you*hear*but*do*you*listen Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Could someone please explain how being demiromantic is different from being full romantic. I still don't understand. The whole getting-to-know-someone-before-romantic-attraction-occurs thing still seems necessary for any romantic attraction to me. Do all asexual full romantics fall in love at first sight or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Jazmin Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Well, for me, the difference is that I assume most full romantics will still feel a drive to get out there and find someone that may be compatible with as a romantic partner. Like, dates and stuff. Whereas I have never felt the urge/desire to do anything like that, and still don't. When single, I don't actively seek relationships. I just don't feel like it, I don't experience romantic feelings or feelings of attraction to people I haven't gotten to know that well - more importantly, I don't feel even enough attraction or drive to make me want to get to know them more as a potential partner. The only time I have felt romantic attraction to someone was because they kept trying to get to know me. At first I didn't really consider them much more than an acquaintance. But slowly they grew on me, and I considered them to be a friend. Started to get emotionally attached somewhat, and eventually I felt romantic feelings/attraction for them. In contrast, I suspect that most full romantics would feel at least some degree of attraction (physical, aesthetic and/or emotional) when first getting to know the person. I felt none at all in the beginning. The attraction 'grew' out of getting to know their personality. That took ages to happen, and I'll give the other person credit for the way they kept trying. Most people would just give up. If left to my own devices (that is, if no one was pursuing me), no relationship, nothing, would ever occur. Because I lack the drive to seek out romantic relationships/date/get to know the opposite sex more than just as friends. That's the best way I can explain it. Can't say much else. It's just how I feel. The label demiromantic, I feel, suits me more than full romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Cattibri Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 When single, I don't actively seek relationships. I just don't feel like it, I don't experience romantic feelings or feelings of attraction to people I haven't gotten to know that well - more importantly, I don't feel even enough attraction or drive to make me want to get to know them more as a potential partner. The only time I have felt romantic attraction to someone was because they kept trying to get to know me. At first I didn't really consider them much more than an acquaintance. But slowly they grew on me, and I considered them to be a friend. Started to get emotionally attached somewhat, and eventually I felt romantic feelings/attraction for them. In contrast, I suspect that most full romantics would feel at least some degree of attraction (physical, aesthetic and/or emotional) when first getting to know the person. I felt none at all in the beginning. The attraction 'grew' out of getting to know their personality. it seems to be what i am too. Until now i was thinking : "i never fall in love. but i can love. " Your explanation is clearer than mine (btw : as it's my first post here : hi everybody ) Link to post Share on other sites
Ninny Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Think i'm kinda like this, except I don't wanna feel the romantic feelings. I love having someone romantically interested in my, and i love my little romantic fantasies but then "feelings" develop. I really don't like it. Romantic feelings are my erections. Gah. <_< Link to post Share on other sites
AVENCakes Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Could someone please explain how being demiromantic is different from being full romantic. I still don't understand. The whole getting-to-know-someone-before-romantic-attraction-occurs thing still seems necessary for any romantic attraction to me. Do all asexual full romantics fall in love at first sight or something? The same reason that demisexual is different from sexual. Demisexuals experience no sexual attraction at first- a lot think they're asexual before, then meet the "right person" and realize that they aren't. A demiromantic is someone who doesn't feel romantic attraction, probably doesn't even want a romantic relationship until the "right person" comes along. Demis could be the bane of As. "I won't meet the right person! This is who I am!" "They met the right person, so will you. *points to a demi*" "AARGH!" I think I'm demi- which is why I have a nasty time figuring out if I'm romantic or not or what I am. When I'm not interested, in this nebulous sense I could see myself being happy in a romantic relationshpi- but why would I waste my time trying to find one? I'd much rather not. That platonic thing Cynicus suggested also applies- I get "crushes" on people I want to be friends with, which confuses it further. How most people react when they want to date a person, I act when I just want to be friends. So then I get to know the person, and if I want a romantic relationship it's further confusing to acknowledge it developed from a platonic to a romantic crush and what to do with it. My sexual orientation is easy- I don't want to have sex. I don't experience sexual attraction. Everything else is confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninny Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 That platonic thing Cynicus suggested also applies- I get "crushes" on people I want to be friends with, which confuses it further. How most people react when they want to date a person, I act when I just want to be friends. So then I get to know the person, and if I want a romantic relationship it's further confusing to acknowledge it developed from a platonic to a romantic crush and what to do with it. My sexual orientation is easy- I don't want to have sex. I don't experience sexual attraction. Everything else is confusing. 100% SAME. It's so confusing. I've been experiencing feelings for friends which were exactly the same as i've felt for people i've had romantic relationships with in the past. The line between platonic and romantic love is so blurred to me, and it confuses me no end. Either I just have VERY strong platonic feelings for my friends or I wanna marry them all. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Eras Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 I'm so taking credit for coining demiromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
AVENCakes Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 I'm so taking credit for coining demiromantic. The first reference of it I can see on the forum is here- http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?sho...=33615&st=0 don't know when it came about. after that, the next mention is by me, but I didn't know about ti and came up with the term independently- so plenty of others could've come up with it independently as well. Link to post Share on other sites
SilverCandleKid Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 i'd say i'm either demi or panromantic. Link to post Share on other sites
arryka Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Hi guys I seem to recall a very vague topic of conversation over what a couple of us "coined" as being Demiromantic. I'm working on an article atm about it and how I "label" my asexuality in regards to being demi romantic.The general understanding I got and I can't remember if others agreed was. A lack of romantic attraction, desire or need for an intimate or physical nature (aromanticism) With the ability to develop feelings (romantic attraction) for someone ONLY after getting to know them well enough and getting to understand them as a person, usually built out of an initial very close friendship. I was wondering if any of you other guys and girls felt the same.... and if so can we get something up on the wiki :P Why do you guys feel the need to label things SO MUCH! Seriosley. Demiromantic? Unlesss it is used in acadamia I am pretty sure it doesnt mean anything. Why dont you just be yourself instead of having to have a label. I am pretty sure that that is just what is supposed to happen in relationships. It is not a condition, or a thing you are, it is something that you do, something that almost everyone can do and is supposed to do. It is the healthy way of going about relationships. It is an action you take, not a label. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Heligan Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Hi guys I seem to recall a very vague topic of conversation over what a couple of us "coined" as being Demiromantic. I'm working on an article atm about it and how I "label" my asexuality in regards to being demi romantic.The general understanding I got and I can't remember if others agreed was. A lack of romantic attraction, desire or need for an intimate or physical nature (aromanticism) With the ability to develop feelings (romantic attraction) for someone ONLY after getting to know them well enough and getting to understand them as a person, usually built out of an initial very close friendship. I was wondering if any of you other guys and girls felt the same.... and if so can we get something up on the wiki :P Why do you guys feel the need to label things SO MUCH! Seriosley. Demiromantic? Unlesss it is used in acadamia I am pretty sure it doesnt mean anything. Why dont you just be yourself instead of having to have a label. I am pretty sure that that is just what is supposed to happen in relationships. It is not a condition, or a thing you are, it is something that you do, something that almost everyone can do and is supposed to do. It is the healthy way of going about relationships. It is an action you take, not a label. I think you are missing the point, if you think everyone is demiromantic. Its not something that you do, it is what you are... not everyone can do it, most people arent aromantic if they are not romantically involved- the huge number of dating sites proves that. Most single actively look for the 'one', people that dont are either aromantic or demiromantic (that is aromantic until they form a deep attachment, that triggers romantic urges). You need to understand what is meant by aromantic as well of course, for this to be meaningful (and people mean diferent things by it), in the case of demiromantic, the aromantic stage would be the default state and consist of having no romantic dreams. Demiromantics only fall in love by accident, they never seek it out (if that isnt abnormal in our two-by-two world I dont know what is, thats not a judgement of course just an observation) Of course thinking about it I suppose a lot of men might qualify (and some women as well of course), often they are looking for sex not love on dating sites after all... it is possible of course to be sexual and demiromantic (but its probably less noticable, cus lots of people dont really know how to tell sex and love apart as emotions with an other, let alone as motivators) Link to post Share on other sites
Code11 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Hi guys I seem to recall a very vague topic of conversation over what a couple of us "coined" as being Demiromantic. I'm working on an article atm about it and how I "label" my asexuality in regards to being demi romantic. The general understanding I got and I can't remember if others agreed was. A lack of romantic attraction, desire or need for an intimate or physical nature (aromanticism) With the ability to develop feelings (romantic attraction) for someone ONLY after getting to know them well enough and getting to understand them as a person, usually built out of an initial very close friendship. I was wondering if any of you other guys and girls felt the same.... and if so can we get something up on the wiki :P Hmm. I pretty recently decided that demiromantic would be the word for me (so I googled it to see if anyone else was using it, and found this thread). But I seem to be attaching a different meaning to it. For me, it means that I want a romantic relationship, I do have that desire, but that desire has never gotten directed at a particular person (I've never had romantic attraction), and I think that I would be happy and satisfied doing romantic things with whoever I got into a successful relationship with, assuming that happened, and would then have the specific desire to do them with that person (but if it didn't happen, I think I would be unhappy about this). The analogy I came up with is that I, in general, want children. When I have children, I fully expect to love them. However, when I think about having children and loving them, I'm not thinking of some specific children- it's a general thing that won't become specific until it becomes reality. Which doesn't seem to be the definition people here are going with, but I can't think of a better word for this definition. Demisexuals get sexual attraction when they're already in a relationship, and that's how I feel romantic attraction would work for me. Link to post Share on other sites
RandomDent Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Please do not revive dead threads. RandomDent Link to post Share on other sites
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