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What it feels like to be trans, genderqueer or genderless


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@Mike D Oooh, ooh, didn’t i say it; didn’t i say that i just took a single badly chosen word and made it into something inappropriately large?

 

I really only mind that one sentence and agree with you in general. I’m sorry if it sounded like accusation of transphobia or whatevs, i wasn’t trying to imply that 😇

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2 minutes ago, sketch of a person said:

@Mike D I’m sorry if it sounded like accusation of transphobia or whatevs, i wasn’t trying to imply that 😇

I didn't take it as an accusation.  It's a thorny issue that threads between psychology, sociology, neuroscience, and many other disciplines, and new research is being done all the time.  Precise wording is important.

What I do want to avoid, though, are any transphobes reading this exchange and thinking that I support their position in any way.  Transphobes often refer to "the science," which they cherry-pick and misinterpret to mean that birth-assigned sex and gender are the same thing (and in which they conveniently ignore the entire spectrum of people born intersex).

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It feels like neither gender fits me very well, and it switches randomly. One moment I'm a girl, but mostly I feel genderless.

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Autumnal Nights

Gender is an abstract concept to me. I don't understand this notion of "feeling" like a particular gender. I'm just me (that's not to invalidate anyone else, this is just how I feel). Having said that, I would rather be female than male. I am more comfortable being referred to as a woman than as a man. I am essentially a person who was born in a male body, but would prefer to have a female body. I'm not entirely sure why I feel that way, I just do. On a separate* but related note, I am more comfortable in what would be classed as a "feminine" role. I feel a stronger connection to traditional ideas of femininity, than I do to those of masculinity. That in itself doesn't mean I'm a woman or trans of course, since those things (in the context I'm talking about) boil down to societal stereotypes rather than anything inherently male or female. It's more to do with how I feel about the physical attributes of my biological sex, such as genitals, face shape, body hair etc. 

 

*I say it's separate since gender expression is different from gender identity. 

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Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet

My gender is extremely fluid. It goes all over the place 😑 the gender dysphoria is horrible. 

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rainbowocollie

I think my gender is somewhat fluid. There are some times I feel like "girl" describes me. Most of the time my gender feels like a big blob of nothing.

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I mainly identify as male but I am in touch with my feminine self too. I thought cross dressing in my moms dresses was a naughty thing to do because of the small town I grew up in…I grew to know and accept that my enjoyment for cross dressing was completely natural. One love ❤️ 

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Knowing that Im trans feels kind of good. Like a weight lifted off my shoulders. It explains why I loved movies like "just on of the guys" or "my friend from Faro". It is also stressful because I do not look the part. I wish I could just dress up like the people in those movies.

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It's weird, because I don't really feel like my gender is a big part of who I am, but in my head I've always unquestioningly considered myself either a boy or genderless. I've always written myself as a male or ungendered character in my writing, referred to myself in my head as a boy, and had a concept of me where I was a boy since before I even knew that being transgender was a thing.

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idk what a gender is supposed to feel like. all ik is that im a boy and i want to be seen as one. however due to the fact that idk if im even feeling a gender; the presence of my gender fluctuates in intensity. when my gender isnt relevant at all i forget it ever existed; when my gender is relevant i feel an intense need to present myself as my gender identity. which is why i consider this phenomenon a paradox; bc the fluctuation had reached a point where both scenarios occur simultaneously; like 2 sides of the same coin. endless and contradicting. its a loop atp

 

so now i id as transmasc since im not even sure if i am a boy but i sure am not fem

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So after a lot of (sometimes scary) examination I think I'm agender. I'm male by birth but other than my physical body I couldn't say what that means and it's just a concept that I can't imagine or put into words. I also feel like I have a connection to Gendervoid as well because I sometimes feel like there should be 'something' I feel when thinking about my gender and I get a bit upset worrying that I might have messed it up or lost it somehow even though I wouldn't know what to put there. A bit like the difference between an empty glass bottle and no bottle at all.

 

I'm still a guy, I like my guy parts and I wouldn't want to change that for anything at all. Things may be strange and confusing at times but I know this for sure.

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Crystal dragon

It’s kind of like when I just expect something to be different with my body, and then I am mildly confused and startled for a second. 
Or just when someone calls me a man/woman at a certain time and I’m like “huh? Who are you talking to?”

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okay so for me (a genderfluid transguy), it feels as if i want to be viewed as the gender that i am feeling but want the body of a boy, and when i'm feeling non binary, it just feels as if any gender i'm read as is wrong and i would rather not have one. also nobody irl calls me they, i just wish they called me they, but because i've transitioned and i just look like a guy nobody wants to 'misgender me' as a  they. it seems as if people would do anything to avoid thinking of people as the terrible lgbt labels, like nobody who i haven't told i'm trans sees me as trans, they don't want to see people as lgbt because i don't look that queer. people think that because i am masc presenting and a guy i must not be lgbt. therefore it is impossible that i am nonbinary,trans or aro ace, so they usually end up thinking i'm a cis het dude. :( will probably come out tho, my barber keeps asking for my girlfriend.

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My gender feels like a rock. 

Solid but not visibly any known gender. (wait do rocks have genders? Gee I hope not , that would ruin the simile.) 

 

Anywho that's the post.

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rainbowocollie

I really don't like being called a man or he/him. I will pee in your shoes.

I don't mind being called she/her too muuuch, but I do prefer they/them. I dislike being called a woman or girl most times.

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Calculate_the_red

I know this is a place talking about trans experience of gender but I’m just gonna use this as a shout in the void given that this is a 14 year old thread lol.

 

im a cis woman. I’m the woman est of all the woman who have ever womaned. 
 

I feel internally that I am a woman, or at least it doesn’t push that pressure on my back that calling myself a man or non-binary does. That pressure is how I tell when an identity is wrong for me. So I know non-binary and man are wrong because I feel that pressure when I calm myself that. 
That doesn’t mean woman doesn’t make me feel sad and angry. But woman does also sometimes feel happy and empowered and joyous. 
When I’m alone I feel female. I don’t register it, but I do feel it. 
 

It’s weird, when I used to say my experience of gender out loud, I thought it sounded pretty nonbinary, but it doesn’t anymore. Maybe I’m getting closer to accepting it. When I look at my breasts they both feel so right and so wrong, same with he/him pronouns, they feel wrong in that right way. 
I also have an obsession with sci-fi and I wonder if it stems from my love of worlds and characters where gender doesn’t matter. It just makes more sense than having this mystical internal sense of being that is twisted into an oblivion of stereotypes.

I still do feel like a woman tho, but generally I feel like gender is stupid and I mostly just wish it didn’t exist. 

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AstrophelDragon
8 hours ago, Calculate_the_red said:

generally I feel like gender is stupid and I mostly just wish it didn’t exist.

Ahh gender. Gender and I have a love-hate relationship

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The Paracosmist

I identify as non-binary. My preferred pronouns are the/them but i don't mind he/him. I also won't get annoyed if u use the wrong pronouns its just if ur purposefully Misgendering me. I also think that one of the reasons I'm fine with he/him is because ive had alot of male alters.

 

Dysphoria/body wise its annoying cause I have the 'perfect' female body in a way, but I hate it. I don't want a fully male body but I don't want my boobs and my curves (basically being built like a flat rectangle). I also don't want genitals, but I think that's an asexual thing.

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Almost_something

Weirdly enough, as a gender fluid person, I won't be the one able to tell you the difference between being the different genders. Cause when I identify as a man, I can't for the love of god understand how I could ever felt any other way in any other time. But time will pass and someday I'll identify myself as agender and I won't understand how being a man has ever made sense for me, and so on and so on.

 

This always gives me the biggest impostor syndrome ever, so it took me a long time to realize that I'm genderfluid. I'm sure of the gender that I am right now and in the future I'll know that I was sure, even if I don't identify at the time with the same gender I do right now. To be clear, I only assume that it will change, because it had changed many and many times in the past. If it stop changing, I'll change my gender description here lol

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it feels like I'm me all the time and that isn't a gendered state of being. but when people use gender specific language, I get sad when it is masculine language and not feminine or androgynous language.

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AstrophelDragon
23 hours ago, Almost_something said:

Weirdly enough, as a gender fluid person, I won't be the one able to tell you the difference between being the different genders. Cause when I identify as a man, I can't for the love of god understand how I could ever felt any other way in any other time. But time will pass and someday I'll identify myself as agender and I won't understand how being a man has ever made sense for me, and so on and so on.

 

This always gives me the biggest impostor syndrome ever, so it took me a long time to realize that I'm genderfluid. I'm sure of the gender that I am right now and in the future I'll know that I was sure, even if I don't identify at the time with the same gender I do right now. To be clear, I only assume that it will change, because it had changed many and many times in the past. If it stop changing, I'll change my gender description here lol

Huh that’s interesting. Maybe it’s because my gender changes so frequently, but it being fluid feels like an important part of my gender. Like, idk, whatever gender I am at the moment, the fluidity still exists in the background 

 

Which is why I almost immediately realized I was genderfluid once I started questioning my gender

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rainbowocollie

I largely describe myself as nonbinary and agender, and most of the time it just feels right. But occasionally I will feel a connection to my AGAB, which is female. So I consider myself a bit fluid, thus I use the label agenderflux. Libragender is another term meaning the same thing, but it's less recognized I feel.

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maybe I'm actually agender, and it's just my presentation that's fluid

^ This was part of a post I made over on Trans Musings & Rantings. I've since given this some more thought, but I think my thoughts are better suited for this thread.

 

I feel like I live in a society where I'm forced to construct an entire identity around something that is so trivial to me that I otherwise wouldn't give it much thought. I acknowledge that the meat vessel I inhabit has female sex characteristics, but to me, that is about as mundane as the fact that I have brown eyes. I don't feel the need to construct an identity around my eye color because it doesn't have much relevance to my life; we don't live in a society where we're addressed differently or expected to behave a certain way based on eye color alone, so I don't feel like I need to identify as a "brown-eyed person". Likewise, I wouldn't feel the need to identify with my sex if our society didn't make such a big deal out of it. Yes, I have a female body, but "cisgender woman" doesn't feel like an appropriate label for me because that would imply that my body has a deeper meaning to me beyond just being the vehicle that I navigate the world with. "Transgender man" doesn't feel correct, either, for much the same reason. I get that some people do have that deeper spiritual connection to their bodies, but for me, my body is just the thing that I use to get around and not much more.

 

If I'm forced to pick a label, then "nonbinary" would probably be the most correct. When it comes to gender expression (not body stuff, just how I want to be seen), then I have both a masculine and a feminine side, and I want these two sides to be seen together. And the "genderfluid" label resonates with me because sometimes I want one of these sides to be more visible than the other. But as for what gender I "identify" as... I don't know, really. "Nonbinary" is still the best that I can come up with, because all I know is that it's not male or female. Maybe it's nothing.

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Makiducky

honestly i feel masculine in gender, as in i'm a man, but i can also expirience nonbinary genders in addition to being a man, these nonbinary fluctuations, make me be anonbinary where i feel the genders binary man and nonbinary person at the same time, some other days, i'm only a man. some times i would like to present kinda fem in the way boys do, but some others i'm hypermasc. what people don't get tho is how can an afab person be effeminate presenting, like men and be a man, 

even though my gender changes, my body and social dysphorias are always towards my afab body, and being socially treated other than a man/nonbinary person.

my gender feels like a losing game,  if i feel nonbinary i know i won't be accepted as such, and if i feel trans i know that their acceptance comes with the price of never being able to present fem. even though sometimes i'd like to.  it's just unfair to not talk about how every man feels obligated to dress masc and act masc for fear of being discriminated against. there's too many sexist people. and too many folks who won't tolerate a man wearing a dress.  but the world isn't yet ready for this. they're too invested in defining gender in a box that they lose or want us to lose the ability to see the real gender.  

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ExquisiteMystery
On 4/25/2023 at 9:02 PM, Typhoon said:

I sometimes feel like there should be 'something' I feel when thinking about my gender

Yes, it would probably be easier. A lot of people on the agender thread think the same. Like, a sort of wistful connection the the gender you were raised as, but about as important as the gender of a tree or a stray cat.

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binary suns

I used to feel "something" about my gender but I didn't before or after. I'm sure it comes for others, but not for everyone? idk

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