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Why do i find the idea of sex disgusting?


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#1 Sera123

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Posted 27 July 2009 - 08:17 PM

I am 22 years old, female, I am considered; forgive me for being bigheaded, very good looking. I have not lacked in male attention since the age of 15, have no history of sexual abuse or anything even verging on the sort, yet somehow the very idea of sex makes me sick. I have only recently (a month or so ago) had sex for the first time. It was not any foolish ‘I am madly in love with him’ kinds of thing either. He’s a lovely guy that cares a great deal for me. Before this I have always had an adverse reaction to the idea of sex, never going beyond kissing and sleeping in the same bed as other guys. If things even hinted on going further I stopped them. Not through any belief that sex should be with ‘the one’ or anything, simply because I did not want to and that was that. I had hoped that once I found someone I would feel comfortable enough with to have sex, the aversion would go away. Unfortunately it’s still there. I find sex disgusting, the twelve year old ‘ewww that’s grouse’ kind of disgusting. I do not know how to handle it or how to solve it; in fact I don’t even know what is wrong with me to begin solving it. And the idea that I have had sex with my boyfriend makes me feel, forgive the cliché, dirty. Like what we did was wrong. But my family is not particularly religious; there are no beliefs in ‘no sex before marriage’ and no particularly strong opinions. My mother has a strong dislike of ‘easy’ women, but my mother being judgemental of ‘sluts’ cannot be enough for my to be like this, can it?
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#2 silentdreamer

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Posted 27 July 2009 - 08:36 PM

I feel the same way towards sex and had no religious pressure against it from my parents or anything either. I'm not really good looking, but that has nothing to do with it. It's just a feeling I've always had and there's no "reason" for it. I accept this as being part of who I am and part of my asexuality.

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#3 Jicragg

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 04:59 PM

Lots of people find bugs disgusting and a lot of people are fasinated by it all. So really there's nothing wrong with finding sex disgusting. Perhaps the disgust won't go but instead your desire to do it with a man (or woman - just saying) you find important to you will cancel it out.

I suppose the fact you think of yourself as dirty is because you view sex as a disgusting and therefore bad thing. Children have a lot of different opinions from their parents. There's nothing wrong with sex before marriage so you're not "easy". You did it with a man who is important to you (whether or not "one"s exist or not is debatable so don't worry about that) and it's not as if you're sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry.

#4 Ylisfar

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 05:08 PM

To me it's so too and I'm not sure why. The more romantic, not sexual kinds of physical contatc are fine if it's with my loved person. Sex, repulsive and disgusting. Maybe it developped in me as a result of high disgust and paranoia of getting pregnant? I really don't know. And I find genitals of both sexes ugly and having the penetration is completely unappealing to me and unnecessary, when there are various other ways of showing love. Also I find embarassing how people lose control over self and get so "animal" during it.

#5 Sally

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Posted 28 July 2009 - 05:18 PM

If you're not attracted to anyone sexually (maybe romantically but not sexually), there's no particular reason to feel that sex is fun. To me, if you aren't driven to do it by attraction or simple libido, it seems like a silly activity and the mechanics of it are--ick. Our highly sexualized society teaches us that we should want sex, all the time. But that isn't really natural, and certainly not for asexuals.

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#6 you*hear*but*do*you*listen

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 11:03 AM

If you're not attracted to anyone sexually (maybe romantically but not sexually), there's no particular reason to feel that sex is fun. To me, if you aren't driven to do it by attraction or simple libido, it seems like a silly activity and the mechanics of it are--ick. Our highly sexualized society teaches us that we should want sex, all the time. But that isn't really natural, and certainly not for asexuals.


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#7 Friday

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 11:43 AM

If you're not attracted to anyone sexually (maybe romantically but not sexually), there's no particular reason to feel that sex is fun. To me, if you aren't driven to do it by attraction or simple libido, it seems like a silly activity and the mechanics of it are--ick. Our highly sexualized society teaches us that we should want sex, all the time. But that isn't really natural, and certainly not for asexuals.


Agreed. You find the same thing with people who eat meat, look at meat objectively and you will see it's slices of flesh from an animals body......kinda gross right?! but when you like the taste of meat, your mind can sort of overlook the grossness and you start finding it appealing. Don't eat meat for long enough and it goes back to being icky dead flesh. I think it works the same way with sex.
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#8 Member #27415

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 04:04 PM

I have no history of sexual abuse or anything even verging on the sort, yet somehow the very idea of sex makes me sick. I had hoped that once I found someone I would feel comfortable enough with to have sex, the aversion would go away. Unfortunately it’s still there. I find sex disgusting, the twelve year old ‘ewww that’s grouse’ kind of disgusting. And the idea that I have had sex with my boyfriend makes me feel, forgive the cliché, dirty. Like what we did was wrong. But my family is not particularly religious; there are no beliefs in ‘no sex before marriage’ and no particularly strong opinions.


My story. My dad considers me downright a freak for not liking sex and he finds it odd that if I'm in the flat alone for say, 2 weeks I don't drag there a guy and have endless sex-orgies. I find it doesn't kinda go away either. I have always been like this, too.

The more romantic, not sexual kinds of physical contatc are fine if it's with my loved person. Sex, repulsive and disgusting. And I find genitals of both sexes ugly and having the penetration is completely unappealing to me and unnecessary, when there are various other ways of showing love. Also I find embarassing how people lose control over self and get so "animal" during it.


That too. But for some its the only way they can show love <_<

#9 BabySquare

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 04:12 PM

your level of disgust may have the same roots as mine - we're girl, and thus to engage in sex *it* (no offense guys) has to go INside of us, therefore making sex, for sexual or asexual women, often more intimate and more of a big deal than it normally is for men, plus there's the added risk of pregnancy

i think it is definately more of a big deal for most women (but is also a big deal for a lot of men too) because we're the one's being invaded, rather than the one's doing the invading - sexual psychology- an interesting topic.

plus that automatically puts us in a biologically submissive role, which you, like me probably don't like because they're OUR bodies and we want to be in control of them

i could go on but i think i can hear people snoring so i'll e quiet now lol
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#10 ily

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Posted 29 July 2009 - 09:06 PM

plus that automatically puts us in a biologically submissive role, which you, like me probably don't like because they're OUR bodies and we want to be in control of them

i could go on but i think i can hear people snoring so i'll e quiet now lol


Nah, I'm not snoring-- I feel the same way that you do. I'm not disgusted by sex, but I'm not thrilled about the idea of sex with men, for that reason. At any rate, if you're asexual, it seems normal to be disgusted by sex. Without attraction putting a rosy sheen over sex, it's actually pretty squicky when you think about it.

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#11 Novalee

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Posted 30 July 2009 - 05:03 AM

I feel the same way about sex. I am religious, but not fundamental. Sex was never discussed in my church except, "Don't commit adultery." But for me sex is disgusting whether or not I am married to the man of my dreams. If I look at sex, the concept of a deep expression of love, sound sounds okay to me, but once I start thinking of the mechanics of it, it totally grosses me out. I can't get over the fact that it involves the penetration of the same part that urinates. When I was 11 and found out what sex involved, I was disgusted. My mom told me I would outgrow that, but I never have.

The real question is: Am I asexual because I find sex disgusting? Or, do I find sex disgusting because I am asexual? It is sort of the chicken and the egg scenario.
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#12 BabySquare

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Posted 30 July 2009 - 02:21 PM

plus that automatically puts us in a biologically submissive role, which you, like me probably don't like because they're OUR bodies and we want to be in control of them

i could go on but i think i can hear people snoring so i'll e quiet now lol


Nah, I'm not snoring-- I feel the same way that you do. I'm not disgusted by sex, but I'm not thrilled about the idea of sex with men, for that reason. At any rate, if you're asexual, it seems normal to be disgusted by sex. Without attraction putting a rosy sheen over sex, it's actually pretty squicky when you think about it.


i think a big difference between sexual and asexual women is, as i wrote about above, sexual women think about that and are physically and/or psychologically turned on, whereas asexual women, maybe think about it in a more psychologically-aware, more objective way, and i think quite often holding a more scientific perspective in regards to the whole think, and possibly, rather than going with the masses, actually stop and think about it and think about what THEY want rather than what "normal society" wants - i'm pretty sure the same goes for a lot of asexual men too.

interestingly, (just thought i'd add this for the hell of it) stopping and thinking about what you personally want and questioning things rather than accepting them is, quite interestingly, a Levayan Satanic philosophy - there's a random fact from me

#13 Member #27415

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Posted 31 July 2009 - 07:29 PM

your level of disgust may have the same roots as mine - we're girl, and thus to engage in sex *it* (no offense guys) has to go INside of us, therefore making sex, for sexual or asexual women, often more intimate and more of a big deal than it normally is for men, plus there's the added risk of pregnancy

i think it is definately more of a big deal for most women (but is also a big deal for a lot of men too) because we're the one's being invaded, rather than the one's doing the invading - sexual psychology- an interesting topic.

plus that automatically puts us in a biologically submissive role, which you, like me probably don't like because they're OUR bodies and we want to be in control of them

i could go on but i think i can hear people snoring so i'll e quiet now lol


too bad, it was an interesting read.

interestingly, (just thought i'd add this for the hell of it) stopping and thinking about what you personally want and questioning things rather than accepting them is, quite interestingly, a Levayan Satanic philosophy - there's a random fact from me


and lokean, too.

#14 Harvey Haddix

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Posted 31 July 2009 - 07:52 PM

i don't find it disgusting persay but i have no real desire for a fling or anything like that.

#15 Glyn

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Posted 31 July 2009 - 10:49 PM

I don't find the touching part of sex gross. However, I find certain body parts to be really, really gross. I've never been able to stand the sight of an erect penis and a vagina. As a result, I'm a little grossed out over the thought of having to insert my penis inside a vagina. Otherwise I'm indifferent towards sex in general.

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#16 wolfgurl24

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Posted 01 August 2009 - 02:33 PM

your level of disgust may have the same roots as mine - we're girl, and thus to engage in sex *it* (no offense guys) has to go INside of us, therefore making sex, for sexual or asexual women, often more intimate and more of a big deal than it normally is for men, plus there's the added risk of pregnancy

i think it is definately more of a big deal for most women (but is also a big deal for a lot of men too) because we're the one's being invaded, rather than the one's doing the invading - sexual psychology- an interesting topic.

I do find the idea of sex gross mostly because of, cough, cough, the penetration. It really grosses me out, but I'm glad that some people see similarly. My family is not religious, and I guess it's a personal preference thing.
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#17 Justinfh2Point0

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Posted 03 August 2009 - 01:26 AM

To me it's so too and I'm not sure why. The more romantic, not sexual kinds of physical contatc are fine if it's with my loved person. Sex, repulsive and disgusting. Maybe it developped in me as a result of high disgust and paranoia of getting pregnant? I really don't know. And I find genitals of both sexes ugly and having the penetration is completely unappealing to me and unnecessary, when there are various other ways of showing love. Also I find embarassing how people lose control over self and get so "animal" during it.


Well people losing control and going "animal" is perfectly natural. However, I also find genitals of both sexes disgusting.

#18 Justinfh2Point0

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Posted 03 August 2009 - 01:29 AM

If you're not attracted to anyone sexually (maybe romantically but not sexually), there's no particular reason to feel that sex is fun. To me, if you aren't driven to do it by attraction or simple libido, it seems like a silly activity and the mechanics of it are--ick. Our highly sexualized society teaches us that we should want sex, all the time. But that isn't really natural, and certainly not for asexuals.


For me, heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, it's all natural.

#19 tinkerboi

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Posted 03 August 2009 - 03:58 AM

I'm not disgusted by sex but I don't understand why anyone would want to do it.
My lack of understanding is strong enough that it prevents me from doing it.
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#20 Alienora

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Posted 05 August 2009 - 02:29 AM

your level of disgust may have the same roots as mine - we're girl, and thus to engage in sex *it* (no offense guys) has to go INside of us, therefore making sex, for sexual or asexual women, often more intimate and more of a big deal than it normally is for men, plus there's the added risk of pregnancy

i think it is definately more of a big deal for most women (but is also a big deal for a lot of men too) because we're the one's being invaded, rather than the one's doing the invading - sexual psychology- an interesting topic.

plus that automatically puts us in a biologically submissive role, which you, like me probably don't like because they're OUR bodies and we want to be in control of them

i could go on but i think i can hear people snoring so i'll e quiet now lol


Thats a very interesting way to look at it. I've tought about that before and i think it plays a role in the way i feel about sex. Personnally, i dont find it particularly disgusting tho objectively when u think about it, it kindda is :lol: . I'v tried having sex out of curiosity (i wanted to know what the fuss was all about) and to please my boyfriend :redface: (now ex-boyfriend). I found it unpleasant sometimes and at other times i was just indifferent so i fugure when u dont want it you just can't find it appealing no matter how hard you try. And when something that is not appealing has that kind of mechanics its not a big step to find it just plain gross. But thats just my opinion anyway.

#21 EnigmaticSpirit

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Posted 12 March 2011 - 12:39 AM

I feel that the whole act is repulsive. Naked people rubbing their horrid looking genitals against each other and don't even get me started on how sickening just the idea of oral sex is... *throws up* I wouldn't say I have sex phobia. It's more like sex repulsion. If I ever happen to catch a glimpse of something in films I just go into another room, do something else or just feel sick for teh few moments that crap is on for. I will never have sex with anyone and I am still finding myself (what type of asexual I am: aromantic, romantic, etc.) Just my two cents.
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#22 Jazmin

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Posted 12 March 2011 - 01:02 AM

If you're not attracted to anyone sexually (maybe romantically but not sexually), there's no particular reason to feel that sex is fun. To me, if you aren't driven to do it by attraction or simple libido, it seems like a silly activity and the mechanics of it are--ick. Our highly sexualized society teaches us that we should want sex, all the time. But that isn't really natural, and certainly not for asexuals.


For me, heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, it's all natural.


Well, good for you, but Sally wasn't implying that any particular orientation was more 'natural' than the others, she was just pointing out that the whole wanting-sex-all-the-time thing isn't exactly natural for asexuals.

#23 Asexy Existentialist

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Posted 12 March 2011 - 01:53 AM

To me it's so too and I'm not sure why. The more romantic, not sexual kinds of physical contatc are fine if it's with my loved person. Sex, repulsive and disgusting. Maybe it developped in me as a result of high disgust and paranoia of getting pregnant? I really don't know. And I find genitals of both sexes ugly and having the penetration is completely unappealing to me and unnecessary, when there are various other ways of showing love. Also I find embarassing how people lose control over self and get so "animal" during it.


Well people losing control and going "animal" is perfectly natural. However, I also find genitals of both sexes disgusting.

Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's not gross. It's still gross. Poop is natural but I certainly don't want to be shoving that in my vag.
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#24 kourion

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Posted 12 March 2011 - 02:03 AM

^

LOL. This caused me to gag on my baby carrots. You're lucky I didn't choke ;)

As a fellow asexual, I've always been 'squicked' by the idea of sex. It's not that I find it this morally horrid thing, or am a prude, or religious. I just found it odd. Odd in the same exact way that mother birds will sometimes regurgitate up food and then feed it to their babies later on. Gross almost EXACTLY like that.

(wonders what would happen if an asexual told that to a sexual partner. I think that might cause tension, huh?)
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#25 CopyFox

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Posted 12 March 2011 - 03:02 AM

It sounds to me like you're just repulsed by sex and the idea of sex, the same way some people are repulsed by tomatoes. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you--it just means you have your own unique tastes and sex is not one of them. I'm basically the same way. I was raised in a religious environment, but even when I got older and learned more about sex and that it's not all bad and yada-yada, I still never wanted to do it and felt revulsion at the idea of doing so, even with people I liked. Sex is not a part of my life because I don't want it to be.

Just remember that it's your body and you always have the final say on what you do with it. If you don't want to have sex with someone, even if you're in a relationship with them, then you don't have any obligations to do so, despite what your partner may expect. My suggestion is that, whatever your intentions, you are clear with your partner on them before you get into a relationship. If you don't want to have sex, make sure they understand that you don't, and not just in the "I'm not ready yet" kind of way but in the "Seriously, we're never going to have sex because I'm not into it all. SERIOUSLY. Explain it back to me so I know you understand." [Because sexuals often don't understand asexuality enough to believe it at first, and are secretly expecting sex at some point down the road. Not all, but quite a few do this.]

You might want to check out the FAQ "For Asexuals" part, as it has a couple questions that deal with your questions directly.

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#26 Origin

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Posted 18 March 2011 - 09:44 PM

I know what you mean, I've never been brought up to have any bad thoughts towards sex, but I just can't imagine myself doing it. I don't think anything of other people doing it, that's fine, but I get really uncomfortable trying to imagine myself having sex. Just the thought of touching someone else naked feels disgusting to me :S
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#27 Lady Heartilly

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Posted 19 March 2011 - 04:55 AM

The first two questions I get asked when I tell someone I'm asexual are always "Did something happen to you?" and "Were you brought up by a religious family?" The answer to both of those is, of course, no. However, I have always found sex utterly disgusting, and it wasn't until fairly recently that I too began questioning why. It's difficult for me to understand why I would find something that *so* many people enjoy to be *so* gross, but at the same time, I have absolutely no idea why any of them would enjoy it. I don't feel right when I'm naked, and when other people are naked, it makes me uncomfortable. It seems to make more sense for animals to not need clothes because they're covered in fur. We're not, so it just seems strange to me. I also find genitals disgusting because they're used to dispense bodily waste, so I find them about as attractive as a loaded dumpster. As a woman, I also would feel violated having the part of a man that he uses to urinate inside of me. Yet, if we present these views to 99% of the world, they would probably think we're insane. It's all so confusing!
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#28 Asexy Existentialist

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Posted 21 March 2011 - 01:32 PM

The first two questions I get asked when I tell someone I'm asexual are always "Did something happen to you?" and "Were you brought up by a religious family?" The answer to both of those is, of course, no. However, I have always found sex utterly disgusting, and it wasn't until fairly recently that I too began questioning why. It's difficult for me to understand why I would find something that *so* many people enjoy to be *so* gross, but at the same time, I have absolutely no idea why any of them would enjoy it. I don't feel right when I'm naked, and when other people are naked, it makes me uncomfortable. It seems to make more sense for animals to not need clothes because they're covered in fur. We're not, so it just seems strange to me. I also find genitals disgusting because they're used to dispense bodily waste, so I find them about as attractive as a loaded dumpster. As a woman, I also would feel violated having the part of a man that he uses to urinate inside of me. Yet, if we present these views to 99% of the world, they would probably think we're insane. It's all so confusing!

And some/most sexuals will actually put that part in their mouth! Ew!
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#29 Matters Of The Heart

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Posted 21 March 2011 - 08:40 PM

Even sexual people admit to a certain degree of grossness with the term "bumping uglies".

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Posted 21 March 2011 - 08:43 PM

I completely agree with the posts on here. I'm not at all squeamish about sex scenes in films or anything and I have no prejudices against people having sex, but the idea of doing it myself grosses me out. I find myself attracted to men (usually celebrities - they are safe, you can appreciate them without any actual contact or disappointment!) and the being naked part and sharing a bed doesn't bother me, but I can't see myself ever actually having sex. The whole penetration part of it makes me queasy! It's messy and just... ewwwww. I always thought I was weird because it grosses me out, but apparently I am not alone!! :)




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