What it feels like to be trans, genderqueer or genderless

[I Dont Know Anymore]

For me personally, I'm agender but I'm androgynous. One day I'll wear clothes labeled as "men's clothes" and the next I'll wear a blouse and traditionally "female" clothes. I know I'm not genderflux or genderfluid because I don't feel comfortable with people calling me a boy or a girl. I don't correct people when they call me a girl because my family isn't really accepting of this kind of thing, and I don't want them to try and invalidate my gender, or rather lack thereof. The way I explain it to my friends, who are mostly cisgendered girls but are accepting of this kind of thing, is if someone called you a boy (assuming I was talking to a girl) you would just know it's wrong and correct them. It's the same thing for me, but I feel that way for both genders. I don't feel dysphoria like some people do (I have no interest in changing my body to look more androgynous), but I don't feel comfortable with people labeling me as a female. Most people see me as a girl though and I want to tell everyone to use my correct pronouns but then my parents may find out and like I said, they don't know yet.  

[aisu_hawk]

I've been identifying as FtM for a few years now and I'm starting to wonder if that will be true forever. I don't know that I'll ever change pronouns from he/him/his - and maybe I'm just a bit more feminine than other guys - but sometimes it hits me that I don't necessarily identify as a "man".

 

The deeper conversation is, what IS and man and if that doesn't have a true definition, then how could I say that I don't identify with it? 

 

Sorry if that was too deep...

[Neutral nerd]

Well, there's several things. You could want the organs, the traits (such as hair or muscle or height) , the place in society (people seeing you as male), or u like things generally considered masculine (hobbys short hair etc.). If you don't think you actually want to be male, you may lie somewhere else on the gender spectrum. I used to think I wanted to be a guy but once I figured out that surgery can break out of the binary I decided I'm neutrois, because I'm just repelled by gender. Think about what you want and read what other people say, then find what fits you best! :3 

[alligator]

I've never questioned my gender, but I have a huge problem with gender roles, and how it negatively impacts children. When I use to work in retail, I would to see parents yelling at their kids all the time for not picking gender specific toys. I remember this young boy 2/3 years old, and he was going to pick out his first tricycle. He was so excited. the sad part is that he wanted a pink tricycle, and his mom kept yelling him to pick the red tricycle, because the pink bike is for girls. The boy insisted that he didn't like the color red, and he wanted the pink bike, but his mom forced him to get the red tricycle. from what I saw, this once excited boy was now crying all the way to the register, just because his mom was being ignorant. I mean come on, pink is just red with some white added in, so why does color need a gender.

[redbaron]

I'm AFAB but I never felt a strong connection to being female. I'm not trans, and I'm not yet sure if I'm something else, be is genderqueer or agender or what have you. I always wear jeans and a t-shirt, but that's just because that way I can move around quickly without having to adjust my clothes or make sure they're not inappropriate. I like the idea of dresses, but in reality they make me feel uncomfortable and seem to require much too much upkeep to stay on. I like the idea and the reality of suits, but since that has become a thing that any gender wears, it doesn't give me any more clues as far as where I land on the spectrum.

[dee615]

On 5/24/2009 at 6:16 PM, AllyCat said:

Oh, jeez, I don't fit either of these categories. I'm not trans, because I'm OK with my body and with getting read as a (weird) female, but I don't know that my gender identity matches my body either.

The way I think about it is that society has gender categories, and your placement in a gender category has subtle but deeply entrenched effects on the way your are treated. And people have all sorts of preferences relating to their social treatment, and they position themselves to be treated the way they want. If I'm teaching class, I will dress up in a blazer and nice pants, because I like the way it makes students treat me.

Being put into the female category often comes with belittling and low status, but there are qualities that might make a person choose that category nonetheless. It offers the opportunity for close friendships with other people in the female category, many of whom are totally awesome. Placing yourself in the female category can be one way of finding an erotic language that designates you as desirable and beautiful.

I think that people who are trans and masculine don't just want to be in the male category for the preferential treatment, but for subtler reasons. It can give you a kind of close relationship with other people in the male category that is hard to achieve otherwise. It makes it easier to conceptualize yourself and your body as strong.

I like seeing how many different places I can fit myself. I think there's a subtype of the female category that feels like "home" to me in some very specific settings (e.g., when I am surrounded by other women in the same subtype), but that I can't always access. It feels much less "home" to me in other settings (e.g., interacting with male friends, trying to find an erotic language that suits me).

Don't know if that's any help to anyone else; it's much more about gender than about body. My body has always cooperated with me more or less, and I don't know what it's like to have body dysphoria.

"Don't know if that's any help to anyone else" ???

I almost held my breath when reading it.  It resonated SO MUCH with me. 

 

WOW!!!! If I didn't live in workplace housing where people I know (managers, service employees) didn't have easy access to my apartment, I'd print this out, laminate it and put it up where I can read it everyday. As it is, I'll have to be content with a more secretive copy. 

 

I'm cis female who finds men appealing in an erotic but not sexual way - as in I can appreciate from a distance, or even close by as long as it doesn't lead to the final frontier. I'm fine with the trappings (what a loaded word!) of femininity; I like nice clothes, handbags, shoes and makeup, I think most babies are cute. I like to spend hours on Pinterest looking at recipes and beautiful homes, etc.

 

HOWEVER, the cultural rituals of male-female interaction leave me feeling twitchy. They seem to hinge on diminishing women to build men up. And us straight women are supposed to not only endure the  veiled put-downs, but acquiesce with a smile, like the guy is complimenting us while he's subtly diminishing our individuality and accomplishments, while possibly mansplaining the entire time. Solicitous acts and a "cherishing" attitude are what we are supposed to get in return for this demure "Oh, you are such a big strong man, and I'm this silly little woman" behavior. Of course, that kind of overt phraseology is now outmoded, but general social rules of interaction seem still covertly hinged on this kind of thinking. (I don't need an usher at weddings to take my arm and guide me to the bride's or groom's side. Just point it out, and I'll find a spot. I came over to the USA from a very different part of the world, and made my way to colleges in states I'd only seen in maps. And I've found my way to dental surgeons and car mechanics in these unfamiliar locales in snowy weather; snow itself was also a new experience for me. Trust me, I can find a seating spot on the correct side of the aisle by myself.) Also as someone who is into the kind of abstruse interests that are commonly associated with the male way of thinking, I can't coo "Oh, you must be SO smart at math" when he calculates a 20 % tip in his head. Please note that I'm referring to my inability to play into this kind of charade  only in  instances where the man in question obviously falls short of the qualities in question.  I'm very forthcoming in my appreciation of human qualities I genuinely find admirable.

 

OK, so the point of the whole rant? That I'm fine with many aspects of being female, EXCEPT, allowing myself to be diminished in exchange for solicitous behavior. That seems to be the core principle of male romantic attention. And this is where I feel any sense of dysphoria (if you can call it that) as regards conventional femininity.

 

[Calligraphette_Coe]

26 minutes ago, dee615 said:

 

OK, so the point of the whole rant? That I'm fine with many aspects of being female, EXCEPT, allowing myself to be diminished in exchange for solicitous behavior. That seems to be the core principle of male romantic attention. 

Ok, I'm curious... what would you say was the core prinicple of female romantic attention? And do the two play off against each other or are male and female doomed to a certain evolutionary detente? Or will there always be a war between the sexes?

 

Bonus extra points question: what does this mean for trans and genderqueer people? Do they break the mold or get drawn inexonerably into that same model?

 

Teaser: You would not BELIEVE what men have told me about that 'core principle' of male romantic attention towards people like me, whom they knew beforehand were trans.

[dee615]

3 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Ok, I'm curious... what would you say was the core principle of female romantic attention? And do the two play off against each other or are male and female doomed to a certain evolutionary detente? Or will there always be a war between the sexes?

 

Bonus extra points question: what does this mean for trans and genderqueer people? Do they break the mold or get drawn inexonerably into that same model?

 

Teaser: You would not BELIEVE what men have told me about that 'core principle' of male romantic attention towards people like me, whom they knew beforehand were trans.

It seems to me that the core principle of female romantic attraction is being cherished, adored, desired, and "seen". The two do seem to play off against one another, under some tacit understanding of an implicit power differential. For the woman to get what she wants from the man, she is under coercion to downplay her strengths in everything but the overtly feminine areas, even traits that are at the core of her identity. This dynamic organically works for some pairs of people who fit the cultural male and female molds. But what of the ones who do not? Are women who may be Olympic athletes, weight lifters, firefighters, financial analysts, Judo instructors, neurosurgeons, particle theorists, topologists (to give some examples of women who shine in very male dominated fields) supposed to play into this role in order to be cherished by men?

 

Now this is about cis/straight women who nevertheless do not quite fit the cultural female stereotype.

 

I honestly would not want to hazard a guess re. this dynamic for anyone outside of the conventional gender/ sexual binary. I would love to hear from them about how this sort of cultural role playing affects their lives. 

 

As for the teaser ... again I would not want to guess.  Please enlighten me.  

 

BTW, I got the math joke.

 

 

 

[Calligraphette_Coe]

1 hour ago, dee615 said:

It seems to me that the core principle of female romantic attraction is being cherished, adored, desired, and "seen". The two do seem to play off against one another, under some tacit understanding of an implicit power differential. For the woman to get what she wants from the man, she is under coercion to downplay her strengths in everything but the overtly feminine areas, even traits that are at the core of her identity. This dynamic organically works for some pairs of people who fit the cultural male and female molds. But what of the ones who do not? Are women who may be Olympic athletes, weight lifters, firefighters, financial analysts, Judo instructors, neurosurgeons, particle theorists, topologists (to give some examples of women who shine in very male dominated fields) supposed to play into this role in order to be cherished by men?

 

Now this is about cis/straight women who nevertheless do not quite fit the cultural female stereotype.

 

I honestly would not want to hazard a guess re. this dynamic for anyone outside of the conventional gender/ sexual binary. I would love to hear from them about how this sort of cultural role playing affects their lives. 

 

As for the teaser ... again I would not want to guess.  Please enlighten me.  

 

BTW, I got the math joke.

 

 

 

Allow me to start by saying that I'm an engineer by profession and that I've known cisfemales in the profession who were quite good at short circuiting the usual badgering the mucky-mucks threw at them by just being hyper competent. Seems that if you make them money by building them a better mousetrap, they'll grudgingly 'overlook' your failure to observe deferentiality and not making preserving the male ego Job One. You almost have to make them forget you're a woman, because, I think, they feel there is too much emotional baggage to navigate, and even a Sky God can't willingly share the sky with someone they feel is on a lower rung of the Evolutionary Psychology ladder. 

 

Stupid, I know. But then humans are soo often just bad upgrades on the lizard and primate game plan, so what you expect happens more often than not. Perception becomes Reality.

 

IDK, I did my little bit for Queen and Country in this regard, and it mostly cost me. But what I find, late in my career, that what I left laying on the table was the kind of things like power that I didn't want anyway. Short of like a fish needing a bicycle. I was always ( and still pretty much am) in it for what I call The Jazz. Only it's often like playing Pinball-- you can only keep playing as long as you win Free Games. And if having to be deferential is a scourge for the female, for males, it's expendability. And that's why the males like the Old Mold the best-- they're playing the game for survival, too, and terrified of getting Kicked Off the Island if they aren't the Alpha Male.

 

In some ways, they consider me a failure because I never advanced into :::::cue a brass band march piece::::: LEADERSHIP! But then the cards were always stack against me. I'm this short little androgynous creature who always plays the Cooperation Card given her way, and put lots of stock in Empathy and being a People Person. In fact, the short itme I was a supervisor, they extolled those virtues, even as they undercut them in the board room. I got things done, but I was never this overconfident Leader type they felt then needed. (BTW, they went through 3 of those in the last 8 years since they exiled me and my way of Getting Things Done.)

 

As to the Teaser part of the post? Not much real magic there, I'm sorry to inform. Did you ever see the movie The Crying Game? I'm a lot like Dil, only blonde. And some guys are really into that. But it's the same dynamic.  And one of the tropes I heard over and over again? Promise me you won't be insulted, because it has happened in the past, and I'm only relating what the men told _me_? "We REALLY dig you because you're more feminine than a lot of the women we run across! They are too busy trying to be men!" They also thought I carried it off because of my empathy and being introverted, and some have even characterized me as 'demure'. 

 

And sadly? You'd think I'd 'know' better? But taller men really 'light me up'.  Even though I'm mostly afraid of them? Seems we are not always Masters and Mistresses of our Evolutionary Psychology fates, doesn't it?

[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I've never been feminine like all my life but dressed as a female when I had to, I HATED it and still do. I'm AFAB and since 3 grade on I knew I hated having to be female, when no one was watching sometimes in grade school I'd use the boys room, this was in the late 90s. To this day I've been avoiding being feminine, if I feel like I've dressed somewhat feminine I feel exposed.

If you were to give me the option of a dress and a kilt, I'd go for the kilt since I feel more open in one, ever since I wore my first one last year I LOVED it and would wear one everyday if I could but not here where I'm at. There are offenders here that'll attack anyone who isn't what "society" expects. I'm  androgyne to more masculine.

[Ester]

I'm think I'm non-binary or genderqueer,but I don't really like labels, I'm me. On my worst days I wear man cloths bind my chest and hope that nobody brings up, that I'm a girl and I should wear more appealing clothes. On my best days sometimes I bind my chest and don't give a fuck, what everybody thinks, and sometimes I wear bra and some loose clothes and I'm ok with that. I think, I'm lucky. My language (hungarian) doesn't have she/he it just have "they" so I can just imagine that when people talk about me, they mean whatever mood I'm in on that day or moment.

[kaicchi]

I feel like "these doesn't feel right, oh well" and I also have gotten used to people calling me feminine pronouns, despite being uncomfortable with it, because what can I do about it? I don't really say anything, and live with my body dysphoria. I'm too lazy to try to hide myself, but because of my voice it's useless anyway. I'm genderless, I feel like I'm neither female or male, because it doesn't quite fit to me.

[ValiantElisa]

The majority of the time I have no feeling one way or another, cannot define what's going on. That may be genderless. But some days there is a big feeling, and if I ignore it and dress normal I feel terrible. If I don't ignore it, and put effort into presenting however that feeling is going (some times big masc sometimes big fem) then I feel GREAT and AMAZING. So, I can definitely tell that presentation has an impact on my life and it really can affect how you live. 

[Dawning]

I have no binary gender; I couldn't even tell you what gender is, other than the obvious body parts. What does it feel like? One less voice in my head telling me who I have to be or how I have to behave. 

[Flamered]

i dont feel right in my "female" body.

i want all visible traits/aspects removed.

 

but i also dont want a "male" body.

i dont want any male traits.

 

asked who i am & i say "human," i think.

 

yeah, thats whats going on with me & my body.....

 

 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

I'm agendered, not emotionally attached to my female bits at all, but I find I'm neither interested in the 'girly things' like hair, make up etc, nor am I interested in the 'tomboy' stuff either. I hate sports and anything tech/mech, so I lalways feel pretty much an island!😄

[Flamered]

i dont really feel like a girl, & would like all signs gone (chest & genitalia).

but i also dont want to be a man.

 

i often say i am human, i think.

i dont like labels & would like to be genderless.

 

not sure if this is what you are looking for, but it is hard to describe to those comfortable with themselves .

 

i just want to be me.

[Guest]

Hmm, not sure how to describe myself... Probably genderqueer? Maybe non-binary? 🤔

 

I've been questioning my gender my whole life. A couple of years ago a Trans Health clinic FINALLY opened up in the city where I live. I saw a counselor there for a time, but I haven't been there since last year. At the time, I decided not to pursue things further. I have my reasons for being reluctant regarding surgery and hormones. I'm not against them; it just didn't feel like the right fit for me. 

 

It's like, I'm not comfortable in the gender I was born as, but I have trouble seeing myself as the other gender. It feels like I exist in some indeterminate middle area when it comes to gender. I wish that my body looked more androgynous, though... 😢

[Giwreh]

On 8/8/2015 at 8:57 PM, VindicatorPhoenix said:

I have a male body but I don't like my facial hair and body hair. I always wanted long hair and I'm currently letting it grow as much as possible and I'm shaving by body hair.

As for my voice, it's slightly masculine but I wish it was more feminine.

I was born with a muscular frame that some slimmer guys wish they had, but I want their bodies (I wish I could trade), I want to be very slim to go for a certain androgynous look.

Oh WOW !  This feels exciting to me ! 🙏  I want to talk to you !

[TheMartianGeek]

Quote

I have a male body but I don't like my facial hair and body hair.

I am the same way.  It just feels unpleasant and looks bad.  On a more awkward note, male reproductive organs do nothing but get in the way (and make it a lot easier to pee in the woods, I guess?).

 

As far as my gender goes, about all I can say is "enough of a boy to be fairly sure that I'm not a girl".  If nonbinary genders were more accepted in society and we had better pronouns for them, I'd probably just go with genderless.  Nothing I care about is specifically related to being male or female (though I think very few things are), so I kind of just see the whole gender thing as pointless, certainly for me personally.

[I'mTheDecoy]

I don't identify with a gender. I don't really believe gender is a real thing, rather than a thing created by society (I know gender is really important to some people and I mean no disrespect, only describing my feelings). So I say have No gender, but sometimes I also feel like I have both female and male. Sometimes I think I might be trans (ftm) but other times I feel like I should stand by women who are oppressed. Even if I'm male gender, I am a feminist. I don't think I want a male body, but there are things about the female body that get in the way and I could do without. But I am not brave enough to dress in men's clothes. And I have an all right female body in terms of aesthetics, not great, but I do get compliments from time to time from women, and that makes me feel like I should dress it better to make the most of that. I like braces/suspenders but they don't work well with a female body at all. I'm rambling and forgotten my point so will stop now.

[Guest]

Just never felt comfortable with the gender everyone around me was forcing me to be like. I used to always feel like a guy and "wanted" to be a boy (didn't know I actually was a boyo so) but my family would always say I couldn't. But later on I realized I felt male but also agender at the same time and ended up identifying as bigender to only later realize that I'm actually a demiboy. Gender is really weird and confusing tho

[Bloc]

7 hours ago, agenderdefender:3 said:

Gender is really weird and confusing tho

Definitely! Every day I learn more about how I feel about gender and It is a complicated mess. But it helps me to understand my experiences.

 

I also believe my grey asexuality is connected with my gender issues. What I know is that I am more comfortable with having sex when I don't feel male and my partner doesn't see me as male and doesn't expect me to act masculine. However I don't know if I would be allosexual without these gender issues.

[Guest]

48 minutes ago, Bloc said:

Definitely! Every day I learn more about how I feel about gender and It is a complicated mess. But it helps me to understand my experiences.

 

I also believe my grey asexuality is connected with my gender issues. What I know is that I am more comfortable with having sex when I don't feel male and my partner doesn't see me as male and doesn't expect me to act masculine. However I don't know if I would be allosexual without these gender issues.

Everyone is different child. As long as you're comfortable with how you identify then that's all that matters ☺️

[MossBoy]

This is a bit long because while my gender has pretty much stayed the same, the way I recognized it and felt it has changed over time. I'm nonbinary btw. 

 

When I was younger (before I was ten or eleven) I knew I wasn't a boy or girl even though I didn't know what nonbinary was or that being trans was a thing, I just wasn't a boy or girl I never really questioned it until later. I was fine being called a girl it didn't mean much to me, but I did like it when people called me a boy because it was cool that people would switch it up. My friends in elementary school knew and understood I was nonbinary even if we didn't have the language for it. So in short at the beginning I knew I was nonbinary because I just was and I didn't question it.

 

Fast forward it dawns on me that there aren't any adults or teenagers like me that I know, and people at school are starting to act weird towards my gender ambivilence. It was clear to me that when you entered 6th grade I had to pretend to be a girl because that's what my body parts were and that only kids were allowed to be who they actually were. Needless to say it was not a great when I looked at the future ahead of me.

 

Puberty gender (specifically boobs happening and hips growing slightly): somewhere between "This is a sign that I've always been a girl and childhood me was just trying to live a dream that isn't possible in the real world." And "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING this wasn't supposed to happen"

 

Early college: Learning that trans people are a thing I was really preoccupied with how people even knew what gender they were. "I didn't feel like a girl and I didn't feel like a boy but I'm stuck being a girl, so how do trans people even know? And why are they allowed to pick when I have to pretend?"

 

Now: I'm nonbinary because I have so much gender, probably too much gender, gender spilling everywhere, but none of it feels like boy or girl.

 

Also, I am on testosterone because I want to have facial hair and no curve hips and a deeper voice and darker body hair and a more masculine face shape, I also don't have boobs anymore, I also love dresses and flowers and being soft, I'm incredibly vain and obsessed with how I look, I'm very into skin care, my favorite color is pink, I also only like wearing boxers or boxerbriefs, I wear mostly men's clothes except for dresses, and I like being called a boy because it feels nice even if I'm still nonbinary and my parents call me son and it's great. 

 

 

[Member131995]

I've never actually thought about how it feels to be x, y, z, etc... I do identify as agender. However, I'm still exploring what this means for me. For me, I consider myself to be just, as I am. I just am me. I don't care what pronouns a person uses as long as they get my name right. I'm not offended if I get mistaken for a boy (it has happened before, I was called a "sir" once but it didn't bother me at all; I used to look really boyish as a kid). Although now, no one would mistake me for a guy, my hair is too long and honestly more people mistake me for a fourteen year old girl than anything else. Maybe in about 5-10 years I'll look 20ish🙄

 

I have been told that I'm gender fluid because I will dress how I like, masculine or feminine or androgynous. I don't want to be a man but I don't exactly feel like a women. I just don't feel the need for labels. I'm not a man, I'm not a woman. I'm me. So, I guess in a way, it feels, liberating.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Nancy Esther said:

I've never actually thought about how it feels to be x, y, z, etc... I do identify as agender. However, I'm still exploring what this means for me. For me, I consider myself to be just, as I am. I just am me. I don't care what pronouns a person uses as long as they get my name right. I'm not offended if I get mistaken for a boy (it has happened before, I was called a "sir" once but it didn't bother me at all; I used to look really boyish as a kid). Although now, no one would mistake me for a guy, my hair is too long and honestly more people mistake me for a fourteen year old girl than anything else. Maybe in about 5-10 years I'll look 20ish🙄

 

I have been told that I'm gender fluid because I will dress how I like, masculine or feminine or androgynous. I don't want to be a man but I don't exactly feel like a women. I just don't feel the need for labels. I'm not a man, I'm not a woman. I'm me. So, I guess in a way, it feels, liberating.

Just feel like yourself 😛

 

That's the best you can be. 

 

When my mom says that a woman should be more like this or that. She gets 2 middle fingers 😂

 

How should feeling like a guy or girl feel? 

[terrible@attraction]

On 5/25/2009 at 4:24 AM, Seien Hananosei said:

Hm, well I've always felt like I didn't really belong with 'girls' ever since I was a small child. I had predominantly male friends, and a few female friends who were more tomboyish. After deciding that society's standard for male and female just didn't work.... I dunno. All I can really say is that I don't think like any male or female I know. I've always felt that I was separate from the whole 'gender' thing, and thus neutrois works best with me. Or more like if someone asked me if I was a boy or a girl the best answer would be 'both and neither.' XD Kinda hard to explain. Pronouns don't bother me so much, but having my gender mistaken is really flattering for whatever reason. As long as I'm not shoved in the 'boy' box or the 'girl' box I'm generally okay. Luckily, my quirkiness kind of forces people to consider me in a section all my own as far as that is concerned.

This almost exactly! I feel I'm kind of fluid, I never fit in with the girls except girls who were tomboyish, like myself, my figure is very slight and I have quite broad shoulders I have always felt they were quite masculine. My frame is pretty androgynous, but I still am a girl physically, I remember trying to use the power of sheer wishful thinking to try and not get my first period, because that would mean I was a "woman". My happiest moment was when I was 17 walking past some neighbouring houses and I saw these two kids, playing in their front yard, as I approached they squealed and screamed " Aaargh it's the boy/girl!! 😄  that was an awesome day. I started trying to have a voice like my father, from the time I was about 8/9 (he was a baritone) and I first picked up a razor at 4yrs old and lathered up for a shave with my dads razor 😄 stopped me at the last second heheheh! I am repulsed by pornography, I look at sex in a quite detached manner  and am able to have normal conversations about sex as long as its a funny or humorous observation or a discussion pertinent to education or debate. I feel like I relate to men in a lot of ways, and have always had mostly platonic friendships with males. On the one occasion I disobeyed my rule of thumb it was disastrous and we didn't talk for a decade, we are great mates again now, and play music beautifully together, I take the lower part of the harmony mostly and his range is incredible, I love being in a band where I am able to sing my lower range and not feel like I'm being looked at like I'm a weirdo. Got my first ace Ring today but its just a temp for now, I'm hoping to get a better one in future :-) edit: also am still working it out its hard to know what parts of me are societal programming, and what bits are the real me coming through. At the moment its nice to hear from people with a broader perspective and their own experiences with this.

[Azeri]

I'm bigender, and it feels like one day I'm fine and happy with myself, AFAB, but there are days when I do a complete 180 and hate being in this body and would do anything to change it.  It's a certain sort of dread, dark and gnawing, and I do get depressed a lot of those days, especially because my boobs are too big to bind well.  I love them most days, but I hate them and wish they would disappear or at least fit in a damn binder like they're supposed to.  Desperation, anger, I guess.

 

Thankfully, my SO knows about this, and is very supportive and gives me space and calls me by my male name that day, even if it's a secret between the two of us and I'm not out in the open yet.  So it's a small thing, but it helps out a ton.  He has days when he drives me batty, but in truth, I couldn't ask for a better person to be with.

[Guest]

My experience being a non-binary trans guy is that there are only a handful of male sex characteristics that I actively want, but I actively hate almost all of my female sex characteristics. Socially, my chosen name is one that most people see as feminine-leaning androgynous but that I see as a queer guy’s name. Some days I prefer they/them pronouns, and some days I prefer he/him, but I’m never okay with she/her, and I'm pretty much always okay with neopronouns. I’m currently trying to decide whether or not to take T when I’m older, and I definitely want to get top surgery as soon as possible.