------ Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 I'm currently in the questioning stage (seriously I could be anything, I don't even know anymore) and I was just wondering when have other people here realised what gender they were. When did you know you were a cross-dresser instead of a transsexual (or the other way around)? And any gerenic question in that field. Also have any cisgendered people here have a moment of questioning just to find out you were right all along? I've been thinking about this since I found out a boy had surgery to be a girl at twelve* - such an early realisation ( <_< ). *Kim Petras Link to post Share on other sites
Grace Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 For me I knew I wasn't a guy my whole life. At fourteen I figured out I could have a GAS and didn't need to continue living in the wrong body that I was never meant to have. My brain is wired as a female. I don't recognize my self in the mirror when I look in it. I still don't feel attached to my given name. I didn't hit puberty until fifteen. My testosterone levels are super stupid but my body is really sensitive to low levels of testosterone. I'm hoping it will be just as sensitive to estrogen. In the past month I've started my transition to female. I've started my antiandrogens and am waiting to see a gender specialist about starting hormones. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Go, Kim! :) (she actualy had surgery at 16, but transitioned at 12) In the past month I've started my transition to female. I've started my antiandrogens and am waiting to see a gender specialist about starting hormones. Congratulations! :) Link to post Share on other sites
KayleeSaeihr Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I'm currently in the questioning stage (seriously I could be anything, I don't even know anymore) and I was just wondering when have other people here realised what gender they were. When did you know you were a cross-dresser instead of a transsexual (or the other way around)? And any gerenic question in that field.Also have any cisgendered people here have a moment of questioning just to find out you were right all along? I've been thinking about this since I found out a boy had surgery to be a girl at twelve* - such an early realisation ( <_< ). *Kim Petras I still don't really know... I knew around about 9 that I wanted to be like girls, but I still didn't fully understand gender, all through my teens I had this vague desire to be a girl and I acted on it through cross dressing, it wasn't till I was 20 that I properly explored it, which I'm still doing today at 26. For me I knew I wasn't a guy my whole life. At fourteen I figured out I could have a GAS and didn't need to continue living in the wrong body that I was never meant to have. My brain is wired as a female. I don't recognize my self in the mirror when I look in it. I still don't feel attached to my given name. I didn't hit puberty until fifteen. My testosterone levels are super stupid but my body is really sensitive to low levels of testosterone. I'm hoping it will be just as sensitive to estrogen. In the past month I've started my transition to female. I've started my antiandrogens and am waiting to see a gender specialist about starting hormones. What's 'GAS'? Link to post Share on other sites
Shadow girl Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Well in a more then one way I'm like a guy even though I'm a girl. While I'm fine with being a girl that doesn't mean I can't be a girl with boylike traits. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 What's 'GAS'? Gender Affirming Surgery (sometimes used instead of SRS--Sex Reassignment Surgery). Link to post Share on other sites
Charlieee Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I started to get some inklings during middle school and high school, though I didn't begin socially transitioning until halfway through my senior year of high school (but not really "for real" until this year of college). I also started medically transitioning just a few months ago - top surgery, and recently started testosterone. Link to post Share on other sites
Elliott Ford Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I'd say that I knew that I wasn't "really" a girl from the age of about nine actually. (I've said differently on other discussions here but i've been looking back at my life and seeing things a bit differently :) ). It was around then that i began to object to doing things that might make people think i was a boy (read "notice I wasn't a girl"). I remember being worried about cutting my hair short eventhough i knew lots of girls with short hair. I think I more-or-less thought that my long hair was all that was making me a girl and without it.. i don't know what i thought i'd be. But until I was around fourteen, it didn't matter that much to me that i wasn't really a girl. Around 12 or so i actually quite liked being mistaken for a boy. But when i was fourteen, it all changed. it became very plainly obvious to me that i wasn't a girl and i still instinctively felt that this was A Bad Thing. So I tried to "fix" it by regrowing my hair, wearing girl's clothes and generally putting a bit of effort into being more "feminine". At college (age 18) i had the realisation that i was failing as a girl yet again and went as feminine as i think was even possible for me. When i came up to University (age 19) I very deliberately left my more masculine and androgynous clothes at home. I wanted to reinvent myself as a real girl... And i did reinvent myself - but not as a girl. By the third week of term i was dressing as butch as possible given what clothes i had. By the fourth week, I'd discovered the word "genderqueer" and applied it to myself. By the sixth week i was wearing men's clothes, by the end of the term i was wearing men's clothes full time. During that term, i was "genderfluid" "bigendered" "androgynous" "genderquestioning" or just plain Queer. I changed my name to Elliott, I got everyone to address me with mixed pronouns. I had my waist-lengthh hair cut short. I was finally daring to be who i was. And all because i'd met trans and genderqueer people who were willing to talk to me about gender. You see, I don't grok this gender thing, I've still no real idea exactly what a "gender" is or how i know I have one. I'd spent ten years feeling obliged to "be" a girl just because people told me "You are a girl" and called me "she", I'd never considered that there might be other possibilities. I met a trans man here, he's now my adopted brother and we immediately knew that we had lots in common (we have a heck of a lot in common). He introduced me into the trans community here at York and made me feel at home The moment i realised i'm a boy is strange. Someone here on AVEN called me "she" - and i was upset and hurt and angry. I didn't tell them, I was good but i knew what i had to do. I told the two or three people who still refered to me as "she" that i wasn't a "she" any more. I'd been correcting some people for weeks but now it was definate and decided, I am a "he" That was 6 months ago now. There are people who cannot imagine me as anything but a boy, people who cannot remember the female name they first met me under. And next term I will meet new people who will know me by my new name, my final name change. It'll be an adventure - just like this summer will be. For it will be the longest time my parents have ever spent with their eldest son :) Link to post Share on other sites
Beardless Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I realised I didn't know what a innate gender was last summer. I've always behaved more masculine than feminine, enough that my relatives notice. I've never cared what internet beings refer to me as, and never, ever corrected anyone online about my gender. There's never been anything wrong with wearing boys' shoes and dungarees. Since coming to uni, I've met both trans people and multiples. In both cases, their gender identity is not based on looking between the legs. I only "know" I'm female by looking between my legs, as it were, so I asked my multiple mate how they knew what genders they were. I don't think I got a satisfactory answer, they may have thought I was questioning their existence. I think I was mostly just told not to cause trouble. But they didn't understand that I might not know what a gender looked like from the inside. That was enough to tell me that some people have a gender, and some don't. So, over last summer I was thinking about this, and september-ish was when I asked the question that confirmed it. 20 years old. Like with my sexuality, it was only through learning what was normal for others that I learnt what I was. Link to post Share on other sites
mad_scientist Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Figured out who I am? That's kind of a work in progress. I don't actually expect to have a concrete answer before death. I know I'm female for all practical purposes. There's nothing male in my body or gender identity. What I don't know is whether I'm agendered or completely female (it's kinda hard to know what I'm supposed to be feeling for this gender identity thing), and I suspect I may be a crossdresser but given that FtM crossdressing is perfectly acceptable in our culture to the point where the concept of male clothing hardly even exists any more it's hard to know what counts as "crossdressing", or to care. So, yeah, I'm me and I fit well enough into the standard of "female" for such questions to not be particularly urgent or important. Link to post Share on other sites
AVENCakes Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 I've always sort of known my whole life, always resented being considered a girl or having to check 'F', but I didn't realize it was an actual option to be trans until I was 16. Too much of my life was based on an unquestionable "that's just how things are!". Female bodies are girls because... well... that's just how things are! Boys date girls, and girls date boys, never any variation because, well, that's just how things are! Everyone dates and has sex because, well, that's just how things are! I didn't think anyone was happy with the set up, but that's just the way things were and we all had to suffer together. Link to post Share on other sites
cc_kizz Posted July 4, 2009 Share Posted July 4, 2009 For me, I've always felt out of place (I actually still do in some respects, but I suppose less so). It was when I was about 11 or 12 that my mind made the connection about what was "wrong" with me. I realized I was MTF transsexual. I still suffer issues today, but I'm feel much fore able to figure out how to connect with people to share these things, etc. I'm better able to connect my inside with my outside. There's still things that make me feel awkward, but I feel that I have more of my true self available to overcome that. :-) (I know I probably didn't make sense, so feel free to ask questions.) Link to post Share on other sites
------ Posted July 5, 2009 Author Share Posted July 5, 2009 I still suffer issues today, but I'm feel much fore able to figure out how to connect with people to share these things, etc. I'm better able to connect my inside with my outside. There's still things that make me feel awkward, but I feel that I have more of my true self available to overcome that. :-)(I know I probably didn't make sense, so feel free to ask questions.) That makes perfect sense. Thanks to those who answered and congratulations to all those transitioning. I hope it all goes well. :) Link to post Share on other sites
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