Jump to content

Setting the ball rolling...


sassyeggs

Recommended Posts

mort paradis

Congrats sass :)

In my mind...preferring to being seen as male doesn't always equate to identifying as male, it's possible to identify as some form of androgynous or neutrois and prefer to being seen as male. Or maybe that's just something I came up with to try and explain myself to myself :lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I think that can hapepn. :) I tried to convince myself I'd be okay with being male because you have to choose one or the other- and it wouldn't surprise me if people do that naturally. People get used to living in a binary socity and probably think of how they want to be seen in terms of it- not just their identity.

Link to post
Share on other sites

@ sassy

Indeed you confused me, if didn't read this thread I would still think you're male. I wish you good luck finding out who you are/ whom you want to be and figuring all things out :)

@ fix

Good luck with your operation :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

RDraconis- I do live with my parents at the moment, and I think you're right. I need to move out before it all goes down. :)

Conri- haha being seen as male and identifying as maybe neutrosis makes better sense. But the brains still shaking a bit. If only if it was as simple as my asexuality. haha I want this to be easy. That be my laziness.

Vei- Thank you for your kind words. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

*Hugs Sas*

Go you!

I can only echo others' words and say that i'm here if you ever want to talk about things :)

Hope the therapy goes well

xxx

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you Zans.

Awww there's so many wonderful people here on AVEN. If only the real world were like that eh. :)

I really appreciate your support. For realz yo.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok just an update. I told my sister and she was absolutely incredible. We were just chatting and there was silence and my head was screaming at me to tell her. So I did. And she didn't flinch or anything. I asked her if she still loved me, and she said "of course" and she told me she'd guessed anyway. I can't believe how cool she was. I'm so happy it's unbelievable. It's such a relief.

We did discuss the rents... and I know it's gonna be hard, but just knowing I have the support of my sister has really made my life. :D I love her so much.

Link to post
Share on other sites

CONGRATULATIONS with your sister!!! :D :D :cake:

With regards to top surgery/binding, yes, it's definitely doable, regardless of your gender identity. Just be persistent with how much you want to take off, etc. And if you're having back problems, you could try to get it covered (I don't know what the policies are for that where you are).

For binding, someone before mentioned Underworks, I'd definitely recommend them. I had the most success with the tri-top. I would also be more than happy to give you some binding tips (I used to be extremely large-chested, I bound with ACE bandages for a year and a half, and then with an Underworks binder for a few months, until top surgery).

Good luck with everything. :cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites
For binding, someone before mentioned Underworks, I'd definitely recommend them. I had the most success with the tri-top. I would also be more than happy to give you some binding tips

I would, too. I've tried underworks, ACE, frog bra, etc- only the underworks really worked for me. The double front compression vest doubled up worked best (folded over itself, not two at once!) for me, if I hadn't mentioned already.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

So I'm hijacking my own thread on discussion to pretty much rant about my progress into transness. I don't want to start another topic.

My parents now know. My Mum found out yesterday, I told her I had a therapy session on Thursday and after it I need to talk to her and Dad. She outright asked me if I wanted to have a sex change. I told her yes and she began to cry. Then she told me I was mentally ill and needed help, and she wished I could accept myself as a woman and be happy. I tried to explain that's not how it goes, but we were in a public place so it was hard. Then she started acting really strange around me during the day. She was ignoring me, when I spoke to her she wouldn't look at me or respond.

This morning she greeted me with "good morning" so I thought, ahhhh progress, and she again told me I was mentally ill and needed to accept who I was- a woman. I told her again that I was accepting who I am and I hope that one day she would too. She told me I'd never be happy, I'd never be a true man with a penis and be something inbetween, and I told her that I'm comfortable with that and didn't need a penis. She also looked distraught when she mentioned I would have to shave to which I responded I was looking forward to it. She told me I had to tell my Dad today, as it's not fair on her to have this burden, and she doesn't know how he will take it. She reminded me he's had two nervous breakdowns and is on steady ground at the minute. She also said she hopes my Nan dies before I do this, because Nan will never be able to accept it. She told my Dad I needed to tell him something today.

I did get a promising sounding text from my Mum though, after she went to work. "I do love u. I need time 2 get my head around it. Its my fault ur unhappy, Don't know how ur Dad will react. xxx"

I replied to her telling her it wasn't her fault. I am who I am, and I'm just different and I want to be happy.

So, I told my Dad, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. When I told him he said "I thought as much" then told me that he will never understand. He can understand people being born intersexed, but I was born female and I will always be female. He told me he wasnt going to do anything stupid like disown me, but he will never accept it and will continue calling me "Alison" as that is the name I was born with, and that's who I am. He also said I'm an adult who can make up their own decissions and he can respect that, and he's okay with me dressing in mens clothing, but I'll never be a man.

I'm thinking of writing them a letter, get in all that needs to be said which is hard to express in words when talking.

Link to post
Share on other sites
KayleeSaeihr

Sounds like a bit of a mixed bag there. Though as far as I am aware that's pretty much the average initial reaction by parents.

Link to post
Share on other sites
KayleeSaeihr

Sounds like a bit of a mixed bag there. Though as far as I am aware that's pretty much the average initial reaction by parents.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So sad to hear that, sassy...

But hey, you did on of the hardest (if not the hardest) step. I think they'll understand and accept it some day... I guess they'll calm down when they will see how happy you are after transition. I think that letter is a good idea... just give them the time to accept it, surely it was a shock for them.

Take care of yourself, good luck :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sassy, I wish you the best of luck.

It sounds like you've had a rough time with your parents over this: but I do see hope.

From what you've written, it sounds like your mum wants to understand, and accept: but she doesn't really know enough to understand at the moment. I think with time, she will.

Your dad sounds like he has his own understanding of how gender works, but can respect that different people see it differently.

Good luck with your letter, I think it will help you say what you need to say as clearly as you can; and help your parents make the next step they need to make towards greater understanding.

Again, good luck: and congratulations for the bravery, and for the respect you have shown to your family already.

Link to post
Share on other sites
My parents now know.

:o

*hugs Sassy*

My Mum found out yesterday, I told her I had a therapy session on Thursday and after it I need to talk to her and Dad. She outright asked me if I wanted to have a sex change. I told her yes and she began to cry. Then she told me I was mentally ill and needed help, and she wished I could accept myself as a woman and be happy. I tried to explain that's not how it goes, but we were in a public place so it was hard. Then she started acting really strange around me during the day. She was ignoring me, when I spoke to her she wouldn't look at me or respond.

This morning she greeted me with "good morning" so I thought, ahhhh progress, and she again told me I was mentally ill and needed to accept who I was- a woman.

You are a man with Benjamin's Syndrome (a.k.a. GID) and I hope that she will learn to accept you as what you are--a man born with this difficult condition.

I told her again that I was accepting who I am and I hope that one day she would too. She told me I'd never be happy, I'd never be a true man with a penis and be something inbetween, and I told her that I'm comfortable with that and didn't need a penis. She also looked distraught when she mentioned I would have to shave to which I responded I was looking forward to it. She told me I had to tell my Dad today, as it's not fair on her to have this burden, and she doesn't know how he will take it. She reminded me he's had two nervous breakdowns and is on steady ground at the minute. She also said she hopes my Nan dies before I do this, because Nan will never be able to accept it. She told my Dad I needed to tell him something today.

I did get a promising sounding text from my Mum though, after she went to work. "I do love u. I need time 2 get my head around it. Its my fault ur unhappy, Don't know how ur Dad will react. xxx"

I replied to her telling her it wasn't her fault. I am who I am, and I'm just different and I want to be happy.

It is certainly no one's fault, and I hope that everyone will realize that. We do not know why some people are born with Benjamin's, but you should be allowed to be happy.

So, I told my Dad, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I can imagine!

*hugs Sassy some more*

When I told him he said "I thought as much" then told me that he will never understand. He can understand people being born intersexed, but I was born female and I will always be female.

You were born with Benjamin's, and you will always have a male mind.

He told me he wasnt going to do anything stupid like disown me, but he will never accept it and will continue calling me "Alison" as that is the name I was born with, and that's who I am. He also said I'm an adult who can make up their own decissions and he can respect that, and he's okay with me dressing in mens clothing, but I'll never be a man.

Of course you are a man, and always will be. I am thinking and hoping that they may see you as such in the future, and get used to their son being their son rather than their daughter.

I'm thinking of writing them a letter, get in all that needs to be said which is hard to express in words when talking.

A letter would be good. You can also give them a copy of True Selves by Brown and Rounsley. It is written for the family of TS people, and helps explain to them what you are going through, and what you must do and why you must do it (being TS is NOT a choice or a phase, they explain). And they word all of this in a way that it is often hard for TS people to say themselves. Anyway, that is a thought.

What you have just done--come out to your parents and endured their early reactions to this--is of course severely difficult, but necessary. And over. From now, perhaps everyone involved will become more understanding.

It is hard on them. It is hard on you, too. Perhaps you and your parents can come to an understanding and come to grips with the issue in a way that is good for everyone. The best thing that can happen, for everyone, is for an acceptance that you are TS, that it is no one's fault, and that your progress as a man will continue, and that they can still love you as their son.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Dude, congrats on telling your parents. That was probably the hardest part! As for their reactions, I'm sure you were let down by being met with that friction but give it some time. It's a lot for anyone to process, they just need some time to sort it out, say the first uncensored things through their heads and then move on to other perspectives. They'll come around eventually.

:cake:

I'm happy for you bro!

Link to post
Share on other sites
mort paradis

Okay, so for me I think I've figured this out (again :rolleyes:). Internally, I identify as neutrois, socially, I identify as male, and aesthetically I prefer to look androgynous. It really bothers me when people use she (expect when they go, "she..I mean he, err she, no he..uh.. :blink:"), and my full birth first name. And after being social as a boy for while now, it either confuses or irks me when someone doesn't perceive me as male. And to me I look like an androgynous boy, so I can't understand why so many others don't see it either. Now, the social part became much less of a issue, so it pretty much went into the background, because at work I'm a guy. For almost two years, I have interacted with very few people that did not know me as a guy or as neutrois. But with me starting university again and going more out into the world, it is becoming an issue again, which has lead to me wanting to start hormones again.

That is probably too confusing... :ph34r:

----

Sorry to hear how your parents reacted sass *offers a hug* At least you have your sister that understands, maybe she can help bring your parents around. g'luck!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks so much for your words guys. It means so much that I know AVEN and good folks of AVEN will be there for me *mushy mush*

*hugs*

Thank you Kelly for recommending that book, I'm going to look for it and present them with it, along with a letter. I realise this is something they need to come to terms with, and it won't happen in a day. I am bummed out by their initial reactions but this was never going to be easy on any of us.

Conri *hugs brain* :P

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...