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Can anyone explain sex to a 14-years old boy?


Skinnee Jay

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This thread started me on a Wikipedia adventure where I learned a lot about sexuality, which left me slightly traumatized. I also learned that the hot water bottle we had in our house when I was a kid is actually a douchebag.

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AVENCakes
This thread started me on a Wikipedia adventure where I learned a lot about sexuality, which left me slightly traumatized. I also learned that the hot water bottle we had in our house when I was a kid is actually a douchebag.

I try not to think about what a douchebag is, other than, y'know, the insult.

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This thread started me on a Wikipedia adventure where I learned a lot about sexuality, which left me slightly traumatized. I also learned that the hot water bottle we had in our house when I was a kid is actually a douchebag.

I try not to think about what a douchebag is, other than, y'know, the insult.

Yeah, I never really knew exactly what it was. I do now, it's the hot water bottle I used for years as a child.

There was plenty of other sordid stuff as well. That area of Wikipedia is definitely NSFW.

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Shrine Maiden
thankfully the Basic Instructions comic strip is here to help

2006-11-15%20xplainsex.gif

Cheers tp the creator of Basic Instruction, Scott Meyer who through this comic strip, he's thought me more about sex then my parents :D

haha, this comic is epic! thanks for pointing it out :D

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Guest Heligan
Also, I've heard it's sometimes normal to feel sad after losing your virginity.

Normal eh, well thats good I had a really strong desire to break up with the guy I lost my virginity to, for a few days after (I didnt cus I was 'in love' and just decided to let my emotions settle down a bit before doing anything rash - I was 18, and had been with the guy 11 months).

I think its to do with vulnerability though, cus years later after the first time I had anal sex I felt a bit the same way. So probably something you are more likely to experience if you are very aware of the power balance in a relationship.

I also think 14 is a bit young to be worrying to much about love or sex... as the song says 'love changes everything' and lots of things that just seem weird from the position of not being in love seem all lovely from the position of being in love. Its just a perspective thing, but over thinking it all might bias you too much; its really something thats best drifted into (love and sex), but I do think sex is better with love, but then I was demisexual for years so Im awfully biased.

Looking back I made a much bigger deal out of losing my virginity from a moral point of view, than it deserved (lots of soul searching about sin- that all seems very silly now). But emotionally it was a bigger deal than I expected, though how much of that was down to being 'in love' is debateable.

I think the best advice I could give is accept your feelings without guilt, and be directed by them as to what is natural (...but not as to what is adviseable- thats a whole different thing).

If you have no feelings, dont beat yourself up about it and try to rationalise why its ok not to have them (sex is bad, sex is dirty etc) or to try force them (maybe I am suppressing feelings, I should push and see if anything happens), that way lies madness (if my experience of fighting asexuality is anything to go by).... at 14 you really can afford to sit back and say 'if it happens, it happens... I will think on it then', you have study to do right now, books to read and games to play.

Forget sex, discover philosophy- honestly I wish someone had told me about it at 14.

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My opinion of sex hasn't changed since I was ten and my mother explained it to me and I said "Oh, that's awful!"

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Skinnee Jay

Thanks, Heligan. That was a good comment. I agree that I got better things to do-Books to read (PALAHNIUK GRR), games to play (Fallout 3 recently, haha), and philosophy, obviously.

I don't think I mentioned it here, but I think my problem is that I don't see how girls can enjoy sex. For me, it doesn't make sense. Along with it there's the "immoral"/"dirty" feeling regarding orgasm or sexual/physical attraction. I'm waiting for more comments. You guys have been a great help, thanks.

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Thanks, Heligan. That was a good comment. I agree that I got better things to do-Books to read (PALAHNIUK GRR), games to play (Fallout 3 recently, haha), and philosophy, obviously.

I don't think I mentioned it here, but I think my problem is that I don't see how girls can enjoy sex. For me, it doesn't make sense. Along with it there's the "immoral"/"dirty" feeling regarding orgasm or sexual/physical attraction. I'm waiting for more comments. You guys have been a great help, thanks.

Girls enjoy sex for the same reasons guys do - mainly, because to most people it feels damn good, along with all the other emotional whatnot that can be associated with it. We are equipped with the appropriate organs to enjoy it, after all.

I can see how your perception that sex is something violent or angry could keep you from understanding how someone could like it, but....in my experience, sex can be violent, but in a way that is sort of analogous to the way a game of basketball or a wrestling match between friends can be violent (that's obviously leaving aside the case of rape, which is a different thing altogether) - sex isn't competitive, but if everyone's into it a certain level of roughness can be fun. And I've never personally experienced sex where anger was a factor at all. In a healthy sexual encounter, people don't do anything they don't enjoy, or at the very least don't mind in order to please their partner.

For me, a certain level of violence in sex is acceptable as long as it doesn't cause me to truly be in pain - because when you're doing it, the violence isn't done out of malice or lack of respect, and only adds to the intensity and passion of what's going on. On the other hand, I've had a couple experiences that weren't violent at all but left me feeling used or disrespected. So to me, the critical factor is respect - and while I can't force you to believe that sex can be respectful, I've had far more experience with men that respected me than with men that didn't, and with those guys I never once felt that sex was "being done to me" - sex was something we did together. (And it was a LOT of fun!)

As far as it being dirty or immoral - that I can't help with, I have never really had those feelings (though you think I would, since I was raised Catholic).

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happylife

i am in no way anti sex. i think sex is a wonderful thing. it seems to be an intensely joyful experience for so many people. what makes people happy makes me happy.

but when i say sex, it refers to a very specific type of sexual activity. not all kinds of seemingly sexual acts people can possibly think of. i do not consider sexual contact in the following situations to be sex. sexual intercourse between an offspring and a parent, an adult and a minor(i tend to get extremely outraged when the adult is a religious leader or a teacher or when the minor is below 10), a teacher and a student, and the sexual encounter that is remembered as a tremendously unpleasant memory by one or more of the participants even though no one can be blamed as no one actually forced anyone into doing it. finally, rape. they are not sex. just an occurrence of undesirable sexual activity. and they enrage me. and disgust me.

in my book, the definition of sex is the fully consensual sexual acts performed by two or more people who understand what giving and receiving sexual pleasure means. and looking at the glossary, you'll find this line: the minimum amount of interference from the area of morality and religion should be allowed. judgmental eyes are not only dreadful; they can kill people's soul.

i know how ridiculous some of the things i said can sound. if i am talking with my friends, i'd say, "oh, that sick teacher(or professor) who had sex with his/her student(s)!". i know it's really sex and that making my own list of alternative definitions wouldn't change a thing. it's just about the way i feel inside. not what i know.

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Hallucigenia
in my book, the definition of sex is the fully consensual sexual acts performed by two or more people who understand what giving and receiving sexual pleasure means.

So what does it mean?

(I'm just being difficult. I agreed with most of the rest of your post.)

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Skinnee Jay

I like your post, happylife. Although I must say this regarding morality/religion: I need some sort of set of values to live by. It gives me a reason to do/not to do. "Sex is bad" is something I developed myself, I guess. If the cost of this way of living is no sex... I'm not losing anything at all.

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happylife
in my book, the definition of sex is the fully consensual sexual acts performed by two or more people who understand what giving and receiving sexual pleasure means.

So what does it mean?

you have the knowledge of what you want to do and do not want to do, what you want out of what you are going to do, what it is like to be wanting to give something to someone and to make someone happy, what it is like to be wanting to receive something nice from someone to feel happy, what it is like to respect someone and have concern for their needs and happiness, what it is like to try to make the most of every single moment to get the intense joy that some collaborative actions produce, for the sake of everyone involved.

to me, doing the act of sex is like cooking. two or more people gather together for the same purpose. they decide what kind of food they are going to make together, considering and respecting each member's differing tastes. and then they start to cook together. the food on the plate may not be always good or perfect for those who have made it. if it is not so good, they get to choose whether to stay for the next mealtime. if they choose to stay, it may mean that they have found something more valuable in the process of cooking itself, like being together, doing something together.

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Can anyone explain sex to a 14-years old boy?

I'd have trouble explaining why they should tidy up thier bedroom let alone the sex talk

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happylife
I like your post, happylife. Although I must say this regarding morality/religion: I need some sort of set of values to live by. It gives me a reason to do/not to do. "Sex is bad" is something I developed myself, I guess. If the cost of this way of living is no sex... I'm not losing anything at all.

anything is fine by me as long as they make me (and others) happy. I just love making things as simple as possible. if morality/religion serves to maintain or enhance the level of your happiness, then you should keep it around. no sex is good too as long as it makes you happy.

speaking of which, Jay, I think there's a difference between "making you happy" and "making you not unhappy".

how would you feel if I said, "I love my loneliness and isolation. I will still fight music. In fact, I can beat it. But simply have animosity towards it." and expressed intense hatred and anger about music in multiple posts. would it be giving you the impression that music has not been bothering me at all and it's not a big deal to me cause it's going to be easily overcome? would I sound like a happy person? I know it's not music we've been talking about. it's sex. Jay. it's sex. not music. that's why some of the posters said what they said. because it's not just about musical tastes. I guess they did it because they know what it's like to live denying who they are and how detrimental and even dangerous it can be. at least I know because I've done that for most of my life. so I'm concerned. not attacking you or questioning the validity of your lifestyle. why would I? am I going to get paid for talking you into doing something so distasteful to you?

it is not the "Sex is bad" message in your posts that worrys me. it is the anger, the intensity of your emotions.

if sex is something that causes you uneasiness, you should avoid having it at all costs. thinking about giving it a try to prove something or be one of the cool kids.. I believe you know it's all very silly to do. even if it looks like every boy is doing it, you can't be too careful with the word "every". more important, you don't have to be one of the "every boy". you're just you. being too busy to be distracted because of your dreams.

just always remember that there are plenty of people who will be willing to help you when you need someone to talk to. do not hesitate to run to a counselor if you feel too stressed.

Jay, whenever you feel you need to vent, come to this board, I'll be lending you my ears.

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Can anyone explain sex to a 14-years old boy?

I'd have trouble explaining why they should tidy up thier bedroom let alone the sex talk

It prevents bugs and other pests from setting up and its easier to find stuff when your room is not a disaster.

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Skinnee Jay
I like your post, happylife. Although I must say this regarding morality/religion: I need some sort of set of values to live by. It gives me a reason to do/not to do. "Sex is bad" is something I developed myself, I guess. If the cost of this way of living is no sex... I'm not losing anything at all.

anything is fine by me as long as they make me (and others) happy. I just love making things as simple as possible. if morality/religion serves to maintain or enhance the level of your happiness, then you should keep it around. no sex is good too as long as it makes you happy.

speaking of which, Jay, I think there's a difference between "making you happy" and "making you not unhappy".

how would you feel if I said, "I love my loneliness and isolation. I will still fight music. In fact, I can beat it. But simply have animosity towards it." and expressed intense hatred and anger about music in multiple posts. would it be giving you the impression that music has not been bothering me at all and it's not a big deal to me cause it's going to be easily overcome? would I sound like a happy person? I know it's not music we've been talking about. it's sex. Jay. it's sex. not music. that's why some of the posters said what they said. because it's not just about musical tastes. I guess they did it because they know what it's like to live denying who they are and how detrimental and even dangerous it can be. at least I know because I've done that for most of my life. so I'm concerned. not attacking you or questioning the validity of your lifestyle. why would I? am I going to get paid for talking you into doing something so distasteful to you?

it is not the "Sex is bad" message in your posts that worrys me. it is the anger, the intensity of your emotions.

if sex is something that causes you uneasiness, you should avoid having it at all costs. thinking about giving it a try to prove something or be one of the cool kids.. I believe you know it's all very silly to do. even if it looks like every boy is doing it, you can't be too careful with the word "every". more important, you don't have to be one of the "every boy". you're just you. being too busy to be distracted because of your dreams.

just always remember that there are plenty of people who will be willing to help you when you need someone to talk to. do not hesitate to run to a counselor if you feel too stressed.

Jay, whenever you feel you need to vent, come to this board, I'll be lending you my ears.

First of all, thank you for the concern ^_^ And all the help everyone else here has given. I'm really happy people dedicate their time to help ^_^. No, I don't feel you or anyone here is patronizing or anything. That's why I love this place, although I'm not asexual.

So, you're saying I should stop fighting myself, right? Because I won't live in denial and admit I'm sexual. I know embracing it will make me happier, I might start to really appreciate it. But, y'know, I think I view it too negatively and associate it with too many bad things that I just can't do it. Or maybe I don't want to accept it as a part of me.

These days though, I just view sex as something I will never understand. I don't care what other people do with it, but for me, "not my God".

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