuality so that the other people wouldn't know. She turned and looked at me, and nodded approvingly. It made me pretty happy. She's Mormon and she's accepted everything I've told her. She's a model christian. I love her to death.

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Late night talk talk with my best friend:

Me: I think I might be asexual...

Friend: This explains sooo much!

Me: I know!

Friend: You must feel so relieved. Sexuality is such a big part of who you are. It's really important to feel like you belong somewhere.

It's nice when someone gets it.

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My immediate family have always been accepting of my asexuality, however my relatives..not so understanding

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Whenever anyone references Nagato Yuki, from 'The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya', as a comparison or analogy, I quietly smile and nod and passively say 'Yeah, kind of like that', but inside I explode and think 'Freaking hey man, yes! You nailed it! Mental hi-5 right away for you buddy!' :D

That comparison happens more than you might think around some people. My love for the character of Nagato, though generally platonic, is at an almost concerning level ^_^

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Whenever anyone references Nagato Yuki, from 'The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya', as a comparison or analogy, I quietly smile and nod and passively say 'Yeah, kind of like that', but inside I explode and think 'Freaking hey man, yes! You nailed it! Mental hi-5 right away for you buddy!' :D

That comparison happens more than you might think around some people. My love for the character of Nagato, though generally platonic, is at an almost concerning level ^_^

Can you change the universe by chanting SQL syntax? That would be cool.

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So I have a really irrationally strong dislike of bodily fluids (babies are my worst nightmare, I can't stand the thought of tongue kissing, hate the sound of chewing, etc.)

When I came out to my mom, her response was "oh, I was always worried you would have trouble in your sex life because of your fear of body fluids. problem solved!" The asexuality not-interested-in-sex part of it didn't even faze or surprise her. :blink:

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Petticoats and cuddles

My friend said that I was lucky because I will know when I find the 'right one for me' and that being attracted to a lot of people gets confusing. She also compared our (her and mine) sexuality (pan and ace) to a comic or something called 'all or nothing' , I was laughing my ass off as she described the shy pan and the outgoing ace living together. Her and I would totally be 'all or nothing'.

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Per Aspera Ad Astra

I told two people about my asexuality, and both took it very well.

My best friend wasn't too surprised. He told me he had noticed I wasn't particularly sexual, and that he didn't mind. He is actually very curious about it, he asks lots of questions, and he is very understanding. The fact that he is a closeted bisexual has probably something to do with it.

And I told another friend who reacted very well. She told me she identified as demisexual, so she pretty much understands asexuality.

I'm very relieved. I'm thinking about telling a few more people. Not my parents though. Not right now anyway, I don't think they'd take it too well...

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  • 2 weeks later...
Petticoats and cuddles

I dunno if this counts as best, but this was pretty funny.
Me with mum and dad in the car driving home.
Me: (blah blah blah) " and I want to send my letter to my pen pal."

Dad: "How'd you get a pen pal?"

Me: "Oh, I met them on an asexual forum."

Dad and mum: "WHAT?"

me: "Asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction, I met them online."

Dad: "I don't like the idea of you meeting strangers online."

(me internally: *Dying, of ALL the things to gripe about in that sentence.*)
(Yes it's AVEN btw)

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This was around 3am, my housemate was downstairs listening to music trying to change his mind from some relationship problems of his. So I thought I'd better go and keep him company.

Me: "Just a sec, I've got my partner on skype, I'll just say goodbye real quick."

Drunk housemate: "Oh cool! Bring him, I wanna meet him!"

So I bring the laptop downstairs.

Drunk housemate: "How did you meet?"

Me: "Online. We met on this website." *shows AVEN*

Drunk housemate: "Asexual Network. So, can I ask you a personal question?"

Me: "Of course."

Drunk housemate: "Does that mean you don't like sex?"

Me: "It means--"

Drunk housemate: "Wait! Come and sit down, I wanna know everything about you. Cause I'm always telling people you're great."

Me: "Oh, thanks!"

Drunk housemate: "So. Tell me."

Me: "Well, it just means I don't get sexually attracted to people. You know how you can be straight, meaning you're attracted to the opposite sex, or gay meaning you're attracted to the same sex, or bisexual meaning you're attracted to both. Well asexual is basically the opposite of bisexual. It's neither. But obviously I have a partner, so I can still be romantically attracted to people. Hm. I'm not really used to having that discussion so it may be a bit confusing."

Drunk housemate: "No no, it's fine! And you know I'd never judge you!"

Following that, a long rant about how he considers me his friend, quite a few hugs and high fives. And quite a lot of questions about my partner. To be honest, I'm not sure how much of that conversation he actually remembers XD But it was sweet.

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