aury Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 k, i have a question. how do you know if someone is interested in you? there's this guy in one of my classes, cute & everything (he honestly reminds me of the guy from gremlins. a puerto rican version), & he never talked to me before, but now he's been acting friendly towards me. i don't wanna jump to the wrong conclusion, cause then i come across as a pompous, egotistical bitch, but it's just that lately, i've been confused by this. could be that maybe he just sees me as one of the guys (since i'm almost as loud as they are) & he'll consider me as friend, or maybe - *shudder* i don't wanna think about it. any advice, or anecdotes on whether or not you've been plagued by this dilemma, then by all means, reply. :shock: :o Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 I think it's easier for me as a guy to walk the whole interesting-but-unattractive line. In my experience you shouldn't let fear that someone's being attracted to you proclude becoming friends with them. All that's necessary to dispell sexual tension (hypothetical or otherwise) is to simply do something else until the sexual tension gets boring. Sex is body-focused, sexual tension is built (and the road to sexuality it paved) by attention being paid to people's body's or (by association) to they're personalities. If you have a relationship where both people are focused on each other- what kind of people they are, what they look/act like, what they feel about each other- then it makes sense for them to do things to each other (among them sexuality.) If, on the other hand, you have a relationship that's externally focused there's no room for that sort of tension to develop. If you have a relationship that's strictly focused on stuff you do together (as opposed to each other) then there's no room for sexuality to come up. It's amazing to me how effective this is (I hope I've made the distinction well enough), as long as your relationships with someone is about the stuff you do, and not about you or them, sex just doesn't have a place in what's going on. The trick is having enough control over the relationship to keep it that way. Hope that makes some amount of sense. It's also a handy way to test why he's being friendly. If he's focused on you instead of doing things with you then there's probably some sexual side. [/i] Link to post Share on other sites
Nobody Posted February 25, 2003 Share Posted February 25, 2003 My rule is that unless the other person does otherwise, treat them as a friend and assume it will go no further. If you have things in common, there's no reason why you can't be friends. If the other person wants to have a sexual relationship with you, the onus is on them, not on you. I miss so many signals that there have been times people have had to tell me that I was being flirted with. I've had friendships progress to the point that the friend wants to go beyond, and we were good enough friends that I could be honest about my sexual orientation and let them know that it has nothing to do with their worthiness as a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Legolas Posted February 26, 2003 Share Posted February 26, 2003 Pure friendship cannot exist between different sexes unless certain conditions are met. 1. He/she is not attracted to you. (he either finds u ugly or basically not his/her type of Lover at all) 2. He/She cannot have sexual feelings for you due to their sexuality. I.e. a guy and a girl are friends but the guy is gay so he will never ever try to hit on her. 3. He/She is currently dating somebody that is socially considered more popular/better looking etc. 4. This may rarely apply . Person lacks sex organs therefore also not interested in you sexually. From what I have seen around me in my 19 years guys do not form friends with girls that much. They want something. If it is not sex it is somethign else liek connections etc. Most guys I have met would just be looking for a "Fuck friend". Correct me on this one but it has been my experience with virtually all my straight male friends. I have seen girls tryign to form friendships with guys (pure friendships) "Oh look he can't do that geometry question" she goes to his desk to help him he thinks she likes him etc etc etc. My point is if the guy is physically attracted to u you are gonan have a hard time becoming friends. While I don't think it's impossible most guys (again in my experience) want sex. Alex Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted February 26, 2003 Author Share Posted February 26, 2003 thank you... if you could see a picture of me (full length), you'll understand how i feel most of the time. (alex seems to get it) i'm endowed (on both sides), & usually when i'm around guys, they'll either see me as a conquest or they just don't bother when they find out what kind of person i'm really like (i.e., the whole "uninterested in sex" thing). it's frustrating as hell, but lately, i've been in a "couldn't give a lesser shit" frame of mind, & i just don't fucking bother w/ guys anymore. hell, i put on a whole schizoid persona when i'm around them!!! so as for this guy, if he wants to be friends, then fine. but if he wants something more, i'm just gonna tell him to go piss off. Link to post Share on other sites
nemesis Posted February 27, 2003 Share Posted February 27, 2003 My personal experiance leads me to agree with Legolas here. I've only made one freindship with a guy who didn't ask me out... maybe because I flat out told him a couple days after we started talking all the time I'd never date him. And he's still around. And is now one of the two friends I have who know I'm asexual. Anyway, I'm weary of making friends with guys because I tend to suspect them of having alterior motives, but hey, you might as well give it a try, it works out every once in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Legolas Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 I like making friends with girls. Why? Because in my experience they tend to be a LOT more open minded. Well most of the time anyway :) I try and aim for girls with boyfriends or maybe even married (my boss was we used to smoke up together i even slept over once it was pure friendship)because those kind of girls are less likely to try and hit on me. Well there is of course the "Why have only one partner?" kind of girl and I really hate it when that happens cause they try and hit on me. Bah I just wanan be left alone. Alex Drugs are good. Get into them. This is not a subliminal messsage. Cheese is good. You want cheese. Cheese is yummy :) Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted March 6, 2003 Author Share Posted March 6, 2003 i prefer cheese... & alchy. guys usually see me as an object, just because i have size b tits & a latina ass... & miami is full of these bastards. :x in my opinion, what they need to do is go blow each other & leave my happy ass alone. Link to post Share on other sites
bard of aven Posted March 7, 2003 Share Posted March 7, 2003 ... & miami is full of these bastards. :x in my opinion, what they need to do is go blow each ......... Well, Miami is famous for that too.......... boa Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted March 7, 2003 Author Share Posted March 7, 2003 lol... true. Link to post Share on other sites
anythingtestdead Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 ... Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted March 8, 2003 Share Posted March 8, 2003 Hmmm. Well I've never had to deal with that particular question. I've often wondered why that is, but I've concluded that it was because of my clothing. I've never dressed ,or behaved for that matter, in any manner remotely sexual. I am decently good looking, but when you wear tie-dye t-shirts and sweatpants every single day of your life for an extended amount of time, I guess you get to be somewhat desexualized. I dunno, then again what was i gonna say....its also very possible that I misinterpreted something somewhere along the way... but whatever.... Kate Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted March 18, 2003 Author Share Posted March 18, 2003 you know, lately i've been wondering why the hell i was ever born, & one of the reasons why i start thinking like this is because when i just wanna mind my own damned business & go to the store, mailbox, atm across the street from my house, etc., i have to dress like a fucking guy & wear baggy jeans & oversized sweatshirts because i'm sick & tired of being ogled & made to feel like some pervets fucking plaything, just because i'm well endowed. for fuck's sake, people up here in rhode island call me a slut just because i wore a tank top (not a revealing one, but a normal cotton one) when the weather got too hot the other day. FUCK THEM!!! if people in this world are too fucking narrowminded to accept people for who they are, & to not judge them just because of a fucking physical trait, then those people can just go to hell for all i care!!! & by the way, i'm the farthest fucking thing from a slut. :x Link to post Share on other sites
coralleane Posted March 19, 2003 Share Posted March 19, 2003 people up here in rhode island call me a slut just because i wore a tank top (not a revealing one, but a normal cotton one) when the weather got too hot the other day. I find there are distinct advantages to being overweight and ugly. ~Coral Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted March 19, 2003 Share Posted March 19, 2003 People give you shit if you wear a tank top?? Throw rocks at them. Big rocks. I assume the people calling you a slut are mostly female. Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted March 20, 2003 Author Share Posted March 20, 2003 nope, male. & the females around here seem to tolerate this bullshit. makes me want to fucking slap them. Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted March 20, 2003 Author Share Posted March 20, 2003 it's like, why the fuck don't i just put on a fucking veil & join the rest of the dumbass women around here who seem to put up w/ living in men's shadows?! THEY"RE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!! :evil: & don't worry, i'm talking about this city in particular. shithole... Link to post Share on other sites
Saskia Posted March 21, 2003 Share Posted March 21, 2003 Might be a stupid question... but... what is a tank top? :oops: Link to post Share on other sites
Eta Carinae Posted March 21, 2003 Share Posted March 21, 2003 A tank top is this sort of thing. Basically a tight, sleeveless shirt with a wide neck. Link to post Share on other sites
nemesis Posted March 21, 2003 Share Posted March 21, 2003 Hm. Come join me in Arizona, aury. Then, because it's so hot and all, it's very common to wear tank tops. Doesn't make people less idiotic though, so it's probably not worth the move. They'd just do something else that's annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted March 22, 2003 Author Share Posted March 22, 2003 thanks for the offer. :D idiots run rampant everywhere. but you know what? i just wanna get this internship bullshit over w/ so i can go home, get a job, & make some damned money so i don't have to bum money from my parents (i hate taking handouts). 9 more weeks... Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted March 23, 2003 Share Posted March 23, 2003 Saskia, I love your avatar!! It is so cheery! I didnt know what a tank top was, either, until like junior year of high school. Some dumb girl in my math class one day was saying something like 'why dont you ever wear anything but tie dye t-shirts? you should wear a tank top. I wear tank tops. Tank tops are good." and on and on and on, OMG! So I had to actually ask her what one was, I mean I knew it was a kind of shirt, but being ignorant about all fashion I had no idea what kind of shirt. Luckily she didn't say anything dumb about me not knowing, that I remember anyway, but I sure felt stupid... Kate Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted March 24, 2003 Author Share Posted March 24, 2003 they have all sorts of names for them now... tank tops, camis, camisoles, wife beaters... Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted March 25, 2003 Share Posted March 25, 2003 "Wife beaters" *LOL* Just this weekend, one of my friends used the term for the first time, then we all cracked up laughing! Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted March 25, 2003 Author Share Posted March 25, 2003 eeewww... why in hell didn't anyone tell me i had a coating of cosmetic powder caked my eyebrows?! :oops: aury mad... :x Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 I wonder where the term "wife beater" came from.I keep on getting these images of an angry mid- western man taking his undershirt and hitting his wife on the leg, like the things that the men in locker rooms do with their towels.HeeHee.I think I've been reading too much Grapes of Wrath. Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 Haha! I still think that wet towel fighting should be an olympic event . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Saskia Posted March 28, 2003 Share Posted March 28, 2003 Ah, okay, now I know what you mean.. in Dutch they are called 'spagetthi-band-topjes', I guess that's not such a difficult word to translate?" (topjes = tops) Link to post Share on other sites
aury Posted March 28, 2003 Author Share Posted March 28, 2003 LOL!!! k, those last 3 posts were too funny... i think the term "wife beater" came from those guys who always wore those underwear-type tank tops when they beat the hell out of their wives. Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted March 29, 2003 Share Posted March 29, 2003 I guessed as much. Maybe we need to call womens camisoles "man beaters", especially in the warmer southern areas. And even more so in your case Aury, anytime a dude is being a jerk around you, beat him up.It will make the lable ''man beater'' relevant. Link to post Share on other sites
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