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Not aromantic?


OperaGhost

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Okay, so I'm kind of confused. For about as long as I've known I'm asexual I've thought that I'm aromantic as well. I have crush like feelings as well but before now they've only been for fictional characters and celebrities, too distant or non-existent to have a relationship with them. But now, there's this guy I think I like, and it's confusing me. He's smart and funny and he was the most accepting of asexuality of anyone I think I've talked to, which I think is pretty amazing.

Anyway, last night I told him how I feel about him and he was confused at first because he knew I consider myself aromantic but we talked for a while and decided we want to try going out at the start of the fall semester when we'll both be in the same city again.

I don't want to be overly concerned with labels, but this means I'm not aromantic, right? Any idea what I am? Can I really be heteroromantic if it's just one real person and a few fictional characters/celebrities that I feel something for? I don't know.

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It sounds cliche, but I really do think that's something you can only know yourself. No one else can see inside your head. Just reading your post, though, I don't see anything that actually sounds romantic to me. Seems more like a squish, if you've read that thread. I think you can have "crushes" on people and yet not have romantic feelings for them, and just want to be closer friends and spend time with them.

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How does one tell the difference between a "squish" and romantic feelings? I just know that when I talk to him my stomach flutters and my head gets hot and my hands get clammy and I'm not sick or anything, I don't think, so it must be from him.

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AFlyingPiglet

I agree - only you can know

we talked for a while and decided we want to try going out at the start of the fall semester when we'll both be in the same city again.

I don't want to be overly concerned with labels, but this means I'm not aromantic, right? Any idea what I am? Can I really be heteroromantic if it's just one real person and a few fictional characters/celebrities that I feel something for? I don't know.

Don't worry about labels - whether that be aromantic, heteroromantic or whatever. Just try out being in the relationship and hopefully time will tell.

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I agree - only you can know
we talked for a while and decided we want to try going out at the start of the fall semester when we'll both be in the same city again.

I don't want to be overly concerned with labels, but this means I'm not aromantic, right? Any idea what I am? Can I really be heteroromantic if it's just one real person and a few fictional characters/celebrities that I feel something for? I don't know.

Don't worry about labels - whether that be aromantic, heteroromantic or whatever. Just try out being in the relationship and hopfully time will tell.

Yeah, that's what I was planning on doing regardless of any answers here. :) I'm just confused since I've never felt anything like this before and it feels strange.

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How does one tell the difference between a "squish" and romantic feelings? I just know that when I talk to him my stomach flutters and my head gets hot and my hands get clammy and I'm not sick or anything, I don't think, so it must be from him.

Sounds like a crush to me.

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I've heard people use the phrase demiromantic and I started using it too. I'm usually pretty much aromantic, but then there are rare times where I feel very much romantically in love with someone. (Right now happens to be the first time for me) It can be very confusing, but I choose to just roll with it. I always think things happen for a reason, so the fact that it's happening now seems meaningful and indicating it's a good relationship I need to keep close. Maybe it's the same for you too, I wouldn't worry about what you feel most of the time-just feel what you feel now and take whatever meaning from it that makes sense for you.

I hope this was helpful, and good luck :)

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You surely are not the only one with this kind of confusion. Maybe you just have this 'friendly crush' on him (they call it 'squish' or something like this), or just are impressed because you've never met anyone like him before, or are romantic but extremely rarely experience romantic attraction. Only you can know it.

Regards

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Jillianimal
How does one tell the difference between a "squish" and romantic feelings? I just know that when I talk to him my stomach flutters and my head gets hot and my hands get clammy and I'm not sick or anything, I don't think, so it must be from him.

I would think it's like having that same kind of lovey feeling, but you don't want a relationship. That's how my crushes/squishes are like anyway.

Maybe you're demiromantic? :P

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How does one tell the difference between a "squish" and romantic feelings? I just know that when I talk to him my stomach flutters and my head gets hot and my hands get clammy and I'm not sick or anything, I don't think, so it must be from him.

I would think it's like having that same kind of lovey feeling, but you don't want a relationship. That's how my crushes/squishes are like anyway.

You put that really well. I was trying to find the right words and couldn't, but I agree with you. I think it's not so much about the "feelings", as where you want to go with them.

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  • 8 months later...

It's been quite a while since I posted this. I can't consider myself aromantic anymore, and not asexual either. I fell in love with him and now I have feelings that are definitely sexual, and that I'd never had before. Am I maybe demisexual?

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quite possibly. if I remember the definition correctly, demisexual means only feeling sexual feelings for a single romantic partner. if he's the only one you ever get those feelings for, I assume it can't hurt.

Glad to hear its working out.

Edit: stupid forgetting to run spell checker

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