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How long have you known..


Elliott Ford

How old were you when...  

  1. 1. You first realised "gender" existed? and might actually apply to you?

    • under 5
      8
    • 6- 9
      10
    • 10 -13
      5
    • 14 - 18
      6
    • 19 - 30
      4
    • over 30
      0
  2. 2. you first realised that you didn't really fit as your birth gender?

    • under 5
      7
    • 6 - 9
      6
    • 10 -13
      6
    • 14 - 18
      7
    • 19 - 30
      3
    • over 30
      0
    • I identify with my birth gender
      4
  3. 3. you first identified as the gender you identify with now?

    • under 5
      4
    • 6 - 9
      1
    • 10 - 13
      2
    • 14 - 18
      11
    • 19 - 30
      14
    • over 30
      1
  4. 4. you heard of and understood concepts of transgender etc ?

    • under 5
      0
    • 6 - 9
      2
    • 10 - 13
      9
    • 14 - 18
      14
    • 19 - 30
      7
    • over 30
      1
  5. 5. When you first insisted upon being treated as the right gender?

    • under 5
      1
    • 6 - 9
      1
    • 10 - 13
      0
    • 14 - 18
      4
    • 19 - 30
      1
    • over 30
      1
    • I'm cisgendered and never had to insist
      2
    • not done yet - but i will do
      13
    • don't intend to
      10


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Elliott Ford

I myself discovered the concept of gender and the idea that i was supposed to have one at 14.

I'd realised i wasn't actually a girl at about 11 but didn't think it mattered. At 14, i decided to try very hard at this "being a girl" thing as i thought that being female-bodied and also Not-A-Girl was quite necessarily A Bad Thing.

i first encountered the idea of trans when i was just turned 19. I remembered that i wasn't really a girl and the last 8 months or so have been a steep learning curve as i realised that i'm actually a boy and have been all my life. I know that if i'd known that being a boy was an option at all, i would have taken it so many years ago.

Anyway, there's like a stereotypical idea that trans people "know" from a very young age and i wondered if it was true.

i mean, i wouldn't say that i've "known" i'm a boy even for the 6 months ive been living as one yet on the other hand i know i've felt this way my whole life.

What's your experience?

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I remember feeling very left out before I was even 5. I was the only girl in my (rather large) family and I hated that, and I desperately wanted to change it. I cross-dressed, I pretended I wasn't a girl, and I refused to do the things girls did. I got into fights with boys to prove I was stronger than them, that I wasn't bound to just being female. I didn't ever want to change my body parts, but I wanted people to acknowledge me as someone very outside of the female world. After many, many years of heckling I started doing things to appease other people who thought I should be more feminine, to change my appearance to look more like a woman. (It was easier than being put down all the time, I don't act it, but after a build-up I can be sensitive.) Now though I am rather an androgynous woman. I still retain many habits and ideas that I had back as a child, but have also come to embrace my feminine side a bit as well.

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You first realised "gender" existed? and might actually apply to you?

Don't really know, think it took me awhile. I knew sex existed- obviously. Probably wasn't until late 16 when I started looking this stuff up.

You first realized that you didnt' really fit as your birth gender?

Very young. I've always known that- I just translated it as feminism to the extreme. Heh, didn't want anything (puberty) to happen to me that wouldn't happen to a boy, too. Of course- I didn't want what happened to boys, either, girls don't have to go through that shit- why should I?

you first identified as the gender you identify with now?

I always knew I wasn't female. About 2 years ago I found out about binding and through that trans stuff. At first I came to the label neutrois, then cycled through to male and back.

you heard of and understood concepts of transgender, etc

2 different questions. Everyone heard of "trannies". "Dude, she used to be a he!" and such. Transgenderism as actual people? What really goes on? The actual process- not till 16.

When you first insisted upon being treated as the right gender?

Still getting there. May never. Which is ironic becuase I fully intend to break thumbs and raise cain if I have to to make sure any brood of mine get treated as they want to be treated- so the potential certainly is there. I might find a way to get my sex legally changed to some neutral letter, though.

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KayleeSaeihr

Most of my cross gender thoughts occured about age 9, and crossdressing (eek telling others!) in my teens, but it wasn't until I was 20 that I actually looked into it all.

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GhostsInThisMachine

I only found out about the label neutrois recently (past 6 months or so), but ever since puberty hit I've been VERY aware that I wasn't a girl, regardless of my body. Before then I wasn't really know what gender was, as I looked pretty androgynous and did both 'girl' and 'boy' things.

My counsellor kept asking why the gender 'issues' were coming up now rather than a few years before, but I just didn't have the vocabulary to talk about it then. I know I've been like this my entire life though.

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I've always been as boyish as I was girlish. I had pink dressed which I loved but I nicked the blue sciccors and left my barbies alone to play with Lego. I found out very early that not everyone was 'born in the right body' as my parents described it. I've gone through phases in childhood where I thought I may be a boy, but I'd always come to the conclusion that I'm okay being a boyish girl.

It was only lately that I started in my head to conciously qualify as girl AND boy. somewhere in the middle. It really hasn't changed much at all. I'm still happy with my body. I still wear dresses and boyish outfits and act however I like. I've stopped correcting people who call me 'he', because I came to the conclusion he and she are both fine for me.

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You first realised "gender" existed? and might actually apply to you?

I still don't think that there's any gender I can relate to. I've been like this since I was 'under 5'.

you first realised that you didn't really fit as your birth gender?

Under 5.

you first identified as the gender you identify with now?

I have gender so I don't indentify with any of them. I realized this 'under 5'.

you heard of and understood concepts of transgender etc ?

I don't remember. I understood the concept once it was explained to me (someone said that s/he is male in female body and I understood it immediately). I was between '10- 13' I guess, since in my country transsexualism stopped being tabu just about 5 years ago.

When you first insisted upon being treated as the right gender?

There's no gender I identify with, and I have no idea how people could refer to me. I'm fine if someone refers to me as 'she', since I'm female bodied, I would say I just don't pay attention to it. So 'I don't intend to'.

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I still don't think something like gender exists. First time I was like that when I was 'under 5'.

Do you not think gender exists? How do you explain transgendered people? Or do you just not think "something like" gender exists?

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Elliott Ford
I still don't think something like gender exists. First time I was like that when I was 'under 5'.

Do you not think gender exists? How do you explain transgendered people? Or do you just not think "something like" gender exists?

I may be wrong, and i'll leave it to Vei to correct me but i think they're referring to their own lack of a gender rather than saying that gender just doesn't exist. That'd be a bit silly given the fact that we feel we have the wrong bodies for our genders!

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far! I apologise if the questions are badly worded :)

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I still don't think something like gender exists. First time I was like that when I was 'under 5'.

Do you not think gender exists? How do you explain transgendered people? Or do you just not think "something like" gender exists?

I may be wrong, and i'll leave it to Vei to correct me but i think they're referring to their own lack of a gender rather than saying that gender just doesn't exist. That'd be a bit silly given the fact that we feel we have the wrong bodies for our genders!

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far! I apologise if the questions are badly worded :)

As Elliott said.

It was going to be 'I still don't think that something like gender that may apply to me exists', but I was in hurry so I decided to leave it as it was and correct when I'm back. I changed it already.

A bcd6ec54.jpg for you, Elliott, thanks :)

@ RDraconis

I have no idea why you don't like me/hate me so much. You are redundant and picky to almost every post I write. I'm not asking you to be nice to me, but if I annoy you/whatever else, you can simply ignore me.

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I have no idea why you don't like me/hate me so much. You are redundant and picky to almost every post I write. I'm not asking you to be nice to me, but if I annoy you/whatever else, you can simply ignore me.

You said you don't believe in something like gender- I asked for clarification. You chose to take it as an attack. If you left it at the rest of your post without adding that "spoiler", I would've gone "okay, cool".

There are people who don't believe gender exists, it's not an unheard of thing, which is why I asked if that was what you meant or not. If I was attacking you- I would've gone off on you for acting as though gender doesn't exist. I didn't. I asked.

I'll defend you when you deserve it, correct you when it's needed, and point out things that are necessary. (the underlined bits are links, if you aren't sure) Just like I will for EVERYONE ELSE. You aren't getting special treatment.

Also: the AVEN ignore system really sucks compared to some I've seen.

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TheMelbourneMethod

You first realised "gender" existed? and might actually apply to you?

That wasn't until I found AVEN, actually, and then understanding the concept took a while.

you first realised that you didn't really fit as your birth gender?

I identify as my birth gender.

you first identified as the gender you identify with now?

Hm... That's fishy, actually. Sometime around sixteen, seventeen. I've always been comfortable being female. I'm a gigantic tomboy and..well, you see, I'm still a little fuzzy on the concept. Being physically female just feels right to me, but I don't do any activities that most people on here consider female. I find men easier to talk to than women, and I am constantly seeking platonic male friends. I have a hell of a time relating to other females. I am crazy about men's clothing, and I'd wear it every so often if I had different parents, but I don't think that makes me any less female.

you heard of and understood concepts of transgender etc ?

I heard of (and believed I understood) concepts like that at about 14, but, obviously, not correctly as I was unaware of a difference between sex and gender. I still have trouble understanding the ins and outs of it, especially since so many people's stories about when they knew they were transgender involve "I didn't like playing with dolls like the other girls" or "I didn't like the boys games" and I had understood gender as a little less directly related to behavioral preferences. OK, probably too overblown a response, but I'm a little confused.

When you first insisted upon being treated as the right gender?

I don't care how people treat me, as long as they don't attempt to do me physical harm.

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Elliott Ford
You first realised "gender" existed? and might actually apply to you?

That wasn't until I found AVEN, actually, and then understanding the concept took a while.

It's one of the many things i like about AVEN. We have all kinds of people here and they learn from eachother :)

you first realised that you didn't really fit as your birth gender?

I identify as my birth gender.

Thank you for answering this. I like getting the opinions of cispeople (people who are not transgendered) as i don't know what it is like to be one. :cake:

you first identified as the gender you identify with now?

Hm... That's fishy, actually. Sometime around sixteen, seventeen. I've always been comfortable being female. I'm a gigantic tomboy and..well, you see, I'm still a little fuzzy on the concept. Being physically female just feels right to me, but I don't do any activities that most people on here consider female. I find men easier to talk to than women, and I am constantly seeking platonic male friends. I have a hell of a time relating to other females. I am crazy about men's clothing, and I'd wear it every so often if I had different parents, but I don't think that makes me any less female.

The clothes certainly do not "maketh the man" and no amount "masculine" or "feminine" traits can make anyone male or female.

Also, i'm really interested to hear that you do not feel you identified as female until such a late age (says he who first identified as male at 19). i guess i kind of assume it's "more obvious" for cispeople but i've just realised that that doesn't make sense...

you heard of and understood concepts of transgender etc ?

I heard of (and believed I understood) concepts like that at about 14, but, obviously, not correctly as I was unaware of a difference between sex and gender. I still have trouble understanding the ins and outs of it, especially since so many people's stories about when they knew they were transgender involve "I didn't like playing with dolls like the other girls" or "I didn't like the boys games" and I had understood gender as a little less directly related to behavioral preferences. OK, probably too overblown a response, but I'm a little confused.

it seems most people got a better education than me! I didn't know about trans people until i met some at uni and realised that i was actually trans myself...

The traits thing again. I'm a transman and i play with dolls. Have done all my life and firmly believe i would do no matter what my gender. i also refuse to play sports. i understand how and why some people realise their gender via traits but traits /=/ gender. i am from moment to moment masculine, feminine or androgynous in my traits but no matter what it's still pretty obvious to me and to anyone who knows me that i'm male. if i am feminine, for example, i am feminine like a feminine man is, not like a feminine woman is. I hope that helps explain the difference :)

When you first insisted upon being treated as the right gender?

I don't care how people treat me, as long as they don't attempt to do me physical harm.

This is a very good stance to take. i did not used to mind so much how people treated me but now being treated as a girl feels so wrong that it does kinda hurt.

Thanks again for answering and for raising such interesting points! :cake:

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mad_scientist

I didn'te realise gender was such a big deal until I came to AVEN. I mean, certain people in my life have always insited I be more "ladylike" (read: don't speak your mind and don't contradict men when they say something idiotic. Oh, and learn to cook. And whould it kill you to wear skirts?) but I never had time for stereotyped social conventions and ignored them. I'm still kinda bewildered by how serious it is for some people. (Note: I'm not transgendered.)

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GirlInside

I first knew something was off when I was about 4 or 5. I had no words to describe it, but I knew that the concept of me as a girl made a lot more sense than the concept of me as a boy, and that me "being a boy" (I had no words for the concept of biological sex) was somehow a mistake. But I didn't know there were other people like me anywhere in the world until I was 12 and heard of the concept of "a woman trapped in a man's body" in a movie. So I thought I would be locked away in an insane asylum if I said anything to anyone and labeled "that boy who thinks he's a girl."

In my teen years, I tried very hard to be male, but failed spectacularly at it (think of the movie She's The Man). As I got older, I insisted that gender was just a social construct; I thought the female way of thinking and being was "just the way things are." At the age of 22, when I went to a new school where most of my classmates were male, I found that I could no longer hide from the truth.

Actualy, my site has a biographical section, if you're interested.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I identify as agender, which I define as neither girl nor boy, but in fact no gender at all.

I was born right after an older brother and among four girls, so gender was always a big issue in my family in terms of comparing ourselves with one another. On the other hand, my mother is a big advocate of girls being allowed to do stereotypically boy-like things like fixing things, fishing, etc., so she never pushed me to be really girly.

I've known for as long as I can remember that I was different - more boyish than most girls. I've always had a more mathematical and scientific mind. I played video games, hung out with the boys in middle/high school... I never associated myself with being a tomboy, however, because I associated that with the sports aspect of being "boyish," and to this day I still hate sports.

However, I've only come to terms with and learned to define myself as some other gender within the last year. This came into more fruition that simply pensive afterthought after I saw a special on the Discovery channel about the various outlooks on male and female stereotypes, thirdgender, etc. in other countries, which eased my symptom of feeling uneasy and weird about the entire issue.

Then I found AVEN, and felt even better. :)

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