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Go to hell, Dan Savage!


Sally

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UGH! the comments. 3 people who can't tell the difference between sex drive and sexual attraction.

Many people on AVEN can't either! :lol:

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Well, I basically outed myself on Savage's blog by explaining again what asexuality is and isn't. A number of people I know are aware of my name on that blog and several others in my city. Oh well, who would care. Maybe I'll find out. :lol:

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sinisterporpoise

Although I really would love it to have him respond to the Philadelphia Asexual Examiner column again so I can afford a new car, I think it's best for me to ignore him at this point. He probably got hundreds of letters and it seems he chose the ones that looked the worst.

Undergraduate in Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies? <-- Uh, really? When I decided to go back to school, I was far from certain my major was the best choice, especially given the state of the industry, but even I find myself agreeing with the comments on this thread. I really shouldn't.

If I were a Teen Asexual, I would be annoyed at his comments. His response seems to be dripping with sarcasm.

In all of the debate the core was lost, you should be sexually compatible with your partner and have similar desires.

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In all of the debate the core was lost, you should be sexually compatible with your partner and have similar desires.

That's not really what I saw... it was more that if you're going to have a relationship with a sexual there should be some disclosure of your interests/intentions (which makes sense to me, if you know those feelings). Sure his view is one-sided, but that's really who he is. He provides his side of things.

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Sure his view is one-sided, but that's really who he is. He provides his side of things.

I don't know who the guy is, but judging from the OP his 'side of things' might just be the obnoxiously rude opinions of yet another person who confuses asshattery with down-to-earth bluntness.

Too many people seem to think that 'telling it like it is' means prattling around in a playground of their own dubious and unexamined opinions.

But I don't know the guy. He might also be a bastion of original and enlightened thinking.

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Bottom line is that he has definitely expressed a very common misconception - the misconception that equates asexuality with the lack of the ability to love anyone.

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OMG the comments!! I must say that Dan was a lot more polite this time around (compared to wahat else of his I've read). But those idiots in the comments part; I tried to read and nearly had to bang my head against the wall to the point of unconsciousness. Really, just because that is the way YOUR life works does not mean it works the same for everyone. I just... I'm... just soo FLUSTERED that I can't even coherently try to post this.

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We could make a drinking game for the comments?

"They're just doing it wrong" - 1 shot

"they're lying" - 1 shot

"they're just fat and ugly and can't get any and this is an excuse" - 1 shot

"they won't be after they've met me" - the bottle (this one is, in case you can't tell, the one that drives me most up the wall. :angry: )

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SASE Icecream man

Hmm...... This is rather offensive..... He seems immature, in my opinion, and ignorent to give respect that every person deserves. I think that'd it be one thing to say, "I don't really believe in this when I haven't even researched it, sorry," and act like the ignorent child he is, but it is a completly other story to be ignorent AND rude, calling people names. Perhaps he simply got abducted by aleins, had his brain and common sense stolen, and is uncapable of being a civil human being.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I admit, this is really annoying and he needs to stop spreading misinformation (is this the right word?) but I think the msot funny thing is that there is actually more than one post about this guy! :lol:

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For some reason, the marginalization or misrepresentation of asexuality stings a bit more when it's someone of an already-'alternative' sexuality that's doing it. I would hope for more support and understanding from these folks, not less.

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Dan Savage is the editor of The Stranger, a Seattle paper that's basically become a gay paper since their political columnist just left for another blog. He's syndicated nationally (and probably internationally), so some of you may have read him.

Which I'm not going to do again, because he's a $*%@@. I doubt if he would consider asexuality to be one of the queer orientations, since he doesn't believe it's valid.

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Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 5:22 PM

I would like to express my disapproval of your comments about asexuality and asexuals on your June 2nd podcast (Episode 137). Asexual does not mean "you have no interest in sex or romance, or anything." It means you don't experience sexual attraction. Period. Many asexuals still desire romance—and if you think love and sex are so closely tied, perhaps you think prostitutes are the most loving people in the world? Yes, a relationship with an asexual individual doesn't work for a lot of people, but this certainly doesn't mean that asexuals must "stay at home; be alone."

I am asexual. I have never been interested in sex, with anyone. But I only discovered that asexuality even existed several months into a relationship. Was this my fault? I told my boyfriend, fully expecting to be "dumped" as you recommended to your caller. Instead he told me he was okay with it, and expressed full willingness to find alternative ways of showing our love. Three years later, we're still together.

Thank you for you time. I don't normally send emails of this sort, but your comments feel to me like a personal attack on my orientation, and with the details of asexuality so widely unknown, I don't appreciate this spread of misinformation. In the future when people are looking for an explanation of asexuality, you might refer them to www.asexuality.org.

Stephanie

I appreciate the feedback, Stephanie, and I'm sorry I offended you. But... um... I couldn't help but think, as I read your letter, that your boyfriend is either a fool or a fag. But if it works for you guys—if a romantic relationship devoid of sexual attraction and activity works for you guys—then it works for you guys. Who am I to argue with success?

Wow.

Bit like a compliment sandwich here isn't it?

Why could he not just leave his reply at a sincere apology for offending her? Did he really feel the need to offend her boyfriend too?

I've never heard this guy, but I'm glad I haven't if he's just going to bring up a topic he knows nothing about and insult people!

Somebody mentoned that he's gay, am I right?

How would he like it if somebody made comments about his sexual orientation and then gave a half arsed sarcastic apology in response to his ojection?!

He probably just doesn't like being challenged by somebody who can fom a decent complaint and an educated definition of asexuality.

<_<

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I think it has to do with him having to play his character; one which, I presume, never loses the upper hand; thus, he can't apologize without immediately following it up with some kind of way of 'being right' again.

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lizziegoneastray

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Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 5:22 PM

I appreciate the feedback, Stephanie, and I'm sorry I offended you. But... um... I couldn't help but think, as I read your letter, that your boyfriend is either a fool or a fag. But if it works for you guys—if a romantic relationship devoid of sexual attraction and activity works for you guys—then it works for you guys. Who am I to argue with success?

And as I read your comment Dan... um... I couldn't help but think you must be either a sad lonely wanker or a $2 ass-whore. But if your opinion works for you, it works for you. Who am I to argue with arrogance? ;)

Oh, come now, there's no sense insulting whores. What've they ever done to you?

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lizziegoneastray

__________________________________________________________

Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 5:22 PM

I appreciate the feedback, Stephanie, and I'm sorry I offended you. But... um... I couldn't help but think, as I read your letter, that your boyfriend is either a fool or a fag. But if it works for you guys—if a romantic relationship devoid of sexual attraction and activity works for you guys—then it works for you guys. Who am I to argue with success?

And as I read your comment Dan... um... I couldn't help but think you must be either a sad lonely wanker or a $2 ass-whore. But if your opinion works for you, it works for you. Who am I to argue with arrogance? ;)

Oh, come now, there's no sense insulting whores. What've they ever done to you?

So sad lonely wankers don't deserve a champion? :P

What's a "wanker" again...? Ah: "a detestable person." No, detestable people don't get champions -- or at least, they don't get me as a champion. I don't care how sad and lonely they are; that's no excuse. "Wankers" can fend for themselves. :P

edit: unless we're using the definition "one who masturbates," in which case, leave them alone, too. :P I don't think anyone ever uses that definition, though.

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