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Incredibly Ace Moments


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BalladOfJayne

It's either an Asexual moment or an unbelievably geeky moment, but I got strange looks aplenty when I looked down at my laptop at school the other day and burst out laughing when I realized, "Hey! I'm typing notes on an acer!"

*facepalm*

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It's either an Asexual moment or an unbelievably geeky moment, but I got strange looks aplenty when I looked down at my laptop at school the other day and burst out laughing when I realized, "Hey! I'm typing notes on an acer!"

*facepalm*

Fantastically awesome!!!!!!! Haha

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PhantasmalGirl

Porn related. >.<

I was watching porn at a friends house (there was six of us, three boys, all straight and three girls, two lesbians and myself the asexual) and we had forgone Girls Gone Wild for something else and as soon as the sex started I turned around to the guy beside me and asked; "Wait, where's the plot?!" He looked at me with this 'what the hell kind of drugs are you ON' look and then swatted the side of my head and turned back to the screen.

Apparently, porn doesn't come with plot.

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annwyl_cariad

I'm generally pretty good at pretending to be sexual. I am the queen of the "That's what she said" joke, and people who know me find it incredibly ironic that I make sexual jokes all the time...even the ones I'm not actually out to as asexual know that I'm not exactly a horndog. But one of my early ace moments, long before I knew what being ace was, would have been in seventh grade. A boy (who to this day I find repulsive - he never really aged past 12) asked me to be his girlfriend, and I loudly asked him what would be the point? "Are we gonna ride our bikes to McDonald's so you can buy me a Happy Meal with your allowance?"

Pretty much all through middle school I never understood what would be the point of having a boyfriend if you were too young to get married. Then came the ninth grade sex talk, which so thoroughly disgusted me. I remember thinking, the only conceivable reason to do that would be to get pregnant. I also distinctly remember wondering how people would think to do such a weird thing before they knew how conception actually happened. Was it just trial and error? Why would you ever think to stick that in there?

And then there was that awkward conversation a few months ago when I sort of accidentally came out to my best friend. We were drunk in our apartment and she was gushing about some guy in the movie we were watching and how hot he was. And I just shrugged and said "meh." It's pretty much my response to 90% of the guys that she thinks are hot.

Her: *stares at me goggle-eyed, then shrugs and says suggestively* Mm. Well. I'll be thinking about him later, anyway.

Me: *brows furrow as I take forever to understand what she means* *eyes go wide* What?!

Her: *laughs* What? He's hot.

Me: *trying not to throw up*

Her: I know you don't think he is, but... *looks at me, askance, as she realizes what my disgust is really about* Wait, you mean...you don't...?

Me: *looks horrified and shakes head, still trying not to throw up*

Her: *eyes wide* Seriously? Damn, girl. No, seriously? You don't? Never?

Me: *...still trying not to throw up*

And the conversation went on from there to me actually, officially coming out to her. And thankfully, not throwing up. But I'm still mentally recovering from the revelation that I'm the only person I know who doesn't masturbate. I'd been living with this girl for over two years and I didn't realize that she did. How asexy is that? ;)

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen
Pretty much all through middle school I never understood what would be the point of having a boyfriend if you were too young to get married. Then came the ninth grade sex talk, which so thoroughly disgusted me. I remember thinking, the only conceivable reason to do that would be to get pregnant. I also distinctly remember wondering how people would think to do such a weird thing before they knew how conception actually happened. Was it just trial and error? Why would you ever think to stick that in there?

My thoughts EXACTLY.

And then there was that awkward conversation a few months ago when I sort of accidentally came out to my best friend. We were drunk in our apartment and she was gushing about some guy in the movie we were watching and how hot he was. And I just shrugged and said "meh." It's pretty much my response to 90% of the guys that she thinks are hot.

Her: *stares at me goggle-eyed, then shrugs and says suggestively* Mm. Well. I'll be thinking about him later, anyway.

Me: *brows furrow as I take forever to understand what she means* *eyes go wide* What?!

Her: *laughs* What? He's hot.

Me: *trying not to throw up*

Her: I know you don't think he is, but... *looks at me, askance, as she realizes what my disgust is really about* Wait, you mean...you don't...?

Me: *looks horrified and shakes head, still trying not to throw up*

Her: *eyes wide* Seriously? Damn, girl. No, seriously? You don't? Never?

Me: *...still trying not to throw up*

And the conversation went on from there to me actually, officially coming out to her. And thankfully, not throwing up. But I'm still mentally recovering from the revelation that I'm the only person I know who doesn't masturbate. I'd been living with this girl for over two years and I didn't realize that she did. How asexy is that? ;)

That sounds a hell of a lot like a situation I was in with one of my friends.

Me: I've been thinking about going on birth control. My cramps can get so bad even a heating pad and three times the recommended dose of Advil doesn't help.

Her: You could masturbate.

Me: *horrified* What!? Why would I want to do that?

Her: Yeah, it works.

Me: *had not previously known that many women at all masturbated and trying not to say something that would offend her* Well...I don't know how.

Her: It's easy, just use your clitoris.

Me: No. I couldn't. *trying not to add "I'd be too grossed out"*

Her: *stunned* You've never masturbated? Not even with the showerhead?

Me: The showerhead?

Her: Yeah, I actually figured that out by accident. I was trying to wash down there and I thought, "Hey, that kinda feels good."

Me: *has no idea what to say* ...we don't have a detachable showerhead.

I think I ended up telling her I was ace by the end of the day.

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annwyl_cariad

Ooh, I thought of another one. I studied abroad in Scotland, and by the end of my term I had developed a repertoire of pretty authentic-sounding Scottish accents. So, when I got home, all of my American friends wanted me to talk in my Scottish accents all the time. It was fun, and thankfully the novelty wore off for them before the requests became annoying to me. But anyway, one day, this happened.

Friend: So, the next time you meet someone, you should totally just talk to them in Scottish all the time. And see how long you can make them think you're really from there.

Me: *thinking this sounds kinda fun* Okay.

Friend: Just make sure it's not someone you'd be, like, interested in, cause that would be awkward to explain later.

Other friends: *laugh*

Me: *bewildered* But how would I know if I'd be interested in them when I first meet them?

Friend: *blank* Well, I mean, you'd know if you definitely wouldn't be.

Me: *still bewildered* How, if I don't even know anything about them yet?

Friends: *brief awkward silence before quickly moving on to a new topic*

This was before I really realized that I was ace. But it was one of many specific incidents that helped me figure that out, haha.

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Her: *stunned* You've never masturbated? Not even with the showerhead?

Me: The showerhead?

Her: Yeah, I actually figured that out by accident. I was trying to wash down there and I thought, "Hey, that kinda feels good."

Me: *has no idea what to say* ...we don't have a detachable showerhead.

I think I ended up telling her I was ace by the end of the day.

Well, my moment has to be looking at this and thinking OH HOLY MOTHER OF MERCY NO I MEAN WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

It juts makes me think of how environmentalists talk about humans abusing their resources...

Is anyone else able to predict the plot of any movie/tv show that features 2 people of the opposite sex in the same room? When I say 'don't kiss her' it's almost always unheeded.

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When I was around 12 years old at summer camp, one of our counselors bought the cabin a porn magazine, while everyone was sitting patiently, waiting for their turn to use it, I was reading Archie comics

That reminds me, when I was around 12 and I was visiting a friend's place. I must have been at least 12 because her brother was 2 years younger so he would have been 10, or how old are guys when they start watching porn? He had a bunch of boy friends over and they were watching a video. Come to think of it, I must have been at least 13, because they didn't have a VCR before then. Anyway, my friend and I walk in on them in the living room, and I'm totally clueless as to what's going on. And her brother points to the TV and says: "Look, [Trix], ice cream!" And I'm looking and I'm like, yeah, trying to recognize the ice cream in the picture, and not really seeing it. Everybody is laughing and I eventually catch on that it's a closeup of a penis, and I think I look away in embarrassment. I haven't thought about this in years but it just now occurred to me that he said ice-cream because he was representing it as something wanting to be licked.

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BalladOfJayne
Her: You could masturbate.

Me: *horrified* What!? Why would I want to do that?

Her: Yeah, it works.

Pffft. Running the risk of TMI I can honestly say that NO, IT DOESN'T. Maybe it works if you get wussy cramps, but if you're actually desperate enough to consider it, it will change nothing beyond making you want to kill the friend who advised you in the first place. Once your body has stopped punishing you for not wanting to procreate (it says a lot about my periods and my asexuality that I've always seen my time of month as my biological clock playing a really cruel game of Fuck Or Die).

As a general rule I have no issues with masturbation (except for when showerheads or periods are mentioned, apparently), but I didn't actually know women could do it until I was 21 or so. Well, I knew they could because I heard people talk about it, but I always thought they meant, like, fondling your own breasts or something.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen
Her: You could masturbate.

Me: *horrified* What!? Why would I want to do that?

Her: Yeah, it works.

Pffft. Running the risk of TMI I can honestly say that NO, IT DOESN'T. Maybe it works if you get wussy cramps, but if you're actually desperate enough to consider it, it will change nothing beyond making you want to kill the friend who advised you in the first place.

I never tried it--this friend often believes things that aren't true if they make her feel better, so I didn't believe her.

Once your body has stopped punishing you for not wanting to procreate (it says a lot about my periods and my asexuality that I've always seen my time of month as my biological clock playing a really cruel game of Fuck Or Die).

SAD O_O

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In a lecture yesterday the lecturer said that mitochondria were responsible for sex, aging and death.

Ignoring the stuff I already knew lead to me thinking 'Why do I want them then? There doesn't seem to exactly be an upside.'

Edit: I just recalled an incident from last September. Not sure if it's an ace moment or a 'peter pan' (as in still a child and need to grow up) moment, but:

During the safety meeting for my university course one of the things mentioned was that the staff needed to know if you were pregnant for safety reasons when do ing practicals.

It took a while to click that it was expected people would have sex and possibly even want to be pregnant.

I'm not sure it really hit until people at uni got engaged.

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SlightlyMetaphysical
Why is this embarrassing? I read all the books. I loved them. And I wasn't going to say what Scath said because I didn't want to ruin it for you, but the reason Edward didn't want to have sex with her was because they weren't married...

I'm sure that'd ruin the attraction for all my friends who've read it.

Although they also say that Edward is a subtle ploy to enthrall the girls under the age of 15, and the werewolf is a subtle ploy to enthrall the girls over the age of 15, which may be another reason why Edward is both very cute and unthreateningly sexless.

Porn related. >.<

I was watching porn at a friends house (there was six of us, three boys, all straight and three girls, two lesbians and myself the asexual) and we had forgone Girls Gone Wild for something else and as soon as the sex started I turned around to the guy beside me and asked; "Wait, where's the plot?!" He looked at me with this 'what the hell kind of drugs are you ON' look and then swatted the side of my head and turned back to the screen.

Apparently, porn doesn't come with plot.

So, does it have a plot or do they just start... oh, ok. Never mind.
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This probably counts as an asexy moment (eventhough it's now become a bit of a running joke).

My SO and i are both ace. But we like being physically close to each other (eventhough my autistic brain keeps insisting that this makes NO sense and has no logical reason to be connected with the fact that i love her). so, anyway, we were lying around being close to each other and we discovered something HUMANS HAVE TOO MANY LIMBS. or at the very least those limbs are awkwardly placed for trying to lie around with your arms around each other. And i said as much to her. And then explained that i can't imagine what sexual people, well, DO with their arms and legs when they're... no, can't comprehend.

So now we think it's hilarious to pointout the fact that there are far too many limbs involved when two people try to share sleeping space. This usually involves one or 'tother of us just saying "Limbs!" when we're a bit tangled and then we both laugh. :)

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mad_scientist
How the HELL does moving a straw around in an Icee cup look like oral sex? You know what, don't answer that. I really don't want to know.

Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe he was just the type to see sex in everything. I kind of let it go at the time, since I don't exactly know what oral sex looks like. But from what I know about it, it would have to be quite a stretch to see a person drinking through a straw and immediately think of oral sex.

(Oh, if it wasn't clear- my mouth was still on the straw when I was shifting it around. That might help support the image. But seriously- who thinks like that?)

And I'm glad to see that other people agree about Twilight. :lol:

This is just a guess, but aren't erect penises supposed to be rather thicker than straws?

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mad_scientist
Although I had one ace moment these days, some group of friends were talking about peeing (yes, they're that weird), and then they started discussing that girls needed to use toilet paper after doing it

You don't use toilet paper after peeing??!!

I think I'm a strange guy. I even sit on the toilet all the time. Am I doing it wrong?

I think they were trying to pass a law in some country that men had to sit down to pee. I forget which one.

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mad_scientist
I just remembered one that's pretty classic. There's this T-shirt I saw that I thought was kinda funny for reasons other than what it was trying to be funny for. It said "Save a tree, eat a beaver." Took me years to finally realize what it actually meant and I only realized what it actually meant when someone pretty much spelled it out for me.

I've seen that a hundred times and it never occurred to me that it was sexual until right now.

Are you SURE it's supposed to be innuendo? The non-sexual version is way funnier.

I'd like to submit this as my incredibly ace moment.

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mad_scientist
4) Pretty much every day in high school and middle school. There are so many new words that mean stuff I don't know. Like aflac, chode (ugh, i almost threw up at that one) and a million more that I just stopped caring. I like living in my own little head and having the highest grades...

I similarly became oblivious to the real world and focused on kicking academic ass (I had either the 3rd or 4th highest GPA in my high school).

And I still don't know what those two words mean. I hate the whole not-knowing-what-words-mean issue. Example from when I was eating in the dining hall with some friends:

Friend: I'm a linguistics major and I have this shirt that says "Everyone loves a cunning linguist," but I don't have the guts to wear it.

Me: Why not?

Friend: "Cunning linguist?"

Me: Why is that bad?

Friend: *some word that sounds like "cunning linguist" that I can't remember*

Me: Still not getting it.

Friend: Oral sex?

Me: WHAT!?!?

*the entire table laughs*

Cunnilingus -- giving oral sex to a female. The male equivalent is fellatio.

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You know, MS, instead of making four posts in a row, you can click the 'Quote' button on the posts you want to quote then click 'Add Reply'.

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mad_scientist
Her: You could masturbate.

Me: *horrified* What!? Why would I want to do that?

Her: Yeah, it works.

Pffft. Running the risk of TMI I can honestly say that NO, IT DOESN'T. Maybe it works if you get wussy cramps, but if you're actually desperate enough to consider it, it will change nothing beyond making you want to kill the friend who advised you in the first place. Once your body has stopped punishing you for not wanting to procreate (it says a lot about my periods and my asexuality that I've always seen my time of month as my biological clock playing a really cruel game of Fuck Or Die).

As a general rule I have no issues with masturbation (except for when showerheads or periods are mentioned, apparently), but I didn't actually know women could do it until I was 21 or so. Well, I knew they could because I heard people talk about it, but I always thought they meant, like, fondling your own breasts or something.

Increasing bloodflow to the uterus has been known to help mild to medium cramps. Most people go for a walk or use heat, but presumably masturbation would do the same thing, especially with the feelgood hormones that are released. If heat packs aren't working then the cramps are probably too severe and the only recourse I know of is painkillers, though.

In a lecture yesterday the lecturer said that mitochondria were responsible for sex, aging and death.

Ignoring the stuff I already knew lead to me thinking 'Why do I want them then? There doesn't seem to exactly be an upside.'

Well, they're kinda important for survival. That whole aerobic resporation thing.

You know, MS, instead of making four posts in a row, you can click the 'Quote' button on the posts you want to quote then click 'Add Reply'.

Oh, you can do more than one at a time? Thanks! Sorry if my mass posting was annoying. :(

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This probably counts as an asexy moment (eventhough it's now become a bit of a running joke).

My SO and i are both ace. But we like being physically close to each other (eventhough my autistic brain keeps insisting that this makes NO sense and has no logical reason to be connected with the fact that i love her). so, anyway, we were lying around being close to each other and we discovered something HUMANS HAVE TOO MANY LIMBS. or at the very least those limbs are awkwardly placed for trying to lie around with your arms around each other. And i said as much to her. And then explained that i can't imagine what sexual people, well, DO with their arms and legs when they're... no, can't comprehend.

So now we think it's hilarious to pointout the fact that there are far too many limbs involved when two people try to share sleeping space. This usually involves one or 'tother of us just saying "Limbs!" when we're a bit tangled and then we both laugh. :)

All I can say is this: mattress.png

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I've had a few ace moments over the years :D

A few months ago my internet connection broke in my room at uni. When the guy came around to fix it I left him to it and wandered into one of my housemate's rooms. A few minutes later he left after he fixed it, and my housemates began talking about how good looking he was and that they loved guys with long faces. I just spent the entire time trying to remember what he looked like and wondering why you would notice that.

Another one from just a week and a half ago, we had to pair up to do presentations on the reading in one of our seminar classes. I paired up with one of the visiting students, a guy from America. Afterwards all of my friends were congratulating me on getting someone so good looking. I was just clueless about it and still am. Every time I've seen him since I'vbe been trying to figure out why people think he's good looking.

All through my preteens and early teens everybody would talk about who they fancied. The conversation would eventually turn to me, and after that it would eventually got like this:

Friend: So who do you fancy?

Me: No one

Friend: Come on, you have to fancy someone

Me: *pauses and thinks it over really hard for a minnute or two* No, there's nobody.

I always got a funny look from those conversations.

The last one I can think of is when a friend admitted she first had sex on a bus. I basically was shocked that people my age (14/15) at the time seriously considered having sex, wondered why you would want to have sex on a bus, and then when finding out what bus it was and realising that it was always a single decker I basically just thought "wouldn't the driver see you?"

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen
This probably counts as an asexy moment (eventhough it's now become a bit of a running joke).

My SO and i are both ace. But we like being physically close to each other (eventhough my autistic brain keeps insisting that this makes NO sense and has no logical reason to be connected with the fact that i love her). so, anyway, we were lying around being close to each other and we discovered something HUMANS HAVE TOO MANY LIMBS. or at the very least those limbs are awkwardly placed for trying to lie around with your arms around each other. And i said as much to her. And then explained that i can't imagine what sexual people, well, DO with their arms and legs when they're... no, can't comprehend.

So now we think it's hilarious to pointout the fact that there are far too many limbs involved when two people try to share sleeping space. This usually involves one or 'tother of us just saying "Limbs!" when we're a bit tangled and then we both laugh. :)

All I can say is this: mattress.png

Cuddle mattress!!! I want one!!! lol, I have an ace friend with whom I cuddle all the time, but we don't cuddle face-to-face because we've figured out a more comfortable cuddle position. But having a cuddle mattress would open up many possibilities...

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Ok, two examples

one: I was 14 or 15 ish, I was playing football and after practice I was waiting in the parking lot with a bunch of other kids and I found this balloon on the floor... so I blew it up, tied it off, and was bouncing it around... and a couple of the other kids were like WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ..uh, it's a balloon... no.. it's a condom. What's that? You don't know what a condom is? they were all quite amused. They told me to say it to my parents and they would give me candy... condom condom condom. I may have no clue what it was but I wasn't stupid.. so I asked my mom what a condom was and she told me... and I was kinda sick. yeah.

*shudder* yeah. I remember my mom saying something to the effect of "I hope it wasn't used" which made it 100x worse.

two: I was hanging out with a chickfriend who I knew was interested in me... I was pretty sure that I was supposed to be dating someone, since I was 18 and single... so we were laying in the back of my truck and she said she was cold so I held her to get her warmer... then we were walking and she said something sweet or sad... so I tried to hug her... and she kissed me on the lips.. yeah, no reaction from me. I was totally not intending for that to happen. yeah. it was kinda awkward. she ended up pretending that it hadn't happened... which is how all of my 'relationships' have gone so far.

#1: "You were never my boyfriend"

#2: "I just thought of you as a really good friend I was comfortable with"

#3: "Whatever, it wasn't like I was in love with you and wanted to have your babies.."

lol.

I like relationships just for the extra familiarity, and lack of crud I get from everyone.

(especially the "you should meet x, she's really nice")

I do get innuendos (because i'm smart, and pay attention) and I drop them (because they're about the only thing that will consistently get a reaction from people... actual clever jokes go unnoticed) sometimes.

I have tried to act like the people around me a good bit... but I also, a lot of the time, just don't care..

fun note: a lot of people interpret "different" as "gay"

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Teagan, I completely understand where you’re coming from. I understand sex jokes and find them funny, in fact, my friends say I have a dirty mind because I’m the person most likely to find a sexual innuendo (I’m rubbish at that Dirty Minds game because I can’t think of the clean answers! :P)

I can point out people I like, although it’s rare and not something I’ll bring up unless it’s already the conversation topic. I also enjoy sex scenes in films/TV/books etc, and appreciate women in films/TV that I’m aesthetically attracted to.

I don't like sexually orientated words though, I tend to cringe when others say them, and I tend to imply rather than say it outright.

So really I don’t display the characteristics other asexuals seem to, other than I don’t feel sexually attracted to individuals, and don’t feel the need to have sex.

I'm totally like that!

*Hi-fives*

=P

Haha, to clear my track record, I do have a reputation with many of my friends for coming up with some incredibly suggestive offhand remarks. This was not the case when I was twelve. But I guess, depending on the situation these days, sexual humor can pretty second nature to me (I had to really reel it in a while ago when I realized I had some trouble toeing the line, but I'm better now :rolleyes: ).

Yeah. I have troubles with "the line" too.

it's like... they start dropping mildly suggestive lines and laughing, I say something of the same thread (except that mine perhaps implies mass homosexuality and infidelity with the most homophobic of the group) and they're all like "Whoah. too much." ... so I follow it up with "sorry, hitting a little too close to home there?"

...I laugh.

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And another one. I was at college hanging out with a group of my friends (all sexuals, gay/straight/bi whatever. it's funny being around them.) and I was sitting on a table since all the couches were full... then one girl moved off the couch so I laid down in her spot.. and when she came back she sat on me. I didn't care, really, but all the others were kinda snickering at it. She took me not kicking her off immediately (or at all, because I didn't care) as flirting... I introduced myself etc. turned out her name is Kate but whatever... anyways, I went back there another day, and she sat on my lap again, this time it was just annoying (because it was a chair, and I couldn't see and I didn't like her hair getting in my face) and so I was kinda zoned out, staring out a window one of the couches thinking of a nice way to get her off of me, and one of the girls sitting on the couch was like.. "hey. you're staring." "what?" "I was adjusting my bra, and yeah, you were staring." I was flustered and stood up (knocking Katie to the ground - I'm such a dork) and walked away mumbling that I was sorry.

so yeah, that's one of the most intense "Uh, yeah. I didn't mean to." moments.

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ME: Back off, bitch! Jazzy is mine!

Friend 1: I thought you were Asexual?!

ME: Like I said... Back off bitch! She's mine, I claimed her a long time ago - you can't have her!

Friend 1: Like hell! *attempts to poke Jazzy*

ME: Bitch! Now you die! *kicks at her*

Jazzy: Oh, knock it off you two! Rachel's just comfortable!

ME: Ha-ha! I win!

Friend 1: Evil skank!

Yeah, that was totally the world's random thing ever and relates to this topic... not at all.

I don't think I really have many Ace moments... Aside from me being the only one in my group of friends, with the exception of one, who doesn't feel like they have to "rape" fictional characters [don't even ask - I can't explain...] on a regular basis.

Or who doesn't feel like they have to half-way molest our male friends all the dame time.

Or who doesn't feel the need to think every comment about balls is sexual... Or any other innuendos at least not all the time.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen

My literature class just finished reading A Midsummer Night's Dream, and Theseus only OK's the marriages of Helena to Demetrius and Hermia to Lysander at the end because he thinks the lovers have been "observing the Rite of May." And it took me quite a while to figure out that "the Rite of May" meant sex. And I only figured it out because my professor is obsessed with making everything about either phallic symbols or sex. :rolleyes: Our discussions on how so many fairy tales were about sexual maturity ruined my childhood.

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Hmm... I think I'll just cruise this thread for inspiration for the short comical story I'm writing for a class, featuring an asexual main character.

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One of my friends posted a survey on facebook, and here's one of my answers:

1. if you were to have sex right now would you use a condom?

If by "condom" you mean "an excuse to get out of it", then certainly yes.

/|\ Do I need to say anymore?

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during 7th or 8th grade my drama class had this big party after a show. my friends were making jokes about masterbation and a girl asks what it was. my friends laughed and made a reference to a valcano. i laughed too, leaned over to one of my friends and asked what it was, and she told me.

i didn't get it >___> i still don't see why people do that...

went home that night and asked my mom about it, and then asked her if girls could (because i thought only guys could do it) @_____@

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