BBC Documentary on Asexuality this March

[energizer]

Have you told your family your on TV?

Difficult one this. Before I started the documentary, they didn't know that I was asexual. Let's just say it was a bit of a shock telling them a) I'm asexual and b) The BBC are doing a documentary about it!

Still, I think my parents have settled down to the idea a little bit now. And although I regret how they have had the issue forced in their faces by the prospect of an upcoming documentary, it has given me a good opportunity to discuss asexuality with them, which, when you are a close family, is something I think is very worthwhile.

On another note: Did anybody catch the first episode of this series. It was shown earlier in the week. The "theme" was 'fame', more specifically, how Lauren, who shot to 'fame' on youtube has come to terms with 'being in the limelight'. To be honest the programme was very dull and seemed more to me to be an opportunity for Natalie Cassidy to have a sly dig at the paparazzi. Also, I did notice that the second 'half' of the programme (about the youngest guy ever in the UK to suffer breast cancer) was considerably shorter than the former 'half'. As we are sharing the one hour slot with Otto, I'm hoping that we get a fair share of it, especially if, as I would have done during the last episode, audiences switch off before the latter half even began!

The TV listings in the UK (which have recently been published) describe the documentary as follows:

"Natalie Cassidy presents a series of films about young Britons inspired by subjects close to her own heart. This time she is investigating our last sexual taboos. Otto, a young man with Down's Syndrome, searches for love. Tessa, Niki and Andy are all twenty-somethings who are asexual. Can they find love without sex?"

For those of you outside of the UK, Natalie Cassidy is an actress, who was formerly in one of the UK's most-watched soaps, "Eastenders". She is being used as a bit of a publicitiy tool to attract the soap audience to an otherwise 'unknown' series. Can you feel my cynicism? ;-)

Only time will tell. I, for one, am extremely nervous! I really wish we could have seen a preview of it! :-s

P.s. Tourmaline: I'm loving the line: "Can they find love without sex?" - I can see the producer's cheesy smile now as he asks you about a potential 'love interest'. (Spoilers!)

[Joshua]

Whoever manages the Welcome Lounge better ensure that we have a large supply of available, as we'd be expecting a surge in UK membership.

[Megmac]

Thank you all for doing this. All my family will be watching and hopefully some of my friends. Also, I really wish I'd gone to Warwick University but I chose Birmingham instead! Hindsight is 20-20 as they say lol

brilliant - i cant wait. i hope my friends watch it. i have a friend, who i love dearly, but he is rather patronising on this issue and still firmly believes that all i need is a "good shag"

I have one of these too. Hopefully, she'll have a eureka moment and stop telling me I'm frigid!

[Atolm_Dragon]

Asexuality is already quite well known amongst the public in the UK, and the UK has quite a large community of Asexuals (compared to other countries).

It is? Oh well maybe it's my job to raise more awareness round my neck of the woods :P

Also it's amazing to hear all those things about Warwick! I can't believe that there's somewhere that readily acknowledges aces. I wanted to go there but it was too far away.

'Can they find love without sex?' < if anyone asked this on these forums they'd be laughed off the board :P

I'm really really surprised and happy that this is happening, well done for taking part!

[Face]

Have you told your family your on TV?

Difficult one this. Before I started the documentary, they didn't know that I was asexual. Let's just say it was a bit of a shock telling them a) I'm asexual and b) The BBC are doing a documentary about it!

Well, that's certainly brave. I congratulate you totally there. As a Warwick graduate I wish asexuality was more visible when I was there. If I hadn't chosen now to spend a long time abroad I might have been brave enough to get involved myself.

Now I need to figure out how to get to see this. I remote login into my work computer in London to use iPlayer but at best I get gaping gaps in the sound. I might be able to instruct my dad on how to download and decode it.

[energizer]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00j8gb5

The BBC's website, with information about every programme it broadcasts, has been updated with the latest information about the show. This is also the page that UK viewers will be able to watch the programme "on demand" from.

[matt1285]

Just wanted to say I am looking forward to this. Planning on updating my Facebook status to point people in the direction of it......most of them don't know about my asexuality, so should be interesting.

Unfortunately, I'm out that night - but I'll Sky Plus it and watch it as soon as possible!

[tourmaline20]

My family knew I was asexual before the documentary started to get filmed, but my mother was very unhappy about it as she thinks it's "just a phase" and that I'm annihilating all chances of getting a boyfriend by being public about it. So that was tough. My sister got involved in the documentary. She's largely accepting of my asexuality but does occasionally ask some ruthlessly burning questions. Aside from that, the rest of my family are either indifferent or sceptical about it. Maybe seeing other asexuals on TV will change their viewpoint. I'm just hoping that the program paints asexuality in a legitimate and positive light, not as a mental illness or medical problem or something along those lines.

I am super nervous about this. I was asked to appear on the This Morning show about it, but since fellow cast-member and Warwick AVENite is doing it, I let her have the sole honour. I'm too nervous to be on LIVE television. That, and my mom gave me the "you've put me through enough!" look. >_>

Eep! Only 5 days to go!! :$

[AFlyingPiglet]

I was asked to appear on the This Morning show about it, but since fellow cast-member and Warwick AVENite is doing it, I let her have the sole honour. I'm too nervous to be on LIVE television. That, and my mom gave me the "you've put me through enough!" look. >_>

Which day is this person on This Morning?

[tourmaline20]

I believe it will be on Thursday morning, the 19th March. Same day as the documentary, except that will be at 8pm at night.

[AFlyingPiglet]

OMG - I've got Thursday and Friday off work this coming week as I've got to use up some leave. I shall make a point of watching!

[michaeld]

Hey! I just joined the board after reading this thread! Thanks so much for pointing out this documentary - I really look forward to seeing it.

And finally, I was featured on a radio program on BBC Radio 5, which is where a fellow-AVENite heard me and flipped when he realized I was at the same University as he was. He contacted me through AVEN and we met and I introduced him to the other asexies on campus. We're now good friends and recently went to a University Ball together. =D

I admit I was a bit freaked out reading all this myself, since I'm at Warwick too! I had no idea there were so many other asexuals on campus.

Anyway, thanks for all the great work you do and I hope the documentary turns out as you were hoping!

All the best,

Michael

[Guest member25959]

It should be airing in 3 days now, ive not seen any adverts though.

[tourmaline20]

Good LORD! Warwick University is clearly a magnet for asexuals. We must gravitate towards it for some reason. O_o What course do you do, Michael? And what year? You should come along to an asexual society social next term (wow, sibilance). I'm doing English with Creative Writing and Energizer also studies in the Humanities building, so we probably passed each other in the hallways a few times before - through the radio show - we became aware of one another. What a strange world!

Apparently, there have been trailers. Energizer saw one, but I've yet to see one. Sooo nervous! Thanks for all the support, everyone. I just hope that the way it is put together doesn't let anyone (and us participants) down.

[Sally]

From BBC site for March 19:

00:25 Natalie Cassidy's Real Britain ® (T) The former EastEnders star investigates sexual taboos. She meets 21-year-old Otto whose search for love is complicated because he has Down's syndrome, and talks to three asexual twenty-somethings who contemplate whether they can find love without sex

[Tikva]

That's great about the docu!!!! Congrats! :)

I don't live in the UK, and I've never tried iPlayer before, but according to the site the show is supposed to be up "soon" after it airs and will be available on iPlayer for 7 days.

Hope so! I've marked my calendar. I really want to see it!!!!

[Jibun]

iPlayer won't work for those outside the UK, because you can only use it if your IP gets traced to the UK. While you can theoretically use a proxy, proxies are really too slow to stream videos through.

[Matt]

It's now possible to download programs from iPlayer, so if downloads can be done through a proxy that may be an option (you can probably tell I'm not an expert on this)

[Mizal]

iPlayer won't work for those outside the UK, because you can only use it if your IP gets traced to the UK. While you can theoretically use a proxy, proxies are really too slow to stream videos through.

Proxies... well, leaving my laptop on for a day is better than spending $2000.oo on a plane ticket to watch it, unless somehow it's uploaded to Youtube or made public, or able to download, or .... ugh. I want to watch. <_<

[energizer]

There has today been publicity in the Independent newspaper. It was a 2-page spread with a huge, horrific photograph of myself in the centre. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/he...fe-1646347.html. The feature has been syndicated here online. It is actually linked to from the main independent webpage. Exciting stuff! :-)

2015 Edit - For future reference:

No sex please: An asexual life

Andy is young and healthy – yet he’s never experienced physical desire. And there are thousands more like him. Olly Bootle meets the asexuals

Tuesday 17 March 2009

At 21, Andy Holland is happy, easy-going and interested in the same things as most university students. With one notable exception: Holland is not attracted to women, or to men. In fact, he has no desire to have sex. And in this, he is not as unusual as we might assume.

The first crush that Tessa Barratt had was on a Transformers toy called Rat Trap. “He was my first heart throb,” she says. The shelves in her bedroom are lined with models of Transformers. Playing with them now, laughs as she admits, “I don’t know how I fell in love with a rat.”

Barratt is now 22. But she’s not that much closer to having what most people would consider a normal, loving relationship: she’s still a virgin.

“It’s hard to imagine what would push me to having sex. I’m not afraid of sex, it’s just not something I want to do. That’s probably why I delve into the world of science fiction and Transformers, where sex isn’t an issue at all.”

Barratt calls herself “asexual”, and says she’s very different to the many people who decide to abstain from sex for religious or moral reasons. “Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is an orientation. It’s not something you choose to be, it’s something you’re born as.”

It’s not easy to understand someone who claims to feel no sexual attraction towards other people. For most of us, sex is part of what makes us tick and sexuality informs so many of our decisions.

As Barratt recognises: “Some people find the concept of asexuality incredibly difficult to grasp. They don’t understand how you can be human and not want sex.”

And it all gets even harder to understand when you get on to the subject of masturbation. While filming a documentary for the BBC about asexuality, the first question I would be asked by “normal” people was: do asexuals masturbate? A lot of asexuals are annoyed by this apparently unnecessary intrusion into their private habits. But the truth is, the question gets straight to the heart of what makes an asexual tick. Because the answer, often, is yes.

Many asexuals have a sex drive, and many of them masturbate. But what makes them different is that their libido is dissociated from sexual attraction. Having a sex drive doesn’t translate into wanting sex. Put simply, there can be a sex drive, but not a drive towards anyone. “I can still feel sexual arousal,” says Barratt, “but I never want to act upon it.”

As this is so hard for the rest of us to understand. It might be easy to dismiss Barratt as frigid or afraid of sex – and many people do. “I get told I’m repressed, that I’m psychologically damaged, that it’s something to do with my history, that I’ve been abused. I’ve had people make out there’s something wrong with me, as if it’s a physical or psychological ailment.”

And the trouble is, as Barratt acknowledges, the banner of asexuality is an attractive hiding place for those who are repressing their sexuality – perhaps because of latent homosexuality, or a phobia of sex, or a childhood trauma. “I think there are some people who identify themselves as asexual who have a fear of sex, who may have had something traumatic in their past that’s put them off. I’m not denying that they may make up a proportion of the asexual population, but I do think there’s many who are also physiologically different, wired not to be attracted to other people.”

One asexual who certainly can’t be accused of being afraid of sex is Holland. And that’s because he’s tried it. Now a student at Warwick University, having got through his teens with no interest in sex, he then found himself in a comfortable relationship, aged 20. He was curious to see what sex would be like, so he decided to give it a go. He thought that trying it might kick his hormones into gear. “I thought some hidden sexuality might blossom, but it just wasn’t something that I was driven to do like she was.” After several months together, Holland split up with his girlfriend, partly because of the difference in sexual appetites.

Holland says that sex was “quite fun, quite enjoyable”, but crucially, he has no drive to go out and do it again. “If it happens it happens. I enjoy golf but if I never play it again, I don’t care.”

It’s so unusual – especially for a man – to have a complete lack of interest in sex, that while we were filming the documentary, Holland decided to see a GP, to make sure that there was nothing physically wrong with him. “It’s quite important for an asexual to check that there’s no underlying cause, because lots of people will think if I’m not interested in sex there’s a problem. It will help me feel more secure in my asexuality.”

With a lack of facial hair as well as no desire for sex, Holland wanted to make sure that low testosterone wasn’t a factor in his asexuality. Dr David Edwards runs a male sexual health clinic in Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire. One of the first things he wanted to establish was whether Holland might be depressed. Depression, and also anti-depressants, can often dampen libido. But it would be hard to find someone with a more cheerful and laid-back disposition than Holland.

Happy that there were no obvious psychological issues that could be contributing to Holland’s asexuality, Dr Edwards examined the blood test results. They were all totally normal – including his testosterone levels. As Dr Edwards told him: “I don’t think there’s anything I can find that may be a cause or factor in this. You may find things vary from year to year, but maybe not.”

Dr Edwards added: “It’s understandable that someone may have a libido but have no urge for sex. It is not an unusual thing. Some people are very far down one tangent.”

There are more people at the end of that tangent than people might imagine. A survey carried out in 1994 found that 1.05 per cent of respondents had “never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all”. In fact, more than 50 years ago, pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey seemed to be aware of asexuality. He devised a scale of sexual orientation, in which subjects ranged from a score of 0 (completely homosexual) to 6 (completely heterosexual). But he labelled 1.5 per cent of adult males as “X” – neither homosexual nor heterosexual, nor anything in between. They were simply uninterested in sex.

For a long time, Kinsey’s Xs have remained hidden, but with the sexual revolution continuing at pace, asexuals are beginning to speak out. As the pressure to enjoy an active sex life is greatest on the young, many of the most vocal asexuals are in their twenties, like Barratt and Holland. But that doesn’t mean that older people can’t be asexual. As Dr Edwards notes: “Asexuality is not just a situation that affects the young adult – it can extend into older age groups, although they may not be so obvious.”

With sex being arguably the world’s favourite pastime, asexuals face an uphill struggle for recognition. It’s a testament to how sexualised our society is, that we accept almost any sort of sexual predilection, but when it comes to someone getting no sexual kicks at all, we’re at a loss as to how to understand it. We find it perfectly believable – if a little odd – that someone might want to have sex while wearing an asphyxiating latex mask, or while being whipped or spanked. But the idea that someone should deviate so far from the norm as to not want sex at all is almost incomprehensible. Most of us instinctively feel that there must be some sort of mental or physical problem, something that could be cured. We want to know why they’re like this.

But isn’t that how people thought about homosexuality 100 years ago, that they could pinpoint the reason as to why it existed? Little boys not playing with enough toy guns, little girls not having enough dolls? Now it’s much more simple – we just accept it’s the way some people are.

Perhaps it’s time to view asexuality with the same open-mindedness. Those with exceptionally high sex drives, who could be said to be at the opposite end of a spectrum from asexuals, are accepted – even implicitly admired. As Dr Edwards says: “The feeling of not being sexually attracted to anyone is part of a spectrum, and can affect men and women. It’s part of society’s rich tapestry of life.”

Olly Bootle is the producer/direcor of ‘Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain: Sex’, which will broadcast on Thursday 19 March at 8pm on BBC3

Not in the mood: The facts

* According to Kinsey’s ‘Sexual Behavior in the Human Male’, 1.5 per cent of the adult male population exhibits “no socio-sexual contacts or reactions”.

* In ‘Sexual Behavior in the Human Female’, Kinsey argued that up to 19 per cent of the unmarried female population exhibited asexual behaviour or reactions.

* A study in the US found that 33.57 per cent of asexuals have problems with self-esteem.

* In 1994, a British study found that 1 per cent of people had never felt any sexual attraction to another person. The same study found that a larger proportion of women than men are asexual.

* In 1982, a survey of ‘Playboy’ magazine readers found that 2 per cent of respondents were asexual.

* Possible causes of asexuality include genetic predisposition, hormonal imbalance or childhood experiences.

* The largest asexuality group on Facebook has 585 members.

Leo Hornak

[Eddie7]

iPlayer won't work for those outside the UK, because you can only use it if your IP gets traced to the UK. While you can theoretically use a proxy, proxies are really too slow to stream videos through.

Proxies... well, leaving my laptop on for a day is better than spending $2000.oo on a plane ticket to watch it, unless somehow it's uploaded to Youtube or made public, or able to download, or .... ugh. I want to watch. <_<

Assuming no obvious method comes along, I'll attempt to rip it and find a way of distributing it for those who can't watch it on the site.

[Næt.]

You can download things off the iPlayer for seven days.

So you could use a proxy.

[Eddie7]

I imagine that would be painfully slow for large files though.

[energizer]

I have a sneaky suspicion youtube may be host to this programme in due course ;-)

[tourmaline20]

Ah, youtube. Soon, the WHOLE WORLD will be able to see us, energizer. As if your two page spread wasn't enough. Can't get enough of the attention, can you? ;)

[Tikva]

Assuming no obvious method comes along, I'll attempt to rip it and find a way of distributing it for those who can't watch it on the site.

Wow. That would be GREAT Eddie, and MUCH appreciated by those of us outside the UK!!

[SlightlyMetaphysical]

One of my friends heard an asexual talking on the radio one morning. I think it's probably the first time visibility has intersected with my actual life.* Well done whoever that was :)

*as an avid New Scientist reader, I was gutted to find I'd missed the one story about asexuality. It could have shaved two years off my discovery of AVEN.

[ryan10242]

Not long to wait now! I hope they've portrayed you OK, and not done some evil editing <_<

[energizer]

Not long to wait now! I hope they've portrayed you OK, and not done some evil editing <_<

I hope we've done the community proud and help, rather than hinder, visibility and education! :-s Time will tell I suppose...

[Mizal]

I hope we've done the community proud and help, rather than hinder, visibility and education! :-s Time will tell I suppose...

Ex-squeeze me?

You have the courage to be on a nationalized television program that dealt with our sexual orientation. To me, and I hope others, I admire your courage - it makes me dang proud to be part of this community. Some of us don't even have the courage to tell our closest friends, let alone the entire country and surrounding ones. You made us more proud than you know. :lol: